What is Love?

Introduction

Thesis: If our marriages are going to survive, they must be built on god’s standard of love.

Text: 1 cor 13:1-8, 13

Western Culture has one advantage over other cultures when it comes to marriage. In the west, we marry for love. Some may criticize this arrangement and say this is why there are so many divorces in the America because people fall into love and fall out of love. Such an accusation has a sense of truth in it, but we must not forget that God’s relationship with us is based on His love for mankind. John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” Eph 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”

Marriages fail because people do not understand what love is.

7668 Where there’s marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.

Benjamin Franklin

Many of the moral failures of our day are the result of people never experiencing true love in their relationships and then they raise kids who never say love in their parents. Those kids decide why bother getting married if this is what marriage is going to be like. Biblical love is an important foundation for all marriages.

I. The importance of love vs 1-3

Many people live their married lives going through the motions. They get up go to work, pay the bills, take the kids to soccer practice, cook, eat, clean and sleep. Some may even put in the effort to be good at being a husband or a father. They sacrifice for their kids, they teach their kids right from wrong and they make sure to keep mamma happy.

Paul in 1 Cor 13 is making a contrast between spiritual gifts and a better way: the way of love. Essentially vs 1 says though I can preach eloquently and passionately and move thousands; but if I have not love, I am nothing.

Vs 2-3 could translate to today’s society as though I can build a large church and a movement within Christianity; but if I have not love, I am nothing

But let’s bring this into the realm of the home:

I can provide for my family, work hard, even try to raise my kids to do right; but if I have not love I am nothing.

I can take my wife on dates, be a good example, pray with my family; but if I have not love I am nothing.

A successful marriage takes more than just doing your duty for your wife. It isn’t just fulfilling a contract. Love is essential to that marriage. It is important to our marriages that we truly love one another. Love is an emotion, but godly love is not just an emotion. It is more than that. I will probably use Pastor Karsies definition for biblical love the rest of my life because there is so much built into it. Love is giving of oneself to meed of the cherished object expecting nothing in return. Love acts. And love acts in a certain way.

II. The characteristics of love vs 4-7

What does real love look like? There are men who say they love a woman and then they get her pregnant and abandon here. Was that love? There are men who are so obsessed with a woman that they stalk her and make her feel unsafe. Is that love? There are husbands who are nice to their wives only when they want something physical in return. Is that love?

The bible tells us how to recognize true love. Before we get into this list let me remind you though that none of us ever loves perfectly, but this is the goal we should be striving to reach. What does true love look and act like?

suffers long- patient- Suffers long is just an old fashioned way of saying that it is patient. Love puts up with little inconveniences. So many marriages devolve into bickering and fighting over stupid things like putting your socks in the hamper or the way we roll the toilet paper. Love is patient with people.

kind- nice Love seeks to be kind or nice. Do you spout of mean hurtful things to your spouse? Love is going to be looking for opportunities to do nice things for their wife: sending flowers, texting love notes, calling just to say hey, and helping with things you don’t normally do.

doesn’t envy- When it comes to marriage, I think we can sometimes be envious of our spouses. Wives might be envious that their husband gets to get away from the kids and seems to have more freedom. Husbands might get envious that the kids want to spend more time with Mom than they do with Dad. Some marriages get to the point where a wife or husband might look at other marriages and wish they had a wife or husband like that. They begin to compare their spouse with some other spouse because they wish theirs was different.

doesn’t brag The next two are on the same page, but pride will always try to demean your spouse. Maybe you have an education and she does not. How do you treat your wife? Maybe you just think you do things better than your husband, so you refuse to let him be the leader. Is this not merely pride? Bragging comes in when you are good and you let them know it. How do you make your spouse feel with the words you use?

does not have an exaggerated opinion of itself

isn’t rude- this phrase comes from the idea of acting contrary to standard decency. Decency is a concern for the opinions and feelings of others. I choose not to do somethings I could or feel like doing because of how it might come across. There are times when we could say that thought that came into our mind, but we should hold back because it is just plain rude.

isn’t selfish- The opposite of love is selfishness. Are you the center of your life? When its time to decide where we are going to eat, do you insist on going where you want to go? Do you gripe and complain when you have to go somewhere your wife wants to go but you don’t?

not easily irritated- Love doesn’t fly off the handle. It isn’t easily irritated because it is patient. Do the little things bug you? You aren’t being loving.

does not hold grudges- this phrase literally means to keep account of evils. Do you have a checklist in your mind of everything he has ever said or done that upset you? Wives are the most guilty of this because they don’t forget anything. Emotions are tied to every thought, event or word in the history of your marriage and those things can come back up in a moment. Men are usually the type to just fight it out and then move on, but we can become bitter over things as well. It usually shows up when we make statements with the words Again or didn’t you just do that…

it isn’t glad when others fail, but rejoices when they succeed and do right- Do you desire to see your spouse succeed? Husbands do you even know what your wives passions and goals are for life? when they fail or get what they had coming, what is your response?

puts up with everything

believes the best about people -Love wants to believe the best about people. When rumors or suspicion grows love does not entertain them until the truth of the matter is revealed. How quick are we to assume the worst about our spouse? He didn’t show up on time coming home from work and so the wife is stewing about that other woman he must be out with. The wife isn’t saying anything so it must be that she is angry at me when I haven’t done anything. Maybe she just has a lot on her mind.

it hope for their good

it doesn’t quite -Tying into the last point, love doesn’t quite. It endures for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. husbands abandon their wives not because they just couldn’t stick it out; but because they didn’t truly love them enough to stay. Marriage is not always going to be a bed of roses. What does it take to make you quite on your marriage?

I listened to a testimony of Phil and Priscilla Fretwell that showed so much grace when it comes to marriage. Phil and Priscilla had been married for years, but Phil began dabbling into pornography. This was back in the VHS days so it wasn’t as easily accessible as it is today, but Phil had been renting X rated movies. One day, Priscilla gets a call from the video rental place saying that the movies were overdue. She didn’t remember having any movies out so she asked what the titles were. Needless to say, the titles were pretty suggestive; so she called her husband. She asked him if he had checked out any movies. Instead of answering, he told her he would be right home. When confronted, Phil admitted to looking at pornography. His wife was shocked, angry, yelling. She didn’t even want him to touch her. As long as he agreed to counseling, she would stay married, but he had to sleep in another bed room. Phil agreed to the counseling and it seemed like he was getting more and more victory, but every now and then he still struggled. His counselor told him this is how most men are, they just get to a point of managing it and then stop coming to counseling. It was bad advice. Phil came home and told his wife he was over it and lived on with his life periodically dabbling in it.

Years down the road, Phil was still looking at porn, but something happened that escalated the situation. One day, Phil went to a massage parlor (obviously the wrong type of massage parlor) and things led to him committing adultery with the woman. For weeks Phil felt horrible, eventually he couldn’t stand it so he went and told Pricilla. This was very nearly the breaking of their marriage. Many people in similar situations would quite. Love would seem to die at those moments. And Biblically, they have a right to divorce. Matt 5:32 “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.”

Adultery is a violation of everything marriage stands for. It is a breaking of the covenant a man and a woman make before God when they are married. And while divorce is the natural, even permissible response; it is by no means the necessary response.

Priscilla struggled for quite some time and almost gave up multiple times on their marriage. But one day, a group of ladies asked her to go to a ladies retreat. It had nothing to do with any of these topics and she didn’t share with everyone her problems, but God seemed to be working in her heart that if He could forgive her all her sins, she should be able to forgive her husband. She came home challenged to extend grace in her marriage. Phil didn’t deserve it, that’s why its grace. But they worked on their marriage and Phil got the truly biblical help that he needed to overcome his addiction to porn. The beauty of love is that it doesn’t quite as easily as we do.

Romans 5:8 “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

III. The permanence of love vs 8,13

If the world’s consistent experience is that people fall into love and fall out of love, how can we say that love never ceases? The meaning behind this word never fails is that love never ends because it is never defeated. Love wins out. Give love a chance and it can change all kinds of things. Love is always the right course of action in our marriages.

Love is contrasted in these verses with spiritual gifts like tongues, prophecy and knowledge. Paul concludes they will all have their end someday and the way this is worded is that something will cause them to end. Love will never be caused to end. Love is eternal. Why? Because God is eternal and God is love. True Love finds it source in God.

Love can only be permanent when it comes from God. Jer31:3 “The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: Therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.” If we want a love that will not fail, our relationships must be based on and primarily with our Lord Jesus Christ. This type of marriage is not going to be possible if you are not both seeking to know and love Him more every day. The closer you get to God the closer you will be to each other.

I am sad to say this will not happen in a marriage where one spouse is lost or extremely carnal. You can be as godly as you want but that marriage will always suffer until both people are pursuing God with all their heart. But love doesn’t quite, love fights for that marriage.

Conclusion

Relationships are all about love these days, but how many of them are based on God’s example of love. I have given you many thoughts to think about when it comes to loving your spouse, but the solution is really this last point. This kind of love comes only from God. Without Him, you can’t love your spouse in this way. You are doomed to failure. Let’s make God the center of our marriages and then in turn love one another in this way.