Real vs Fake Friends

Intro: What makes someone a REAL FRIEND OR FAKE ONE?

In HS your met with a chance everyday to be a real friend or a fake friend.

ME and my friend were hanging out talking and suddenly became annoyed with another friend in our group. He didn’t do anything but we just decided we were annoyed with him.

So we got a big football player friend of ours to come to my house picked up dried old dog poop. We then drove over to our friends house that night and our football friend poured the dog poop on our friends car.

Later that night we saw videos of our friend washing off his car in the middle of the night.

And before you judge me, I KNOW you all have something dumb like this you could share.

Because our life revolves (almost too much) around our friends.

Its what many of you obsess over and idolize

Need:

How do I be a good friend

How many friends should I have

How should I talk to my friends

How should I treat non-christian friends

When should I cut off a friendship

The Bible provides clear principles and answers which we will see tonight in the book of Proverbs. Tonight I hope the Word of God encourages you to BE A REAL FRIEND TO REAL FRIENDS.

So that you both BE a better friend but also that you would look at the friends and your life and evaluate if they are real friends.

Disclaimer:

But before we get into this, messages like these are dangerous BECAUSE they can be turned into moralism. Meaning you just stop doing certain things and start doing other things. BUT if you leave here tonight simply saying I need to try harder to do xyz than you’ve missed it.

In fact the only way you can have any healthy reationship with family or friends is if you have a REAl relationship with God.

You will always choose yourself, your own intrests, comforts, desires UNTIL God changes you from the inside out to have new desries.

You friendships will always be a disaster when they are tainted by your own sin.

So don’t listen to the Bible and try to steal its principles but ignore its LORD. The only way to truly do things God’s way and reap the benefits that come is if you CONFESS & REPENT of your sins and place your faith in Jesus Christ.

Because when you place your faith in Christ, the punishment you deserve for sin is taking care of by His substitutionary death on the cross and the power that sin had over you is defeated by his ressurection from the dead.

And when you come to Him in repentance and faith He gives you a new heart that DESIRES to follow Him and wants to obey Him. and these principles that He provides us on relationships are not a duty but a delight, joy and blessing.

So lets jump in and look at 3 descriptions of fake friends & 3 descriptions of real friends SO THAT YOU CAN BE A REAL FRIEND TO REAL FRIENDS

1. Fake Friends are GOSSIPS

Pr 16:28 “A perverse man spreads strife, And a slanderer separates intimate friends.”

Explain: Nothing seems to BREAK a friendship as quick and as severely as gossip & slander.

The #1 reason for drama is someone saying something they shouldn’t.

There are many reasons that someone might speak poorly about another person

Anger - they said something or did something to you that you did not like. It caused that burning feeling to bubble up inside and found it’s expression in talking bad behind their back and trying to get others to turn against them with you.

Jealousy - They have something that you don’t (nice family, boyfriend, car, money) and because you don’t have what they have you tear them down. You say things like “they got it easy, they never had to work hard for anything, they are spoiled, they think they are better than everyone” when in reality you’re just discontent with your own life.

Insecurity - maybe the biggest one of all. This generation is so insecure with the way they look, the way they talk, how funny they are, how wealthy they are, how popular they are, how respectable they are, how successful they are THAT they must put others down to validate themselves.

James 3:6 “And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.”

ILLUS:

The funny guy

The mom of the group

The braniac

The musician

The jock

Each brings something unique to the group and this group seems so strong, so close, so much potential to have meaningful relationships that last a lifetime.

BUT it just takes 1 fake friend in a moment of insecurity, jealousy or anger TO speak one burning sentence of gossip to destroy the entire relationship.

FAKE FRIENDS burn relationships to the ground with a single whisper

We need to through the power of the spirit control our tongues and ask the Lord to help us like Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.”

But also we need to be careful that we don’t listen to gossip. If a friend comes to you with gossip or slander you should refuse to listen, let that stament die with you, never repeat it and encourage them to go talk to the person they have a problem with.

TRANSITION: Fake Friends won’t just speak negatively about others, they will drag you into their antics too...

2. Fake Friends are CORRUPTING

1 Cor 15:33 “Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.””

Now this is Paul writing to the Corinthian Church about the resurrection of Jesus. He is saying if you keep hanging around ressurection deniers you will eventually be one yourself so get away from those people who reject your faith.

BUT the principle is clear - Bad Company Corrupts Good Morals in fact you may see that your bible gives a cross reference to a proverb that teaches the same principle...

Pr 22:24-25 “Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man, Or you will learn his ways And find a snare for yourself.”

When you associate with an angry person, it won’t be too long until they rub off on you.

In these years of your life you can find BAD company wherever you go, school, practice, gym, EVEN YOUTH GROUP?!?!

You look hard enough and you will find someone who doesn’t care about what the Bible has to say, someone who has decided to live their own way and spend enough time with them TRUST me you will begin to act like them.

ILLUS: Pulling ppl up or being pulled down

9/10 when you hang around

I’m not saying don’t have NON Christian friends - I’m saying that when the main people you hang out with and talk to are people who do not love Jesus - it’s more likely that you will stop loving him before they start loving him.

It’s more likely that you will start cussing before they stop

It’s more likely that you start skipping church before they start coming

So do you see yourself as a friend that infulences the rest of the group to be more like Jesus or less like Him?

Do you enjoy spending time with your christian friends or non christian friends?

Have your morals begun to slide because of the relationships you have now?

FAKE FRIENDS are corrupting

3. Fake Friends are FAKE

Pr 27:6 “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.”

What the author is saying here is that real friends will be honest with you even if it hurts BUT fake friends will tell you what you want to hear for their own benefit.

They will be fake.

ILLUS: I think the best picture of fake friends are the people who go to the american idol auditions with the friend who absolutley sucks at singing.

Like how did you make that drive, wait in line and not once tell them “You’re not good”

It’s bc they wanted that 2 seconds of fame on TV thats what I think

But were all human, we have blind spots and we need people who will show us those blindspots even if it hurts rather than just letting us live foolishly

You NEED friends who will tell you;

That girl is no good

You’re being really rude

You’re acting prideful

You are wrong

You need to love your friends enough to tell them things like:

You need to tell your parents

I’m concerned about your eternity

You’re headed down the wrong path

Fake friends are fake and dishonest for their own gain and comfort.

4. Real Friends are FEW

Pr 18:24 “A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

If you are discontent because you don’t have many friends, the proverbs actually say that you are better off. BECAUSE REAL friends are RARE they are few.

NOW this verse is not a guarantee that if you are popular your life is over BUT it does highlight the reality that having lots of friends is actually quite dificult and maybe isnt what we are designed to do.

There is ONLY 1 relationship that scripture speaks of as being a DEEP INTIMATE PERSONAL and PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP and that is marriage. So for you as a young single highschool student, it cannot be stressed enough that you need to develop the habits of good friendship that will transfer into marriage but also that you would set some real expecatations.

Brooke is my best-friend. I talk to her more than anyone, I spend time with her more than anyone, I care about her more than anyone, I pray for her more than anyone else, I give her the majority of me and others get whats left.

Could you imagine if I talked to someone more than her? If I spent time with somone more than her? If I cared about someone more than her? It would be concerning wouldnt it? BEcause I only have so much to give and I better be giving it primarliy to her

ILLUS: Filling up cups

This jar is you and the water inside is your time, attention, prayers, all that you have to give towards a relationship

Each cup is a friend in your life

EACH relationship requires something of you

This person wants to go to the beach

This person wants to talk you about their love problems

This person is not a christian and you want to have spiritual conversations with them

This person has a rough homelife and you want to help them

These friends are just a ton of fun

These freidns are in your small group

5. Real Friends are LOVING

Prov 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.”

Solomon isn’t contrasting a friend and a brother he is actually using the terms almost interchangeably to show that a real friend is like family.

Maybe a real friend can at times be closer than a family member because you don’t choose family but you choose friends.

John 15:13 ““Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.”

If you get anything LET IT BE THIS! Your love for God MUST overflow to your love for others. If you love God, than you will love His people.

Let the guiding principle in your friendships be this “I will love at all times”

That means I will sacrifice my own desires for the betterment of others.

Love your friends more than yourself

DON’T make it complicated!

Ask them questions about their life

Give them a genuine compliment

Do what they want to do

Ask them how you can pray for them

Make sure your friends feel included

Communicate well to them

Don’t make them feel bad for something

Don’t be critical

Do practical things to help them

Drive those without a license

Let all of these practical things flow from a heart that is filled with the love you have been shown by Christ in the gospel

Jesus shows us how to love our friends better than anyone else

He saw us in our sinful state, we were his enemy not his friend and yet he went to the cross endured torture and suffered the wrath of God FOR us who hated him. He defeated sin and death by raising from the dead and HE OFFERS forgiveness of sin and a new life for all and any who would come to him and forfeit their sin!

If you desire to love your friends it starts by loving Christ and following Him.

6. Real Friends are WISE

Pr 13:20 “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

Pr 12:26 “The righteous is a guide to his neighbor, But the way of the wicked leads them astray.”

In the same way lots of foolish friends will drag you down, lots of wise friends will bring you up

Pr 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.”

Isn’t it interesting that if you rub and iron blade against stone, bricks, wood, copper it becomes more dull but iron against iron becomes more sharp

Notice that we have reached the last point and we havent seen any verse that says

“A good friend listens to the same music as you”

“Good Friendship is founded on similar personalities”

“Friends must be the same age”

No but maybe the most clear principle on friendships in the Bible is this one… Hang with wise people and you will become wise

I lived in Albania for 2 months with Chris Eich. He lived on the top floor of his apartment complex w/ 153 stairs no elevator. On those stairs and in that apartment we had MANY conversations about thing and topics I had never heard of or thought about. BUT just 2 months of living together was enough for him to IMPART so much wisdom to me that to this day that trip has been fundamental in shaping my theology.

funny enough years later I was preaching on a passage in Romans that Chris new better than me and yet He had tears in His eyes! HE sharpened me and later I got to sharpen him. Now no doubt he has done more of the sharpening but you get the point.

Simple question: Would you describe your freinds as wise?

Do you guys make good decisions together?

Would your parents say they think you have a GREAT friend group or a BAD one?

Real friends are wise and if you want to be a wise friend you need to dive into the book the provides wisdom

if you want to sharpen others than you better KNOW the Word of God which is a two edged SHARP sword!

Wisdom comes from God, ask for it and you will receive it.

REAL FRIENDS ARE WISE

CONCLUSION:

SO I pray 2 things for you tonight

That you would not Hear this for someone else BUT you’d let Gods word first effect you. He who says he has no sin is a liar. If you recognize that you’ve been a fake friend in ANY of these areas be encouraged, there is forgiveness, grace and hope in Jesus Christ. Go to Him and ask Him to give you a new desire to change.

Then i pray you would evaluate your friend group. That you’d have those difficult conversations. And that you’d find good friendships that are centered on Jesus In this youth group.

ultimatlye I pray you’d be friends with God through his son so that you can be a real friend to real friends!