Love: Walking Like Jesus

March 5, 2023 – Ephesians 5:1-2 – Love: Walking Like Jesus

Ever since the time of the Enlightenment, there have been religious people who heartily affirm that Jesus serves as an excellent example of how to live a morally upstanding life. They’ll tell you that Jesus serves as excellent example because He was kind and compassionate to people. He loved people. He treated them with respect and dignity. He taught us how to turn the other cheek and go the extra mile.

Some of our nation’s Founding Fathers held Jesus in this regard. They affirmed that He was a great teacher of morality… but they did not believe that He’s the incarnate Son of God. They did not believe He’s the Suffering Servant who came to give His life as a ransom for many. They did not believe that He’s the Messianic Savior who lived, died, and rose from the dead to save His people from their sins. They simply believed that Jesus was a good man who serves as a good example of how to live a good moral life.

This concept of Jesus being an example of a good moral person has persisted over the past couple of centuries. C.S. Lewis spoke about it in the 1940s during his BBC radio talks. Those radio talks were so impactful that they were soon published in a book called, Mere Christianity. This is where the now-famous “liar, lunatic, or Lord” apologetic originated from. Lewis wrote…

I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: “I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept his claim to be God.” That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon, or you can fall at his feet and call him Lord and God, but let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about his being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to. ... Now it seems to me obvious that He was neither a lunatic nor a fiend: and consequently, however strange or terrifying or unlikely it may seem, I have to accept the view that He was and is God. (Lewis, C. S., Mere Christianity, London: Collins, 1952, pp. 54-56)

So whenever somebody tells you that Jesus was a good moral teacher, or that He serves as an example of how we should live, an alarm should go off in your head. You should be alert to the possibility that the person who’s speaking to you may not believe that Jesus is the Son of God. He may believe that Jesus was only a human, born of a mother and father, just like you and me.

That being said, let us be quick to acknowledge there’s nothing wrong in affirming that Jesus was a good moral teacher… because He was a good moral teacher. Nor is there anything wrong in affirming that Jesus serves as an example for how we’re to love others. That is, after all, what Paul is doing in our sermon text. Paul writes in verse 2 that we’re to walk in love, just as Christ walked in love. Jesus is, therefore, our role model for walking in love. He’s much more than just a role model, but He is our role model.

When we consider the command in our sermon text to walk in love, we must not think of love in the sentimental sense that the world thinks of it. The world’s definition of love is self-centered. It’s a disordered love which is focused and centered on one’s self rather than on others. So the world’s way of “loving” is always selfish and manipulative; it’s always selfish and manipulative because it always seeks self-interest, self-gratification, self-glorification, self-protection, and so on.

The Bible defines love much differently. It’s not an emotion that you feel, but the willingness to renounce self for the good of another. That’s why Jesus is presented in our sermon text as the example of how we should walk in love. How does Paul say that Jesus loved us? Look at verse 2. He loved us by “giving Himself for us.”

One of the chief characteristics that distinguishes biblical love from worldly love, therefore, is that biblical love gives of oneself to others. Biblical love aims to build others up, whereas worldly love aims to build oneself up. Or, to put it in slightly different words, biblical love is selfless, whereas worldly love is selfish.

Back in the 1980s and 1990s, there was a popular Christian author and conference speaker named Larry Burkett. His ministry focused on personal finance and Christian stewardship. One of the things Larry Burkett was fond of saying is that you can tell a lot about a person’s priorities just by looking at how they spend their money. Even if the person is a complete stranger to you, if you look at all the transactions that pass through their bank and credit card accounts, you can get a pretty good idea of what their priorities are.

If you see a consistent pattern of giving of the first fruits to a local church—in other words, if there’s a tithe payment following every deposit into the person’s bank account—then you could be pretty certain that this person’s top priority is serving and honoring the Lord.

If you see a lot of payments to the grocery stores, utilities companies, and insurance companies, then you would know that this person is responsible for maintaining a home.

If you see payments made to pediatricians, then you know he has children.

If you see payments made to a Christian school or the HSLDA, then you know that his children’s Christian education is one of his priorities.

If he has a house loan, car loan, student loan, or consumer debt, then you’ll be able to discern these things simply by the payments that are made to these various lenders.

If he prioritizes saving, then you see money transferred to investment and retirement accounts.

The point that Larry Burkett was driving at with this little exercise is that we can discern our own priorities by look at our own spending, as if we were looking the spending of a stranger. This can be an effective way of discovering idols we didn’t know we have. Burkett suggested that:

if you’re spending more than a certain percentage of your income on housing, then your home might be an idol to you. You may be trying to keep up with Joneses, so status in the eyes of your peers might be your idol.

Or if you’re spending money on interest payments, late fees, overdraft fees, and other finances charges, then you probably lack self-discipline and self-control. Spontaneity and irresponsibility might be your idols.

Or if you spending money on dining out when you have past due debt, then intemperance and extravagance might be your idols.

And if you’re spending more than a certain percentage of your income on recreation and entertainment, then pleasure might be your idol.

This is one of Larry Burkett’s very helpful contributions for assessing our priorities. It’s an objective test that allows us to look at our priorities from a different perspective, revealing things we may not have seen about the ways we’re stewarding God’s money. Well, I submit to you that we can do something similar for discerning how we’re stewarding God’s love. The command is to walk in love, but the question that naturally arises from this command is, “Are you walking in biblical love or worldly love?” What I’m proposing as a helpful test for answering this question is to look at the way you give gifts to other people. Just as looking at your spending is a strong indication of what your priorities are, looking at the way you give gifts is a strong indication of whether worldly love or biblical love is functioning in your heart.

Because worldly love is selfish and manipulative, the person who has worldly love in his heart will give gifts in selfish and manipulative ways. What might that look like? Let me give you three examples:

Example #1: A selfish person will give gifts in an attempt to cover over his sinful behavior. This is what Jacob did when he was returning to Canaan and heard that Esau was coming out to meet him. Jacob tried to pacify Esau’s anger by sending him gifts. That was a blatant form of manipulation. Jacob wasn’t sending those gifts because he wanted to bless Esau; he was sending them to manipulate Esau. Jacob feared that Esau would kill him, so he sent gifts to try to pacify Esau’s anger and hostility.

This type of gift giving is an indication that selfish and manipulative worldly love is operating in the gift-giver’s heart. The person who has biblical love operating in his heart knows that the true and genuine reconciliation can only be accomplished through the gospel; that true and genuine reconciliation can only be accomplished through humble repentance and honest forgiveness. There are no “gifts” involved in biblical reconciliation, unless, of course, we want to talk about the gift of Jesus Christ and the gift of salvation by grace through faith. But those are gifts that God gives to sinners, not gifts that sinners give to other sinners. So biblical love doesn’t give gifts in an effort to manipulate another person to sweep sin under the rug. That’s what worldly love does.

Example #2: The person with worldly love operating in their heart will give gifts with the expectation that the recipient will give back a similar gift. Wilma gave a birthday gift to Patty, but Patty didn’t give a birthday gift to Wilma, so Wilma stopped giving Patty birthday gifts. Had Patty reciprocated by giving Wilma gifts, then Wilma would have kept giving Patty gifts. But since Patty’s response didn’t meet with Wilma’s expectations, she stopped giving gifts.

Giving gifts with the expectation of

Giving gifts with the expectation of getting back is not walking in biblical love. That’s walking in worldly love. That’s a disordered love that has self at the center. And don’t think of this merely in terms of giving and receiving birthday gifts. Jesus applied thise biblical principle of giving without expecting anything in return to a variety of things. He said in Luke 6:32-35…

32 “But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. 35 But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High.

Likewise, in Luke 14:12, Jesus said that when you give a dinner or a supper, don’t just invite the people who can repay you by inviting you to their house for dinner, but invite those who are unable to return the favor. In other words, offer your food and fellowship without any strings attached; without any expectation of having the favor returned. That’s walking in biblical love.

Example #3: Worldly love is not only displayed by trying to cover over sins with gifts and attaching strings to gifts, but it’s also displayed by not giving gifts. Some people are so focused on themselves that it rarely occurs to them that they have opportunities to bless other people. They only see other people as a means for getting something. “What can that person do for me? How can that person make my life better? Who does he know, or what does he have, that can advance my agenda?”

Have you ever been to a business mixer? If you don’t know what is business mixer is, it’s a cocktail party for business people. It’s intended to be a networking event where business people get together and exchange their business cards. Everybody’s there for the same reason: it’s to increase their sales. But they’re not really trying to sell their products and services to the other people at the mixer. Rather, they’re trying to use the people at the mixer to gain access to more customers. So a person attending the mixer will introduce himself to as many other people as he can by saying something like, “Hi, my name is Bob and I sell automobile insurance. I specialize in finding policies for people who are difficult to insure. This includes drivers under 25, drivers with 3 or more moving violations on their record, and drivers with a DUI. Do you know anybody that fits this description? Would you be willing to introduce me to them?” And the other person will say, “I sell water softeners. My target customers are homeowners who have a domestic well. Do you know anybody who fits this description? Can you introduce me to them?”

Business mixers are an overt display of worldly love in action. Everybody’s there to get something. Everybody’s there for self-promotion. Everybody’s there to use the other people to advance their own interests.

That’s how it is for a lot of people who walk in worldly love. They may not be business men, but they’re so focused on advancing their own interests that they give little consideration to the interests of other people and how they can be a blessing to them. They only see other people as the means for getting what they want. While they try to hide their selfishness because they know it’s not socially acceptable behavior, one of the telltale signs that this worldly love is operating in their heart is that they rarely give gifts to other people. And if they do, then those gifts are given with strings attached. Or they’re given to manipulate a person into overlooking an offense.

Now, somebody will ask, “What about the poor and people who are on a tight fixed income? They may not be able to afford to give gifts. If you say that not giving gifts is an indication of worldly love, then aren’t you placing a burden of guilt upon those who want to give gifts but can’t afford it?”

Let me offer you two responses to this question. First, the heart that wants to give, will give, even if they have to give sacrificially. Jesus called attention to this when He witnessed the poor widow putting two mites into the temple treasury. Because she loved God and was commitment to serving Him with her resources, she was willing to give the Lord everything she had. She could have justified giving one mite to the temple treasury. She could have said, “Lord, You only require that I give you 10%, but I’m going to give you 50% of my money.” But she sacrificially gave both mites. And when Jesus commented on this to His disciples, He said…

43 … “Assuredly, I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all those who have given to the treasury; 44 for they all put in out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all that she had, her whole livelihood.” (Mark 12:43-44)

This is not to say that people need to give away their whole livelihood. The point here is that even those who have very little to give still have something to give. And Jesus is teaching us that the value God attributes to a person’s gift increases with the sacrifice the giver made in giving the gift.

So the first response to the question of poor people giving gifts is to point out that everybody can give something, even if it’s a very small gift. And very small gifts, sacrificially given, are enormous in God’s eyes.

The second response to this question is to point out that gifts don’t have to be things that are monetized. Gifts don’t have to be things that have a dollar value assigned to them. Everybody is capable of giving the gift of themselves.

You can give your time to another person.

You can help meet the needs other people.

You can volunteer to watch your friend’s children when she goes to a doctor’s appointment.

You can give a ride to a co-worker whose car is in the shop.

You can visit with people you know are lonely.

You can bring a meal to somebody who’s sick.

You can pick up the phone and pray with somebody who’s anxious.

You can write notes of encouragement to other people.

You can draw a picture for somebody.

You can help an elderly person with their household chores.

You can go for a walk with the person who needs to get outside to get some exercise.

When you stop to think about the specific people God has placed in your life and what their individual needs are, you’ll have no shortage of opportunities to give away your time, energy, and attention. And that’s really what it means to walk in biblical love, right?

When we broaden the definition of “gift giving” to include acts of friendship, acts of mercy, acts of compassion, and meeting the needs of other people, we recognize that this is what Paul is writing about in our sermon text, because that’s precisely the example that Jesus showed us. Paul says in verse 2 that Jesus gave Himself for us. That’s not something that can be monetized. When Jesus wanted to give us a gift, He didn’t go down to the store and buy something. Rather, He gave Himself. And He gave Himself sacrificially, Paul goes on to write in verse 2.

Brothers and sisters, if you’re going to emulate Jesus by walking in biblical love, then you need to expect that it’s going to require you to make personal sacrifices. You’re going to need to lay your life down for others. You’re going to need to put the needs and interests of others before our own. You’re going to need to put aside your personal comfort and convenience so you can serve others with humility and grace.

It wasn’t that long ago that I was making an application to a reading of God’s law where I expressed concern with the recent trend of “setting boundaries” for “toxic people.” That generated a response from several people in our congregation. I think one or two responses may have come during our Q&A time, but others came to me privately. And I wonder whether there may have been even more people who wanted clarification on this topic, but didn’t ask. So I’d like to revisit this topic because it’s evidently something that several of us are grappling with.

Setting boundaries with toxic people has been an approach advocated by secular psychology for quite a while now. This practice was popularize in the Christian church in 1992 when Henry Cloud and John Townsend wrote the book, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life. Since then, these two authors have gone on to write several more books on this topic. These books include: Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries with Teens, Boundaries with Kids, Boundaries with Dating, and Safe People: How to Find Relationships that Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t.

What I hope you can discern from just hearing these titles is that the presupposition upon which all of these books are written is that you’re supposed to be in control of who’s in your life and who’s not in your life. You’re supposed to control these things by establishing boundaries that maintain the relationships that are good for you and discontinue the ones that are not.

But this is not a biblical presupposition, brothers and sisters. We don’t have the knowledge or wisdom to discern what’s good for us and what’s not good for us. This is because we don’t have the knowledge or wisdom to discern what God is doing in a given situation. How do you know that God isn’t working something wonderful and marvelous through your experience with a difficult person?

Take Judas Iscariot as an example. I think we can all agree that Judas was a “toxic person,” and yet Jesus shared three years of His life with Judas, even though He knew from the very beginning that Judas was going to betray Him. In fact, one of the most selfless scenes in Jesus’ life is recorded in John 13. I’m sure you’re familiar with the story. While Jesus and the twelve disciples were all gather in the upper room for the Last Supper, Jesus knelt down and washed their feet. Peter was understandably shocked that Jesus was washing his feet, but the real shocker is that Jesus was washing Judas’ feet. Even before Jesus had begun to wash anybody’s feet, John 13:2 says “the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot” to betray Jesus. So Judas and Jesus both knew what was going to happen that night. And yet, Jesus still washed Judas’ feet.

What if Jesus had read the Boundaries book and was convinced that He needed to take control of the relationships in His life? What would have happened if Jesus had set “boundaries” that prevented Judas from betraying Him? Where would we be then?

Now you might be thinking, “Yeah, but the situation with Judas was unique because God intended to use him to bring about Jesus’ crucifixion. That was all part of the plan.” Yes, that’s true. It was all part of God’s plan. But realize, brothers and sisters, God’s plan for humanity is still unfolding, and I’m convinced that the ways of the Lord have not changed. Just as He used Judas to bring about something good for His people, so the Lord continues to use “toxic people” to bring about our good today.

It's the Lord who has control of your life, brothers and sisters. Psalm 139:16 says, “All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.” If you try to take control of your life and exclude all the difficult people from it by setting “boundaries”—boundaries that are determined according to your own finite and fallible human wisdom—then you’re going to find yourself bucking up against God’s plan for your life. You’re going to find yourself acting in opposition to God.

Do you remember the advice Gamaliel gave to the Sanhedrin in Acts 5:39? When the Sanhedrin was making plans to enforce some pretty severe “boundaries” upon the apostles, Gamaliel stood up and said, “take heed to yourselves what you intend to do regarding these men… for if this is of God, you will be found to fight against God.” How do you know, dear friends, that the difficult people in your life are not of God? How do you know that He’s not use those difficult relationships for your necessary sanctification?

Our sermon text teaches us that Jesus is our example for walking in love. When we look at Jesus’ life—His treatment of Judas, and the way Jesus ate and drank with sinners, how He showed compassion to the Samaritan woman at the well, how He wept when He arrived at Mary and Martha’s house, how He willingly endured the whipping and beating and scourging and crucifixion, how He drank and drained the dregs of the cup of God’s wrath—when we look at the example of Jesus’ life, we’re left with the undeniable truth that the life we live is not about us.

Your life is not about you, my life is not about me, our lives are not about us. Rather, we’re here to bring glory to God. The reason we’ve been redeemed from our sins is so that we can give glory to God. You don’t necessarily need to know and understand how everything works behind the scenes, but what the Bible is teaching us is that you most glorify God when you walk in biblical love, and walking in biblical love means you’re going to have to make personal sacrifices. You’re going to have to lay your life down for others. You’re going to have to put the needs and interests of others before our own. You’re going to have to put aside your personal comfort and convenience so you can serve others with humility and grace. But that’s not a problem because your life is not about you; it's about giving glory to God. And with Jesus is your example of how to walk in love, you can give yourself to others to the glory of God.