Loving one another and Living with one another for the glory of God, Colossians 3:18-4:1

Colossians 3:17 (ESV) says, “17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

And Paul writes this because as Christians we have a new way of living after we are saved. Our new way requires that we put off the old ways of the world and put on the new way. But, it also says in Colossians 3 that the new is being renewed… and that helps us to understand that the new way is a daily way that requires help from the Lord because it is contrary to our flesh and the world and its systems.

Putting on the new self is the context for our passage this morning. And it’s the foundation of Paul’s exhortation that whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of our Lord Jesus…”

Putting on the new self, or doing everything in the name of Jesus requires substantive change to the way you live. It means that practically Christians live by a different set of rules than the rest of the world. And its why many of your Bibles have a heading over this next section that reads something like “Rules for Christian households.”

From my vantage point, I see people making up rules for their own lives, but I see less and less acknowledgment of the idea that are overarching rules that everyone is called to live by.

There is a thriving industry to help people figure out the rules that they need to live by. Rules and habits based on personalities, weaknesses, strengths, desires, goals, genders, etc… one of the things that burdens my heart is the number of church-goers and people who call themselves Christians who fill their minds and their lives with rules and life-hacks or advice that have no gospel foundation at all.

The world we live in is incredibly selfish and pragmatic, and so are the rules the world is living by.

Selfishness is seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others

Pragmatism is the philosophy that accepts something as true or correct based on its success or how well it works. This way of thinking and living is more focused on what works than on what it should be or could be.

Pragmatism holds as a core value that experience, knowledge, and action are interconnected in such a way that truth is subjective and found through experience and results rather than by an objective or “dogmatic” means.

Many people will claim that you can either be dogmatic or pragmatic in life.

Dogmatic is when a person is committed more to the rules or morals than to what he world calls facts. Dogmatism is considered to be negative or wrong by today’s cultural standards.

The combination of selfishness and pragmatism has given birth to a culture where individuals evaluate everything, including their gender identity through the lens of experience. Which means, it becomes acceptable to say that how I experience the world, and how other people affirm me, becomes what I believe is true and best.

Ultimately it means that if you try it and it works for you, then it must be right for you, and no one can tell you differently because of your experience.

I don’t think many in the church have made the connection between pragmatism and selfishness. But, it’s there and its eventual result is a Christianized version of pragmatic thinking and living.

Pragmatism in the church often reveals itself through compromise.

Similar to the individual who says I will do whatever I experience that is good for me… since the 1950’s many in the American church have operated with the mindset of “whatever works for us to grow.”

The influence of pragmatism/experience in the church has resulted in:

Influence of Pragmatism in the church:

Minimized Doctrine Elevated Methods Prioritized Experience

When it comes time to make a decision, most churches and leaders make their choices on what makes the most people happy or what helps the church reach and keep the most people in the future.

I’m not saying that it’s wrong to make decisions that help the church reach people. And, I’m not saying that it’s wrong to consider the needs of our members. But, I am saying that it’s wrong to move forward in ways that shallow the faith of the people, idolize preferences and methods, and prioritize the personal experience over the truth of the gospel and the glory of God.

But, at this point many churches are unaware of the Scriptural foundations for who we are and what we do, and as a result they don’t recognize a drift from the truth of the gospel when it’s happening. They don’t recognize it because they aren’t looking for what holds true to the Bible, they are looking for what holds true to our experience and keeps the results moving in a successful direction.

Pragmatism and its results are contradictory to the Word because pragmatism is the way of the world. Whether you like the word dogmatic or not, the ways of God are unchanging and firm, and so is His Word. The Christian life is not about the continual re-evaluation of the Word as it compares to my experience. The Christian life involves the regular recalibration of my experience and actions to fit with the Word of God.

I go back to the beginning of Colossians 3 where Paul writes, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.”

If you are a believer, saved by the grace of God, then everything you do will be according to the name or way of Jesus and not based on your experience or the affirmations of other people.

Christians seek to order their lives in a manner that affirms the truth of Scripture, not the other way around. We are not living to make scripture fit or affirm our way of life… that would be to base your life on experience or to be pragmatic.

So, when it comes to how to live your life, especially in relationship with others… and most importantly your family there is a way in which we are to live…

The Bible teaches that when we are saved, our hearts and minds are transformed, we have been raised with Christ! And, this means that our personal transformation is accompanied by a transformation of the way we live in our relationships… and in Colossians 3 we have instructions or rules for how we live with those closest to us.

Colossians 3:18–4:1 (ESV)

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. 25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

Let me say a couple more things before we get to the rules for Christian households

The Bible never says that all women should be submissive to all men.

Genesis 2 says that Eve was created to be Adam’s helper. But, the word used doesn’t denote some kind of subordination of women to men. Instead it provides clarity to the particular or unique relationship between a husband and a wife. The verse actually says that she was a helper fit for him… and means that she was like him, because he was unlike all the other animals.

Matthew Henry wrote, “Not made out of his head to top him, not out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”

In the book of Genesis we see that man and woman are distinct from one another, we also see that they are equal in their humanity and standing before God. And, then in Genesis 2 we find that Adam, the husband holds fast to his wife in what is a covenant relationship.

And, it is in the context of a covenant between a man and woman, both made in the image of God that we see Adam as the head of his wife Eve. It is out of bounds and contrary to God’s design for anyone to teach that all men are over all women. But, as we see in our passage today there is a covenant relationship that involves a willful submission of a wife to her husband.

One quick note, I believe many of the misuses of the idea that all women are subject to all men has stemmed from situations where the pastor or elders of a church have also had a more dominant posture when the Bible calls for one of humility. It’s true that the book of Hebrews says, "17 Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.” But, the fact that God has rules for the church doesn’t mean its ok to jump from there to all women are to be submissive to all men.

When it comes to the rules for the church, the Bible makes it clear that men and women are to see one another as brothers and sisters.

This means that we are to view one another primarily as family, not as subordinates. We are united in Christ, and as such our relationships should be marked by a love, compassion, nurture, and care for one another like Christ offers to us.

I believe firmly that the Bible teaches submission. But, it is with deep convection that I want to make sure we are tethered to what the Bible actually says about submission.

The SBC is currently experiencing tension and debate over things like the roles and relationships between men and women in the church, and they are discussing and debating what the Bible says about the roles of men and women in the church. Because of this I am taking some time in the month of May to preach and teach on these issues and more as it relates to what the Bible says about the roles of men and women in the church, what it means to have a brothers and sisters relationship as Christians, and what the Bible says about the modern views of gender and sexuality.

If the Lord wills we will cover these issues in the very near future… one more thing before we get into our passage:

The Bible never condones slavery.

I know… I know all the verses and arguments that people have made concerning the verses in Scripture to justify slavery. One of them is here in our passage. But those claims are made out of ignorance to the truth and the usage of specific words in the Greek or Hebrew language.

Gavin Ortlund-

The Greek word (doulos) can be translated “slave,” or sometimes “servant” or “bondservant,” and often referred to people who had a surprising level of legal and social status in the first-century Greco-Roman world. Most were not “slaves” from their birth, or for their whole life, or because of their race—for instance, the Roman jurist Gaius (second century) claimed that most slaves were prisoners of war who actually would have been slaughtered if not made slaves.

Similarly, in the Old Testament, Israelite regulations freed slaves every seventh year (Ex. 21:2), commanded the death penalty for manstealing (Ex. 21:16), and generally sought to limit the institution in protection of the slave. Further, slavery was generally not organized by race but by circumstance and economics (for example, foreigners, debtors, and so on).

To be clear, slavery in any sense perverts God’s created intention for human beings, and there are some harsh passages we have to deal with. But there is a vast difference between the deplorable wickedness we see in a film like 12 Years a Slave and, say, what Paul is addressing in the first-century Ephesian church, or Abraham’s relationship with his top servant (Gen. 24:2).

Similarly, practices like slavery, polygamy, and divorce were common in antiquity. Biblical instruction that allows for them in certain contexts isn’t necessarily biblical approval. We must interpret them in relation to everything else the Scriptures say.

It is surprising that Philemon is not brought into this discussion more consistently, since it was Paul’s letter to a slaver owner (Philemon) about his runaway slave (Onesimus). In fact, the whole occasion for Paul’s writing is that Onesimus, since running away from Philemon, has become a Christian.

If Scripture were truly pro-slavery, what would you expect Paul to say here?

Strikingly, Paul instructs Philemon to receive Onesimus “no longer as a slave . . . but as a dear brother”—and he appeals to Philemon to “receive him as you would receive me” (v. 17).

In other words, Paul dissolves the slave/master relationship, and erects in its place a brother/brother relationship, in which the former slave is treated with all the dignity with which the apostle himself would be treated. Thus, even before the actual institution of slavery is abolished, the work of the gospel abolishes the assumptions and prejudices that make slavery possible.

Like I said… in May we are going to spend some time exploring the significance of the brother to brother, sister to sister, and brother to sister language the Bible uses to describe how things work in God’s kingdom. If the Lord wills, I am looking forward to diving in and giving some clarity to that for our church in the future, because I also impacts the way that we think and believe about all people in all places and in all relationships.

But, today my task is to help us understand how following Jesus changes the way we live in our relationships with the people who are closest to us.

Christians love one another and live with one another for the glory of God

God has given us specific instructions on how to love one another and live together… Or, as many of your Bible’s say, this section is about Rules for Christian Households:

Marriage is defined by Jesus’ relationship with the church.

Colossians 3:18-19, “18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”

In Ephesians 5:23 (ESV) it says, “23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.”

The Bible teaches that we understand the way that marriage works by looking at how Jesus loves the church.

Ephesians 5:25–27 (ESV) continues, “25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”

This is such an incredible passage… it gives clarity and depth to the nature of the relationship between a husband and his wife.

Many times in the Bible husbands are told to love their wives… have you ever wondered why? Should’t that be understood? And why does God go to such depths to show us what he means by loving them?

Because men are prone to think that a house, money, protection, and doing a few things around the house is how we love our wives.

Husbands uniquely love and live with their wives

But, if the item, bank account, or task is something you would have or something you would do if you weren’t married then it’s not really a sacrifice. God makes it clear that his expectation is that there would be a unique change to our lives when we are married, and that unique change would be related to our relationship with our wives.

Colossians 3 says do no be harsh with them… This means we don’t treat them like one of the guys. In fact, the Bible says that we aren’t to treat them like an equal.

Even though our wives are just as much made in the image of God as we are… they are also made different and as such we are to treat them differently. 1 Peter 3:7 (ESV) says, “7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Instead of looking down on women for being a weaker vessel, we are to show them honor. And honor at its basest level looks like gentleness (not being harsh). But, at its deepest and most God pleasing level it results in our wives being closer to the Lord and more holy in the way that they live because of our relationship with them.

How a husband loves his wife impacts both his and her relationship with God.

She grows in her faith and love for God He is either heard or not heard when he prays.

Colossians 3 says that wives are to submit to their husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Again, it’s not because women are inferior, it’s because marriage tells the story of the church in its relationship with Jesus. And, as a Christian husband leads his wife and family to follow Jesus wives are to follow. And, the basis for following a husband is the Lord. So, the way that a wife relates to her husband is to be done in a manner that is God-glorifying.

This doesn’t mean a man can say or do whatever he wants. No, the husband is to love his wife the way that God loves us. Wives are to follow the lead of their husbands until it goes against the Word and contradicts Jesus. And, because we are Christians we can handle these moments without being sinful to one another…

I know for some, this teaching always brings to mind situations of abuse. You have been or are being abused, or you were abused, or someone you know has been abused… and the church at the time or the people in your life have used these verses to keep you or someone in a situation that was dangerous or at best in a place of confusion with no clear direction for how to work things out. And in those situations there are three things that need to happen:

The pastors need to know so we can help protect the one being abused and also help guide and discipline the abuser for the sake of his or her walk with the Lord. The authorities need to be involved so that anything that goes against the law is handled rightfully. The goal needs to be that all parties are walking closely with the Lord. But, this means each situation must be handled in a case by case situation so that we make sure we exercise the appropriate wisdom for the glory of God and the good of each person involved.

The Christian family operates for the glory of God and the good of each member

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Let’s start with the relationship here between Father’s and children. I think it’s applicable in 2023 for us to say that this is also speaking of the relationship between both parents and children. But, due to the roles that God gives us in our homes, the Father is accountable and responsible for the end result of parenting in the home.

Father’s are to raise and respond to their children in ways that encourage their faith and spiritual growth.

Paul does not want to see the children of Christian families disciplined to such an extent that they “lose heart” (NASB; NJB; NRSV) and simply give up trying to please their parents.

The goal of Christian parenting is that our children grow up to know the Lord and live for Him. As representatives of the Lord in our children’s lives we present the idea of Father. And, the way that we Father/parent is to be patterned after God’s relationship with Israel in the OT and the church in the NT.

God’s discipline of Israel was for their repentance and faith.

Christian parents discipline their children with the goal of impacting their hearts and leading them repentance and reconciliation.

Why? Because this is how God is toward us.

Christian children please God when they love and trust their parents by obeying them.

To our kids… we had parents too. We wondered why we had to the things we were told too. And, guess what? We didn’t do it perfectly either. But, that’s not an excuse for disobedience, its to help you believe that we know and remember what you are going through.

I know things are different… phones, streaming, social media, etc. But, the sinfulness of our hearts is the same. And, saying no or yes to our parents is the same, regardless of what the issues of the day are.

As our children get older we need to help them mature, and they need opportunities to grow through communication.

So, to our children in the room: It’s ok to ask for a reason when you are told what to do. But, as long as it doesn’t go against the Gospel it’s not ok to disobey until you get the reason.

Try this next time: Say yes sir or yes ma’am, and then as you are obeying as your parent(s) why or for more explanation.

Children obeying their parents is an example and demonstration of the relationship God desires to have with His people.

Following Christ radically changes the way that we relate to one another

22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. 25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

“The Greek word (doulos) can be translated “slave,” or sometimes “servant” or “bondservant,” and often referred to people who had a surprising level of legal and social status in the first-century Greco-Roman world. Most were not “slaves” from their birth, or for their whole life, or because of their race.” Gavin Ortlund (TGC article)

This insight from the original language of the passage helps us to see, like I mentioned a little while ago, that we are not dealing with the same kind of slavery that we experienced in our country.

But, I think we can learn a lot by asking: Why does the relationship between bondservant and master get so much attention in this letter as compared to the others relationships?

I think we can see the answer to this if we look ahead at Colossians 4:7–9 (ESV), “7 Tychicus will tell you all about my activities. He is a beloved brother and faithful minister and fellow servant in the Lord. 8 I have sent him to you for this very purpose, that you may know how we are and that he may encourage your hearts, 9 and with him Onesimus, our faithful and beloved brother, who is one of you. They will tell you of everything that has taken place here.”

Onesimus, mentioned here in chapter 4 is a bondservant who ran from a man named Philemon… and the book of the NT called “Philemon” is about the way the gospel changes and transforms the relationship of bondservant to master to a brother to brother relationship… which is the way in which Paul then teaches those in the Colossian church to relate to one another…

Philemon 8–16 (ESV)

“8 Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, 9 yet for love’s sake I prefer to appeal to you—I, Paul, an old man and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus— 10 I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment. 11 (Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me.) 12 I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart. 13 I would have been glad to keep him with me, in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel, 14 but I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own accord. 15 For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever, 16 no longer as a bondservant but more than a bondservant, as a beloved brother—especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.” - Philemon 8–16 (ESV)

Following Jesus changes the very nature of our relationships with one another, we become brothers and sisters.

We are going to dive deeper into this truth in May, but for today I think it’s enough to point out that in your home- your wife is your sister in Christ. Your husband is your brother in Christ. Your children are your brothers and sisters in Christ, and your parents are your brothers and sisters in Christ.

It is necessary to see one another through this lens/label. It helps us to be reminded of our goal for one another. Like I said at the beginning of our time: Christians love one another and live with one another for the glory of God

I believe that we have seen many ways that we can begin putting this into practice immediately… but, I want to remind that our practice is because we believe in the truth of the Bible, not because we see this work therefore we claim it as our truth. I say that because loving one another and living with one another is work. It takes dedication and it takes a long term commitment from everyone involved.

But, more than anything it requires trusting in Jesus. Or, as we talked about earlier in the book of Colossians, it requires being raised with Christ.

Christianity doesn’t teach that we go to heaven because we kept all the rules. But, Christianity does teach that those who are going to heaven are called to live by a new set of rules.

Without Jesus in your life all the practical advice is like perfume on a skunk or lipstick on a pig.

If you have never been converted, or as we often say if you have never been saved by God through your faith in Jesus Christ… then you don’t need to leave here following a set of rules. You need to leave here following Jesus.

Romans 10:9–13 (ESV)

9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. 11 For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” 12 For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him. 13 For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Luke 9:23–26 (ESV)

23 And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. 25 For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? 26 For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words, of him will the Son of Man be ashamed when he comes in his glory and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.

Other thoughts:

Again, this is not an endorsement of the Bible to man stealing or chattel slavery as we knew it in our country. Instead, this is Paul writing to real people about the real relationships they have in their homes and telling them how following Christ changes the rules of those relationships.

Why not just set them free as a command? Because that would be an absolutely acceptable action as Christians, and it’s pretty much how the relationship is described in the book of Philemon. But, the Bible also avoids telling Christians to revolt and overthrow oppressive governments when they are persecuted. Instead, they are told suffer well, endure, and that their reward is in heaven. Scripture never condones the martyrdom of Christians and the suffering of the saints. But it does tell us how to endure it… and our ultimate example is Christ who was crucified by a government he could have overthrown.

Again, I am not saying the Bible endorses oppression… if anything the Bible says that God’s people should be against oppression and should fight for the freedom of those who are oppressed. To the oppressed God says to be faithful, to those who see the oppression he says to free them.

Paul’s sentiment here to those who are in the church and have the bondservant and master relationship he gives them clear direction on how Christ changes the way they relate to one another.

Those who are wronged Masters

Key phrase- “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

SBC Compromise….

We are going to talk more about God’s transformed plan for life as it relates to Gender, sexuality, and other issues in the month of May.