Confession Manuscript

South/West Recovery Meeting, April 18th, 2023

Introduction

Good evening, people! If I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting you, my name is Purshia Gambles and I work at the Austin Stone as the Equipping and Women’s Ministry Director. Tonight, I have the pleasure of talking with y’all about a really light and good-feeling topic that I’m sure will leave you full of wam and fuzzies: Confession. I’m kidding, of course, but I do hope to grant you come empathy, truth, and comfort through what God has given me to share.

Confession, for me growing up, was an appointment that really bad people in movies or TV shows had with a Catholic priest to get absolved of their sins. But as I grew up, confession has become the lifeline of my ongoing relationship with the Lord and my pursuit of holiness. But, as you’ll learn in the next 25 minutes, this journey to finding the beauty of confession hasn’t been an easy one. My hope for this time is to give you guys an eye into my life and where God has brought me and who he’s still making me in hopes of breeding comfort and confidence to keep doing the hard, beautiful, necessary work of your Recovery or Steps journey. As I have written here…

For those in Christ, confession works to restore our relationship with God and by the Holy Spirit, prayer maintains our relationship with God.

Tonight, we’re going to see from my own story what makes confession fearful, then from the Scriptures why Confession is a necessary gift in our relationship with the Lord, and finally, in the colliding of those 2 things brings about an incomparable freedom and unparalleled joy. Up first…

(Point 1) What makes confession difficult?

Scripture: Genesis 1-3, (referencing the whole account, but specifically reading 3:7-13)

The world we exist in is broken by the deceitfulness of sin, tempting us to hide at every opportunity. From the moment that Adam and Eve ate of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in Genesis 3, this tragedy came into picture, culminating in the fall of humanity because of sin and a rupturing of our once perfect relationship with God, and our harmonious relationship with one another.

In Chapter 3, v. 7, the writer describes,

“Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” 11 He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” 12 The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” 13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

From that MOMENT, we found the now default reaction to seeing our own nakedness…hiding. This was the moment that shame, blame, fear, pride, and everything in-between served as better coverings for us in our sin than the only one who could free us from it…God.

My moment of realizing this with my own life was when I was roughly six or seven years old. I was sexually abused by a family member for roughly 2 years during the summers when I would go visit family in Midland. This created a deep well within me of fear, guilt, shame, and anger. I had come to that prevalent argument everyone must face at some point in their lives with God, asking, “If God is real, loving, powerful, and good…why did this happen to me? Better yet, why did it keep happening?” From this moment on, for what felt like many years, that question lingered in my mind and in my soul. And the last thing I wanted to do was tell anyone. What happened to me made me feel dirty, and like I had done something wrong. Over time I found some fig leaves of my own and sewn them into loin cloths, these were the idols of control and comfort. And those idols materialized in going from sin that had been done to me, now turned into sin that I was committing myself. From the ages of 6 to 20, primarily pornography and masturbation were my outlets. On the surface, I was a happy, responsible, good-grade getting, funny first born of my mom and older sister to my brother. But behind the closed doors of my room and in the dark recesses of my mind, another person dwelt there. A person no one knew. A person so afraid and ashamed of what had happened to them, now becomes someone ashamed and afraid of being found out in what they were guilty of. Telling any other breathing human about my struggles with sexual sin felt like trying to accomplish the most terrifying and difficult thing physically possible, and for what felt like no real benefit. The cozy cocoon of my sin was just warm enough and just comfortable enough to keep me in the dark.

So what made confession so difficult? Hiding was all that I knew, and the fall was the origin of that. But hiding isn’t what God let me keep doing, and it’s not what any of us are MADE to do, so he grants confession as, and this is my next point…a necessary, but free gift in our relationship with Him.

(Point 2) Confession is a necessary gift in our relationship with the Lord

Psalm 32:1-5 talks about the gift of confession and the response from God for us confessing. The psalmist writes,

“Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,

whose sin is covered.

2 Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,

and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

3 For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away

through my groaning all day long.

4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;

my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah

5 I acknowledged my sin to you,

and I did not cover my iniquity;

I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”

and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.”

This passage, specifically that last verse, offers me something, and I believe it offers you something too. Confession could make you feel any number of things. Fear, frustration, vulnerability, weakness, or even relief or peace. Whatever you feel, it’s likely very valid. But more importantly, confession should make you feel, in Christ, like what you are: Forgiven. I’ll reread verse 5, “I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,’ and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.” Where we uncover the ugliest truths about ourselves, about our actions, our character, our pasts, our presents...we’re uncovering what God already knows about us, and what The cross has already atoned for for us. We can (and should) only confess what Jesus has already covered. And if you’re in Christ, this should give you so much joy and unbelievable confidence, because every single thing you or I will ever confess, God will forgive us for. Everything. Family, in this time of social media cancellation and public ostracization, we don’t really have a concept for that. Or at least I didn’t. I couldn’t comprehend how a holy and perfect God, not only knew about my deepest darkest sin, but forgave it. And not only did he do it once…but he keeps on doing it. It is a forever type thing, you guys. The more you uncover, realize, and confess your own actions and habits and nature, the more you will discover, realize and accept the unfathomable kindness shown to those who have trusted in Christ. There is not a more forgiving or merciful or understanding person than Jesus. So when we confess our sins, we are exercising faith in Jesus. When we confess, to him and to each other, we’re acknowledging our need for help in the fight against that sin, and accepting his work as sufficient.

In college, I had a leadership role with a campus ministry that put on a camp for incoming and transfer students of my university. It was a great experience and it grew my love for Jesus a lot. But my first summer being on leadership for it was pivotal. By this time I was serving in all these capacities, leading people and organizations, but still being a completely different person in my room, at home, alone. I felt so much guilt and shame CONSTANTLY. But we make it to this camp and I felt more conviction and genuine pressure to confess my struggles with pornography and masturbation to SOMEONE. And God put this other leader in my view named Cassie that felt safe, approachable, and understanding. And after we finished doing whatever camp activity our team was working on, she and I hopped into her well-loved Toyota Rav4 went to the place that all deep college girl confession happens…the Wal-Mart in Canyon, Texas. We park and Immediately begin just pouring out my heart about what I had been struggling with and for how long and how ashamed I was and how hard I had been trying to fix it on my own. Then she leaned forward and (I’ll never forget this) asked, “so how’s that been going for ya?” Through tears I pipped up, “NoT WeLl.” And it was true. Because I hadn’t ever brought this into the light, I had failed to ever have anyone partner with me in the fight for holiness in this area, no one had been praying for me, no Scriptures sent my way, no accountability. Nothing. And my fight with sin reflected that. But when She asked me that question, I had never felt more loved, not just by her, but by God. And I’m not someone who has ever felt like they had heard God speka audibly, but that day it sure felt like He was speaking through her to me. As I confessed, it felt like God had been looking at evereything I had ever done, and every failure, every justification, every broken promise to him about how I wasn’t going to do it again, and saying, “I forgive you. I love you. Let me help you. I know how hard this life is, and how tightly its feels like death has gripped you. Take my hand.” And praise God, he’s been holding my hand ever since. From that moment, I gained what has become a hunger for holiness and a love for the church that I believe saved my life. Mainly becuase God helped me understand that my struggle wasn’t just pornography or masturbation, but my heart. I was in a holistic need of a savior. EVERY SINGLE AREA of my life needed redemption and re-wiring in light of the gospel.

This formed a vital building block in my walk with The Lord. It set up the structure of SO MUCH OF MY COMMUNICATION with him in prayer. As his child, my fundamental posture toward him is one of dependence and need, and this is humbling, but comforting. You know why? Because HIS disposition toward me (toward us) is one of generosity, mercy and grace. And I don’t confess to GET anything from God, but because of what he has already given and the knowledge that in his presence is the only place I would ever want to be. So over and over and over again, confession is needed from us and accepted by God. Not just with the worst sins we fear admitting, but in everything. Like I said a few minutes ago, EVERY SINGLE AREA of my life needed redemption and re-wiring in light of the gospel. And SHOCKER: it still does. This brings me to my final point…

(Point 3) Colliding of those 2 things brings about an incomparable freedom and unparalleled joy

(Because of the felt reality of our redeemed right relationship with God the Father)

This section is about what my life has looked like since that moment in college. My pride really wishes it could tell you that after that moment at that sacred Wal-Mart with Cassie in her Rav4 that I never struggled, was tempted, hid, or fell into sin in this area again. But that is far from the truth. Being single, unmarried and completely abstinent from any sexual activity or sexual immorality, its HARD. What about the Christian life is not? But the goal of my life isn’t to get to have sex, or be perfect, but to make it to the end of this life still loving and abiding in Jesus. With that in mind, God has done incredible things in my life and granted me growth and devotion to him that feels like the most important thing about me. I love Jesus more than anything or anyone else in the entire world. But its mainly because, and if you go to our South congregation you’ve heard me say this a ton, I know that he loves me far more than I could ever imagine.

Scripture: Romans 6-8; Galatians 2:20. There are 2 passages that frame a lot of what I hope my life has looked like since college. These are Romans 6-8 and Galatians 2:20. Over and over again I’m brought back to the necessary reminder from each of those chapters in Romans,

Romans 6: Having been justified by the work of Christ, I have newness of life and am no longer a slave to sin but have become a slave to righteousness through Christ. I’m “dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.” This is a whole new identity. This is going from death to life. Blindness to sight. Flat-lined to not only living, but living in victory and grace.

Romans 7: BUT….Surprising enough…Sin still be around. I think this is what, to me, makes the work of Recovery so necessary. I think in STEPS and in starting any sort of recovery journey that you learn that you’re never quite done this side of eternity. Sin is deceptive, the flesh is weak, and we are frequently found doing the very thing we do no want to do, despite knowing the way we should live in light of what Christ has done for us. A pastor here at The Austin Stone once said that if sin was the color blue, our entire world would be covered in different shades of it. Nothing on this earth would be left unshaded by it. This shows me that I will be in a continual state of needing to confess, no matter how good my intentions are. Hence Paul’s words at the end of that chapter, “So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.” That can feel pretty bleak. BUT GUESS WHAT. We can accept the hard word of Romans 7 because of the incomparable glory of God shown to us in Christ in Romans 8. The dawn of Romans 7 is so dark, but joy comes in the morning with the reprieve of Romans 8.

Romans 8: A pastor I have been deeply impacted by, John Piper, called these 39 verses the most important chapter in the most important book of the Bible. When I was doing some studying for this teaching, I found an old teaching that John does called “Look at The Book”, where he takes a book of the bible and kind of Mind maps it for all of us who just want to understand the structure and message of a certain Bible section. In the one he did for Romans 8, he drew a 5-step diagram where each of the 5 sections of the chapter built on one another, starting with the concluding two verses. That first pillar, the foundation of the rest of the chapter, he entitled, “The Eternal Love of God Toward all His Elect”. If you are in Christ, YOU are his elect. And NOTHING CAN TAKE THAT AWAY. That’s what makes that so incredible. I’m going to read those last 2 verses, “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Every time I read this I fill in the section where Paul lists the things that we THINK can separate us from the love of God with the things in my own story that I falsely believe that about. For I am sure that neither arrogance nor apathy, neither pornography no pride, neither diabetes nor death itself, nor anything else in ALL Creation INCLUDING MYSELF can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus my Lord. I encourage you to do the same. It’s an incredible reality that God looks at us and everything we’ve ever done or thought or felt that was contrary to the way we’re called to live, EVERYTHING. Past, present, and future…ALL THINGS CONSIDERED…and still chose you. He still chooses you. That should be so inconceivable to us.

The last 10-ish years have been God re-stamping these realities into my head and heart over and over and over again. Romans 6: You are FREE from sin. You are JUSTIFIED. Romans 7: You will still sin. Romans 8: But God knew it and will always still love you. 6. 7. 8. 6. 7. 8. Through confession, repentance and faith, my love for God and understanding of how deeply I need His Son because of my sin has only increased. But, as I referenced a minute ago, that journey has not always looked glamorous or been easy. It still isn’t. But if I had to go through every single thing God has sovereignly placed or allowed to happen in my life to still take place if it meant I get to proclaim him to you right here right now, no question…OF COURSE NOT I’M NOT DOING THAT. I LIVED IN IOWA I ONE POINT. ON PURPOSE. I at one point had to explain to my Mother, an African American single mother, who worked her hind parts off to put me through school, that the first member of her family to go to college right after high school wasn’t becoming a doctor or a lawyer like she had always hoped. But I was going to do a 2-year ministry residency that I had to raise my own salary for, with no concrete idea what I was going to do after those 2 years were up. I consistently wake up every morning hoping I don’t have diabetes, but remembering that whatever thorns in this life creep in I can be content with. Why? Because His grace is sufficient. So no, I wouldn’t want to do ANY that ever again. At all. But this is why I’m thankful that I’m not the one in charge of my life. Because we serve a good, faithful, trustworthy father in heaven that knows what we need far better than we do, And this brings me to my final couple verses…

Galatians 2:20 is my life verse, and I feel like it accurately surmizes everything I have just said, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Conclusion

If you haven’t noticed, this room is a little bigger than I think a typical Tuesday evening. I have invited several dear friends of mine, not just for moral support (though I needed it because this made me very nervous), but also to illustrate that your recovery journey is never one that you’re meant to walk alone. Each person in this room and others that couldn’t make it tonight, each have fanned the flame of my heart for God, loved me when I felt most unlovable, and prayed for me when I didn’t have the words or desire to pray for myself. For that I am eternally grateful. But I pray you have that as well. Whether its your mentor for STEPS, your LTG/accountability, your small group, or just some faithful friends who love you and love Jesus, I pray you have people to wlka alongside you in this journey because you need it, fam.

As I land the plane of our time together here, I just want to remind you that its human for confession to be difficult and for hiding to feel normal, but God gave us confession to show us how much we need him and for those of us in Christ this is the best news ever. Why? Because we have the priceless gift of the eternal, unbreakable, covenantal love of this God in Christ. And this (I hope) will continue to fuel whatever work God is doing in you in your recovery journey, and if my life can be any motivation to you, please know that a time is coming, maybe not today, or tomorrow, but a day IS coming, where you will be so grateful that God wouldn’t let you give up.

Will you pray with me?

Father, I thank you for taking a hold of my hand what feels like many years ago and not letting go of it since then. I thank you for everyone in this room, whatever they came in with, or whatever they meant to me in my walk with you. Would you continue doing a work that only you can begin and complete. And would you keep us in a posture of humble confession, knowing that what we confess you will cover with the blood of your son. If there is anything that did not bring you glory or bring these men and women closer to you, please let it be muted and forgotten in their hearts, but please amplify whatever would be helpful. I love you, we love you, but I’m held fast by the fact that you loe us so much more. These things I pray in Jesus’ name, Amen.