Admonish the Disobedient Brother

Introduction

Tonight we are going to address the climax of 2 Thessalonians 3. It is the practice of church discipline in verses 14-15. Now, technically speaking, church discipline should always begin with private confrontation, and you may have some experience there. Those initial stages are like a hammer and wrench. Most people know how to use them, or else they know it’s something they should figure out. But when you hear someone say “church discipline,” you can usually assume that they’re emphasizing the final, public stages. And in this sense, church discipline is more like an emergency tool. It’s like a bus emergency hammer. That’s the little gadget next to the windows on public transit. It looks like a tiny hammer with a point on the face, and you can use it to crack the glass in an emergency.

Public church discipline is a lot like that. As people say, “When you need it, you need it.” Church discipline is like the bus emergency hammer because at first, both of them seem destructive. The hammer breaks windows, and the discipline breaks fellowship. But in the end, they’re actually intended to rescue people from danger, aren’t they? They have a redemptive purpose. As Peter says, we can even use them to “snatch people from the fire.”

As you turn to chapter 3, I also want to remind you that this room represents a range of knowledge and experience. Some of you have never seen church discipline, while others have had to make hard, pastoral decisions. My goal for tonight is to do some contingency training. This is going to be like a fire drill. We’re going to go through each phrase, and I’ll explain how it all works. And this is obviously just a drill. But as we work through it, try to remember that there may come a day where this information will become mission critical. So try not to forget it all!

Tonight we are going to look at 2 Thessalonians 3:13-15. If you were here last week, you probably remember that Pastor Jack already taught verses 11-13. I’m not trying to reteach verse 13, but I do want to point out a few things there that will lay a foundation for our focus on verses 14-15. So follow along as I start in verse 13:

2 Thessalonians 3:13–15 LSB

But as for you, brothers, do not lose heart in doing good. And if anyone does not obey our word in this letter, take special note of that person to not associate with him, so that he will be put to shame. And yet do not regard him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.

Pray with me now. Holiness, wisdom, love, purity, and zeal.

The main point of our text is that we must identify disobedient people and avoid association with them. Rather than carrying on, we need to be careful to admonish them as a brother. And I’ve broken this down into five points. They are the presupposition, the condition, the action, the intention, and the orientation of church discipline.

The Presupposition: Diligence

We will begin with the presupposition of church discipline. Look with me at verse 13:

But as for you, brothers, do not lose heart in doing good.

So we see here that the presupposition is diligence. This is the idea of taking the log out of your own eye. Before you look to the ways of another person, you need to look to your own ways. You need to stay the course.

Some Bible translations and commentaries separate verses 13 and 14 into separate paragraphs. This is probably because verse 13 is a definite command, while verse 14 uses the word “if” to describe a hypothetical situation. But actually, if you look at how Paul uses the term “brothers” or “brethren” in 2 Thessalonians, you’ll realize that he always uses it to introduce a new section. So the new paragraph should really begin with verse 13!

This may seem like a small nuance, but verse 13 lays an important foundation. First of all, consider that if you are faithful in doing good, your example will be a convicting reminder to this lazy brother. You’re working hard, but he is not. In addition, imagine giving food to an old widow and a little orphan, but then refusing him. Do you think he’ll realize that he doesn’t fit in? I hope so! I hope your generosity would convict him of his selfishness.

The whole situation is a lot like terminating an employee. If he gets laid off with a bunch of people, then he can go to another company and ask for pity. But if his performance was poor and he’s the only person you fired, then that’s a lot harder to explain. So in this kind of scenario, we need to work together to put an end to this issue.

And that’s the main point of verse 13: In the context of church discipline, your own obedience and faithful accuracy are paramount. They are super important. You have to dot your i’s and cross your t’s. This whole thing is like a debate. You’re trying to convince this guy that his behavior is wrong, but he is looking for excuses to disregard your correction. So don’t give him that excuse! We have to ensure that our own lives are above reproach.

The Condition: Disobedience

Let’s continue on into verse 14 now. Notice that Paul begins it by saying,

14a And if anyone does not obey our word in this letter

While this verse does have an ominous sound to it, we can also see Paul’s gracious demeanor. The Apostle could have said, “When he disobeys what I just said…” But he doesn’t do that. He doesn’t accuse the people that he heard about in verse 11. He doesn’t even assume that anybody will disobey. Paul just sees discipline as a last resort.

It is interesting that he refers to “our word in this letter.” That language is general enough that it would even include the brothers who are supposed to keep doing good, but the focus in this passage is obviously on these unruly brothers. And if you flip back through 2 Thessalonians, you’ll realize there isn’t much else Paul could be talking about. He doesn’t really give any other clear commands—certainly none that would merit church discipline.

Actually, for most of our study through 1 and 2 Thessalonians, we’ve been assuming that the Thessalonians quit their jobs because they thought Jesus was coming back tomorrow. Paul talks about eschatology in both letters, and he talks about unruly behavior in both letters. It seems natural to assume the issues must have been related.

But I'm not so sure about that. If that’s all there is to it, then what we’d be saying here in verse 14 is that Paul is commanding us to church discipline people who’ve just made an honest mistake about their eschatology. And that doesn’t seem right. Notice that in verse 14, he is talking specifically about disobedience, not an honest mistake.

Paul has addressed these unruly brothers three times now: first in person, then in both of his letters. In verses 6-12 he has issued three stern commands, and now he is threatening church discipline as well. Paul’s reminder in verse 10 about what he used to command them seems to indicate that the Thessalonians had had issues with this unruly behavior since Day 1. And it also seems like they were improving overall, except for these individuals.

In fact, if you research social constructs in Thessalonica, you’ll find evidence of a cultural issue. The whole city was super dependent on rich benefactors from Rome, and they relied heavily on that source of revenue. Plus, if you remember how the mob ousted Paul and robbed Jason, it isn’t hard to imagine that maybe some of these church members had lost their jobs when people found out they became a Christian. Maybe some other members felt bad and tried to help, but then for some reason the men became overly dependent, now to the point of obstinance.

Who knows? These are just guesses, but it’s important to realize that Paul is not telling us to discipline people for simple theological misunderstandings. These brothers are disregarding authority and willfully disobeying.

And that is a dangerous position. In chapter 1, verses 7-8, Paul already spoke of “the revelation of the Lord Jesus from heaven with His mighty angels in flaming fire, executing vengeance on those who do not know God and to those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus.” Disobedience to these individual commands may lead to disobedience toward whole gospel. And the consequences at that point are terrifying! That is the reason why it is actually merciful for us to strongly warn and avoid these kinds of men. And that is what Paul addresses next.

The Action: Disassociation

Our third point is the action of church discipline. Look at the middle of verse 14:

14b take special note of that person to not associate with him

Here Paul commands disassociation, and we begin by taking special note of that person. The verb Paul uses is plural, so this is a requirement for the whole church. He expects us to be single them out by name, in public.

The church father John Chrysostom said, “You [must] withdraw yourselves from him, that is, do not partake with him in free conversation; show that you are angry.” That may be the natural inclination, but I want to warn you against being angry with this person. I think a better analogy is fasting. Biblical fasting is when you put aside food and/or drink in an effort to pray about something important. Similarly, the purpose of disassociation is to put aside regular interactions in order to focus that person’s attention on the important issue of their disobedience.

This command raises all kinds of practical questions. What does associating mean? What type of association is legitimate? Will he still come to church? Can I meet him for coffee? What if we’re in a group chat together? How far are we supposed to go with this? These are tricky questions that requires maturity and discernment.

Let’s start with definitions. In English, an association is “a group of people organized for a joint purpose.” In Greek, the verb for “associate” can also be translated “mingle.” These definitions point to the idea that you are associated with someone when you are working together, and when you share a common identity. That is the reason why this kind of person would not be welcome to continue joining us here at church. This is a plural command, so we as a group do not want to be associated with this individual. He needs to be removed from fellowship and worship.

Turn to 1 Corinthians 5 real quick. Both passages command us not to associate with a certain individual. Some people argue that 2 Thessalonians 3:15 refers to a true “brother,” while 1 Corinthians 5:11 only refers to a “so-called brother.” They point out that Paul only commands us to “remove the wicked man from among yourselves” in 1 Corinthians 5:13. But while it is true that he does not say this in Thessalonians, look with me at 1 Corinthians 5:11. It says, “But now I am writing to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is a sexually immoral person, or greedy, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one.” This verse makes it clear that Paul is not describing an isolated incident in Corinth. He is laying down a general principle. And the same principle that applies to greedy people or to deceptive people also applies to lazy people. It’s all the same.

This would obviously be far more serious for the man. It’s one thing if he can still come to church but just doesn’t talk with people for as long afterward. It’s another thing entirely if he’s not allowed to come at all. Then it might be tempting to be the nice guy and have him over to your house on the side, “Just so he knows everyone still cares about him.” But this is like parenting. You can’t have one parent doing discipline and telling the child no, while the other parent sneaks in afterward to coddle their disobedience. The whole church needs to act as one.

The Intention: Disapproval

And here’s the reason why. This is our fourth point, the intention of church discipline. Look at the end of verse 14,

14c so that he will be put to shame.

This is the tip of the spear, the poky part. All of our efforts should be calculated to bring this effect. We are doing good works and avoiding association with this man so that he will be put to shame. Even in the 21st century!

The Greek word here means "to turn,” and it carries the idea of turning either away or toward something. It just depends on the context. Let me give you two examples. If you turn toward something, then you honor it. Maybe they come to your circle of conversation and people make room for them to join in. That is turning toward them with honor. On the other hand, imagine that you’re walking toward someone, but they see you coming and look away. Maybe they even walk away. That kind of hurts, doesn’t it? but that is shame Paul is talking about.

One Bible dictionary suggests “the idea is to have one’s thoughts turned in on oneself.” More than someone turning away from you, this shame has to do with you turning inward, with you being caused to reflect on your behavior.

Let me read Ezekiel 36:31-32 for you. This passage was translated with the same Greek word for shame:

Ezekiel 36:31–32 LSB

31 “Then you will remember your evil ways and your deeds that were not good, and you will loathe yourselves to your own faces for your iniquities and your abominations. 32 “I am not doing this for your sake,” declares Lord Yahweh, “let it be known to you. Be ashamed and feel dishonor for your ways, O house of Israel!”

This is exactly why God is commanding us through Paul to take note of this person and not associate with them. We want them to remember their evil ways and their deeds that were not good, we want them to loathe themselves to their own faces for their iniquities and their abominations, and we want them to be ashamed and feel dishonor for their ways. You know, this is a lot! And that’s exactly why it is so important that we do this together, as a church.

And the effects would be even more powerful if you consider the social context in Thessalonica. Everyone in the city already hated the Christians and ran Paul out of town. If this person was also shunned by the church, where would they turn? Now they would have lost all association with people both inside and outside the church!

Surely he would think twice about his ways and be motivated to repent. What else could he do?

The Orientation: Dissuasion

But Paul cautions us here against wielding this power haphazardly. This is the final point, the orientation of church discipline. Paul wants us to be oriented toward dissuasion. Our intent is to persuade the brother. Look at verse 15,

15 And yet do not regard him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.

If Paul had ended in verse 14, perhaps church discipline would have seemed harsh and vindictive. As if the church is taking revenge on this man for abusing their generosity. But Paul anticipates this and warns against fighting fire with fire. He encourages the church to speak the truth in love, and to do it with an eye toward restoration.

And so how are you going to think of this disobedient man? Will he be your enemy or your brother?

I looked up all the texts in the Bible about enemies and made a list of eleven things that we should not do:

You should not hate him (2 Sam 22:41) with the utmost hatred (Ps 139:22) and have wrath toward him (Ps 138:7).

You should not ignore his problems and refuse to help him (Ex 23:4-5).

You should not shake wickedness down upon him and bear a grudge against him (Ps 55:3).

You should not deal treacherously with him (Lam 1:2) by cheating (Ac 13:10), deceiving (Pr 27:6), or afflicting him (Ps 89:22).

You should not cause strife, mock (Ps 80:6), judge, or devour him (Deut 32:41-42).

You should not exult over him (Ps 25:2) or be glad (Ps 30:1) when he falls.

You should not bring distress on him (Jer 19:9) or leave him in fear (Luke 1:74).

You should not seek his injury with enmity by lying in wait (Num 35:22-23), and you should not oppress and subdue him under your hand (Ps 106:42).

You should not pursue him (Ps 31:15, Hos 8:3) and hunt him down like a bird (Lam 3:52) to attack him proudly (Ps 56:2) and hound him without rest (2 Sam 7:1).

In short, Paul says, “Do not regard him as an enemy.” Instead, you must admonish him as a brother. This is really interesting. If you reflect on the list of enemy actions I shared, you’ll realize that they do not involve any talking except for deception. That is why Paul contrasts it with verbal admonition. Brothers speak, enemies don’t.

So do not give him the cold shoulder! Don’t ghost him without explaining your concern for his soul. Speak to the man! Point out his sin and call him to repentance! Paul says in Galatians 4:16 “So have I become your enemy by telling you the truth?” We learn that, rather than being this man’s silent enemy, we must speak the truth in love.

But be discerning as you go about this. It is a dangerous but necessary art. Ladies, it is probably not appropriate for you to be reaching out to admonish this man alone. Focus on setting a good example in your godly conduct. But if you notice a woman who is slothful in her parenting or housework, you might consider encouraging them. Men, consider your own life. In Galatians 6:1, Paul says, “Brothers, even if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, each of you looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.” In Romans 15:14, he says those who are able to admonish one another must be “full of goodness, having been filled with all knowledge.” And in Colossians 1:28, admonishing involves “teaching with all wisdom.” The idea is that you help him to evaluate his behavior, warn him of danger, and exhort him to get back to work.

Warren Wiersbe draws a helpful parallel between this situation and another one in Genesis. He says,

Lot was out of fellowship with God and Abraham because he lived in Sodom; yet Abraham rescued Lot from the enemy because Lot was his brother (Gen. 14, and note especially v. 14). It requires much patience, love, and grace to help an erring brother; and this is why Paul added a final motive for earning a living.

Remember also the analogy of parenting. This is corporate discipline inflicted for the purpose of loving correction. The historian Josephus describes an exemplary man who “partly threatened them a little, as a king; but, for the main, he admonished them as a father, and exhorted them [as a brother], and told them he would pardon their former offenses if they would amend their ways for the time to come.” This is our task in church discipline.

Conclusion

Alright, so just to wrap this up, consider the five points we’ve looked at tonight. Church discipline presupposes that you are being diligent in your own responsibilities. It is only enacted on individuals who continue in disobedience. Our response should be to disassociate ourselves from them, and we should do so with the intention of causing them to be ashamed of their behavior. But undergirding this whole process should be an orientation toward their restoration as a brother. We are not silent enemies, but we go to them and plead with them as our brother.

And if you peek down at verse 16, you’ll see that the reward for this effort will be peace in every circumstance.

Epilogue

I hope the discussion time was fruitful. A few of those questions were pretty nuanced, and like I mentioned earlier it takes a lot of wisdom to navigate all the changes. Real quick here at the end, I want to briefly address a difficult aspect of church discipline. None of us exist in a vacuum. We all have relationships, and some of them are close.

So here is the issue. What if the person under church discipline is your spouse, a family member, or a coworker? How are you supposed to obey this command not to associate with them if you live or work together?

Let me just give you a few brief pointers that will get you going here. Turn with me to 1 Peter 3:1-6.

First of all, notice that we are dealing with the same type of person. Paul says, “If anyone does not obey our word,” and Peter provides the update in verse 1, “He is disobedient to the word.” So here the period of admonishment has passed. The man has persisted in rebellion, and his wife is left to pick up the pieces. Peter commands her to focus on pure conduct with fear. Her heart and her spirit are the priority. These principles extend more broadly too.

Certain relationships require you to be in close contact with this disobedient sinner. If you are married to him, if he is your father, brother, or son. If he is your boss or your colleague at work. These relationships exist independently of the church. You do not need to forsake them. In fact, you would be sinning if you did forsake them. You have biblical obligations to your family members and to your employers. Follow the wife’s example in these cases.

Be sure to admonish them and plead with them to turn from their sin. Once they have refused you, then focus on your exemplary conduct. Be willing to revisit the spiritual problems if they bring it up, but don’t nag them.

And lastly, just really quick, notice that Peter exhorts you not to fear any intimidation in verse 6. He alludes to

Proverbs 3:24–26 LSB

24 When you lie down, you will not be in dread; You will lie down, and your sleep will be pleasant. 25 Do not be afraid of sudden dread Nor of the storm of the wicked when it comes; 26 For Yahweh will be your confidence And will keep your foot from being caught.

This is a sweet encouragement to those who are afraid. Disobedient men may blow up and get angry. They may persecute you at home or at work. But you can still sleep without fear if you trust Yahweh. Read all of Proverbs 3. I don’t have time to explain it now, but the entire chapter applies to living with a disobedient man. The first part is about your private walk with the Lord. The middle is about wise conduct, and the last section is about deescalating conflict. Remember that you have a civil responsibility to involve the authorities if he violates the law, and seek wisdom from your elders. But also know that the Lord will bless you and may use your conduct to save the man.