Do Not Grieve the Holy Spirit, Part 1(Eph. 4:25–32)

Series: Ephesians: Building the ChurchText: Ephesians 4:25–32

By: Shaun Marksbury Date: April 16, 2023

Venue: Living Water Baptist ChurchOccasion: PM Service

Introduction

When we as Christians think of the Holy Spirit, we too often think of Him as a force, an “it.” However, as this passage reveals, He has a will, a desire for see us to live in a certain way. When we fail to do that, we read that He experiences an emotional response — grief.

Now, sometimes Christians have some mistaken ideas. I’ve heard some use this term and “quenching” the Holy Spirit to refer to having a non-Charismatic or a cessationist view regarding the spiritual gifts. They might say that we are causing the Holy Spirit grief because we’re denying Him the chance to give us incredible gifts. This view ignores the fact that the Holy Spirit has revealed what we can expect from Him in Scripture, so we’re not bound to whims and such emotional argumentation.

Another incorrect way Christians have used this is to speak of the Spirit’s reaction to grief. There have been some who say that the Holy Spirit leaves us when we grieve Him. This ignores the fact that He says He’ll never leave nor forsake us.

The Holy Spirit inspires Scripture, meaning that the Book of Ephesians is His message to us. He delivers to us the good news of the gospel that’s throughout this book. Obviously, He wants us to understand the indicatives of the gospel, since the first three chapters of the book focus on the theological realities of the gospel. We must not think of the Holy Spirit’s grief as a warning that we’re going to lose our salvation with God.

Even so, as we read a couple weeks ago, He reminds us to live differently than the world around us (vv. 17–19). He says to live life in accordance with that gospel, the message in which we have put off the old ways and put on the new internally and need to do so externally, as well (vv. 20–24). Incidentally, this is something that we heard from Dr. Ferguson this morning in Sunday School, that we have a double mortification and a double vivification; internally, the Holy Spirit in Christ has put to death sin and brought us to new life, but we should also externally put to death sins and put on the life of Christ.

That is the message of the Spirit in this section. He desires for believers to live repentantly, giving us here a list of different behaviors running through 5:20, vices put away from ourselves and virtues that we have in Christ. We’re going to focus just on the ones finishing out this chapter.

If we neglect the gospel He’s revealed in the previous chapters, these commands become moralistic rules with no power. The Spirit transforms us in the gospel six ways — in our integrity, emotion, work, speech, faith, and relationships. This evening, we will just focus on the first three of these: we don’t have to be liars, we don’t have to be sinfully angry, and we don’t have to be thieves. As we note in v. 30, may we not grieve Him in how we live in light of these truths.

First, live as someone transformed in integrity (v. 25)

Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.

Notice as always that the first word of v. 25 is “therefore.” Verse 21 says that we have learned Christ, and the following verses go on to say that “in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.” This is the putting off/renewal/putting on process.

It starts with knowledge of the gospel transformation we have received, for otherwise, there would be no new self for clothing. Only then will we consider laying aside our former way of life, knowing how sinful it is (4:22, 31). We will then seek to speak with integrity in an era of fake news.

Consider first the God we serve. In 1 Samuel 15:29, we read, “Also the Glory of Israel will not lie or change His mind; for He is not a man that He should change His mind.” Ours is a God of truth and constancy, and we deviate from His standard when we fail to operate with integrity. Not only is it a violation of the ninth commandment (Exod. 20:16), it reflects the father of lies (John 8:44). As such, professed Christians who continue to lie in an unrepentant fashion evidence that they never came to Christ.

Thankfully, for genuine, converted Christians, lying is of our former nature. It has no power over us. We can obviously still be tempted to lie when the pressure is on or the consequences are steep, but we can lay it aside. In fact, because of our union with Christ, we can replace a lying attitude with integrity. Instead of lying, we read that we are to “speak truth each one of you with his neighbor” (which is a quote from Zechariah 8:16).

Paul not only already said that we’re to speak the truth in love (v. 15), he said that that the truth is in Jesus (v. 21), and that the new man has been created in truth (v. 24). This is why we need the gospel. The putting off occurs first and then we receive the new man through the Holy Spirit at the time of salvation. He then gives us the grace to love our neighbors with our veracity whereas we used to only be about pursuing our own interests through lies.

The question of loving one’s neighbor is the filter through which we evaluate our truth-telling. We don’t spread gossip, even if it is true, if we know it will destroy someone in the church. Our goal in Christ is to love fellow believers, if we consider ourselves to be “members of one another.”

On the other hand, we don’t engage in dishonest tactics to advance our own agendas. Even if we are dealing with unbelievers, we want to be lights for the truth. We don’t cheat people, unlike the Christian mechanic who thought he didn’t have to give faithful estimates to unbelievers. If we are changed by the Holy Spirit, we will operate as the Spirit has transformed us: as people of integrity.

In other words, we don’t want to grieve the Holy Spirit. Of course, sometimes we don’t feel like we have changed. Indeed, one of the exacerbating forces in our dealing with one another is that of emotion. Let us now consider what the apostle says here:

Second, live as someone transformed in emotion (vv. 26–27)

Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.

We often wrongly think of emotions as experiences which happen to us. We don’t always consider that our thinking can inform our emotions. One of the reasons we fear sharing the gospel with others, for instance, is because we have times when we care more about what others think of us than what God says. When we then think about sharing the gospel, we experience fear. In other words, the emotion is the result of thinking.

Sometimes we don’t always know exactly why we feel the way we do, but we should endeavor to be as soberminded about our emotions as we can be. A simple question can make the difference — Why did I just feel the way I did? Sometimes it requires help, especially in cases of intense emotion, but we can often trace emotions back to thought processes, whether they be sinful or righteous in origin.

The other issue is that we tend to think of emotions as good or bad when God created them all. For instance, the question of anger here is tricky: We seem to be reading a command to get angry! We might expect Paul instead to tell us stop getting angry! So, what does he mean?

First, of course, anger can stem from sin (in v. 31, God there commands us to put it away from us). It is important to note something not immediately apparent in the English: This is not the same kind of anger listed in v. 31. The words are different — the two related words for anger here are orgizo and parorgismos, and that is orge. Don’t worry, there won’t be a test, but how should we read all of this?

There is anger not originating in sin. Paul may be referencing Psalm 4:4, as this is an exact quotation from the Septuagint, the Greek translation of the Old Testament. There, the command may convey the sense of having a holy anger at sin.

God Himself displays these anger. In Psalm 7:6, facing adversaries, David prays, “Arise, O Lord, in Your anger.” God is angry at sin, which He turns away from as a result of the gospel; the remnant says in Isaiah 12:1, “I will give thanks to You, O Lord; for although You were angry with me, Your anger is turned away, and You comfort me.” The unrepentant, though, will find God as their enemy; Jeremiah 21:5 says, “I Myself will war against you with an outstretched hand and a mighty arm, even in anger and wrath and great indignation.” We experience anger because we’re made in God’s image, and He experiences and expresses anger.

Yet, God’s anger is a righteous indignation. Those who are angry at the right moments have the proper response to a violation of God-given conviction. It’s sad that many evangelicals today think that anger is unbecoming Christians, and pastors have become milquetoast as a result. CH Spurgeon once said, “A vigorous temper is not altogether an evil. Men who are easy as an old shoe are generally of little worth.” Ecclesiastes 3:8 says that there is “a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace.” Anger has its place.

It is our duty here to respond in righteous anger over sin; as Psalm 97:10 says, “Hate evil, you who love the LORD.” Sometimes we are not properly angry over our own sin or the sins of others. We must sometimes speak to our emotions, and one such time would be if we grow permissive of sin. This is righteous indignation, which can help us correct wrongs we do or that others do.

Still, having such anger can lead to other sin if we are not careful. In Matthew 5:22, Jesus says, “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.” In other words, our anger must be righteous (not unrighteous), and we must express it righteously, as well. Because sin corrodes the right uses and responses of anger, we must always be in control of our emotions for the glory of God.

There are times to instruct ourselves to become angry, and there are times to instruct ourselves to cease anger. That is what he means when he says, “do not let the sun set on your anger.” This is often used in marriage counseling (don’t go to bed angry), but it applies to all situations of life. This isn’t necessarily a legalistic command to have all offenses settled by 5:00 or 6:00 pm (as tidy as that would make our interactions in life), but rather an imperative to not allow anger to become a settled reality by handling it as quickly as possible. That way, we don’t allow anger to simmer, turning into resentment, hatred, or bitterness; unresolved anger can even turn into depression, a surprising emotion that even drives suicide.

So, it’s important to deal with anger at the proper time. Just as there is time for anger, there is time for anger to cease, and that time is sooner rather than later. Moreover, the fires of anger must not be stoked, but rather doused. This requires a renewed mind and the power of Christ to know when and how.

Refusing to do this allows a place for the devil. By allowing anger to simmer, Satan can create conflict and bitterness within the body of Christ, dividing it. Those who allow anger to become rooted and deep-seated will begin to engage in all manner of sin, following even satanic ways.

For those of us who experience emotional problems from time to time, this is a tremendous thought. We need not remain beholden to our emotions. When we are angry, we can control it. When we feel down, we need not talespin into depression. If we find ourselves in the slough of despair, we can speak truth to ourselves and redirect those feelings with right thinking. The sinful conclusions of our feelings, whether wrath, worry, lust, etc. no longer need to hold captive those who the Spirit has transformed through the gospel.

I’d love to explore that some more, but we need to keep moving. We grieve the Spirit when we lie or are not properly angry, so we want to live with transformed integrity and emotion. The Spirit also desires that we don’t steal, bringing us to the next point:

Third, live as someone transformed in work (v. 28)

He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need.

Let’s start with the idea of theft. This is a violation of the eighth commandment (Ex 20:15), starting with a violation of the tenth commandment (v. 17); you covet, and then you take. The terms “klepto,” “kleptomaniac,” and “kleptomania” come from the Greek word used here.

This command is another example of “putting off,” but do we just “put on” the cessation of theft? Rather than steal from the work of another person’s hands, we are to works with our own hands. We’re to do our own work, not becoming busybodies and mooching off others (1 Thes 4:11; 2 Thes 3:8, 11f).

This is also what it means to love our neighbors. Perhaps just as with the Levitical law of remuneration, we work and give back to those we owe. The purpose of the labor is “have something to share with one who has need.” Jesus taught this principle of sharing; “The man who has two tunics is to share with him who has none; and he who has food is to do likewise” (Lk 3:11). As Paul said in Galatians 6:10, “So then, awhile we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.”

As an aside, Paul prefaced this with “he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good” — panhandlers may not use this to spiritually extort funds from others. How many beggars use the old saw, “God will bless you for blessing me!” That wicked practice violates the very principle taught here and invokes the name of the Lord in vain. Those who will not work should not eat (2 The 3:10), and men not providing for their families are worse than unbelievers (1 Tm 5:8).

Paul demonstrated a good work ethic (Acts 20:35; 1 Cor 4:12), and we should also if we want to properly love others. Where we’re lazy and tempted to take what we haven’t earned, remember that the Spirit has transformed believers to be able to please God in these areas. In fact, not just in our work ethic, but:

Conclusion

The nature of spiritual warfare is often pictured in the spectacular, casting out demons and the like. Of course, we are called to resist the devil (James 4:7), who works in the sons of disobedience (Eph 2:2). We stand against the devil by putting on the whole armor of God (6:11).

While it does involve an essential element in resisting the devil, the core of spiritual warfare is internal. It’s recognizing that the Christian must take responsibility for personal sin, not blaming every problem on a demon, and put it to death. This is the first part of the putting-off and putting-on process in this passage, and the second is putting on the truths of Scripture here.

We may still stumble in various and sundry ways, but we find instruction here to help us get back to where we need to be. We can put off sinful patterns, even getting angry at them at times, and then we take action in the Lord. We renew our thinking according to Scripture and then put on Christ. We can live differently, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to the glory of God. When we live by His power and ways, we can be sure that we are not grieving the Holy Spirit.

Live as someone transformed in speech (v. 29)

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

We’re going to say much more about speech in the next chapter, where Paul says, “there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting” (Eph 5:4). Here, we read of the need shed the unwholesome or “worthless” from our speech. This means speech that is rotten, that putrefies, that somehow defiles the hearer. Perhaps it’s speech to incite sin in others, or it is speech that sinfully condemns.

The tongue must be controlled — and yes, kids, this includes our online interactions. Used sinfully, the tongue commits arson; it poisons the hearer (Js 3:6–8). Our Lord explained that such words proceed from wicked hearts (Mt 12:34). This is why the psalmist asks God to guard his mouth and lips (Ps 141:3).

Instead, Christians have transformed speech and can put on “such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment.” This is a strong contrast. We should choose our words to build up others, based on the need of the moment. When you kids are by yourselves, you have the choice to speak words that tear down or that build up, just as we adults do.

In case it isn’t clear, Paul further clarifies here that such speech is “so that it will give grace to those who hear.” Our speech should always be seasoned with grace (Col 4:6), just like the words of our Lord were (Lk 4:22). Elsewhere, we read, “Words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious, while the lips of a fool consume him” (Ecc 10:12).

What happens when we are failing in these areas? We find that we are not living as the Holy Spirit has made us. That brings us to the next point:

Live as someone transformed in faith (v. 30)

Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

Here, we get back to where we started — this is the work of the Spirit has implications for our lives. First, note the command not to “grieve the Holy Spirit of God.” Obviously, we need to know that we do sometimes grieve the Holy Spirit. This expression is in Isaiah 63:10 to parallel rebellion against God. Speaking falsehoods, responding in sinful anger, stealing, and engaging in unwholesome speech are all acts of rebellion that grieve the Holy Spirit; all sin is rebellion.

When we consider that, we are shamed into remembering that we are sinners unworthy of God’s grace. Even so, the grieved Holy Spirit has still sealed believers “for the day of redemption,” as Paul previously noted (1:13). This gospel truth reminds us that we have no need to correct our sin in order to re-earn our salvation. Still, as we studied, because the Spirit has done this work, making us new, we should now respond in faith by seeking to live anew. This will come out in our relationships, our last point:

Live as someone transformed in relationships (vv. 31–32)

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

This is perhaps a summary or climax of how the Holy Spirit affects every aspect of our lives. If we are living according to the transformative work of the Spirit, then the fruits of the flesh should begin to evaporate. His fruits will begin to manifest in our relationships. These are fruits of the flesh that have been put off (v. 22).

First, those walking after the Spirit will cease all bitterness. This is a long-standing grudge or resentment, the kind that unbelievers would have (Rm 3:14). Still, roots of bitterness can spread in the soul (Hb 12:15), so Christians should dig them up and burn them.

Second, those walking after the Spirit will cease all wrath. This is rage, pure and unadulterated. It puts holes in walls and relationships, sinful expressions of one’s displeasure. We might see divorces over verbal abuse or even arrests over physical violence, but that shouldn’t be named among professed believers.

Third, those walking after the Spirit will cease all sinful anger. Again, this is a different anger than we read about in v. 26. This is the internal reality that defeats us. As James 1:20–21 says, “But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”

Fourth, those walking after the Spirit will cease all clamor. This is strife, an outcry that might wake one in the middle of the night (Mt 25:6), negative here. Perhaps this is the household that lets the whole neighborhood know when they party and when they fight; they are dishes being broken against walls either way. That stands in contrast to the quiet and peaceful Christian household.

Fifth, those walking after the Spirit will cease all slander. This is a kind of gossip, malicious in nature. We often speak of blasphemies against God, which would also be sinful, but this is the blaspheming of others. Obviously, this is a kind of unwholesome speech that we have put away from us.

Finally, those walking after the Spirit will cease all malice. This is wickedness in general. This sums up the heart of those destined for Hell.

None of this should not be descriptive of our lives anymore because of the effects of the gospel in our lives. Now, the Spirit can call us to be “kind to one another.” This is what love for neighbor looks like (1 Cor 13:4), the heart of true unity. We should have a sense of compassion for one another that would lead to us forgiving one another rather than holding onto grudges.

Again, we’ve come full-circle back to the gospel. We’re to do this “just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” This kind of forgiveness is an active part of church life (cf. 2 Cor 2:10). The gospel is our standard of Christian behavior, and it is the cause of it. Let’s wrap up with that thought.

Conclusion

It is essential that you remember the cart and the horse — the gospel must come first, followed by our good works. If God saves us on the basis of us behaving as this passage says, then the good news of the gospel becomes a wage to be earned. Indeed, the good news becomes bad news because we realize just how often we fail. It’s our realization that we fail to keep the Lord’s holy standard that drives us to the gospel, and His saving grace.

Moreover, none of this is possible without the transformation of the Holy Spirit. Sure, we may be able to fake some of this, and some unsaved people may even behave very well in one or more of these areas — but no one can keep the Lord’s ways perfectly and without help. Just as we trust in Him for our salvation, we should seek His grace in these areas. And, just as with our salvation, we trust in Him and move on in obedience as if the transformation is true, because it is.

May we strive not to grieve the Spirit in our Christian walk.