Marriage and Divorce - A Garment of Violence

So if you feel called out today, that’s His doing. To be honest… I feel called out. It is no secret that I am divorced, separated in 2015, divorced in early 2016. It sometimes feels like a banner over my head, a kind of red letter.

And in this room, we would be hard pressed to find someone who hasn’t been affected by divorce. By marriage and the breaking of marriage. If not you personally, friends and family. Many of us bear scars, deep wounds.

Marriage is, and always has been, a hot topic.

Government has a hand in it, everyone has a say about it. Who can, who can’t, who should, who shouldn’t.

Whether marriage is relevant anymore as fewer and fewer people are getting married here in America, even less in Europe.

And amidst this sea of voices and opinions… God wants to add a Word in. Why does He care?

Recap on Malachi

Recall that Malachi writes a 100 years after the return from exile… and Judah isn’t doing so hot. The people of Jerusalem aren’t crushing it. They rebuilt the temple, but they have returned to many of the wicked ways of their fathers.

Last week we heard that they are robbing God, not giving him the first and best of their sacrifice, the priests polluting the temple with weak sauce offerings, and all robbing God of the commanded tithe. God has blessings He longs to give, open up the heavens and pour blessings down… but He can’t because what they already have has a hold of their heart.

Statistics on marriage? People aren’t getting married anymore.

Unequally Yoked

Malachi 2:10–12 ESV

10 Have we not all one Father? Has not one God created us? Why then are we faithless to one another, profaning the covenant of our fathers? 11 Judah has been faithless, and abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem. For Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the Lord, which he loves, and has married the daughter of a foreign god. 12 May the Lord cut off from the tents of Jacob any descendant of the man who does this, who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts!

Seems harsh. Why does God care? It turns out, he always has.

Now, if these are literally daughters of a foreign god… that makes sense.

This is an expression, a foreigner. A non-Israelite, A non-Jew. A Gentile.

From OT to NT

Remember when God promised the Israelites the land of Canaan. What did He say about them?

Deuteronomy 7:2–4 (ESV)

2 and when the Lord your God gives them over to you, and you defeat them, then you must devote them to complete destruction. You shall make no covenant with them and show no mercy to them.

3 You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons,

Why??? What’s the big deal.

4 for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods. Then the anger of the Lord would be kindled against you, and he would destroy you quickly.

Even if they don’t turn you away from God (and odds are good they will at least pull your focus or attention in other directions) they will be a MAJOR influence on the next generation.

Does God hate mixed race marriages?

Nope!!!

These are some of those kind of passages that people point to. But God made provision from the beginning for foreigners, sojourners, “God-fearers” to come and be welcomed into worship, into community, and ultimately into family. Ruth is a Moabite, would be called a “daughter of a foreign God”… but she says to her mother-in-law “Your people are my people, your God is my God...”

And she’s included in the genealogy of Jesus!!!

So it isn’t “mixed race” or “nationality” that is truly the issue. It’s called “daughter of a foreign god” for this reason. It isn’t that they are from another culture or race or nation… the heart of it is that they follow a different god. And, by the way, “atheism” doesn’t escape this, that’s just holding one’s self as the highest god or authority. Everyone has a god.

This isn’t an OT only thing, either, Paul writes his advice:

2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV

14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

Do you agree about the fundamental nature of reality?

Do you agree about the purpose of life… and your purpose in particular?

When God commands, do you obey? Will they?

These considerations are WAY more important than “is he cute?”

Does our Netflix history line up?

Are they good for a laugh? Do they like long walks on the beach, too?

It isn’t that those things are unimportant… but they don’t compare. 100 other considerations don’t add up to "do they call Jesus, Lord.”

This came up in youth group this week. This is practical stuff.

Is the purpose of dating to find someone to marry? Yes.

So should I date a non-believer? No.

Jokes about “evangadating” aside… share Jesus with them, invite them to church as a good and super-cute friend. If they’re interested in you, honestly, they will never be MORE motivated to listen, and hopefully to hear and believe.

Lifelong Covenant

And because that bond is so profound, because God wants to use it in such a powerful way… it breaks His heart when the bond of marriage is casually discarded.

Malachi 2:13–16 ESV

13 And this second thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. 14 But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. 15 Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. 16 “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

What was going on here?

Tale as old as time. Divorce this wife, get a new wife.

Less so “wives divorcing husbands” as women had fewer avenues, less social security and mobility. The face that God’s law made provision for woman to instigate divorce was radically empowering in its time.

Abandoning their first wife, and for apparently no reason. Or, maybe as Jesus would say a few centuries later, the “Any Reason” reason. Like a modern “no fault” divorce, file the right paperwork and… Done.

No big deal.

But.... God says this is a big deal. In fact, God says this is why he isn’t answering many of their prayers, why he is rejecting offering. They are faith-less and expecting God to be faith-ful.

“Covers his garment with violence”. That’s a good word.

Malachi 2:15–16 M:BCL

15 God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse. 16 “I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat.

I love “Children of God...” It refers not just to the children of your marriage, but you and your spouse, all children of God. And God wants His children to not chase after dead and empty idols, empty and evil gods.

And He wants His children to enjoy the beauty and joy of marriage… not the violence of divorce.

And it is an act of violence, a “violent dismembering.”

Let’s be real, this is an area of pain and heartbreak for many. I speak from a place of pain, I’m a “divorced pastor,” whatever stain and “garment of violence” there is to wear… I wear it.

Divorce is nobody’s first choice, it’s nobodies plan. (Worst plan ever).

It is always a wound… violence is the right word. It is a breaking of covenant, a tearing asunder, and it does damage.

There are people in this room damaged… by divorce themselves, by their parents divorce, by their friends and family… there is no question that it does violence.

Now, does grace abound? Is there life and forgiveness and hope and even beauty? Yes, God makes beauty from ashes. But never think that those weren’t ashes to be mourned and grieved, to be healed some in this life, and some not until all things are made new.

To treat that lightly. Or as a life strategy. Or as a casual preference.

“Well… if I don’t like this wife I’ll get another.” “He’s cuter.” Or even “things are hard now, try try again.”

Jesus echoed this, that God hates divorce. It a rending violence, to the families and to souls. If it weren’t for the brokenness and sinfulness of humanity, it wouldn’t ever be needed or allowed.

Because of the darkness and brokenness of humanity… or as Jesus phrased it, “because men’s hearts were hard...” there is “allowance” for divorce. And the Bible uses examples like sexual immorality or infidelity, abandonment or abuse.

I can and will and do now testify: God’s grace abounds.

But we do well, and best, and most beautifully in absolute, self-less, sacrificial commitment to your marital covenant.

So, to the single, if God is calling you to marriage, to dating, submit that to His will. Find someone who not only honors and follows God as you do… find someone who honors and follows God as you wish you did.

To the married, God has put you in a covenant relationship, called you to it, and He commands that you uphold it. The best and most beautiful thing you can do is to love and honor, to sacrificially love your spouse.

To the divorced, violence has been done. No need to hide it or cover it up or call it something else… God’s grace abounds. And He can make beauty from ashes.

Why does God care so much????

Marriage As a Reflection of Imago Dei

This isn’t just “best practice...” this is ultimately a reflection of Creation, of God himself.

Genesis 1:27 ESV

27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

I like some of Barth’s ideas here, that this could be saying the same thing three times, that some of our reflection of the Trinity, the image of God, is in that “differentiated unity.” That we can love and bond with the “other”, as Father loves Son, is one with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, while being other.

And God calls himself the Bridegroom, Jesus identifies himself as the Bridegroom and the church the bride.

Marriage is not the chief goal, and some are called to marriage and some are called to not. Some are called to fidelity in marriage and some are called to celibacy, for a season or for a lifetime.

The goal is to honor God, to glorify God, in your life. With your life. Whether that is with a spouse or not.

And in intimate union with one another, we understand and learn what it is like to love another. To sacrifice for them. To show and receive grace. To be known and loved. However faulty, however partially.

Communion

Ephesians 5:25–27 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Jesus calls himself the Bridegroom and the church his bride.

This is covenantal language. Some scholars even see in Jesus words “I am going to prepare a place for you...” and “I will return for you when it is ready...” traditional words of a Jewish wedding. That’s what the chuppah is, the canopy in a Jewish wedding.

This is the word of a husband to his bride. That makes me uncomfortable, as a man… This is the commitment of a Lover to his Beloved. This is the covenant of God to His people.

Stronger than any marriage. The true reality of which every marriage is but a shadow.