Wounds (Aligned Retreat)

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Pastor Brian kicked off this retreat with fire message.
I had an amazing talk my brother Christian, and in this talk I realized 3 Things:
This man has a powerful calling on his life
We both had wounds during our lifetime.
We have a hard time dealing with them.
One thing that I think that we both learned is just because a wound closes doesn’t mean it has been healed.
So many of us have mistaken closed wounds for healed wounds.
This is why we begin to drift inch by inch and not even know it.
It also makes it difficult for us to align ourselves with God, with our Pastors, with our fellow brothers in Christ.



“Wounds cannot be healed until they are revealed and sins cannot be forgiven until they are confessed.”
Martin Luther
The story of Adam’s fall is every man’s story.
Every man comes into this world set up to fail.
James 1:13-15 “Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.”
This has happened to some of us:
We get tied up in sin.
We forget about :
Ephesians 5:8-11 “for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.”
Because we fill so ashamed, we leave our church. Some landing at another church and others falling away altogether.
We become disillusioned into thinking that because we’ve moved to a new church that we’re now healed and can move on with our lives.
Because the wound is rarely ever discussed, rarely given to God, and rarely healed, every man carries a wound.
And the wound is nearly always given by his father.


One of the wounds that we tend to bury the most are our Father-Wound.
As boys begin to grow, they cling to their mother, but as they get older, they begin to long for their father.
Every boy wants a question answered from their fathers, “Daddy, Am I good enough?
Story of a Family Argument
Son came home to find his dad verbally abusing his mom.
The son took the mom’s side and dad calls him a “mama’s boy” as he walked out.
Because he didn’t have a strong relationship with his father because there were years of distance between them.
the dad had his own business so he was gone most of the time and they rarely spent time together.
His son felt like he was a disappointment to his dad because he wasn’t a star athlete in which his father thought highly of.
The son had a spiritual hunger and he attended church but his dad didn’t value that.
So those words from his father really sent a death blow to the son.
Story of the Jocks vs Musicians
Charles loved playing the piano.
His father and brothers were jocks.
Father and other sons came back from gym to find the son playing his keyboard.
After bottled up anger over the years, the father angrily declared, “You’re such a faggot.
Story of the Great Depression
A man recalls his time growing up during the Great Depression.
His father was an alcoholic and rarely employed.
He hired his son out to a local farm.
The son wouldn’t see his father for weeks and then out of the blue his father would show up to the farm to collect the son’s wages.
The son seeing his father started running toward his father to embrace him only to have is father drive away, leaving him at the farm. The boy was 5 years old!
The truth is some of us here have dealt with violent fathers.
Some of us whom had violent fathers had their question answered in destructive and devastating way.
“Do I have what it takes? Am I a man, Papa?”
“Now, you’re a mama’s boy, an idiot, a faggot, a worthless excuse of a son, a disgrace, a disappointment, a mistake, you’ll never amount to anything...”
Those words can shape a man’s life.
The assault woulds are like a shotgun blast to the chest with a slug, the hole is gaping.
Without some type of help, most men don’t recover.
The wound of words is worse than the wound of swords.
—Arabic proverb
My Dad
The answer to my question that I got from my dad was worst I believe.
Although all of those answers are fatal to a son, the answer that I got, I’m still trying to recover from.
My answer from my dad was _______________(SILENCE)
My dad wasn’t even in my life to give me an answer.
His absence made me feel that I didn’t have what it took to be his son.
These wounds can become wickedly evil when they involve physical, verbal, or sexual abuse that has been carried for years.
The thing about assault wounds is that they’re obvious.
Passive wounds are gradual like a cancer.
Because of this, it can go unchecked or unrecognizable for a long time.
Fathers can also be in the home and be silent.
There are fathers that retreat into their holes when they come home from work.
They checkout during a time where their sons need them the most.
Other fathers leave and never come back.
Divorce and abandonment is a wound that lingers because it makes the boy think that if he would’ve did things differently, his father would still be here.
With absent fathers, the question goes unanswered. “Do I have what it takes? Am I a man, Daddy?
Their silent answer is “I don’t know…I doubt it…you’ll have to to find out for yourself…probably not.”


Wounds may come from other sources as well.
Brother, uncle, a coach, a leader, a mentor, or even a stranger.
They do come and when they do, no matter if they’re assaultive or passive, they come with a message.
The messages that comes with them feel final and true because it is delivered with such force.
And our reaction to it shapes personality drastic ways.
From that flows a “false self”.
Most men are living as a false self, which correlates to their wounds.
Let me break it down to you:
Explain what your message from your father was.
We often misunderstand unruly teenage behavior as “adolescent rebellion” but those are actually cries for involvement for engagement.
Even though we get saved, most of us didn’t let God heal our wounds.
A lot of us are very driven.
But being so driven comes at a high cost.
To live a driven life you have to literally shove your heard down, or drive it with whips.
Our problem as men is that it’s hard for us to admit that we need help or admit that we’re broken.
And that is why we create that “false self”.
We end up with the thought, “I don’t need anyone”.
Remember the message that we’ve received, “I’m on my own”.
If you break your leg, is your walk not changed?


The wound comes and with it a message.
It is then that a boy will make a vow.
It is then this vow that will create a “false self”.
In the center of all this is deep uncertainty.
So many men feel stuck
Whether paralyzed and unable to move, or unable to stop moving.
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
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