Community Building 4

In out city we have seen violence in our streets continue to escalate for the last several years.

we have also come under the realization that the majority of those participating in the shootings are kids. Minors. I’ve seen reports as young as 12.

to this - the gurus and authorities around us have offered their strategies to save our communities.

We’ve had a few prayer vigils and revivals too. So far, it’s still rolling.

How do we course correct?

We’ve spent the last few weeks looking at some of the good attributes of David’s life - learning how to build a Christian community from his positive example.

Today - we’re going to continue that - but in the negative this time.

Any structure is a strong as the pieces that make it up. The stones, to use a biblical analogy.

And the stones of any community - of any church - of any neighborhood or town - are it’s families.

To the degree that the family deteriorates, parents abdicate, children are raised by the state or the internet… to the degree that any of those things happen

the family is weakened - the stone is weakened - and the community begins to collapse.

Today we see how David’s family was weakened - the stones begin to break apart.

And since he was king - this affected the nation as a whole QUICKLY.

Hopefully, we will learn from David’s mistakes.

2 Sam 3:2-5 “And sons were born to David at Hebron: his firstborn was Amnon, of Ahinoam of Jezreel; and his second, Chileab, of Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel; and the third, Absalom the son of Maacah the daughter of Talmai king of Geshur; and the fourth, Adonijah the son of Haggith; and the fifth, Shephatiah the son of Abital; and the sixth, Ithream, of Eglah, David’s wife. These were born to David in Hebron.”

first and immediately we notice David’s problem - his polygamy - his multiple wives.

Some believe that the Bible never condemns polygamy, and while there is never a “thou shalt not” we can deduce from good and necessary consequence - the truth that is being taught in these and other scriptures.

God made one woman for Adam.

Elders are to be husband to ONE WIFE

and here (and other places) polygamy is surrounded by a sea of sin and brokenness.

So today we’re going to take alook at David’s marriages - and learn as much as we can.

FIRST- MICHAL - Daughter of Saul - David’s first wife.

2 Sam 3:12-16 “And Abner sent messengers to David on his behalf, saying, “To whom does the land belong? Make your covenant with me, and behold, my hand shall be with you to bring over all Israel to you.” And he said, “Good; I will make a covenant with you. But one thing I require of you; that is, you shall not see my face unless you first bring Michal, Saul’s daughter, when you come to see my face.” Then David sent messengers to Ish-bosheth, Saul’s son, saying, “Give me my wife Michal, for whom I paid the bridal price of a hundred foreskins of the Philistines.” And Ish-bosheth sent and took her from her husband Paltiel the son of Laish. But her husband went with her, weeping after her all the way to Bahurim. Then Abner said to him, “Go, return.” And he returned.”

first wife - young - passionate - EROS (passionate, sexual)

but not agape (sacrificial) or phileo (friendship)

stupid love - in other words - and they fell head over heels - straight onto their brains.

and eventually this was going to wreck them.

how do we know it was stupid love? well, it’s here in the text.

Michal divorced David after two years of marriage - illegit - and then remarries Paltiel

Bible calls this adultery. and then 16 years later David steals her back - but if you read Deut 24 you see that this act is actually worse than the initial divorce - Bible calls it Abomination.

and the consequences play out - it won’t be long until Michal sees David worshiping the Lord and despises him in her heart - she hates him.

Application - Eros love is great. Passion - chemistry - a little… ya know… spice.

but you must have agape - sacrifice and phileo - friendship. covenant and companionship.

Eros can wax and wane. You’ll get older. But covenant - companionship - that’s foundational.

APP - Falling head over heels can destroy you. your family your legacy. your church.

Song of Songs 8:4 “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.”

What does the world say? “I can’t help the way I feel, I’ve fallen in love!”

But what does the Bible say? “don’t AWAKEN love before it’s time”

which means - you can control it. you can awaken it, stir it up.

if your marriage is a little stale… well I’ve got good news for you...

also… you don’t have to wait for “the mood”

BUT ALSO - you can choose to NOT awaken it. NOT stir it up.

self control - IF YOU DON’T - you could make some poor choices. CHOICES YOU WILL LIVE WITH FOREVER

but by God’s grace - you CAN control it.

I RECOGNIZE - that the world is our enemy at this juncture. ESPECIALLY the entertainment industry.

BUT CHRISTIAN listen to me. You are more than your hormones.

you are your PROMISES.

APP - This is why at CC we discourage a casual dating relationship.

at the Academy there’s no boyfriend girlfriend stuff.

it’s not the right time for it - and stirring up chemistry at that point - terrible decision.

God has grace for all of us, in varying degrees, and if we all got the results our actions were asking for… well…

but that’s not what we’re after. we want the whole counsel, and the good and necessary consequence.

ILL: Eros love, is like fire. In the fireplace, where it belongs, it thrives. It cooks the meals, it warms the home… it’s enjoyable.

but it needs the restraint of the fireplace - the covenant - the oaths and promises.

without that restraint… you burn the whole house down. and you may very well catch the neighborhood on fire as well.

ABIGAIL

a legitimate remarriage - his first wife after Michal left him.

some would argue that there is never a place for legitimate divorce - well, that’s just not true.

Jesus explicitly permits it in the case of porneia - adultry - and other serious capital sins. (see our recent podcast on Divorce and remarriage)

Abigail seems like a Godly marriage.

she bore Chileab - who despite David’s absentee fatherhood - still seemed to be grow up to be faithful

and encouragement to our single moms, or moms with absentee dads - a godly woman can raise up godly children. And we’ve known many to do so.

AHINOAM

around age 28 - David begins to stir up affections for another woman. 1 Sam 25 tells us about it with just one verse.

“David also took Ahinoam of Jezreel, and they both (including Abigail) became his wives.”

and so, the cracks in David’s foundations begin.

but notice, it’s culturally acceptable. traditionally approved. normal behavior for kings and rulers of the day. probably winked at.

“oh you know… kings will be kings after all...”

and in our society - we treat pornography and sexual deviance and lust and immodesty the same way.

“oh you know… boys will be boys...”

Dennis Prager (conservative leader, Prager U, and talking head) says porn is fine in moderation.

he’s also been married three times.

“girls will be girls”

immodesty is wild nowadays - with women going to the gym in what used to be considered bathing suits, going to restaurants in what they used to go to the gym in, and going to the beach in...

well you get the idea.

Ladies - you get what you advertise for.

if you are advertising with a lot of skin, you will land a man that can’t control himself, and the self-controlled men, the men with chests, will avoid you.

WHICH IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU WANT...

if you are already married, and you are advertising, you will get the attention of men interested in an affair with a married woman.

and if you want more on this subject i’d refer you to my blog where I’ve written more at length.

lust and immodesty are cracks in the foundations of our families and households, and if we don’t deal with them, like David, our legacy will be shattered.

w/ David - his family was destroyed eventually.

jealousy, rivalry, most of his kids seem to apostatize, clearly a bad parent.

one of his kids even tried to kill him.

his polygamy lead to his passivity - he didn’t raise his kids right, he didn’t stand up to them.

his adultry eventually shatters everything.

APP - who you marry matters.

who you marry affects your children, your legacy.

want to raise children that will apostatize? fall head over heels for a non believer.

control youself - don’t stir up love before it’s time.

MAACAH (2 Sam 3, 1 Chron 3)

the daughter of the king of Geshur - a political alliance marriage.

PRAGMATISM - politically expedient

“well I mean, I know it’s not the Bible’s way, but this is what it takes to get things done nowadays”

and this politically pragmatic marriage?

Maacah is the mother of Absalom.

Absalom steals the throne from his father and even tries to kill him.

The irony shouldn’t be lost here, it’s the POINT in fact. David tried a marriage for political benefits and reaped political turmoil.

This is a picture for us to take a good look at.

Should be a reminder to all of us, when we trust in pragmatism over the law of God, we don’t operate with God’s blessing.

don’t trust “well, this is the way we have to do things” when it is in conflict with God’s law - when it is conflict with the WISDOM we derive from God’s law.

Maybe we won’t reap the consequences immediately - but they’re coming.

HAGGITH - bore Adonijah

who is remembered in the Bible as the kid David never spanked. (not a compliment)

Adonijah tries to steal the throne from Solomon, David’s chosen line of succession. Solomon, once in control, forgive him.

Then later - Adonijah tries to maneuver towards the throne AGAIN… this time Solomon executes him.

App - raise your kids in the fear and admonition of the Lord - discipline them - spanking is a part of that. It is for their own good.

don’t get pragmatic - don’t follow the spirit of the age - the Bible has shown us how that ends.

ABITAL, EGLAH, BATHSHEBA

about a wife every two years.

and he hands his sin down to his children. and we know how that ended for his son Solomon.

1 Kings 11:4 “For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father.”

Eventually Solomon repents and he writes down his painful lessons learned for our benefit in proverbs and song of songs…

so lets not learn them again ourselves.

but it still brought destruction - his son Rehoboam was a total apostate - his rebellion and foolishness splits the kingdom in half.

all that David worked for - wrecked by sin.

and this could be you as well.

WELL PREACHER - NOW I’M DISCOURAGED

THE BIBLE ISN’T LIKE OTHER BOOKS

our heros of the faith aren’t exalted as sinless

we learn from their mistakes as well as their righteousness.

The greatest parents - they need God’s grace for their kids.

Greatest spouses - for their marraige.

Greatest heros - need grace.

David’s heart wandered… but God’s didn’t.

And eventually from the line of David, Jesus would come to die for our sins and shortcomings.

to be the grace we need.

but though we are forgiven, we are still given the Bible to learn. To be conformed more and more to the image of Christ.

to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

may we be so transformed.

and may we depend on God for that grace.