Fighting in the Family

Big Idea: When family issues arise, fighting, fleeing, or freezing is not the answer, rather we should fight for our family, stand firm in truth, and lead the way to Christ-centered solutions.

Introduction

— Thank yous for checking on us while we were sick and every one who stepped up and served in our place last week

— Thank you for the opportunity to preach

Turn with me to Genesis 21

— A history teacher was teaching his 6th grade class about World War II and shared this quote from Winston Churchill, the Prime Minister of the UK at the time: ““We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, and we shall fight in the hills.” One boy piped up from the back and said “That sounds exactly like our family vacation.

— Families fight. We’re all broken sinful people and so when you put a bunch of broken sinful people in a home together, they fight. So what can we learn from God’s Word about fighting in the family?

Genesis 21:1–21 KJV 1900

And the Lord visited Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did unto Sarah as he had spoken. For Sarah conceived, and bare Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him. And Abraham called the name of his son that was born unto him, whom Sarah bare to him, Isaac. And Abraham circumcised his son Isaac being eight days old, as God had commanded him. And Abraham was an hundred years old, when his son Isaac was born unto him. And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me. And she said, Who would have said unto Abraham, that Sarah should have given children suck? for I have born him a son in his old age. And the child grew, and was weaned: and Abraham made a great feast the same day that Isaac was weaned. And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking. Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac. And the thing was very grievous in Abraham’s sight because of his son. And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called. And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation, because he is thy seed. And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and took bread, and a bottle of water, and gave it unto Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, and the child, and sent her away: and she departed, and wandered in the wilderness of Beer-sheba. And the water was spent in the bottle, and she cast the child under one of the shrubs. And she went, and sat her down over against him a good way off, as it were a bowshot: for she said, Let me not see the death of the child. And she sat over against him, and lift up her voice, and wept. And God heard the voice of the lad; and the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said unto her, What aileth thee, Hagar? fear not; for God hath heard the voice of the lad where he is. Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand; for I will make him a great nation. And God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water; and she went, and filled the bottle with water, and gave the lad drink. And God was with the lad; and he grew, and dwelt in the wilderness, and became an archer. And he dwelt in the wilderness of Paran: and his mother took him a wife out of the land of Egypt.

How did we get to this point cause there’s a lot going on here and it seems like there is already some drama and bad blood. Well, Genesis 16 can provide some context:

Genesis 16:1–11 KJV 1900

Now Sarai Abram’s wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai. And Sarai Abram’s wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife. And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes. And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the Lord judge between me and thee. But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face. And the angel of the Lord found her by a fountain of water in the wilderness, by the fountain in the way to Shur. And he said, Hagar, Sarai’s maid, whence camest thou? and whither wilt thou go? And she said, I flee from the face of my mistress Sarai. And the angel of the Lord said unto her, Return to thy mistress, and submit thyself under her hands. And the angel of the Lord said unto her, I will multiply thy seed exceedingly, that it shall not be numbered for multitude. And the angel of the Lord said unto her, Behold, thou art with child, and shalt bear a son, and shalt call his name Ishmael; because the Lord hath heard thy affliction.

— Summarize Genesis 16

— God promised a child to Abraham, but Sarah couldn’t have children

— Sarah began to doubt God’s promise

— She gave Hagar the Handmaid to Abraham to have a child

An interesting note about Genesis 16 here is that there are some parallels between Sarah and Eve in Genesis 3.

In 16:2 it says “so she said to”, in 3:2 it says “the woman said to”

In 16:2 it says “Abram agreed to what Sarai said”, in 3:17 it says “you listened to your wife”

In 16:3 it says “Sarai took”, in 3:6 it says “Eve took some”

In 16:3 it says “and she gave to her husband”, in 3:6 it says “she also gave some to her husband”

Eve was trying to find wisdom apart from God by eating the forbidden fruit disregarding His Word, Sarai was trying to find a blessing apart from God by disregarding His promise.

Satan deceived Eve and got her to doubt God’s Word, and now Sarah has been deceived and doubts God’s Word.

— Hagar got pregnant, Sarah got mad and regretted her decision

— Sarah mistreated her and Hagar fled from her

— Hagar is met with the preincarnate Christ, a Christophony

— The angel says He will multiply her seed in v10

— The Bible calls him LORD in v13 and Hagar calls Him the God who sees me

— This seems like another woman at the well situation right, from John 4. Christ has a heart for the outcast and the downtrodden. God the Father could have easily sent an angel to minister to Hagar, but Jesus said, actually, I’ll go this time. I want to help and minister to this young woman. Christ has a heart for Hagar. If you feel shameful, alone, like an outcast, like no one is there for you, can I tell you that Christ is here, and He is here for you. Lean into the everlasting arms of El-Roi, the God who sees me. He sees you, and He cares for you.

Hagar was a single mother She was abandoned by the family she belonged to And there in the wilderness with her son alone With very little provision She was wondering She was questioning Does anyone care?

She's crying in the desert She's lost in her despair She thinks nobody loves her Hagar thinks nobody's there But God says

I will be a ring of fire around her And I will be the glory in her midst And the power of my presence Will bring her to her knees And I will lift her up again For I'm the God who sees

— And so, Hagar returns and at the age of 86, Abraham has a son named Ishmael

And so that catches us up to chapter 21, so let’s take a look at some wrong responses when there is fighting in the family.

1. Sarah Fights (v. 10)

Genesis 21:10 KJV 1900

Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac.

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ILLUST: Bob was telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before. “But it ended,” Bob said, “when she came crawling to me on her hands and knees.”

“What did she say?” asked the friend.

Bob replied, “She said, ‘Come out from under that bed, you coward!'”

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This is the second time Sarah fights. Let me remind you what chapter 16 said about Sarah in verse 6

Genesis 16:6 KJV 1900

But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.

When faced with an issue or a conflict, Sarah fights. She gets upset, gets in the flesh, and she fights. However, this is really just the consequences of her own actions. She would not have to face this difficulty if she would have trusted God to begin with.

Because she started out in the flesh, denying God’s promise, she continued in the flesh, and took out her anger and frustration on Hagar. Sarah really was not mad at Hagar, Hagar did nothing wrong, she did what her master had told her. Sarah was angry with herself. Sure, Ishmael was mocking Isaac, but that was not the root of the issue. Scholars have tried for years and years determine what that word “mock” means in this passage, whether it was like a threat on Isaac’s life or just boyish teasing and I’m led to believe its just teasing. He’s a young teenager and is making fun of Isaac, the heir, who is just now being weaned. So Sarah is harboring this bitterness and anger towards Hagar and Ishmael and lashes out at them.

What about you? When conflicts arise in your family, what is your response? When your husband doesn’t meet your expectations, or your wife doesn’t seem to understand the demands of your job, and then the kids keep pestering you, what do you do? Do you take your frustrations out on others? Do you lash out in anger? Do you raise your voice at your spouse and your kids?

Instead of fighting your family, fight for your family. In the story of Eve, in the story of Sarah, and in your story too, family members are not the enemy. Remember who the real enemy is.

Ephesians 6:12 KJV 1900

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

How do I fight for my family? Remember who the real enemy is. Don’t forget we are in a spiritual battle every day. Ask the Lord to give you an extra measure of grace and patience. Rely on the Holy Spirit and His prompting. Use God honoring words and God honoring tones. Verbal aggression and physical aggression are never the answer. Repent of that sin in your life and ask the Lord to help you forgive others as He has forgiven you.

2. Hagar Flees (v. 14)

Genesis 21:14 KJV 1900

And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and took bread, and a bottle of water, and gave it unto Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, and the child, and sent her away: and she departed, and wandered in the wilderness of Beer-sheba.

This is the second time Hagar flees. Let me remind you what chapter 16 verse 6 said about Hagar

Genesis 16:6 KJV 1900

But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.

So this is the second time Hagar flees, whether forced or from her own choice. This is a unique situation that she is in, an Egyptian woman who is far from home, serving a foreign family where the wife tells her to have her husband’s baby but then gets mad at her for doing it. She fled the first time on her own and then she was forced to flee the second time. Fleeing can sometimes be admirable, such as when Joseph fled from temptation and Potiphar’s wife, but when it comes to issues in our own families, that is not something to ignore.

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ILLUST: “”We all know the story of the princess and the pea, if you recall the childhood bedtime story of a restless princess trying to get some rest atop innumerable mattresses. It’s an apt description of the way we sometimes try to ignore our problems. We shove it to the bottom of our things to think about, pile everything else in our lives on top of it, and hope we’ll forget about it by morning. But the problems we ignore don’t ignore us back.

Too many of us have a pea in our relationships — the things we don’t want to acknowledge and rarely, if ever, talk about. No matter how much we cover it up, it doesn’t just go away. Instead, it steals our sleep, ratchets up our anxiety, and leaves us feeling exhausted and uncomfortable.

Mature relationships aren’t characterized by their lack of problems. Instead, relationships show maturity when we can acknowledge and address the problems that come up in real-time. Or at least as close to it as possible.””

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How many times do we flee when conflicts arise? How often do you ignore a problem? When life’s difficulties come up and you and your family are going through a trying season, and it seems like your marriage is on the rocks, or your relationship with your kids just isn’t the same, what will you do?

When your flesh starts to pull at your Spirit and says “its been a long week, lets skip family dinner tonight or lets skip family devotions this week” what will you do? Will you give in to your flesh and flee? Will you be emotionally absent to your spouse? Will you neglect their needs and the needs of your children? Are you in that season of spiritual lethargy and emotional laziness right now? When does it end? When will you muster up the strength to say enough is enough, I’m not running any more, no I’m going to stand up for my family and lead them.

Stop ignoring the problems in your home. Stop pretending that everything is alright. If there’s an issue, take it to that person 1 on 1 and then address it with the family.

Learn to be transparent. Learn to admit your faults. Confess those things, repent, and move on for the glory of God. Do something, do anything but ignore the conflicts.

Running from problems should not be a characteristic of the Christian.

Instead of fleeing from conflict, stand firm in what is godly and right.

Ephesians 6:13 KJV 1900

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

This is the verse right after the Ephesians verse from the last point. How do I stand when conflicts come, you remember the true enemy is the Devil, and you put on the armor of God so that you have done all to stand.

The first time Hagar fled, she talked with Jesus, and He told her to return. Maybe you would characterize yourself as someone who often flees from conflicts and problems. You don’t have to stay that person. Listen to Christ’s words to Hagar, to return to the issue. In Hagar’s situation, she needed to submit, even though she didn’t do anything wrong and it seemed like she did everything she was told, she gave up her pride and her own rights and submitted.

Ephesians 5:21 KJV 1900

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

Instead of fleeing from conflict, stand firm in what is godly and right.

3. Abraham Freezes (v. 11)

Genesis 21:11 KJV 1900

And the thing was very grievous in Abraham’s sight because of his son.

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ILLUST: going out early morning hunt, crunchy leaves, cold fog, etc, hear other sneaky stalking footsteps, and freeze

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While I was frozen in fear, we see that Abraham is frozen by apathy and complacency. He doesn’t know what to do so he doesn’t do anything.

Just like in chapter 16, Abraham is very passive. Abraham just does what Sarah says and doesn’t take on the leadership role that's required of him.

Genesis 16:2 KJV 1900

And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.

Abraham hearkened to Sarah a little too quickly there I think. Abraham just does what she tells him without considering the consequences. When the issue arose between Sarah and Hagar, Abraham wasn’t taking any initiative to resolve the situation. He kind of took a step back and just let whatever happened happen.

There are distinct roles in the Christian home. Each person is of the same value, but each person has a different role. The Apostle Paul puts it this way in the book of Ephesians:

Ephesians 5:21–28 KJV 1900

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Abraham became apathetic and allowed his wife to sway him to do something displeasing to the Lord, the same as Adam when Eve gave him the fruit to eat.

Instead of freezing in the midst of difficulty, lead your family to Christ-centered solutions.

Sadly, this has become the common and has become the norm for Christian men. Mom makes most of the decisions for the family. Mom is the one who drags them to church on Sunday morning. Mom is the one who prays at night. Where have all the spiritual men gone? Where are the prayer warriors?

You teach your kid to keep his eye on the ball but don’t teach him to keep his eyes on Christ?

You teach your child to say yes sir and no sir but you don’t teach them to pray?

You teach your kid to do their homework each day but you don’t teach them to read their Bible each day?

We wonder why so many teens and college age students leave the church after high school graduation but were not teaching them to make the things of Christ a priority in their lives. Church has become something we do instead of something we are. It’s an activity instead of our identity. I know you agree with everything I’m saying but I’m afraid some of you men are gonna go home and nothings gonna change. When will Christ be the number one priority in your and your family’s life?

And when life’s difficulties come and you’re not prepared spiritually that is when it feels like you and your family is imploding. You need to take a self-assessment and examine your own life to see where your affections and priorities lie. If there is something that brings you more joy more satisfaction and more enjoyment in your life than Christ and His benefits then that thing is an idol and needs to be torn down.

One great principle that we see from Abraham’s life is that he would often make an altar wherever he was to worship the Lord. Maybe when you get home today you need to make an altar, metaphorically of course, right there in your home and worship the Lord with your family. Pray with them, read God’s Word with them, do a devotional, sing some praises, but show your family that you are serious about the things of God.

Instead of freezing during difficulty, lead your family to Christ-centered solutions.

Finally, flip over to Galatians chapter 4 and then we’ll be done.

4. The Allegory of Abraham’s Sons (Gal. 4)

Galatians 4:22–31 KJV 1900

For it is written, that Abraham had two sons, the one by a bondmaid, the other by a freewoman. But he who was of the bondwoman was born after the flesh; but he of the freewoman was by promise. Which things are an allegory: for these are the two covenants; the one from the mount Sinai, which gendereth to bondage, which is Agar. For this Agar is mount Sinai in Arabia, and answereth to Jerusalem which now is, and is in bondage with her children. But Jerusalem which is above is free, which is the mother of us all. For it is written, Rejoice, thou barren that bearest not; break forth and cry, thou that travailest not: for the desolate hath many more children than she which hath an husband. Now we, brethren, as Isaac was, are the children of promise. But as then he that was born after the flesh persecuted him that was born after the Spirit, even so it is now. Nevertheless what saith the scripture? Cast out the bondwoman and her son: for the son of the bondwoman shall not be heir with the son of the freewoman. So then, brethren, we are not children of the bondwoman, but of the free.

When it comes to interpreting the Bible, or hermeneutics, we as Baptists use a literal, grammatical, historical, redemptive hermeneutic to interpret the Scriptures. Meaning we take it literally, look at the grammatical and historical context, and then we see how it fits in the overall narrative of Scripture which is God redeeming man through Scripture.

We do not allegorize the text, this puts meaning into the text instead of pulling meaning out of the text. Paul, uses allegory here as way of an illustration.

Remember, Abraham and Sarah disregarded God’s Word and His promises to them and tried to force the blessing of a baby on their own. The result of this was the child Ishmael.

Abraham and Sarah realized what they had done, and then decided to wait on the promise of God. The result was the child Isaac.

The Galatians were deceived by the Judaizers. They got saved by the grace of God, and then went back to the law to try to keep the law even though it was needless and impossible.

Abraham and Sarah had been given a promise by God but they didn’t have faith in Him, and they tried to do it on their own.

Stop acting like the child of a flesh and like the child of promise.

*Connect it to us today (This also applies to fighting in families)

Conclusion

Sarah fights

Instead of fighting your family, fight for your family.

2. Hagar flees

Instead of fleeing from conflict, stand firm in what is godly and right.

3. Abraham freezes

Instead of freezing during difficulty, lead your family to Christ-centered solutions.

4. The Allegory of Abraham’s Sons

Stop acting like the child of a flesh you once were, and like the child of promise that you now are.