Do Not Grieve the Holy Spirit, Part 2(Eph. 4:29–32)

Series: Ephesians: Building the ChurchText: Ephesians 4:29–32

By: Shaun Marksbury Date: April 23, 2023

Venue: Living Water Baptist ChurchOccasion: PM Service

Introduction

One of the services churches should offer is biblical counseling. In one sense, might simply call this discipleship, where Christians learn to live according to the precepts of God. Sometimes, though, that discipleship must have a targeted focus to help Christians break free from a besetting sin. Such counsel is only effective if the struggling Christian sees that there is, in fact, hope for change. In the passage that we’ve been studying, we see just that.

Last time, we noted that the Holy Spirit has called us to change and gives us the tools for it. Now, He is a person of the Trinity, meaning that He has the attributes of personality. He has emotion and desire, for instance, which perfectly aligns with the perfect attributes of the Godhead. This means that, when we fail to fulfill His will, He can experiences an emotional response — grief. There is some kind of upset in the Trinity that we don’t fully understand when we fail to apply the principles of Scripture to our situation,

This is especially true since He has made us to overcome sin. He desires for believers to live repentantly, giving us here a list of different behaviors running through 5:20, vices put away from ourselves and virtues that we have in Christ. We’re going to focus just on the ones finishing out this chapter.

Now, if we neglect the gospel He’s revealed in the previous chapters, this section becomes nothing more moralistic rules with no power. The Spirit transforms us in the gospel six ways — in our integrity, emotion, work, speech, faith, and relationships. This evening, we will focus on the latter three of these: we can have our words transformed as well as our faith and relationships. As we note in v. 30, may we not grieve Him in how we live in light of these truths.

Live as someone transformed in speech (v. 29)

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

We’re going to say much more about speech in the next chapter, where Paul says, “there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting” (Eph 5:4). Here, we read of the need shed the unwholesome or “worthless” from our speech. This means speech that is rotten, that putrefies, that somehow defiles the hearer. Perhaps it’s speech to incite sin in others, or it is speech that sinfully condemns.

Yes, this includes our online interactions. People hiding behind the anonymity of the keyboard say things to others they would never say in real life. I’m addressing Christians; unbelievers can certainly post some vile stuff, but this is addressed to believers. It’s almost as though, because the other person isn’t physically in the room, some see this as permission to jump to conclusions and fail to practice any patience.

The tongue must be controlled. James explains that, when used sinfully, the tongue commits arson and poisons hearers. He writes, “And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison” (James 3:6–8). This shouldn’t describe believers, but it is addressed to them.

The main issue is recognizing what feeds such fire and poison. Our Lord explained, “For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart” (Matt. 12:34). In the case of the Pharisees, it demonstrates an unconverted heart, so that is somewhat understandable. However, even believers can allow frustrations, bitterness, hatred, and the like to fill their hearts, and their mouths will follow. That’s why it is important to not simply put off bad speech behaviors, to “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth,” but to also undergo a renewing of the mind.

Instead, Christians have transformed speech and can put on “such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment.” We recognize that such a change only begins with God’s grace, which is why the psalmist asks God to guard his mouth and lips (Psa. 141:3). As believers, we have the ability to recognize and to repent of sinful thought patterns that lead to bad speech, to have our minds renewed by the mind of Christ, and to speak words of edification rather than condemnation.

Christians can, by the power of the Holy Spirit, choose words to build up others. Mothers don’t have to speak ill of daughters. Fathers don’t have to humiliate sons. Couples can have conversations which flourish. Young people can exercise a wisdom beyond their years by speak words which build up instead of tearing down, developing an understanding of what the needs of the moment are.

In case it isn’t clear, Paul further clarifies here that such speech is “so that it will give grace to those who hear.” Our speech should always be seasoned with grace (Col. 4:6), just like the words of our Lord were; the people “all were speaking well of Him, and wondering at the gracious words which were falling from His lips” (Luke 4:22). Elsewhere, we read, “Words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious, while the lips of a fool consume him” (Eccl. 10:12). There is hope that we can all speak with such grace.

What happens when we are failing in these areas? We find that we are not living as the Holy Spirit has made us. That brings us to the next point:

Live as someone transformed in faith (v. 30)

Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

Here, we get back to where we started — the grief of the Holy Spirit. Now, we must balance the idea that the Holy Spirit experiences grief against the transcendence of God, how far above creation God is. God doesn’t experience mood swings and remains constant, despite what happens. However, He also is a God who is close at hand, sympathetic to our position. So, while it’s possible that the expression of grief in this verse is a condescension to us, it describes a troubling state of relations between us and the God with whom we’ve covenanted.

Everything we’re considering is only possible because of the work of the Holy Spirit of God, and He is invested in our lives. Yet, we obviously do sometimes grieve the Holy Spirit. This expression is in Isaiah 63:10 to parallel rebellion against God; we read, “But they rebelled and grieved His Holy Spirit; therefore He turned Himself to become their enemy, He fought against them.” While we are promised that He is gracious and longsuffering toward us in Christ, we must see sin as it is — rebellion — and should avoid living in any way that might describe God as an enemy.

Yet, we often just fail to think in such terms. We speaking falsehoods, respond in sinful anger, steal, and engage in unwholesome speech because we fail to think about what the Holy Spirit would have of us. We must renew our minds with the knowledge that all sin is rebellion and grieves the Holy Spirit. We should confess this to Him and ask Him for the grace to them put off and put on the new man in Christ. Ultimately, when Scripture talks about walking in faith, this is it.

When we consider that, we are shamed into remembering that we are sinners unworthy of God’s grace. Even so, the grieved Holy Spirit has still sealed believers “for the day of redemption,” as Paul previously noted (1:13). This gospel truth reminds us that we have no need to correct our sin in order to re-earn our salvation. Still, as we studied, because the Spirit has done this work, making us new, we should now respond in faith by seeking to live anew. This will come out in our relationships, our last point:

Live as someone transformed in relationships (vv. 31–32)

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

This is perhaps a summary or climax of how the Holy Spirit affects every aspect of our lives. If we are living according to the transformative work of the Spirit, then the fruits of the flesh should begin to evaporate. His fruits will begin to manifest in our relationships. These are fruits of the flesh that have been put off (v. 22).

First, those walking after the Spirit will cease all bitterness. This is a long-standing grudge or resentment, the kind that unbelievers would have (Rom. 3:14). Still, roots of bitterness can spread in the soul (Hb 12:15), so Christians should walk by faith by digging them up and burning them.

Second, those walking after the Spirit will cease all wrath. This is rage, pure and unadulterated. It puts holes in walls and relationships, sinful expressions of one’s displeasure. We might see divorces over verbal abuse or even arrests over physical violence, but that shouldn’t be named among professed believers.

Third, those walking after the Spirit will cease all sinful anger. Again, this is a different anger than we read about in v. 26. This is the internal reality that defeats us. As James 1:20–21 says, “But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”

Fourth, those walking after the Spirit will cease all clamor. This is strife, an outcry that might wake one in the middle of the night (Matt. 25:6), negative here. Perhaps this is the household that lets the whole neighborhood know when they party and when they fight; there are dishes being broken against walls either way. That stands in contrast to the quiet and peaceful Christian household.

Fifth, those walking after the Spirit will cease all slander. This is a kind of gossip, malicious in nature. We often speak of blasphemies against God, which would also be sinful, but this is the blaspheming of others. Obviously, this is a kind of unwholesome speech that we have put away from us.

Finally, those walking after the Spirit will cease all malice. This is wickedness in general. This sums up the heart of those destined for Hell, not the Christian.

None of this should not be descriptive of our lives anymore because of the effects of the gospel in our lives. Now, the Spirit can call us to be “kind to one another.” This is what love for neighbor looks like (1 Cor 13:4), the heart of true unity. We should have a sense of compassion for one another that would lead to us forgiving one another rather than holding onto grudges.

Again, we’ve come full-circle back to the gospel. We’re to do this “just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” This kind of forgiveness is an active part of church life (cf. 2 Cor 2:10). The gospel is our standard of Christian behavior, and it is the cause of it. Let’s wrap up with that thought.

Conclusion

It is essential that you remember the cart and the horse — the gospel must come first, followed by our good works. If God saves us on the basis of us behaving as this passage says, then the good news of the gospel becomes a wage to be earned. Indeed, the good news becomes bad news because we realize just how often we fail. It’s our realization that we fail to keep the Lord’s holy standard that drives us to the gospel, and His saving grace.

Moreover, none of this is possible without the transformation of the Holy Spirit. Sure, we may be able to fake some of this, and some unsaved people may even behave very well in one or more of these areas — but no one can keep the Lord’s ways perfectly and without help. Just as we trust in Him for our salvation, we should seek His grace in these areas. And, just as with our salvation, we trust in Him and move on in obedience as if the transformation is true, because it is.

But we can live transformed lives by His grace. We have hope for change from even the most life-consuming sins. When we settle, however, resigned to thinking our sinfulness as something that we won’t ever change, we grieve the Holy Spirit. He has given us true hope for true change, so may we walk in faith and live as the new creatures He’s made us to be.