How Can I Conquer Bitterness?

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Pastor Jeremy Wallace

Mills Memorial Baptist Church

The Truth about Forgiveness • Sermon • Submitted 2 years ago • Presented 2 years ago • 40:22

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Psalm 73:1-28

As we wrap up this series on the Truth about Forgiveness, I want to talk about what will happen when we refuse to forgive…and how to conquer it.

No one sets out to be a bitter person.

When we talk about conditional forgiveness inevitably someone will raise the concern that this will only lead to bitterness.

As if that is the end all argument against this view of forgiveness.

But bitterness is not the result of conditional forgiveness, bitterness is the result of wrong focus.

We must follow God’s example if we are to forgive the way that God wants us to forgive.

Colossians 3:13 KJV

13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

God would not want us to forgive in a different way than He, who is perfect, and always does right, has forgiven us.

God does not forgive everyone, but does offer forgiveness to all.

Chris Brauns in His book on forgiveness said, “The offer of forgiveness to everyone, regardless of repentance, no more leads to bitterness than the father who wraps presents and puts them under the Christmas tree hoping that his child will accept the gifts. Forgiveness, and a restored relationship, is what offenders will find inside if they choose to open the package.”

And yet people allow themselves to grow bitter.

We know the damage it does to others around us.

We have all known people who were bitter, and yet I have yet met a bitter person who is willing to say, “Yep, I’m bitter.”

When I was in Earth Science class in the eighth grade we were given a piece of mercury to “experiment with.”

As we played with the element, we were told to wear gloves and eye protection.

This amazing substance is physically dense, even a small amount is heavy in weight.

It has high viscosity, or surface tension, so it slides around the paper that we put it on.

It breaks apart on contact with something

When we dropped it onto the desk it would come apart, and then as we pushed it together it would meld into one drop again.

It is fascinating stuff, and very fun to play around with, but it is also highly toxic.

If you get mercury in your system it will go into your brain and cause you to go crazy.

Wikipedia says that Mercury damages the central nervous system, endocrine system, kidneys, and other organs.

Other than that it’s great fun!

Bitterness is like mercury…it is tempting to play with, but the more you hang around it the quicker it will kill you.

Proverbs 14:30 KJV

30 A sound heart is the life of the flesh: But envy the rottenness of the bones.

That word envy, is not just wanting something, but it is an intense bitter envy.

This is the kind of bitterness we see displayed in Psalm 73.

Asaph shared his battle with bitterness openly and honestly.

In verses 1-16 We see the bitterness that He was fighting and the results of the bitterness.

He starts off in verse one admitting the truth about God, truly God is good to Israel, but me???

1 Truly God is good to Israel, Even to such as are of a clean heart.

2 But as for me, my feet were almost gone; My steps had well nigh slipped.

Then Asaph begins to delve into his story and why he was bitter.

3 For I was envious at the foolish, When I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

4 For there are no bands in their death: But their strength is firm.

5 They are not in trouble as other men; Neither are they plagued like other men.

6 Therefore pride compasseth them about as a chain; Violence covereth them as a garment.

7 Their eyes stand out with fatness: They have more than heart could wish.

8 They are corrupt, and speak wickedly concerning oppression: They speak loftily.

9 They set their mouth against the heavens, And their tongue walketh through the earth.

10 Therefore his people return hither: And waters of a full cup are wrung out to them.

11 And they say, How doth God know? And is there knowledge in the most High?

12 Behold, these are the ungodly, Who prosper in the world; they increase in riches.

13 Verily I have cleansed my heart in vain, And washed my hands in innocency.

14 For all the day long have I been plagued, And chastened every morning.

Then in verse 15-16 he began to talk about the results of his bitterness

15 If I say, I will speak thus; Behold, I should offend against the generation of thy children.

He began to realize if he kept going down this path, it would not just be him that was affected.

But his children and grandchildren would be offended.

He came to the realization that it wasn’t worth it!

16 When I thought to know this, It was too painful for me;

So how did Asaph beat bitterness?

Like Asaph we need to take Three Steps to escape Bitterness

I. Give Way to God’s Way

When we are revelling in our bitterness we never want to do the right thing!

It feels too good in the moment to stew.

But we need to surrender to God, the moment we realize that we have given place to the root of bitterness in our hearts.

Hebrews 12:15 KJV

15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

We have to diligently look at our situation and make sure we are accepting God’s grace that will help us forgive others.

The first step in Giving Way to God’s Way is to

A. Go to Him

Asaph realized his situation.

He realized the affect he was having on his children.

And he moved to correct it, his first step was to go to God.

17 Until I went into the sanctuary of God;

We need to go to God and ask Him for His help if we have any hopes of getting victory.

And when we are there we can...

B. See Their Doom

17 Until I went into the sanctuary of God; Then understood I their end.

When he went to God, he saw their end, the one who had offended him, the one who caused him pain, he saw that God would take care of them.

18 Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: Thou castedst them down into destruction.

19 How are they brought into desolation, as in a moment! They are utterly consumed with terrors.

20 As a dream when one awaketh; So, O Lord, when thou awakest, thou shalt despise their image.

Asaph saw that God had it under control, he was going to deal with it!

They were going to be destroyed

They were going to be brought into desolation

They will be consumed with terrors

God won’t even be able to look at them.

As one who dreams, and can’t stand to think about the dream, that’s how God will despise their image.

WOW!

Some might say at this point, “Yes! That’s what I’m talking about!”

“Get ‘em God!”

But that wasn’t Asaph’s reaction, and it’s not the reaction of any Spirit filled Christian.

We like Asaph, when we see that God is going to judge them, ought to choose to....

C. Love Your Enemies

21 Thus my heart was grieved, And I was pricked in my reins.

Asaph’s heart was grieved.

His heart was pricked, it hurt his heart to think about his enemies end.

Asaph’s reaction was the living our of what Jesus would later command his followers.

Luke 6:27–28 KJV

27 But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, 28 Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.

The correct response to a Christian truly seeing what is coming for those who have offended us ought to stir the love in our hearts to intervene for them.

Asaph realized how wrong he had been, Psalm 73.22

22 So foolish was I, and ignorant: I was as a beast before thee.

He said I was foolish!

I was ignorant!

I was a beast before you, Lord

I was a stubborn animal.

I wanted what I wanted!

But when I saw what was in store for these men, I couldn’t be happy.

I realized how wrong I was to focus on myself, and realized I needed to love my enemy.

The second step we can take after Giving Way to God’s Way is to

II. Listen to Wise Counsel

This is so hard to do when we are in the middle of bitterness.

Many a time I have confronted a church member about bitterness that they had in their heart.

Very few have told me, “Your right! How can I fix that?”

The truth is Like Asaph, we have

A. We Have A Skewed Reality

Again verse 22,

22 So foolish was I, and ignorant: I was as a beast before thee.

He had to come to the realization that he was being foolish, he was being ignorant, he was being stubborn.

When we have this Skewed Reality there has to come a point where God has to break you before you can ever truly hear the truth.

Now we have a choice…We can give way to God’s Way, and break ourselves…or we can wait for God to bring circumstances in our lives to break our will.

Asaph went to the sanctuary of God, and he heard the truth!

And this was the turning point in his bitterness.

So we see that we have a Skewed Reality, then what do we need to do?

We need to be open, to God and ...

B. We Need to Seek the Truth

Go to God’s Word, and Go to Biblical Counselling and Seek the truth!

Asaph said, as soon as I realized how wrong I was being, I stuck with God.

23 Nevertheless I am continually with thee: Thou hast holden me by my right hand.

24 Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, And afterward receive me to glory.

He went to the sanctuary and found the answer

We don’t want to hear that we are wrong!

But sometimes we need to hear it anyway!

If we see we are thinking wrong, then we need to go to the sources of God’s instruction to find the right thinking.

The Bible tells us the way to succeed against temptation and sin is to put off the old and put on the new.

We must replace the foolish ways of thinking with the right way of thinking.

Read the Word of God, Ask God to show you the help you need.

God to church faithfully with an open heart and mind, ready to hear from God

Pray, “God show me what I need to hear today!”

Be ready to hear and obey!

Go to Biblical counselling, if you are struggling with bitterness confide in someone who can take the Word of God and show you how to get help.

How to deal with it in God’s Way!

We have some ladies in our church that are going through counselling sessions on how to counsel women.

Make an appointment with your pastor and talk to him about what you are struggling with.

Many times we are afraid to have the pastor know the truth about us.

Rest assured…I already see the crack in your mask.

I already know you are not perfect.

Don’t be prideful and don’t be foolish,

It stays between us!

I’m not going to talk to anyone else about what is said.

The only time I would ever share anything is if I hear about abuse that I am required by law to report to the police.

Outside of that, Let me help you the best I can, I don't have all the answers, but what a difference it makes just to say it out loud, and then have someone who can share God’s Word, and pray with you.

So if you are fighting bitterness you need to Give Way to God’s Way!

Go to Him, Realize He sees the situation and that He will deal with it…but let that realization stir the Love of God in your heart to intervene for your enemies.

Secondly Listen to Wise Counsel - the best counsel is from God’s Word, but listen to God’s Word preached in church, in sermons online, reading godly books, Seeking counsel from your pastor.

Then the third step to escaping bitterness is to

III. Lean on God

This is not a one time thing, it is a way of life.

Asaph realized that God was the only one that would be able to help him.

25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.

26 My flesh and my heart faileth: But God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.

27 For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: Thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee.

28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, That I may declare all thy works.

Asaph came to three realizations here at the end, if he was going to escape bitterness he realized:

A. God Is the Only Help

25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.

26 My flesh and my heart faileth: But God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.

There was no one that could help Asaph but God.

No one in heaven above that could help

No one anywhere on earth below that could help

My own flesh and heart failed me.

But God is my strength.

Realize, that “If I am ever going to get help with these miserable feelings. If I am ever going to be able to stop hurting those closest to me…It is only going to come from God!”

The second realization Asaph came to was that

B. God will Repay