Leading your Wife Spiritually

Introduction

Culturally we have seen a shift in perspective about Male leadership in the home. We have spent multiple sermons establishing the fact that the bible lays out a pattern for Male headship in the home; however, male headship does not mean authoritarianism. Two weeks ago we started looking at the husbands responsibility to Love his wife as Christ loved the church. In leadership, love removes abuse of authority. I skipped over two verses because I planned on teaching on them more thoroughly later. Well today is that later. Turn in your bibles to Eph 5:25-27 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.”

Very often in Christian homes, if we were asked who is the more spiritual partner in a marriage, the answer would be the wife. Men tend to be less committed to their faith and more committed to earning a living. Men tend to be less committed to church and more committed to their hobbies. Statistics show that in more Protestant churches, which for research sake includes us Baptists, that 93 men for every 100 women attend church. These numbers are surprisingly more encouraging than I was expecting, but they still highlight an imbalance in our churches.

Tonight we are going to be looking at the topic of Leading your wife Spiritually. Who leads the family in their relationship with God? You might say well my wife does devotions with the kids every day and I would say that is amazing, but who leads her spiritually. Leading your family spiritually is part of being head of the home.

One sign said: “ALL THOSE MEN WHO HAVE BEEN DOMINATED BY THEIR WIVES, STAND HERE.” That line of men seemed to stretch off through the clouds into infinity.

The second sign read: “ALL THOSE WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN DOMINATED BY THEIR WIVES, STAND HERE.” Underneath the sign stood one man.

He went over to the man, grabbed his arm and said, “What’s the secret, how did you do it? That other line has millions of men and you are the only one standing in this line.”

The man looked around with a puzzled expression and said, “Why, I am not sure I know. My wife just told me to stand here.”

This text commands the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. Last time we asked How does Christ love the Church?

sacrificially

seeking her best

serving her

But here we see that he sought to grow her spiritually.

If we are going to love our wives the way that we should be loving her, we must seek to lead her spiritually.

The Husbands has a responsibility to lead his wife spiritually.

Eph 5:26 “That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,”

Loving like Christ includes having a spiritual influence on our wives and seeking to help them grow spiritually. The problem is that most men are not where they should be spiritually. How do you lead from down below? You really can’t can you. Leadership happens from up front. You set the pace, show the way, make the path clear for those who follow you. This really should be a challenge to men to step up their game in their relationship with the Lord. If you aren’t spending time with God in devotions, you can’t lead your wife spiritually. If you aren’t attending Church just because you don’t feel like it, you can’t lead your wife spiritually. If you are living in disobedience to God’s word on a habitual basis, you can’t lead your wife spiritually.

Now don’t think that I am saying you must be perfect to lead your wife. But are you trying. Where is your heart? The most important thing about a person is not so much where they are at this moment in time, but what direction their feet are pointing. I know some people don’t like to hear it because we know that no man will ever be perfect, but we should still be striving to reach that goal. Why wouldn’t you want to do everything you can to never displease your Lord?

But men, your responsibility is to lead your wives spiritually so step up and be the men God has called you to be spiritually.

According to this verse, leading your wife spiritually includes two things:

A. Sanctify- Sanctify means to set apart or be devoted to. Do you lead your wife to be devoted to God? Men, we like our wives to be devoted to us. Not worrying about if they are cheating us or even ignoring us; but sanctification means devoted to God. Being devoted or set apart to God translates a couple different ways in our lives.

it speaks of distinction- are you leading your wife to lead a God-glorifying life distinct from the way the world lives their lives. The world promotes an anti-biblical perspective on what it means to be a woman. Are you helping your wife renew her mind about what the bible teaches? The world says femininity is a thing of the past. It says male leadership is abuse, it teaches free love and homosexuality, and it says there should be no distinctions between men and women. It even goes so far to say a man ca be a woman or a woman a man. The Christian woman is going to look a lot different than the woman of the world. Whose image are you going to conform to? There is a tick tock Trend lately going on where women are rediscovering Traditional gender roles. They call it being a Trad wife. I don’t know everything about the movement so I will not come out in support of it, but a lot of liberals are screaming and yelling about it so it probably has something right. There is a lot to be said about traditional gender roles, but we must not confuse American tradition with Bible.

It speaks of devotion- I don’t think it is an accident that being devoted to something is the same word for what we call spending time with God reading the bible and praying. Doing our devotions? They are merely an expression of our devotion to God. We should be helping our wives to do their devotions. Encourage them to be in God’s word. Remove distractions from their lives so they can spend time with God.

I think of Susanna Wesley who had 19 children, 9 of which died at birth and others died later on. But in the bustle and craziness of life, she would put her apron over her head and her kids knew that was the sign to leave momma alone. She is spending time with God.

B. Cleanse- purge of evil, purify- We should have the type of relationship with our wives where we can loving correct wrong responses and actions by pointing them to the word of God. No one is perfect. Women, I know I have stated in the past that your husband is not perfect and you probably yelled “Hallelujah.” But you aren’t perfect either. Marriage is intended to be a sanctifying relationship. God uses our marriages to purify us and draw us closer to Him. As Paul said in 1 Cor 7, there are circumstances that a married woman faces that a single woman faces. Husbands and wives are heirs together of this life and share in it. So be there to encourage her and help her become more like Christ.

He leads her spiritually by ministering the word to her.

Eph 5:26 “That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,”

The tool by which we sanctify and cleans is the word of God.

Men your opinions and logic are not the tools that will lead her spiritually. A lot of men think their way is the right and only way; but your opinions are not the tool God wants you to use to lead your wife spiritually. The tool you must use is the Word of God. Point her to the word of God. Lead her by example by following the word of God. God’s authority is the only thing that matters here.

The Wilds has always held a position of having bible to back up every rule they create and everything they do at camp. In your marriage, seek to make the bible the basis for everything that you do. Now I am not saying you need to set up a pulpit and be preaching at your wife every night. But you can lead her gently with the Word of God. Here are some practical tips for how to minister the word of God in your relationship with your wife:

Practical tips:

1. Show leadership by taking you family to church and getting involved. Don’t let your wife be the one to take the kids to church by herself. Get up off the couch and go with her. If you wife is sick, that doesn’t mean you have to stay home. Set the example by you being the one to take them to church when she is sick. It will make it easier for her to rest anyways. Set the example. Consider also the message you are sending to your kids and your wife when you come to church but you are not actively engaged in anything at church.

2. Recommend books that you can read and discuss with your wife. I love to read and honestly reading is essential to a growing Christian experience. You have to read the bible, but there are also so many books written by good godly Christians that can be a help in your walk with the Lord. Encourage reading those books by promoting them to your wife. Also discuss some of the things you have learned from them.

3. Discuss the sermon and Sunday school lesson. Most of us listen to the sermon while it is being preached and never think anything about it afterwards. God’s word is intended to be applied to our lives. Discuss ways in which you as a couple could grow from what you have heard. I have heard so many people leave churches saying they just weren’t growing at that church. Their lack of growth is usually the result of not applying what was taught to their lives. Help you wife develop the spiritual discipline of applying scripture to her life by discussing the practical implications of the message.

4. Lead in finding conferences to attend, messages to watch online, and other means to grow in the Word together and to spur each other on in the faith. I don’t know how many of you listen to sermons other than on Sunday and Wednesday, but it is a good practice for renewing your mind. The more exposure you have to the word of God the better. Here in Oklahoma we have KQCV radio which has some pretty decent stuff on their. If you are a millennial like me, find a good podcast to listen to. Recommend these to your spouse. Recently both Katy and I were separately listening to Revive our hearts with Nancy Demoss Wolgemouth and sharing thoughts about a guest speaker she had on. The guy was talking about Lament in the Bible and it just so happened that this was one of the guys that I read after when I was studying to teach on Lamentations. Share lessons you learn and expose each other to these sources of growth. There are marriage conferences and bible conferences that could be a help. I have been trying to schedule an evangelist to do a mini-marriage conference in the near future. Attend something like that together.

5. When she seeks council from you, point her to scripture. (Sometimes your wife tells you her problems and she doesn’t want your input. She just wants someone to listen to her. Other times she will ask for it. A wise husband needs to learn the difference. There is sometimes a subtle undertone that we think we know better how to fix all her problems.)

6. If you have children, take the lead in creating opportunities to worship together as a family in your home. This can be as simple as extended family dinner time to include Bible reading and prayer or can be expanded to be a mini-church service in your home. Our pattern for family devotions which by the way I could be more consistent in, but our pattern is: Sing a couple songs that the kids pick, read a devotion or have a biblical discussion, take prayer requests from the kids and pray together; then we all go around and give thanks for something; finally concluding by singing “Thank you Lord” Takes no more than 30 minutes usually. But family devotions could be as simple as reading a passage and praying together. Husbands lead your wife by taking the lead in leading your family spiritually.

7. Finally, pray with your wife. Pray and affirm what God has revealed about Himself in scripture. Probably the best time to do this is before bed.

He should take this responsibility seriously because he will give an account to God.

Eph 5:27 “That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.”

Jesus does all of this because He is going to present the church to Himself someday as His bride. He wants her to be without spot or wrinkle, holy and without blemish. Brides all want to look beautiful and have everything go perfect on their wedding day. Jesus is working to make us perfect for that wedding day and we will be made perfect when we see him.

As a husband, our wives are going to be part of that bride and we should want to present them holy to God.

A lesson that all leaders need to learn is that you don’t just answer for yourself, you answer for all those who are under your leadership. At CFA, if an employee was rude to a customer; I was the one held accountable by the owner of the store. I have been trying to teach this lesson to my daughters, that if their dog destroys something that isn’t theres, they are responsible to repair or replace that thing. They at least need to take ownership for the problem because it is their dog.

As a husband you will give an account to God for how you lead your family.

Conclusion

Leading your wife spiritually is a matter of headship and leadership, but as we talked about last time: it is servant leadership. You are ministering to your wife, serving her. This type of leadership wants to see her be everything that God wants her to be and to see her flourish as a human being. Tonight, I would like for every husband in this room today to come forward and pray. Dedicate your marriage to God and surrender to being the spiritual leader in your home. To be honest, there is not a man here that could not improve in doing this and that includes me. Let’s make today a turning point in our marriages. Let’s love our wives by serving them and leading them spiritually. Please come.