The New Identity Creates a New Household – Part 1

Introduction

A Current Look at the Family

There are more resources and “experts” on the family than ever in history

Yet

The 20th century saw a massive growth in divorce rates

The 21st has seen a decline in divorce accompanied by

This is to say nothing to the resounding rejection of the institution of marriage as defined by God’s created order

In the church

Marriage problems are pervasive

More parents than not are mourning adult children who are not following Christ

A Tale of Two Creations

Col. 3 parallels Gen 1-3

Creation leads to family, but sin corrupts

Adam is “with her” when she takes the fruit (Gen 3:6)

Adam blames her when they are confronted (Gen 3:12)

The curse affects the marriage relationship

Gen 3:16 “16 To the woman he said, 'I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’”

New creation leads to a new family

Wives submitting to husbands

Husbands loving wives

Children obeying parents

Fathers not embittering their children

Servants obeying their masters

Masters treating their servants well

Wives, Submit

Col 3:18 “18 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”

Defining Submission

If we only think about submission as a function of gender we will become distracted and miss the point

The submission of Jesus

Mt 26:39 “39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.””

Mt 22:21 “21 “Caesar’s,” they replied. Then he said to them, “So give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.””

Jn 6:38 “38 For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me.”

Phil 2:5-8 “5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!”

Lk 2:51 “51 Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.”

Other uses of the word for submission

Christ’s rule over creation

1 Cor 15:27 “27 For he “has put everything under his feet.” Now when it says that “everything” has been put under him, it is clear that this does not include God himself, who put everything under Christ.”

The rule of futility over creation

Ro 8:20 “20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope”

The rule of government

Ro 13:1 “1 Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.”

To your elders

1 Pet 5:5 “5 In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, 'God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.’”

To church leadership

Heb 13:17 “17 Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.”

To faithful servants of the Lord

1 Cor 16:15-16 “15 You know that the household of Stephanas were the first converts in Achaia, and they have devoted themselves to the service of the Lord’s people. I urge you, brothers and sisters, 16 to submit to such people and to everyone who joins in the work and labors at it.”

To God

Jas 4:7 “7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

Submission in Marriage

Submission is generally applicable in many spheres for both men and women. Nonetheless, the Bible undeniably has a theme of submission in the marriage relationship by the wife.

The wife is her husband’s suitable helper (necessary ally) and as such submits to him

Gen 2:18 “18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.””

Ultimately this submission is directed at the glory of the Lord not her huband

Col 3:18 “18 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”

This means you submit because the Lord deserves it not because your husband does.

Unpopular Doctrine

Rebellion – our unregenerate hearts are predisposed to not do what God calls us to do

Pride – no one wants to submit

Abuse – not everyone is worthy of being submitted to

Confusion – if submission is spousal subservience, it’s not actually a good thing.

Equality between genders is biblical

Gal 3:28 “28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Gen 1:27 “27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

Practical Doctrine

How to submit

Approach your husband with flexibility and willingness

Seek the best interest of your husband

Be patient with your husband

Be courageous in your role as necessary ally

Be humble enough be submissively supportive when your husband is wrong

Caveats

Submission is a matter of the heart

You can disobey submissively.

You can obey unsubmissively

Submission of a wife to her husband is secondary to submission to the Lord

Submission does not require disobedience to the Lord

Submission does not require sin to be hidden

Eph 5:11 “11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”

Submission to a husband exists within a God-ordained multi-level safety net of authority

Submission to the church leadership – sin results in church discipline

Submission to the government – unlawful violence results in judgement

Imperfect submission is not a justification for abusive leadership

Submission is the biblical attitude of the wife ensuring submission is never commanded for the husband

Husbands, Love

Col 3:19 “19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

Contemporary guidance for households emphasized protecting the rights of the husband. The Bible is distinct in emphasizing the mutual responsibilities of the home.

The complementary instructions to husbands and wives demonstrates two things

Distinction in responsibility – wives and husbands have different roles

Distinction in difficulty – it is naturally difficult for a woman to submit and it is naturally difficult for a husband to love

Defining Love

The foremost example of love is God through Christ.

The requirement is simple but hard, love like Christ loves

Love in the Bible is an action more than an emotion

Col 3:12-14 “12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

1 Cor 13:4-7 “4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

In summary it is the replacement of myself as the center of my universe with something else

Love exists in hierarchy – love for God motivates and enables love for the wife

Love is a result of the new life. We are not what we were, therefore we are free to love someone other than ourselves and empowered to do so.

The command to love does not require the nuance of the command to submit. Men, your failure to love your wives is rarely a failure of intellectual understanding and is much more likely to be a failure of the will.

This sermon spends less time on love, not because the command is less important, but because it is less likely to be abused

Do Not Be Harsh

The word refers to making something bitter

Be a sweet presence in your family rather than a sour one

This will certainly help your wife to submit, even though her submission is not your responsibility

Practical Doctrine

Love is an action you undertake rather than an emotion you feel. Therefore, it is not dependent on object of love but on the one showing love.

Love her sacrificially

Eph 5:25 “25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”

Love her by knowing her

Seek to know her – ask her questions and listen to the answers

1 Pet 3:7 “7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate (according to knowledge) as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

Love her with your time

Know her and her needs

Love her with your service

Love her with your labor is not the same as being busy with your labor! You may need to love her with labor by not working sometimes.

You’re not a babysitter you’re a dad

Lover her with your compassion

Love her with your affection

Though love is more than a feeling of affection, we must cultivate feelings of affection

Pro 5:19 “19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”

Be attracted to her

Attraction is not just passive; it’s also active

We acquire a taste for the things we care about

Love her towards Jesus

Eph 5:25-26 “25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,”