Boundaries

Introduction

Text: Gen 39:1-23 a

Most of tonights message is going to be applicable to those who are dating or interested in dating, but just like the message on purity many of the principles we talk about will apply to married men and women as well. We talked about Purity last week in detail and protecting our vineyards. If you remember the illustration of a vineyard, the vigneron (I actually looked up the name for a person who works in the vineyards) will often build some kind of a wall to protect those vines from the little foxes that destroy the plants. We mentioned that walls are helpful but they can be dug under, jumped over or just broken down; but the fact that walls can be abused and ignored doesn’t mean that the walls should not be there. The book of Proverbs gives us a word picture of a man who has no control over his emotions: Proverbs 25:28 “He that hath no rule over his own spirit Is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” He is like a city without walls. That city is vulnerable to attack and has no protection from invading armies. He has no rule over, no control. No guidelines.

Walls, hedges, boundaries are important to protecting our moral purity.

Think about the fences that we put up in our back yard. We put them there to keep people out of our yards who shouldn’t be there. They keep your children safe while they are playing. Can something bad happen to your kid playing in the back yard even with a fence? sure they could break their arm, but fences keep dangerous outsiders outside.

Think about the guard rails on a high mountain road. When we lived in India and when I travelled in Nepal, there were a lot of mountain roads that did not have guard rails to protect drivers and so inevitably every year a bus full of people would drive off the edge and land in the Teesta river down below. Guard rails keep us safe on the road but without them we tend to hug the edge because we are afraid to go off the edge.

There are many cliffs in life. Cliffs represent sin. Going over the edge and being brought under the power of sin. Sexual sin is a cliff and the wise thing to do in life is to build guard rails or boundaries to keep us from going over the cliff.

Traditionally we have used the word standards for these guard rails though there has been a lot of mixing of terms and thus confusion. Today most people make a distinction between things that are sin and things that are wise to keep us from sin. We call these hedges or boundaries.

The story we are going to look at tonight is familiar to all of us. It is the story of Joseph and his temptation to commit adultery with Potiphar’s wife. Verse Six says that Joseph was a goodly person- This means that he was good looking. And day after day Potiphar’s wife saw him come and go and began to desire him. In Ancient Egypt women had more rights than most of the world at the time, but they also tended to be more loose morally. Verse Seven she approaches Joseph to try to get him to sleep with her: Gen 39:7 “And it came to pass after these things, that his master’s wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me.” Tonight I want to focus on the four responses of Joseph to her approach but we will focus primarily on the fourth.

He refused to sin vs 8

Joseph’s first response when he was tempted to sin was to just say No. A lot of problems with be taken care of if when we are first approached with temptation we can learn to habitually say no. What is your gut response when you are presented with sin? Do you get all excited about it and then later start to think this is a bad idea? Or are you walking close enough with your Lord that you recognize it for what it is right away?

Those who would tempt us to sin whether it is other people or even Satans minions are much like coyotes. You shoot a round from your shot gun and they will scatter. Saying No is often all it takes.

The struggle with saying “No” is that those same people may ostracize you, avoid you, label you little miss goody two shoes. The question you are going to have to ask yourself is do you really want to be part of that pack or can you find peace and contentment being part of God’s pack?

He reasoned with her vs 8-9

Joseph did try to reason with Potiphar’s wife though I don’t think this is always the best course of action. If you are feeling the pull to sin so strongly, don’t stick around for a discussion. Joseph obviously felt the strength to try and convince her not to pursue this course of action.

1. He argues from his position- her husband hadn been good to Joseph and put him in charge of everything. Not only that but her husband trusted him and this would be a violation of that trust.

2. He argues from her relationship- he reminds her that she is his wife. People who are looking to commit adultery don’t think about the relationship they are betraying. They have to put it out of their minds if they are going to commit sin and do what they want to do. They haven’t counted the cost of their actions either. Joseph tries to turn her about by reminding her of her relationship to Potiphar.

He redirected her to God vs 9

He didn’t just use human reasoning though to get her to reconsider. Joseph re-directs her attention to God. He points out that this would be:

wickedness- the basic definition for this Hebrew word is that which will bring harm. It would hurt her husband, it would hurt Joseph’s job opportunities, but it would also hurt those involved, both Joseph and Potiphar’s wife. There is a cost to sin and it will hurt you. Sin always destroys. Relationships built on immorality are on a shaky foundation. If he cheated with you to get you what is to say he won’t cheat on you. But the greatest hurt and damage that sin brings is damage to our relationship with God.

Sin- carries the same basic idea that the new testament word carries: to miss the mark. Sin is a failure to measure up to God’s perfect standard. It is a violation of what God expects of us. We already looked at God’s expectation for purity in the life of a believer last week. Eph 5:3 “But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;”

He ran vs 10-12

Verse 10-12 are where I want to spend the bulk of our time tonight because Joseph faced this temptation over and over again. It wasn’t going away. The verse says that she tempted Joseph day by day. But I want to look at what Joseph did to protect himself from giving in to the temptation:

He refused to lie next to her vs 10 Notice in this verse that Joseph refused to do two things. The second one we know: he refused to sleep with her. He was not going to commit adultery; but what about the first thing? He refused to lie next to her. Joseph determined, he set up a boundary that he was not even going to be in a position where he could be tempted to give in. Would it have been a sin just to lie down and talk with her? No. But Joseph knew that it was not wise or safe to do so. Joseph is just like any other red blooded American boy whose blood is going to boil when presented with an opportunity like this; so Joseph put up boundaries or guard rails to keep him out of a position to be tempted to give in. Honestly, if you have ever been a drunk before you know it isn’t wise to go into a bar where you will be tempted to drink again. Thats really all that this comes down to. Wisdom is the best route to accomplish the goal. If the goal for the Christian is purity, there are things that are wise to do so you will stay pure.

Suggested boundaries:

The hedges I may place in my life may not be the one’s that God has for you, but to help give some ideas and examples here are some suggested boundaries:

Seclusion boundaries- don’t be in a secluded place alone with someone of the opposite gender “Billy Graham rule” Notice it isn’t a biblical mandate, but there is a lot of wisdom. Proverbs 22:3 “A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: But the simple pass on, and are punished.” Leave the door open having glass windows.

Communication boundaries- avoid getting sucked into personal information and conversations with other men. Sharing your deepest struggles and feelings often leads to an emotional connection. If needed, consider including your husband in the conversation or make him aware of it. Joint facebook accounts. Katy and I have the same apple account so that anything on my phone is available for her to see. Proverbs 14:12 “There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, But the end thereof are the ways of death.” It might seem to be innocent, but it can easily turn into something dangerous.

Physical boundaries- setting boundaries on what is appropriate physical contact. Growing up we were challenged not to touch people of the opposite gender at all outside of marriage. This was based on a misunderstanding of scripture, but it wasn’t unwise. Some articles suggested not touching any area where the clothes cover a person and then adding from there any area that would be stimulate wrong desires. A helpful rule of thumb is to treat her as a sister. How would you touch your sister or brother? If what you are doing is a natural form of affection you could show to your sibling, then it is most likely alright for someone else that you are close to. 1 Tim 5:1-2 “Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.”

Working relationships boundaries- not having meetings one on one along with a person of the opposite gender, if you have to travel with someone of the opposite gender requesting different lodgings

Emotional boundaries- Acting like you are married when you are just dating. Saying I love you. Personally, I believe this phrase should be reserved for the engagement period. Guard your heart. They don’t need to be your emotional support blanket early on in the relationship. Proverbs 4:23 “Keep thy heart with all diligence; For out of it are the issues of life.”

Time boundaries- letting the other person monopolize you time. There need to be some time limits on when and where you are together. The Strange woman who seduced the young man in Proverbs 7 met him at night. Stay out of situations, places and circumstances where it would be natural to sin. You don’t need to see them every day of the week while you are dating. My opinion here is that at the beginning one day a week is perfectly fine.

Parental boundaries- Your parents should be involved in your relationships at some level if you are living in the home. A helpful boundary that you could establish is to have every guy who is interested in you talk to your dad before you even consider a relationship with them. Your parents are some of the only ones who love you enough to tell you the truth and want to protect you. For young people in the home, parents should be taking a role in guiding their children in purity. Proverbs 1:8-9 “My son, hear the instruction of thy father, And forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, And chains about thy neck.”

Accountability boundaries- Having a chaperon on dates, cc. your wife when you communicate with another woman. Katy and I did our relationship as courtship which at times was stressful because none of us had any idea how to make this work, but being around family at all times helps a lot with accountability. Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpeneth iron; So a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” Good friends are going to tell you the truth when you are in a bad situation. If you don’t have any friends that will do that for you, you need to reconsider who your friends are.

2. he ran away- As we mentioned last week, having walls doesn’t always protect you because you can dig under, jump over or break through those walls. Joseph ended up in a situation where Potiphar’s wife had jumped over that wall. He wouldn’t come to her so she was going to come to him. She grabbed ahold of him to demand her will and Joseph chooses to run away. He gets out of the place of temptation.

Conclusion

For the Singles and Young people, I am passing out a sheet that I think will be helpful because the best time to build a wall is before you need it. If a typhoon is heading for the coast of Japan, a mackshift wall thrown up in a hury isn’t going to protect the coastal cities from the waves. Before you become emotionally entangled with someone you need to have boundaries in place. Married Men and women you need to establish boundaries as well in your life before it becomes an issue. “Let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.”

The first section challenges you to write down boundaries that you think God is leading you to establish. Let me just say, boundaries and standards are not trying to live in the flesh. Think of it this way: The Christians only hope of living for the Lord is by walking in the Spirit. Only in the Spirits power do we have the strength to live holy lives. Now imagine a car. The Holy Spirit is like the fuel and the motor that move the car. The car is your life. Just because the fuel moves the car where it needs to go doesn’t mean you don’t put guard rails up along the road. What about if something happens? Are there moments where you might stop living in the Spirit and careen off the road? The guard rails are also part of having the mind of Christ because wisdom comes from God.

The second section is about the things that make it harder for you to do right. The triggers that might tempt you to jump over the wall or cross over the boundaries. When a person is worn out it is easier to give in to sin. When they are placed under certain pressures like peer pressure they might be tempted to ignore those boundaries. Know those triggers and write them down.

The third section is what accountability and action can you take in that moment when you are struggling with jumping over the boundaries. Obviously our first place to go is prayer; but emotional desire often makes it hard to pray through moments like these. Calling a friend who can talk you down. As in Josephs situation running from the situation. Just get out of there. Walking to a public area where giving in will be harder.