Bad Communications
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Communication is something we do all the time.
Sadly, we frequently do not do a very good job at our communications.
We forget that each side of any communication includes four parts:
What I think
What I say
What you hear
And what you think I mean
This habit of bad communication can lead to truly bad outcomes for someone in my position.
However, it was almost tragic for Israel after they conquered the promised land.
Now the children of Reuben and the children of Gad had a very great multitude of livestock; and when they saw the land of Jazer and the land of Gilead, that indeed the region was a place for livestock, the children of Gad and the children of Reuben came and spoke to Moses, to Eleazar the priest, and to the leaders of the congregation, saying, “Ataroth, Dibon, Jazer, Nimrah, Heshbon, Elealeh, Shebam, Nebo, and Beon, the country which the Lord defeated before the congregation of Israel, is a land for livestock, and your servants have livestock.” Therefore they said, “If we have found favor in your sight, let this land be given to your servants as a possession. Do not take us over the Jordan.”
After Israel defeated the kings of Og and Bashan, the tribes of Gad & Ruben, along with of of Manasseh wanted to inherit that land.
After all, the land was good for livestock, and these tribes had plenty of livestock.
But Moses was concerned.
And Moses said to the children of Gad and to the children of Reuben: “Shall your brethren go to war while you sit here? Now why will you discourage the heart of the children of Israel from going over into the land which the Lord has given them?
Should the people of Gad and Ruben sit by comfortably while the rest of Israel fights for the land God has given them?
It just didn’t seem fair,
After all, the other tribes had fought for the land Gad and Ruben wanted, shouldn’t they fight for the rest of Israel’s land?
Then they came near to him and said: “We will build sheepfolds here for our livestock, and cities for our little ones, but we ourselves will be armed, ready to go before the children of Israel until we have brought them to their place; and our little ones will dwell in the fortified cities because of the inhabitants of the land. We will not return to our homes until every one of the children of Israel has received his inheritance. For we will not inherit with them on the other side of the Jordan and beyond, because our inheritance has fallen to us on this eastern side of the Jordan.”
So the children of Israel who inherited the land east of the Jordan will build places for their livestock and families, but will fight for the rest of Israel until the get their land.
Now, let’s go forward and see what happens after all of this fighting.
Then Joshua called the Reubenites, the Gadites, and half the tribe of Manasseh, and said to them: “You have kept all that Moses the servant of the Lord commanded you, and have obeyed my voice in all that I commanded you. You have not left your brethren these many days, up to this day, but have kept the charge of the commandment of the Lord your God. And now the Lord your God has given rest to your brethren, as He promised them; now therefore, return and go to your tents and to the land of your possession, which Moses the servant of the Lord gave you on the other side of the Jordan.
The tribes east of the Jordan have fulfilled their vow, now it’s time for them to return home.
But Joshua gives them a warning:
But take careful heed to do the commandment and the law which Moses the servant of the Lord commanded you, to love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to keep His commandments, to hold fast to Him, and to serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” So Joshua blessed them and sent them away, and they went to their tents.
Just because you are going over the river, don’t forget the Lord who brought you here.
Don’t forget the commands Moses has given Israel.
Don’t forget to walk in all of God’s ways.
And oh, yeah, don’t forget to serve God with all of your heart and soul.
So the eastern tribes head back home.
When they get to the Jordan, they had an idea:
And when they came to the region of the Jordan which is in the land of Canaan, the children of Reuben, the children of Gad, and half the tribe of Manasseh built an altar there by the Jordan—a great, impressive altar.
This is where communications starts to be a problem.
Apparently out of no where, the tribes east of Jordan decide to build an alter.
A pretty impressive alter at that.
Not surprising, word of this new alter got back to the children of Israel.
Now the children of Israel heard someone say, “Behold, the children of Reuben, the children of Gad, and half the tribe of Manasseh have built an altar on the frontier of the land of Canaan, in the region of the Jordan—on the children of Israel’s side.”
Now why do you think the eastern tribes built this new alter?
I’m sure we could come up with several possibilities,
Most of them not good at all.
The children of Israel certain had some ideas of why the children of Gad, Ruben, and half of Manasseh did this.
And it made them MAD!
And when the children of Israel heard of it, the whole congregation of the children of Israel gathered together at Shiloh to go to war against them.
It’s easy to assume the worst in any situation.
When someone says or does something, we often assume they meant the worst.
Then they wonder why we’re acting the way we are.
Just as I assume the eastern tribes wondered when they got a visit from some of their fellow Israelites.
Then the children of Israel sent Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest to the children of Reuben, to the children of Gad, and to half the tribe of Manasseh, into the land of Gilead, and with him ten rulers, one ruler each from the chief house of every tribe of Israel; and each one was the head of the house of his father among the divisions of Israel.
Have you ever been called into someone’s office, but not sure why?
And when you arrive, you find a group of people who don’t seem very happy?
I have, and it is not a very comforting feeling.
That’s probably how the eastern tribes reacted.
Sure, Phinehas, the son of Eleazar the priest shows up.
I’m sure they wondered why.
And when they found rulers from all of the other tribes, they knew something was up.
They were right.
Then they came to the children of Reuben, to the children of Gad, and to half the tribe of Manasseh, to the land of Gilead, and they spoke with them, saying, “Thus says the whole congregation of the Lord: ‘What treachery is this that you have committed against the God of Israel, to turn away this day from following the Lord, in that you have built for yourselves an altar, that you might rebel this day against the Lord? Is the iniquity of Peor not enough for us, from which we are not cleansed till this day, although there was a plague in the congregation of the Lord, but that you must turn away this day from following the Lord? And it shall be, if you rebel today against the Lord, that tomorrow He will be angry with the whole congregation of Israel. Nevertheless, if the land of your possession is unclean, then cross over to the land of the possession of the Lord, where the Lord’s tabernacle stands, and take possession among us; but do not rebel against the Lord, nor rebel against us, by building yourselves an altar besides the altar of the Lord our God. Did not Achan the son of Zerah commit a trespass in the accursed thing, and wrath fell on all the congregation of Israel? And that man did not perish alone in his iniquity.’ ”
I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a prepared speech to me.
Like Phineas was working on that all the way from there.
And look at the assumptions made about the eastern tribes motives and objectives:
That they were turning away from following God.
They built the alter to rebel against the Lord.
That there is a problem with the land the eastern tribes had inherited.
And the motives of the rest of Israel were not entirely their concern for the eastern tribes.
They figured God would be angry at all of Israel.
They would be punished, as was Achan.
But notice, all of these points are based on the ASSUMPTIONS of the children of Israel.
And they “came in hot!”
Remember, they came to make war against the eastern tribes!
I’ve had people make assumptions about me and my motives.
Call me into a meeting, where I was “ambushed” by a group that had already decided what I was doing and why.
It’s a very disturbing situation to be in.
The eastern tribes, however, had an answer to the assertions made against them.
Then the children of Reuben, the children of Gad, and half the tribe of Manasseh answered and said to the heads of the divisions of Israel: “The Lord God of gods, the Lord God of gods, He knows, and let Israel itself know—if it is in rebellion, or if in treachery against the Lord, do not save us this day. If we have built ourselves an altar to turn from following the Lord, or if to offer on it burnt offerings or grain offerings, or if to offer peace offerings on it, let the Lord Himself require an account.
Hey, Phineas and company, if we have done what you accuse us of, then have at it,
Don’t both trying to save us.
God knows, and Israel should know as well,
But did we turn from the Lord?
Have we offered any offerings on this alter?
If so, let God Himself punish us.
You think we built the alter to turn our back on God,
In fact, there is another reason.
But in fact we have done it for fear, for a reason, saying, ‘In time to come your descendants may speak to our descendants, saying, “What have you to do with the Lord God of Israel? For the Lord has made the Jordan a border between you and us, you children of Reuben and children of Gad. You have no part in the Lord.” So your descendants would make our descendants cease fearing the Lord.’ Therefore we said, ‘Let us now prepare to build ourselves an altar, not for burnt offering nor for sacrifice, but that it may be a witness between you and us and our generations after us, that we may perform the service of the Lord before Him with our burnt offerings, with our sacrifices, and with our peace offerings; that your descendants may not say to our descendants in time to come, “You have no part in the Lord.” ’ Therefore we said that it will be, when they say this to us or to our generations in time to come, that we may say, ‘Here is the replica of the altar of the Lord which our fathers made, though not for burnt offerings nor for sacrifices; but it is a witness between you and us.’
You see, we were afraid that the tribes on the western side of the Jordan would see this divide and disown us!
So we built this alter to be a witness between us.
Far be it from us that we should rebel against the Lord, and turn from following the Lord this day, to build an altar for burnt offerings, for grain offerings, or for sacrifices, besides the altar of the Lord our God which is before His tabernacle.”
Far be it from us to rebel against the Lord,
We just wanted to make sure your decedents remember us.
To remind YOU that we are all children of Israel.
Now when Phinehas the priest and the rulers of the congregation, the heads of the divisions of Israel who were with him, heard the words that the children of Reuben, the children of Gad, and the children of Manasseh spoke, it pleased them. Then Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest said to the children of Reuben, the children of Gad, and the children of Manasseh, “This day we perceive that the Lord is among us, because you have not committed this treachery against the Lord. Now you have delivered the children of Israel out of the hand of the Lord.”
The words of the eastern tribes “pleased them”.
I think it should have embarrassed them!
In fact, they should be begging God for forgiveness.
I doubt they remembered:
If a false witness rises against any man to testify against him of wrongdoing,
They had made a false witness against the eastern tribes.
They had accused them of rebelling against God.
Without ANY evidence.
They were prepared to make war against the eastern tribes, without cause.
They were prepared to kill their brethren without any witnesses.
Whoever is deserving of death shall be put to death on the testimony of two or three witnesses; he shall not be put to death on the testimony of one witness.
“One witness shall not rise against a man concerning any iniquity or any sin that he commits; by the mouth of two or three witnesses the matter shall be established.
All over an incorrect ASSUMPTION!
And Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest, and the rulers, returned from the children of Reuben and the children of Gad, from the land of Gilead to the land of Canaan, to the children of Israel, and brought back word to them. So the thing pleased the children of Israel, and the children of Israel blessed God; they spoke no more of going against them in battle, to destroy the land where the children of Reuben and Gad dwelt.
The children of Israel should be thanking God that they did not act on their heated rhetoric. That’s not to say the eastern tribes didn’t contribute to the confusion.
The children of Reuben and the children of Gad called the altar, Witness, “For it is a witness between us that the Lord is God.”
The children of Reuben and Gad built the alter as a witness.
A witness to the children of Israel that they were brothers.
But they forgot to tell the children of Israel this fact.
Conclusion
Conclusion
As I said, I have been on the receiving end of bad assumptions, confrontations based on those bad assumptions, and unlike the eastern tribes of Israel, my accusers did not always accept the evidence before them.
Sometimes, like the eastern tribes, the fact I didn’t say something before hand contributed to the misunderstanding.
Other times, it was how people viewed me that guided their assumptions.
In other words, just as both sides of this near disaster in Israel contributed to the it, both sides of our conversations can lead to disaster.
How can we work to avoid these types of conflicts in our congregation, families, and associations?
Let’s remember the four parts of each side of a conversation.
First, look at what you are thinking?
Are you making your own assumptions, and is that clouding your judgement?
How have they reacted in the past?
Is there some recent incident that may cloud what they think about your statement?
Second, think about what you say.
Choose your words and actions carefully.
Think about what you are saying.
Would a letter or email allow you to better put your thoughts into words?
Try to choose words that dispel ambiguity.
Consider how your statements and actions will look to others.
Should your words be spoken in private?
Would pulling someone aside, rather than waiting for a more natural moment alone, change how they hear what you are saying?
Third, what do you hear?
Listen carefully.
It is easy to misunderstand if you are distracted.
If you are not sure about what someone said, ask for clarification.
It’s also a good idea to repeat what you heard to make sure you’re both on the same page.
Fourth, consider how you receive what they say.
Are you making assumptions about their motives?
I have family members who always assume the worst about each other.
That definitely makes communication difficult.
Are you just in a bad mood.
Trust me, having a bad day can make simple communication difficult.
You cannot always know HOW someone will react, but as Paul said in Romans:
If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.
We cannot always avoid misunderstandings, but we should do what we can to keep them to a minimum.