The Excellent Wife

Proverbs 31:10-31

Pastor Beau DiFrenna

Sunday, May 14th, 2023 (Mother’s Day)

Trinity Church of Melbourne - Palm Bay High School

INTRODUCTION

Happy Mother’s Day! As a matter of fact, right now we want to publicly praise and honor you by telling you you’re the best! (Applause!)

I especially want to say to my wife, no one does what you do with the grace and the class with which you do it. You’re precious. You’re priceless. Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all, baby. Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

To all of the moms here today, you are a gift from God and we honor and celebrate you today! (Applause!)

Attention:

John Wesley said, “I learned more about Christianity from my mother than from all the theologians of England.”

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Charles Spurgeon stated, “There is never a babe dropped into a mother’s bosom but it brings care, labor, grief, and anxiety with it.”

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Need: Being a mother today is filled with hard challenges at every turn. On top of what is already an enormous responsibility, raising children according to Scripture, our society today is causing Christian mothers to have to grit their teeth, grab their Bibles and fight against sin, the world and the devil at every turn. We’re talking about war. A spiritual war. There is a spiritual war raging against our children and many Christian fathers have acquiesced. They’ve chosen to “comply quietly” to the norms of culture rather than what God says in His Word to their role as spiritual leaders in their home. Therefore, as it was in the days of Deborah in the Book of Judges, many mothers are having to stand double tall to make up the difference.

Husbands, fathers, not on our watch!

Nonetheless, if we ever needed Christ exalting, Scripture imparting, generational shaping mother’s to the glory of God, we need them now more than ever!

“Valiant!” That’s the word. It means possessing or acting with bravery or boldness: COURAGEOUS, DETERMINED, HEROIC.

Textual idea/Sermon idea: Women who live faithfully before God in the power of the gospel bless their families and honor their Lord.

This poem, Prov. 31:10-31, offers a beautiful description of the excellent wife and mother (v. 1). Spiritual and practical wisdom plus moral virtues mark the character of this woman in contrast to the immoral women of v. 3.

While the scene here is of a wealthy home and the customs of the ancient Near East, the principles apply to every family. These principles found in these proverbs are set forth as the prayer of every mother for the future wife of her son.

This passage is traditionally understood as being addressed to women but is more accurately spoken by a woman to a man so he could know the character and potential character of a good wife before marriage, and value and praise his wife for her virtuous character once married. It is primarily a search-list for a man, and only secondarily a check-list for a woman.

You can’t see it in English, but in Hebrew this passage is literally arranged with each of the 22 verses beginning with the 22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet in consecutive order to aid in memorization.

Interrogative: What are the themes of the Excellent Wife, The Woman Who Fears the Lord?

Transition: There are seven of them. Her approach to marriage, her devotion at home, her business acumen, her charity, her care of herself, her character, and lastly, her acclaim.

Prov. 31:10 “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.”

The Hebrew word rendered “excellent” or “virtuous” here refers to much more than purity. The word means “strong in all moral qualities.”

She does exist, she’s just very hard to find.

Prov. 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.”

Prov. 12:4 “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.”

Speaks of suffering that is like a painful and incurable condition.

I wish I had more time to unpack it but Prov. 31:10 reminds me of Ruth (when she came to Boaz at the threshing floor), for she personifies excellence (strong in moral qualities).

Boaz, who was also a “worthy man of valor,” said to her Ruth 3:11 (NKJV) “And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you request, for all the people of my town know that you are a virtuous woman.”

The first theme of a Woman Who Fears the Lord is her approach to marriage:

1. Her Approach to Marriage (vv.11-12, 23)

Prov. 31:11 “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.”

This is her character as a wife. She is reliable and trustworthy. She is supportive and loyal.

Her husband does not keep a jealous watch over her. He doesn't keep his valuables (Credit Card, Checkbook) locked up so that she cannot access them, which was a common practice in a house of distrust. She demonstrates impeccable loyalty to her husband, and her own thrift and industry add to his wealth.

Prov. 31:12 “She does him good, and not harm [mischief], all the days of her life.”

Prov. 31:23 “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.”

She is devoted to her husband and in submission to him. She makes a significant contribution to her husband's position in the community and to his success.

On verse 23 John MacArthur writes, “His domestic comfort promoted his advancement in public honor. A man’s good reputation begins with his home and thus the virtue of his wife.”

The second theme of a Woman Who Fears the Lord is…

2. Her Devotion at Home (vv. 13-15, 19, 21, 27)

Prov. 31:13 “She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.”

These are the materials for making clothes. She is efficient and energetic in gathering these necessary items for making clothes.

Prov. 31:14 “She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.”

She is considerate and goes far to secure the best food for her family.

Prov. 31:15 “She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.”

Out of love and devotion for her family she is selfless and disciplined.

Prov. 31:19 “She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.”

She is skilful and diligent using the tools that turn that wool into thread for the actual making of the clothes.

Prov. 31:21 “She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.”

She makes sure that her household is fortified because of how practical and prepared she is.

Prov. 31:27 “She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

This speaks of her effectiveness as a mother. She is aware and involved. She does not have “eyes looking everywhere” as the lazy man in Prov. 6:6 of whom the same root word is used.

No, she’s not doing that… she’s devoted to her home.

The third theme of a Woman Who Fears the Lord is…

3. Her Business Acumen (vv. 16, 24)

Prov. 31:16 “She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.”

She is business-like and cautious. Resourceful.

Prov. 31:24 “She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.

She is observant and an opportunist. She knows how to get a “side hustle” going.

The fourth theme or description of a Woman Who Fears the Lord is…

4. Her Charity (v. 20)

Prov. 31:20 “She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.”

She is generous, charitable and kind to the less fortunate. She has a heart for those, beyond her own family, who are in need.

The fifth theme of a Woman Who Fears the Lord is…

5. Her Care of Herself (vv. 17, 22)

Prov. 31:17 “She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.”

She’s a dignified woman. That’s not referring to working out or going to the gym. It means that she is not soft, but by virtue of rigorous work that flows from her heart for God and devotion to her family, she is strong. This is “mama bear” we’re talking about here!

Prov. 31:22 “She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.”

She is tasteful and dignified and the efforts that she makes for everyone else come back to her as rewards. These silk and purple garments are expensive and serve as proof of the blessings returned to her by God’s grace.

The sixth theme of a Woman Who Fears the Lord is…

6. Her Character (vv. 25-26)

Prov. 31:25 “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.”

Her character is strong and secure as she confidently faces the future knowing full well that there will be unexpected challenges that lie ahead.

Prov. 31:26 “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”

She is a discreet, wise, loving and influential teacher. Her teaching of wisdom and of the law of God is tempered with mercy.

The last theme we see in this text of a Woman Who Fears the Lord is…

7. Her Acclaim (vv. 28-31)

Her acclaim (to praise enthusiastically and publicly) is to be seen in her family life and her spiritual life.

Prov. 31:28 “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her”

She is respected because she has earned the praise of her family. Again MacArthur is helpful when he writes, “There can be no higher joy for a mother than for her children to grow up to praise her as the source of the wisdom that made them godly.”

Prov. 31:29 “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”

This is her acclaim! This is her husband's praise of her, which she deserves!

These words encourage, reward, and nourish her.

In a completely literal sense, this could only be true of one woman in any given community at any given time. But, we understand the sense of this. Every home can have a wife and mother that does surpass them all; every husband can legitimately feel and say “I’ve got the best wife” and every child can feel and say, “We’ve got the best mom.”

Prov. 31:30 “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”

The qualities of a woman that command permanent respect and affection are not external. Holiness. Virtue. These command respect and affection far more than the charm and the beauty of face and form.

Prov. 31:31 “Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.”

Again, this is her acclaim. While she received material reward, the praise and success she labored to bring to her family and community will be her praise! At the end of her life, the results of all her efforts will be able to be seen and praised by all.

CONCLUSION

Visualization: “An excellent wife who can find?” I see some! Right here, right now. What will our generation look like in 5, 10, 15, 20 years from now after having been influenced by excellent, noble, virtuous women who fear the Lord!

Reiteration: The themes of an excellent wife… Her approach to marriage, her devotion at home, her business acumen, her charity, her care of herself, her character, and her acclaim.

Action: Christ loving and Christ honoring moms, your job is not easy. But I want to encourage you according to Scripture to keep fearing the Lord, keep working hard, keep respecting your husband, keep an eye on the horizon, keep encouraging, keep showing compassion for others, concern for the poor, and keep handling money wisely. These qualities will lead to enjoyment, success, honor, and worth.

This passage also reminds the Christian man that we must walk in the fear and wisdom of God so that we will be worthy of and compatible with such a virtuous woman.

Appeal (Connect to Christ): The wise wife is the one who is in relationship with Jesus Christ. The only way to truly be an influential mom for the glory of God is to be a saved mom, a born again woman of God. The woman of Proverbs 31 is not just any woman. She is a saved woman, a godly woman and the applause and praise of the world mean nothing to her. But the applause and praise of Jesus means everything. She walks in wisdom because she personally knows and enjoys fellowship with the ultimate incarnation of Wisdom Himself, Jesus Christ.

Follow Him today.

Jesus says,

Matt. 11:28-30 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Pray: