Qualities of a godly wife and mother

How does one become a person who will be praised?

Get the order correct (v. 10)

Explanation: The book of Proverbs closes with the account we refer to as the “virtuous woman.” To be more correct, we should refer to her as the virtuous wife. The Hebrew word means wife as well as the generic term for woman, and the context deals with a woman who is both a wife and a mother.

Note that the text starts by identifying her as a wife first (v. 12), while the first explicit reference to her being a mother does not occur until verse 28. [Children may very well be included in her household (vv. 15, 21,27), but her status as a wife clearly comes first.

Argument: The biblical model is very clear. The normal course for a young person is to grow up in the home and then to marry and begin one’s one household. While there are exceptions to this (see Matt 19:10-12) the normal biblical model is for Christian young people to marry other Christian young people (2 Corinthians 6:14), and then to have children (Gen 1:28)

God blesses when we follow His order. Even when unbelievers live according to God’s pattern they will receive certain benefits of common grace.

“Being raised in a married family reduced a child’s probability of living in poverty by about 80 percent. “ (Marriage: America’s greatest weapon against Child Poverty, by Robert Rector, Sept. 16, 2010, accessed on 5/13/23 from heritage.org

Application: If you are a single person, commit to do your life God’s way and remain under His umbrella covering of grace.

Be Trustworthy (vv. 11-12)

Explanation: The virtuous wife is identified as a woman who is worth of trust. Her husband has no call to question her actions or her motive. He knows that she has the best interests of the family as her underlying motive to her actions.

Argument: Trust is foundational to a marriage. If you don’t fully trust your spouse, your marriage is in trouble. One area this shows up in most readily is in the arena of finances.

Illustrate: marriage counseling with Dotson family. She had him sign a pre-nuptial agreement because she had received an insurance inheritance from her father’s early death. It was a major issue in what ended up in their divorce.

Application: Marriage is NOT a 50/50 proposition; it is a 100% effort from both parties. Each person is to be “all in;” an atmosphere that is only sustainable when trust exists at all levels.

Be Industrious, not lazy (vv. 13-19)

Explanation: A large amount of ink is spent on detailing the industry of the virtuous wife and mother. She is a hard working woman who is busy in providing for the needs of her family. She is not pictured as a dumb housewife who barely has the sense to dress the kids in clean clothes that match.

No, the picture in these verses is a highly intelligent woman who is motivated to provide for her family. She is financially wise and is involved in business deals that benefit her household. She is a wife and mother who makes the best use of her time

Argument: While the virtuous wife and mother is a hard worker, this passage does not advocate for mothers who go outside the home to chase a career for the sake of getting ahead. Her work ethic is not about getting money for money’s sake; she is working to provide for the needs of her family.

Application: Word of caution to the single girls - make sure you don’t get involved with a lazy guy. Sadly, our culture is producing plenty of undeveloped and immature young men who will gladly share their life with some one who will take care of them while they play video games. Avoid these guys like the plague!

Be confident in God’s provision through personal effort (v. 21)

Explanation: The virtuous wife and mother is confident. She is confident even in the uncertainty of the future based on her preparations. Due to her hard work and foresight, she has done the needed things to bank against the unknown events of future times.

Illustrate: The Boy who could sleep on stormy nights

Argument: A wise woman is one who prepares for the unexpected. As believers, we ultimately trust in the provision of God. But, we are not to presume upon God. If we spend all we have as soon as we receive it and never plan for the future, is God obligated to help us when the economy turns or when the job ends?

Application: We are to trust in God for our future with the wisdom that He provides. We are to live our lives with the expectation that it could end tomorrow (through death or His return), but we are to plan as if we will be allowed to live for many, many years.

Focus on the Inward, not the outward (v. 30a)

Explanation: As the writer finishes this discourse on the virtuous wife and mother he declares that “favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain.” His intent is not to state that a woman should not work to be attractive or that young men need to pursue ugly women. Not at all. The intent, however, is to put the focus where it belongs - on the spiritual.

Argument: A vibrant, authentic relationship with the Lord is to be desired above physical beauty. The writer is proclaiming a truth: the outward appearance of beauty will fade over time, but the inner spiritual life can and will continue to mature and develop.

Application: The wise woman will focus more on the spiritual than the physical. She will be like the one described in the book of 1 Peter.

1 Peter 3:3–4 ESV

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

Note to the young men. Place a premium on the spiritual aspects of a young lady over her physical appearance. Pay heed to the old saying, “beauty is skin-deep.”

Fear the Lord (v. 30b)

The final part of v. 30 hearkens back to the beginning of the book of Proverbs. The way to wisdom was declared to be the “fear of the Lord” (Prov. 1:7) and the fear of the Lord leads to a wife and a mother who is to be praised.

Of vital importance is the recognition of the true goal of this discourse: this is not written so that a woman can know what to do simply for the end result that she will be praised in and of herself and her own efforts. The fear of the Lord is the primary motivator in her life. The virtuous wife and mother seeks to please the Lord above all else. Her virtuous life is an outworking of her faith. She is virtuous because she is a believer who has a desire to please God. She works hard and provides for her family in order that she might fulfill her role (as best she can - there are no perfect wives and mothers) to the glory and honor of God.

Conclusion: No one, man or woman, will be able to fulfill the ultimate purpose of life apart from a relationship with Jesus. It is the understanding that God exists, He is our Creator, we are accountable to Him, and He has revealed Himself most fully to us in the person of Jesus that will bring us to the place of being or becoming virtuous. This quality cannot be achieved apart from being a Christ-follower