God's Master Plan for the Family - Part 3

Review

week one - we learned about the foundation and purposes of a marriage

week two - learned many truths about marriage by looking at the 1st wedding ceremony of Adam and Eve

today we will focus in on the role of the husband

show picture of the blue print

God has a Master Plan/blueprint for husbands

warning - husbands we will not match up to everything in the blueprint/the master plan; we will be some design flaws, faulty wiring, and some things not level. But with God’s help, through faith, it is our job to get as close as possible.

so husbands, pay attention

single males hoping to marry, pay attention

single females hoping to marry, pay attention

married women - I know you’re paying attention!

warning: it will start pretty good for us, and then it’s going to get ugly

Intro

Men and Women are different (just blew someone’s mind) - same in their humanity, equal in their worth, but we are different

This is important to remember because we live in a time where feminine equality is being pushed so strongly, that the differences between males and females are often being ignored.

I’ve started to prefer the word fairness. Because all people appreciate a sense of fairness. That’s whether we are talking male vs female rights or race relations.

we all want a fair chance

we all want a fair opportunity

we all want to be treated fairly

fairness allows for common sense and wisdom

But if we seek equality in every single little thing, we run into trouble . . . because men and women are different

for example, if we were to push nothing but equality, then in high school we would only have one varsity basketball team. We would have open tryouts, and pick the best athletes (male or female) to make the team.

The results: no female would likely play high school basketball ever again. Maybe a generational female talent could ride the bench. And the same could be said for track, soccer, softball, volleyball . . . . That’s raw equality.

But we don’t want that because what we really want is fairness. Let’s have two teams. One for the males and one for the females. Boys compete against the boys and girls compete against the girls . . . that’s fair because men and women are different

and I say all of this because in these times, people forget this simple fact when it comes to marriage.

And as a result, you have men and women trying to perform the exact same roles in marriage, and it won’t work. Because God made us different and gave us different roles.

Late at night, a sound like glass shattering . . . . I haven’t heard of a husband saying, “Last time when we heard a strange noise, I checked. So baby, it’s your time to go check . . . and I certainly can’t imagine a woman responding, “yeah, that makes sense . . . you go hide in the closet, I got this”

that’s funny, because deep down, we know that we have different roles

The Bible says that Adam was FORMED from the DIRT, but Eve was FASHIONED from a RIB: God used two different creation styles from two different substances to make us

We’re different, and God has given us different roles in marriage. And what’s fair is for husband and wife both strive to fulfill their God given and ordained roles.

Now let’s go to the God’s Master Plan, for the husband . . .

I have broken it down into 7 roles

warning men: it will start of good, but then get kind of ugly

1 Corinthians 11:3 NASB95

3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

the words, “man and woman” is used in the sense of husband and wife (by knowledge of the Greek terms used and by context of the rest of the chapter)

Role #1 - Follow Christ

Christ is the head of every husband

husband are to be serious, be for real about God

if anybody in the family is about being a disciple of Christ, it should be the husband

know the Word of God, strong prayer life

Role #2 - lead your wife

the scripture says the man is the head of the woman

the husband is appointed as leader of the home/family

so the husband is the follow Christ and lead this family

notice that there are no qualifications given for being the leader of the family, other than being a man

so to the husband - you cannot escape this responsibility in God’s eyes

to the wife - this role is not conditioned on anything else

how much money he makes

how many muscles he has

how charismatic he is

the man you marry, your husband, is appointed the head of the family

if provides for your every want/and makes great decisions - your husband is the head

if he gets sick and you have to take care of him - your husband is the head

if many of his decisions are suspect - your husband is the head

if you make more money than your husband - your husband is the head

that is his role in God’s Master Plan

you can rebel and try to switch out the roles, but ultimately it will not work, any more than a husband and wife trying to switch roles in pregnancy, and trying to get the man to carry the baby for 9 months. It won’t work because that is not his role.

Well, why can’t we both lead?

3 things to consider:

first of all, that’s not God’s blue print (the main point)

the Creator knows how the creation should work

2nd of all, there will many times when the husband and wife disagree

even with best intentions, even with listening to the other’s opinion, even after talking it out again and again . . . you will simply see things differently

someone has to make the final decision . . . God says, “it’s the husband who will have the final say”

some might say, “we will take times leading, depending on the issue” . . . .who decides whose time it is? Ultimately there will be a disagreement on that

in the end, it will boil down to someone has to have the final say, and God says the husband is the head

3rd thing to consider, final say does not have to mean the husband’s way

the husband’s final say can be, “I believe I am right and we will do it my way”

or the husband’s final say can be, “I believe I am right but we will do it your way this time”

just because he has the final say doesn’t mean he has to choose his way all the time.

today is about the men, but I must throw in this commercial for the future wives - “My husband is gonna have to earn my respect”

don’t marry someone you don’t respect

don’t marry someone who will be hard to follow

don’t marry someone who will not value your opinions

for married and single Ladies, this will take faith (I warned everyone)

your decision to follow or not follow the lead of your husband, says more about your relationship with God than the relationship with your husband

it shows how much you respect God, trust God, have faith in God

it is proof as to whether or not you will follow God’s lead

and it doesn’t mean follow him, if he is telling you to do something that goes against the will of God

and God is the head of Christ

(Christ always sets the example)

He who was everything, equal in worth with God, humbled himself and followed the leadership of God the Father

John 5:19 NASB95

19 Therefore Jesus answered and was saying to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, unless it is something He sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner.

if Jesus had a head, there is no shame in a wife having a head

when read the words, “God is the head of Christ". . . does that cause us to look down on Him? (Jesus is an equal member of the Trinity! Christ needs to stand up for himself, why can’t he be the leader?)

no, understand that it is not about worth, but about roles

So Husbands be a good leader

willing to listen to advice

willing to compromise

willing to delegate authority (if wife is better at finances, let her take care of finances)

you will want to be that good leader because . . .

Role #3 - Take all responsibility

Last week, we discussed how the man takes responsibility for the care and protection of the woman when he marries her.

and responsibility means all responsibility

let’s go back to Genesis - Eve ate the forbidden fruit first. Eve passed it on to her husband

but when God came to the garden, who did God fuss at first (where are you, who told you that you were naked, did you eat from the tree I commanded you not to eat?). . . the husband, the head . . . the husband got the blame . . . he bore the responsibility

Romans says it clearly

Romans 5:12 NLT

12 When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned.

not when Adam and Eve sinned, but when Adam sinned

other versions say “one man” and not “one couple”

1 Corinthians 15:22 NASB95

22 For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ all will be made alive.

The Bible does not say “For as in Adam and Eve” all die . . . the Bible places the blame squarely on the head of the family

Husbands! - Everything that goes wrong in the family is ultimately your responsibility . . . cause you are the head . . . our role is to take all responsibility

with every mess up, God will come to you and say, “Where are you!”

needs not being met . . . where are you

kids acting a fool . . . where are you

if you didn’t listen to your wife when you should have, God will blame you

if you listened to your wife, when you should not have, God will blame you

Husbands, when we get that, we won’t make a decision simply to demonstrate that, “I am the man”

we won’t make a decision based on, “I’ll do it her way, so I won’t have to hear mouth”

we are just trying to get to the right decision, because ultimately God is going to come knocking on our door, not hers

Example of Abraham

Sarah told her husband Abraham that since they could not conceive a child, to marry another woman, and they would adopt the child that would be conceived from his union with the other woman

. . . he shouldn’t have listened to his wife, horrible idea, and it wasn’t God’s plan, and it lead to major baby momma drama (and their descendants are still hostile to teach other in 2023)

but then Sarah says, (after setting up this whole fiasco) “Send that woman and her son away!”

the temptation as a husband would be, “I’m never going to listen to you again, because last time following your advice brought on disastrous results”

add on to that that Abraham disagreed with her solution

but maybe he prayed this time, for he got a word from God, and God told him to listen to his wife . . . He did, and things worked out better for all involved

so it’s not as simple as always listen to your wife, or never listen to your wife . . . husbands, you have to be dialed in with God, because in your roles as husband, you take responsibility

that’s your role, so take it, and don’t shun it . . . I’ve got to lead carefully, I’ve go to do right, I’ve to to help my wife do right, I’ve got to help my children do right . . . I must hear from the Lord and obey Him!

Role #1 - follow Christ

Role #2 - lead your wife/family

Role #3 - take all responsibility

Ephesians 5:23 NLT

23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.

This husband being the leader is for real: God has placed the husband as the head of the wife, just as sure as God has placed Christ as the head of the church

commercial: not all men over all women, but husband the head of HIS wife . . . this has nothing to do with relationships outside of marriage

But then the verse gets in to what kind of leader: “Just like Jesus is the savior of the church” . . . wait, what?

Christ is the head of the church . . . .I am the head of my wife

and thus, since Christ is the savior of the church . . . that means I am the savior of my wife (savior with a small s)

husbands are supposed to be a savior type leader, servant leader

What did the savior do for us? Everything! . . . even sacrificed his life for our benefit

let me explain this next role this way . . .

Role #4 - be her everything (savior with a small s)

leader, teacher, healer, comforter, strength, hope . . . .

I believe this is why women naturally ask husbands about impossible situations like you are God and got the answer in your pocket (because you are her savior) . .

Genesis 30:1–2 NLT

1 When Rachel saw that she wasn’t having any children for Jacob, she became jealous of her sister. She pleaded with Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” 2 Then Jacob became furious with Rachel. “Am I God?” he asked. “He’s the one who has kept you from having children!”

. and when she does that you must turn to THE Savior . . . but that’s a natural reaction because that’s one of your roles . . . to be her everything

Ephesians 5:25 NASB95

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

Role #5 - love your wife

so much that you will give yourself up for her, die for her

don’t marry a woman you wouldn’t die for

If she is your wife, you are to love her, no qualifications . . . just the female in the marriage

she doesn’t ahve to be a good wife

she doesn’t have to deserve your love

she doesn’t have to be loveable

just love her, for she is your wife

What if I don’t feel all “lovey-dovey”

good news - Love is an action word. . . . just Do what love does

just to name a few: First Corinthians says love is patient, kind, not selfish, not rude, not easily provoked, endures all things . . . love is sacrificial

Role #1 - follow Christ

Role #2 - lead your wife/family

Role #3 - take all responsibility

Role #4 - be her everything (savior with a small s)

Role #5 - love your wife

we are not through!

1 Peter 3:7 NASB95

7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

Role #6 - Treat your wives with understanding

of course we say, who can understand women?

it didn’t say understand your wife, live with your wife in an understanding way . . . in other words, treat your wife with understanding

husbands, you don’t have to understand WHY they do what they do . . . understand WHAT they do

understanding that women think different from men, react different than men, respond different

WMBC read and book and learned that buried inside most women is a latent insecurity whether their man really loves them, and even whether they are truly loveable, and that’s why you hear questions out of the blue like:

do you still love me? (even though you said it this morning and sent flowers)

would you marry me all over again?

get critical with you for no reason (I don’t think he loves me because he didn’t think buy deodorant for me too)

gets mad and pushes you away, and then unhappier when you stay away (cause if you love me, you would have pressed to the issue to get back close)

we learned that women multi-task many thoughts and feelings, and can’t turn it off . . . so the various thoughts and feelings are easily triggered and will keep popping up in her brain

she will change subjects in the out of now where, she will become unsettled about an issue that you thought you had settled

and must treat here with understanding and not think that she is crazy! She’s not crazy, she’s different

cause men can focus on one thing, and EVEN be thinking of nothing

Treating her with understanding might be as simple as ordering extra food for yourself when she says I am not hungry. For she WILL, take food from your plate

understand your wife’s particular weaknesses and fears based on what’s she has been through in her life

“someone weaker” - weaker position in the family (especially back then with divorce)

“show her honor” - a nod to our equal worth, just different roles

warning - treat her bad and your prayers won’t go through

1 Timothy 5:8 NASB95

8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Role #7 - Provide for your wife

refusing to take care of your wife’s needs/family needs, goes against the very heart of Christianity, that’s worst than an unbeliever . . . even unbelievers sense that husbands are supposed to provide for the needs of their wives!

Man should be providing food, shelter, and clothing

Commercial: We are talking needs. Your husband is doing his job if he is providing the necessities for life

Nothing wrong with him doing more, or a wife wanting more . . . but you can’t use this scripture to brow beat your husband because he hasn’t provided you with a lifestyle that includes a mansion, fancy car, and overseas trips

let’s run through each one

Role #1 - Follow Christ

Role #2 - Lead your wife/family

Role #3 - Take all responsibility

Role #4 - Be her everything

Role #5 - Love your wife

Role #6 - Treat your wife with understanding

Role #7 - Provide for your wife

and now you see why a man needs faith to be the husband that God requires.

Cause he has to do all of this for a imperfect person

but men when you have trouble, think of what Christ did. He set the example

Christ set the example!

you have to follow Christ, He followed the Father

you have to lead, He took on the mantle of leader for (12 nobodies)

you have to take all responsibility for your family He took on all the responsibility for the sins of the world

he was wounded for our transgression

he was bruised for our iniquities

you have to be her everything, and Jesus is our everything

help, strength, light, and my salvation

joy in sorrow, hope for tomorrow

rock in a weary land, shelter in the time of storm

you must love your wife, and Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible . . .

so much that we laid down his life for us . . . demonstrating the greatest love

you must teat your wife with understanding, and Jesus treats us with understanding

he walked the earth for 33 years, so he knows how hard life can be

Hebrews says is a high priest that understands

he knows the temptations, he knows the struggle because he was tempted like we are

you must provide for your wife, and Jesus provides us with what we need

our soul’s salvation first of all

but also everything else we need because the scriptus says, but my God shall supply all my needs accordign to his riches in glory by CHRIST jESUS