God's Message To Husbands

The title of the sermon this morning is God’s Message To Husbands. This is part of our Worship - Grow - Love - Serve - At Home series. You see it on your screen here, so repeat after me.

God’s Message To Husbands, from 1 Peter 3:7.

English Standard Version Chapter 3

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

No introduction this morning. Let’s just dive right into the text. What does God say to husbands? And may the Lord bless the preaching of His word.

God says: work hard to understand your wife (1Pet 3:7a)

It’s about 30 years after Jesus’ crucifixion, resurrection, and ascension. Peter has come a long way since he was the impulsive and confrontational and proud man we meet in the four gospels. God has brought Peter a long way. Peter has grown into the role of apostle and as head of the church in Jerusalem.

And in that capacity, Peter writes this letter to a group of churches in modern-day Turkey. Peter is writing this letter to these churches for one reason: things are getting harder for them.

Culturally speaking, politically speaking, economically speaking, socially speaking — in all of those ways it is getting harder and harder for the Christian in the first century to live as Christians. They are being pushed to the margins of society, like we see happening to Christians in western parts of the world like the US and Europe.

And Peter’s message to them is not capitulate or roll over or go into hiding. His message is keep living as Christians in the midst of a non-Christian society. Is there a verse in 1 Peter that sums up the message of 1 Peter? Yes, 1 Pet. 2:12

1 Peter 2:12 ESV

Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.

Jesus said something similar. Matt 5:16

Matthew 5:16 ESV

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Notice first that this is a word to husbands. This is not a word to wives. Peter already covered that in the first part of chapter 3.

English Standard Version Chapter 3

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Peter’s word to wives was longer and extensive. But Peter’s word to husbands is short and sweet, simple. Peter’s message — God’s message to husbands in this first letter from Peter — is simply this: work hard to understand your wife.

Now do you know that this is actually a puzzling thing for a man to say back then?

Women were viewed as inferior to men in the ancient world. Men went around back then feeling thankful that they were men as opposed to women. Women could not own property. Women’s testimony was considered to be credible evidence in a court of law. Many religious teachers and philosophers it was women who were responsible for sin and especially for the sexual temptation of men.

It wasn’t considered to be a husband’s job to understand his wife. Dominate his wife, yes. Rule over her, yes. Understand her?

But this is what we should expect. Peter is after all speaking for Jesus. Jesus saw and heard and valued women. Jesus had female disciples, female followers, when no other Jewish rabbis did so.

The Bible’s counsel to husbands, as Christian men, as men who are called to let the spirit and example of Christ control and dominate our lives, as men who are to be explicitly Christian in every area of their life and existence is this: live with your wives in an understanding way.

So what does it mean, husbands, for you to live with your wives in an understanding way? This is where other translations help us. The NIV says “husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your lives.” The CEV says “you should be thoughtful of your wife.”

The Greek literally just says “live with your wives according to knowledge.” What kind of knowledge? Knowledge gained through experience. Marriage gives you the best possible opportunity to come to really know a person.

Knowledge of what? Well, for one thing, knowledge of her as a woman. Men and women are not the same.

But there’s another way you live with your wives in an understanding way. Not just working to understand her as a woman. If the first way is to work hard to understand your wife as a woman, the second is understanding her as the unique woman that she is.

When you’re first dating, you’re both putting your self forward, right? It’s after you’re married and living together that you really see who you married. We start seeing things we don’t like and we try to correct them. And that’s a crucial time, younger couples. Husbands, resist the temptation to make your wife someone other than God made her. Trust those of us who’ve been married for a while: you will both be so much happier and there will be laughter and happiness in your home if you will give each other freedom to be the man and the woman God made you to be.

God created marriage, men. And He knows how it’s supposed to work. He tells us why in the second part of that verse. “Live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor tot he woman as the weaker vessel.”

Now some of you women I just lost right there. So let me talk to husbands and wives here, and let me tell you, husbands, what this means. “The weaker vessel” — weaker how?

Intellectually? That can’t be true. My wife is way smarter than I am.

Is she weaker emotionally? Again, if my wife is any example, that can’t be true. The Bible nowhere else suggests that women are weak emotionally or intellectually.

Is she weaker morally? I know a lot of men whose wives are better persons than they are. The Bible does not share the opinion of the rest of the ancient world in saying that women are weaker emotionally, intellectually, or morally.

What does that leave? It probably means physically weaker. This is not always the case. Some women are as strong as men. And most women could work out and develop their strength so that they could be their husband’s equal physically. But usually, as a general rule, women are not as physically strong as men are.

So what does this mean? “Live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel?” It means this, and here I read from the Bible translation the New Living Translation: “In the same way, you husbands must vie honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you liv together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.”

Or the Message: “Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.”

Here the Bible teaches us clearly that men and women are not the same. For decades the feminist movement said “women are no different than men — the only difference,” they said, “is that women are biologically, sexually different. Gender is nothing more than biological sex.”

But now the transgender movement has completely changed the narrative. Now, from every direction it is pushed upon us that gender and biological sex are two completely different things. There is more to your gender than your biology. And while we can’t and won’t go so far as to say there are more than two genders, we do agree and say yes, the Bible always told us that, we have always believed that men and women are different beyond their biological, anatomical features.

Women see the world differently, men. Women see the home and marriage differently. To be male and to be female are really two different ways of looking at the world. This is one reason why we have conflict in marriage. Our wives see things differently than we do. Because instead of valuing that perspective, we think our wives are just wrong and we work to correct her and to change her.

Let me ask you something, husbands — has that worked for you? Raise your hand if it has.

Don’t fault your wives or try to change them from acting and thinking like a woman. You married her not because she was just like you but because she wasn’t like you. That’s the whole basis of romantic and sexual attraction. She is other than us. There is mystery to her. All of that is good and it’s how God has designed it.

So one way that you live with your wives in an understanding way is simply remembering that she’s a woman and she is different. You see the world with male eyes. She sees the world with female eyes. One isn’t better than the other. Both are necessary.

God says, work hard to understand your wife. And don’t say, “Pastor Dustin, no one can understand my wife.” No, you can. She’s not a unicorn. She’s a woman. Do the hard work to understand your wives.

Secondly, work hard to honor your wife.

God says: work hard to honor your wife (1Pet. 3:7b)

God’s first message to husbands was work hard to understand your wife, because she is different from you, weaker than you, and therefore ought to be precious to you.

But this is one is: work hard to honor your wife. And there’s a reason attached to this too: “show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.”

Start with the command then go to the reason. Show her honor.

When I was in driver’s ed, which to me is hard to believe that it was 28 years ago in 1995, the teacher was one of the meanest men I had ever met. He was also really old. He was so old that he had actually taught my dad when my dad was in high school.

He was mean and he was old and he was a little eccentric, because if we ran a stop sign, he had something he would make you do to the stop sign, and that was that if you ran the stop sign, he would make you stop the car, get out of the car, walk up to the stop sign and apologize to the stop sign. He wanted us, I guess, to honor the stop sign that we had dishonored by ignoring it and failing to stop.

We honor what we value. So if you want to know what it means to honor something or someone, look at how we treat things we value.

You value fine china. You’ll be very careful with how you carry it and where you put it. You don’t take fine china carelessly out of the cabinet. But paper plates, paper cups — nothing is lost if you drop it.

If someone hands you a $100 bill, you’ll be more careful with it than you would a penny. I don’t know about you but when I have a $100 bill on my person somewhere, in my pocket or in mjy wallet, I don’t rest easy until I get home with it and can put it away someplace safe, or better yet until I can put it in the bank.

You see the point. What we value, we protect. What we value, we cherish. What we value, we treat with the utmost care.

I bought the car that I drive now about two years ago. When I first got it, I kept it clean. I ran the vacuum in the car like every couple of days. At the end of the day, I would remove every little piece of trash like the wrapping of a straw or a Wendy’s cup. But if you go look in that car today, after church, you would probably conclude that I don’t value that car now as much as I did then. (Actually, if you could not look in my car until tomorrow when I’ve taken it to Autobell, that would be great.)

Marriage is kind of like my car that was once clean and is now dirty. The problem is that in marriage, when you first start out, you think you’ll always want to cherish and protect your wife. You think it will always be easy to do that. But the fact is, unfortunately, that unless you work hard to not have this happen, you will value your spouse less and less the longer you are married to him or her.

Haven’t you ever seen the man who is super nice and polite to the cashier at the grocery store, and then bites his wife’s head when he gets in the car with her two minutes later? Familiarity breeds contempt. How do you know when this has happened to you, husbands? When you’re like that man at the grocery store who treats the grocery store employee whom he doesn’t know better than his wife whom he not only knows but once loved and cherished.

Men, if you value your wife, you will honor your wife.

Here’s the good news: if you read God’s word regularly, and sit under the teaching of God’s word regularly, your mind is renewed. You’re reminded that you are to honor your wife, not despise her.

Why are we to honor our wives? Many reasons that aren’t printed her in 1 Peter 3:7. But since there is a reason here in 1 PEt. 3:7, let’s focus on this one. “Show her honor” — and here it is — “as a fellow heir of the grace of life”.

This is a great verse because in these nine words there is a gold mind of previous truth. She is a fellow heir. You and your wives will inherit eternal life together. You are heirs of an inheritance. Riches and wealth are coming your way. But it’s not cash or bonds or IRAs or gold or silver. It’s Jesus. Jesus, full of grace and truth. The inheritance is eternal life with him.

Don’t hear eternal life and heaven and all of that and immediately think family reunions and streets of gold and mansions. All of that is secondary. The real treasure of heaven is Jesus. If Jesus isn’t there, all of that other stuff is empty.

We will live forever with Jesus on a new earth that has none of the junk that makes life on earth hard now — none of that, but with everything that makes life good and wonderful and fulfilling now — plus our faithful friend, elder brother, Savior, Master and Lord Jesus Christ.

We have discovered that real and true love is found only in Him. He gets us through and through, sees all the way down into the darkest parts of our hearts and loves us none the less for it.

Every time we think that we must have exhausted his patience, every time we think we’ve gone a step too far, every time we think He is done with us, we find that still He loves us, still He is with us, still He walks with us.

The gospel of Jesus Christ says that we are way worse than we ever thought we were, and that God loves us with a love better than we ever dreamed it could be. If you have not committed your life to Jesus Christ and trusted Him for salvation, that is only theoretical for you. But for those who have committed their lives to Jesus and have trusted Him for salvation, it is more real than anything else in your life.

And that love that we know here in this life is only a taste. It’s just a downpayment of the inheritance to come. That is our inheritance. Your wife is a co-heir with you. You are be the spiritual leader of the household, husbands; but God values your wife no less than He values you. And what God values, you and I must value also.

God says, husbands, work hard to understand your wives. God says, husbands, honor your wives. Next, God means what He says.

God means what He says (1Pet 3:7c)

How do we know God means what He says? Look at the last part of verse 7. God places a consequence on our poor treatment of our wives. What is that consequence? “you husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life” — and here it is — “so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

God cares so deeply how we men treat our precious wives that He has tied our responsiveness to our wives with his responsiveness to our prayers. God wants us to have every incentive to treat our wives well. So He ties the quality of our relationship with them to the quality of our relationship with Him. As one prospers, so does the other. As one one suffers, the other suffers also.

Could this be, men, why your prayers are not answered?

Let’s say that you told one of the kids to — I don’t know — clean their room. And instead of cleaning their room for 30 minutes, they’ve been on their phone. And let’s say that they come to you and say, “Can I borrow some money to go see a movie?” What are you going to say? Most likely you’ll say, “Clean your room and then we’ll talk about it.”

There’s something more important than whether they can go to a movie with their friends. You gave them a command that has not been obeyed. First obey the command, and then come ask for what you want. It’s more important that they come to value the more important things. So you’re basically saying, “Until you do what I have told you over and over to do, I can’t hear anything else you say.”

So when we go to God for help with this or that or something we want, God says, “Go and apologize to your wife for how you just snapped at her or how you were condescending to her, and seek her forgiveness, and then come back and we’ll talk.”

God takes your wife seriously. Do you? Who is there in her life that takes her more seriously than you do? Maybe her sister? Her mom? Her friends. It should be you, husbands. Challenge yourselves, men: make it your aim that there is NO one in your wife’s circle... who treats her BETTER...than you do.

Call for response

God says, husbands, work hard to understand your wives. God says, husbands, work hard to honor your wives. And God means what He says.

Husbands, why don’t you start over today? It’s a dark and dreary morning outside. But the good thing about mornings? They remind us that as often as the sun rises in the east, the God of mercy gives you another chance, a fresh start.

Lamentations 3:22–23 ESV

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

So take that new start this morning. Rededicate yourselves first to the Lord. Then rededicate yourselves to each other.