THE DO's of DATING

Intro:

If there is anyone to get dating advice from… its me

Let me tell you how I lured Brooke into a dating relationship w/ me at 16 years old.

We’d been talking for a little while and on her birthday and i took her to Balboa park in SD just ultra romantic and I decided to make it official so what did I do? I got her 5 gifts for the 5 senses that we have; touch, sight, smell, sound, taste. that i found on pintrest

Smell: Incense

Touch: Sweater

Taste: we think it was chocolate

Sound: A record

Sight: A bracelet w/ the date 12/23/2016

She said “why todays date” bc it was the day that i made you my girlfriend

7 years later and here we are today

But seriously I’m not the perfect example of dating far from it - but through study of the Bible and personal experience and counseling may students through these situations I’ve learned a lot on the way and do you know what I’ve seen to be true...

You are gonna get married most likely - so rather than saying me to sit up here and say No relationships! I want to help you think and act biblically towards relationships with the opposite sex.

NEED:

So you’ve heard the warnings, you’ve been adequately scared off of dating

Or you have listened to the requirements and hit them all and are ready to date

Maybe you like someone and can see a future with them

Maybe you’re dating right now

Maybe you’re almost dating right now

Maybe you’re the captain of the SINGLES club

Maybe you’re in 8th grade and still wondering if girls have koodies

Wherever you’re at - I believe these principles will be helpful as you wade the waters of pre-marital relationships.

Thesis: Tonight I want to talk about the DO’s of DATING.

PRE-REQUISITES

You must love & obey Jesus

John 14:21 ““He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him.””

Really this could be the open and close to a dating message - if you love and obey Jesus you will figure this out. If Jesus is not your first love - than you’re headed to a hard life and an even worse eternity. A healthy dating relationship MUST have 2 people who have a relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ.

You must talk to parents & discipler

Eph 6:1-3 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.”

You must get approval from your parents AND you should take into HEAVY consideration the wisdom from your D-Group leader. When you are doing the thing that parents and leaders are counseling you to not do - trust me - you are a fool

You must have convictions

Daniel 1:8 “But Daniel made up his mind that he would not defile himself with the king’s choice food or with the wine which he drank; so he sought permission from the commander of the officials that he might not defile himself.”

Maybe the greatest danger to dating is doing it w/o convictions

You must like daniel MAKE UP YOUR MIND - determine deep down in your heart based off of scripture what is RIGHT and what is WRONG and determine what you will and will not do NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCE

You need to be able to clearly articulate the things that you hold so firmly you will die for them.

TRANSITION: So with theses prerequisites NOW lets look at 5 DO’s of dating...

1. DO define the relationship

Explain: Here’s the biggest issue I see in HS min - because most of your parents won’t allow you to date, you carry out an exclusive relationship without calling it dating. Here’s the problem - you can too easily mislead your parents to think nothing is happening between you two, you can dodge your small group leader because “you aren’t actually dating” and everyone else doesn’t feel the need to ask you how its going bc techinically there is nothing GOING on anyways

So I’m not saying you must call it dating, or that you must call eachother boyfriend and girlfriend - I’m saying OUT of a DESIRE for HONESTY, ACCOUNTABILITY and GUIDANCE you need to define the relationship.

Are you or are you not pursuing eachother? Are you and that person carrying out a unique relationship? Whatever you determine, you should define it and make it public so that everyone has clarity.

You and your parents are on the same page with the same expectations

You and your small group leader know exactly what is and isn’t to occur

You and that guy or girl are clear on what the expecation is

Listen if you want that relationship to be God honoring and joyful YOU NEED COUNSEL and LOT’s of it!

Prov 15:22 “Without consultation, plans are frustrated, But with many counselors they succeed.”

Prov 19:20 “Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days.”

if you’re unwilling or unable to DTR then you shouldn’t be in it at all

making it official brings greater accountability

ILLUS: one of the best things for Brooke and I as we dated in HS is that we were open about it - everyone knew and so we constantly were getting advice and being held accountable - I mean I’d be at a friends house and there parents would randomly say - how’s it going are you guys staying pure? I knew I had no room to get away with anything and I was thankful for that.

Do define the relationship

2. DO set boundaries

Listen - I know this was harped on last week BUT it’s so important it deserves mention again.

Boundaries are an agreement between you and the other person of what you will and will not do in order to keep the relationship honoring to the Lord.

Setting these boundaries WILL make the relationship SO MUCH EASIER - because it gives you freedom. You no longer have to toil over should we or should we not, can we or can we not - you both are on the exact same page about what will and will not take place.

and yes these boundaries do not only include physical ones BUT that is probably the main area.

Prov 4:23 “Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.”

1 Cor 6:18 “Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.”

Matt 5:27-28 ““You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Scripture is crystal clear that God takes sexual purity very seriously and because of that I think you should ALSO determine what happens when you fail

Too often a couple fails and breaks a boundary BUT never determined what they would do if that day came- so they go man that was too far let’s try to not do that again ONLY to follow into a cycle of sin

determine with you parents and small group leader what will happen

DO set boundaries

3. DO have a plan

Now this is a HUGE one and I don’t have adequate time to go over it all so we handed out a sheet that I want you to work through with your parent or staff leader if youre thinking about dating someone.

BUT heres the principle - God designed men and women to be in a marital relationship

Gen 2:21-24 “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

ILLUS; as you grow closer emotionally, spiritually, everything starts clicking bc thats how God designed it and so naturally you will have a stronger and stronger physical desire

So you need to create a plan, a timeline that gets you from point A to point B - in a realistic way

Now that could mean start saving money, get a job, etc. BUT really for most of you who are 5-6-7 years away from marriage YOUR PLAN right now should be PRACTICING SELF CONTROL and becoming the man or woman God has called you to be

I think thats my heart here - create a plan and practice self control to stick to it - dating at the end of the day is one big test of self control - so if you make a plan but don’t stick to it YOU KNOW that you need to get out of that relationship because you don’t have the maturity and self control to be in one.

Prov 25:28 “Like a city that is broken into and without walls Is a man who has no control over his spirit.”

In your boundaries and in your plans you must stick to them with self control - if you don’t your like a city with no protection and when temptation comes it will conquer.

DO have a plan

4. DO have fun

Dating doesn’t need to be so clinical that it is not enjoyable

Serve them

Gal 5:13 “For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”

Guys - get a group of friends and go make the girls dinner

Girls - teach the guys how to keep their car clean

Guys - Go the girls game dressed as cheerleaders

Girls - make that adorable sign that says number 1 on the field and #1 in my heart

Guys - plan a day w/ her friends

Girls - learn and be interested in fantasy football

JUST serve them and have fun together

Get to know them

Make memories

But don’t be so clinical that it is unenjoyable

ILLUS: Brooke and I have great memories of me going to her softball games her coming to a soccer game and I got a red card, I helped thow her a suprise birthday once, she surprised me with takis many times (but she’d eat them)

DO have fun because when you do things God’s way there is joy

5. DO all this in the Church

make sure they’re and you are in the church

2 Cor 6:14 “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

Nothing will make a relationship as difficult as being in one with an unbeliever. Or if you are not a true christian - than know this, you may hope and dream for the day that you get a guy or a girl - you may even plan on doing things God’s way and you dream about marriage BUT trust me NO RELATIONSHIP ON EARTH WILL SATISFY

In fact - if you’re not a born again Christian you will LONG for a relationship, get it and then be even more miserbale - why?

Because your soul thirst for something more intimate, something more important, your soul thirsts for a relationship with your creator and that is not found in a wedding ring or prom date - that is found in Jesus Christ

John 4:14 “but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.””

Stop searching to quench your souls thirst with empty cisterns BUT run to the living water that satisfys Jesus Christ - He satisfies your greatest need … salvation from sin. He came and died in your place on the cross taking the punishment you deserve so that you can be forgven - run to him in repentance and faith

Make sure you are in the churhc

help them love the church

Heb 10:24-25 “and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.”

point them to Christ

1 Pet 4:11 “Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.”

Conclusion: