Mixed Marriages

Introduction

Text: 1 Peter 3:1-6 a

Tonight we will be dealing with a touchy subject but one that I think must be dealt with. Errors must be corrected and our thinking on these issues must be aligned with scripture. Before we dive into the text for tonight, I want to discuss two related issues to our topic:

American Christianity struggled with a racism problem in its past. In fact the Southern Baptist Convention was formed primarily to side with racism in America. The story of Christianity in America is not so monolithic though. It was in fact primarily Christians and Baptists who fought for the abolition of slavery in America. Consider William Wilberforce of England who after years of struggle finally abolished slavery in England through non-violent means. He was a friend and disciple of John Newton an ex-slaver who got saved and wrote Amazing Grace. Abolitionist and Baptist preacher David Barrow wrote Thomas Jefferson before the writing of the constitution to lobby for the freedom of the slaves. He wrote:

I trust that Bigotry, that tarnishes the Aspects & sours the Tempers of so many of the Professors of Christianity, has never influenced your Prejudice so as to bias your Judgment, relative to the great Subject of Religion: and I live under flattering Expectations that the Tolerance of our Government, will ultimately have the goodly Effect to remove those Animosities & party Spirit, that is too visible among the different Christian Sects, and that they will be led under the Influence of that “Charity that never fails” [I Cor. 13:8] to meet & embrace one another upon pure Apostolic Grounds, and thereby manifest to an admiring World, the native Beauty and Utility of the Doctrines & Morality of the Lord Jesus.

The enclosed Scraps [of antislavery writings] will furnish you with a more general Idea, of some Things that have been agitated in this Quarter, than I have Time or Room at present to insert.—I forward them with a Hope, that at some leisure Hour, you may find Freedom to drop me some Hints, that your Knowledge, Feelings & Observations on the Subjects of Slavery & emancipation may dictate, which may be helpful to us in our present Struggles.

Others like ex-slaves Harriet Tubman, Fredrich Douglass, Olaudah Equiano were all Christians who believed that Jesus was the greatest hope for the slave. Christianity preached that in Christ free man and slave were all equal in Christ. Gal 3:28 “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Even after slavery was abolished, America sought to limit marriage of white and black people.

American Christianity tried to prove that the black people were a lesser people by appeals to at least two heretical lines of thinking:

They are a different kind- I have actually heard this taught by a bible college president and pastor alive today. This teaching looks at Gen 1 and 2 and says that blacks and whites are two different kinds. The problem with this is that there is only one kind of human being. Acts 17:26 “And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation;” Kind is a scientific category relative to suborder or families in the classification system. The point is this kind is an inviolable law. God determined that only kind can reproduce with kind. Birds can only breed with birds. Cats with cats and dogs with dogs. There is not cross breeding outside of kind. Human beings are all of the same kind and can breed.

The curse of Ham- this really is a misnomer because when God placed His curse it was not on Ham it was on his son Cainan. While Africans are descended from Ham, Canaan was the father of the Canaanites not the black people. Biblically, we know that God destroyed the Canaanites when Israel took over the land and so God’s curse was fulfilled. It is bad exegesis to claim that black people are cursed, but preachers did it and viewed them as a lesser being. This was the view of Alexander Stephens vice president of the confederacy and was used in his groundbreaking speech in favor of the new constitution of the Confederated States of America.

Forbidding Jews to marry Gentiles- Deut 7:3-4 “Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.”

I have said all of this because the only truly mixed marriage that God is concerned with is a spiritually mixed marriage. When God commanded the Jews not to marry the Gentiles it wasn’t because they were of another ethnicity. God tells us exactly why they were not allowed to marry the Gentiles.

God is concerned with your spiritual relationship with Him and the relationship of your children with Him. Our text tonight is going to deal with the issue of a spiritually mixed marriage. What do you do when a Christian is married to a lost person?

Any time you have two different cultural backgrounds there will be different issues to face in marriage, but just like with any marriage good premarital counseling and hard work can make that marriage work.

We have already established that a single person seeking to get married should not be dating someone who does not know God. We saw that from the story of Isaac and Rebekah.

2 Cor 6:14 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?”

lays out a general principle and while it is not in the context of marriage, it lays out a general principle that a Christian and a lost person cannot be yoked together in partnership or fellowship because they do not have common values. The lost person is dark and the Christian is light. This applies to all kinds of partnerships, but there can be no closer partnership than marriage. The result is going to be conflict because there is no fellowship of light with dark. They are going two separate directions.

A Christian is going to want to take their kids to church while a lost person is not going to be faithful to church.

A Christian is going to want to discipline their children so they do whats right, but a lost person is most likely going to be against it.

A Christian is going to have a different set of morals than a lost person.

A Christian ought to want their kids to love God with all their heart and that will in no wise be a priority to a lost spouse.

Your values will be different and the only thing that can possibly happen is either compromise or conflict. In very rare situations, they might get saved, but it is rare and cannot justify disobeying God.

But what about the person who is already married to a lost person what should they do? 1 Peter deals with the issues that arise from being a believer surrounded by a pagan culture: being exiles or strangers and pilgrims. It teaches that this world is not my home, but I am living here now. So how do I live as a believer in exile?

One practical issue that a Christian could face is having an unsaved husband. What do you do if you get saved, but your husband does not? Do you divorce him? Paul says no. So how should our marriage function then? He doesn’t have my values. Tonight Peter is going to give us two commands and then the reason for why we should do these things.

I. Submit to your husband in any area not contradictory to God’s word. vs 1-2

The very first word is Likewise which ties the passage back to the previous chapter. Just to get a glimpse at the context look at 1 Peter 2:22-25 “Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed. For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.”

When Jesus was mistreated, he did not rant and rail. He didn’t put up a fight and scream, but he bore our sin. He took it on himself. In the same way, wives, Peter says with that attitude be in subjection to your own husbands.

Let me say first of all, that Peter addresses wives and not husbands primarily because it would be normal in this culture for a wife to become a Christian but not her husband while a husband getting saved almost always led to the wifes conversion immediately. Roman culture taught that the wife must have the same religion as the husband. He also addresses wives in such depth because they will be the marginalized and persecuted in this type of mixed marriage. In a patriarchal society, a wife has few rights and is likely to be mistreated while if the tables were turned the husband is going to get persecuted by his wife.

But he tells them to be in subjection- submit to your husbands. Submission means to place yourself under the authority of someone. When a soldier in the military doesn’t like what his commander is telling him to do, what does he do? He obeys. Submission implies disagreement and obedience. Notice the command is to your own husbands- God is not advocating for patriarchal subservience of all women to all men. But in the voluntary relationship of marriage, the wife is told to submit to her husband.

Verse two adds that you are to respect your husband when you submit. The word used is fear but implies respect. How many of us adults act like children? We do what we must but we complain the whole way. The kind of submission that is going to please God is a submission that doesn’t gripe and complain and disrespect your husband.

The next phrase is so important that if any obey not the word.- this is a clear reference to a lost husband. The implication is that the character of your husband has nothing to do with whether you submit or not. A lost husband is not going to do what is right, he is not going to be pleasing God and he is not going to obey God. And yet, you are to submit. Peter gives us an example of this in vs 5-6.

These women were holy women who trusted in God. Their submission was not about their husbands but about their trust in God. Can you trust God when your husband is an idiot?

Sara obeyed and respected her husband Abraham. She even goes so far as to call him lord or master. The closest we can find to her actually saying this is in Gen 18:12 “Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?”

So the first struggle a wife is going to have if she is in a mixed marriage is a temptation to rule her husband.

II. Focus on inward beauty not just on the outward appearance. vs 3-4

The second temptation she is going to face is to try and keep her husband by her beauty. As I said earlier, Roman culture taught that the wife must have the same religion as her husband. He is going to be tempted to divorce her in a culture that allows him to do what ever he wants. At the very least he is going to ignore her and find a mistress.

Peter challenges her not to adorn herself with externals but to focus on the adorning of a meek and quite spirit. Many women want to allure a man when they are single by their beauty. This is why the pull of immodesty is so prevalent in our society today. But a wife who feels her husband is pulling away from her may have the same temptation as a single woman has. She may feel the best plan of attack is to make herself look more enticing. Now don’t be deceived into thinking this passage teaches that you should be plain and ugly. That is not Peter’s intent. He is merely saying don’t focus on outward beauty. Rather focus on the inner man.

Character matters more than beauty. Work on being the type of wife you need to be and he will notice. The text describes this beautiful inner man as meek and quite. These words do not mean silent. Peter is saying women should be seen and not heard. meekness means strength under control. Are you controlled or do you give in to whatever whims and emotions are roiling underneath? The second word which seems to imply silence actually means tranquility. Do you bring peace to your marriage? Or is everything a fight or chaos. Related to this is the idea of being a loud woman. Do the words you say and the way you say them bring calm to your marriage.

This type of spirit is not just good for your marriage but Peter says it is of great price to God. God values it and it is precious to him.

III. The purpose is so that you might potentially win them to the Lord. vs 1

Tucked away in verse one Peter gave us the reason to do these things. Not only are they good things to do. Not only does God expect them and not only are they written down in scripture, but in doing these two things you might be led to the Lord.

Notice the phrase may be won- While it is no guarantee that your husband will get saved, this is the best way to seek that goal. They might just be won to the Lord by the conversation of the wives.- conversation here means lifestyle. Some people are big into criticizing lifestyle evangelism but let me point out that is exactly what Peter is advocating here. Notice he says without the word.

The husband already knows she is a Christian hence the problem in the first place. She must have already told him once, but she is not nagging him with the gospel. Her lifestyle without constantly preaching at him can win him to the Lord. As he sees the reality of the gospel in her life; it will convict and show him the truth of the gospel.

Conclusion

So if you find yourself in a marriage to an unbeliever the solution isn’t to abandon the marriage. Peter here gives us two ways to possibly see them get saved. By submitting in respect and being the godly wife that God has called you to be, they might just get saved.