R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

54 years Aretha Franklin belted out,

R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me R-E-S-P-E-C-T Take care, TCB, oh

This anthem of respect

Ephesians 5:22–24 ESV

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

This passage is built upon the previous theme that Paul is relating to: Walking in Love. This is the foundation upon which this passage is built and cannot be taken out of the context of the rest of Paul's writings to the Ephesians about love for one another. This comes out of Paul's encouragement in v. 1,2

Ephesians 5:1–2 ESV

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

It's also flows from the commandment in vv. 15-21

Ephesians 5:15–21 ESV

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

So the instruction of vv. 22-24 is based on this call to love.

Marriage is built upon love. But knowing how to love is almost as important as knowing to love.

HOW MEN RECEIVE LOVE

We must be careful here, because we do not want to generalize, nor do we want to create a charicature of men. What we do want to see is how God has created men, those with an XY chromosome set.

And this is important to note given our culture and it’s rejection of truth: men and women are different and they receive love differently.

Men are different then women. Now let me be clear, this doesn’t mean women don’t want and crave respect. No. True love requires respect, but the main motivation of most men is respect.

The male heart has been wired by God with a deep core desire for respect, and is not something that we should “repent” from.

We have been created in God's image. There is therefore a deep core desire in God’s heart for respect...

Because this is in God's nature, and because it is put in me by Him, the desire for respect is a good thing…

Malachi 1:6 ESV

“A son honors his father, and a servant his master. If then I am a father, where is my honor? And if I am a master, where is my fear? says the Lord of hosts to you, O priests, who despise my name. But you say, ‘How have we despised your name?’

God has a deep core desire for respect; we have been created in God’s image; therefore, we too have a deep core desire for respect.

The Love Language of Men: RESPECT

We all have love languages, the way we receive love from others. For some it’s acts of kindness, for others touch, but there is one characteristic that seems to run the spectrum of manhood: Respect. Men crave it.

The text doesn’t actually use the word submit or respect in the greek. Literally the text says, “wives, to your own husbands as to the Lord.”

In Colossians 3:18, Paul gives the same instruction to the Colossians

Colossians 3:18 ESV

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

But he does use the word hypotasso which means to put oneself under the authority of another.

Mutual respect is essential to a loving marriage. In fact, love begins with respect. Without it then the emotion we feel is simply sappy emotionalism and can never last. This is why marriages built on the idea of “I can change those things about him I don’t like” almost always end poorly.

“No husband feels affection toward a wife who appears to have contempt for who he is as a human being. The key to creating fond feelings of love in a husband toward his wife is through showing him unconditional respect”.

Emerson Eggericks

This applies not only in marriage but also in the church.

Romans 12:10 ESV

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

All this respect is not based on the man’s worth, but God’s.

Ephesians 5:22 ESV

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

So how?

Look for opportunities to show your husband honor and build him up. God’s Word teaches that respect is an unearned gift.

Focus on what your husband does well. God gave you an imperfect man, remember that.

Think before you speak. Remember the Three T’s: Text (what you will say), Time (when you will say it) and Tone (how you will express your words).

Tell your children the positive aspects of their dad’s character, both as a husband and a father.

Men live worthy of respect

While all this is true, men we have a responsibility that we must meet and it’s this: we must be worthy of respect. While wives the call to respect is not based on a man’s worthiness but God’s, men we are called to walk worthy.

So how?

Be Humble

Isaiah 66:2 ESV

All these things my hand has made, and so all these things came to be, declares the Lord. But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.

Love God’s Word

look at the last part of that verse.

Be a Spiritual Leader

Men be like Ezra. We must stand against the culture. We must not be passive.

While our wives should respect us because of Christ, we should strive to be worthy of this respect because of Christ.