God's Master Plan for the Family, Part 5 - Parenting
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week one - we learned about the foundation of marriage and why God created marriage
week two - learned many truths about marriage by looking at the 1st wedding ceremony of Adam and Eve
week three - we learned about the role of the Husband
week 4 - role of the wife
today is parenting - and we will look at the roles of parents and children
show picture of the blue print
God has a Master Plan/blueprint for parenting too, so let’s take a look
and in the is parenting masterplan/blue print, the leadership and accountability of the husband in marriage extends to the children.
so the HUSBAND is ultimately responsible for the provision, care, teaching, raising, discipline . . . and the wife is to help him (or hurt)
And if something is not done right, God will place blame on the husband/father.
Let me give you an example of this responsibility
3 “If a young woman makes a vow to the Lord or a pledge under oath while she is still living at her father’s home,
daughter makes a vow/promise to the Lord: I will do this
promise to never marry
promise to give all money I make to the poor for the rest of my life
4 and her father hears of the vow or pledge and does not object to it, then all her vows and pledges will stand.
if fathers says that’s cool, then God will hold that young lady to her vow
5 But if her father refuses to let her fulfill the vow or pledge on the day he hears of it, then all her vows and pledges will become invalid. The Lord will forgive her because her father would not let her fulfill them.
but if father says that’s a foolish vow, he can say “you don’t have to fulfill that vow” . . . and God will consider it canceled
(same goes for husbands and wives)
So fathers pay attention, because responsibility falls squarely on you
wives pay attention, because fathers need help
children pay attention, because God has some requirements for you too
We will start with the role of children . . .
16 ‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you.
Honor your father and your mother
One role for children - honor your parents
by parents we mean birth parents, adopted parents, parents by marriage, older caregiver who has stepped into the role of your parents (uncle, aunt, grandmother, grandfather)
treat them with respect
hold them in high regard
value them
appreciate them
give them special treatment
they are not like your friends, they are your parents
even if you are friends with your parents, they are your parents first . . . and you are to honor them
many of us have this naturally built in: you can talk about me, my clothes, my looks . . . but don’t talk about my momma (she has a special place of honor in my life)
One role for children - honor your parents
somethings you just don’t say to your parents (they made you mad, but you need to keep that to yourself) - honor them
somethings you better say to your parents (yes ma’am, yes sir)
somethings you will do because they are your parents (let me get that, let me do that for you) - honor them
somethings you won’t do because they are your parents (you don’t raise your hand to strike your parents) - honor them
honor your father and your mother . . . .
as the Lord you God has commanded you
no stipulations or qualification . . . it is a straight forward command
your parents are to be honored because they are your parents
just like the wife is supposed to respect her husband just because he is her husband (whether he is a good husband or not)
just like the husband is to love is his wife just because she is his wife (whether she is a good wife or not)
children are to honor their parents
honor them when they give you what you want
honor them when they irritate you
honor them when it seems that understand
honor them when it seems they don’t understand
honor them whether you think they are good parents or not
that your days may be prolonged
not a promise of long life, but prolonged life
that you may live out your full number of days, and get some extra added to them
another way of saying it, “honor your parents so that your life will not be cut short”
this is serious, children . . . you are playing with life and death . . . . honor your parents
and I don’t have to get deep, young people have died because:
they played in the street when their parents said don’t play in the street. Their life was cut short because they got hit by a car
they snuck out went to that place their parents told them was a dangerous place.
Or they hung out with that person, their parents told them not to hang out with
and that it may go well with you
life will be better
God will bless you
somethings will go better because your honored and obeyed your parents
I cringe when I see dishonoring and disobedient children because I know that they are setting themselves up for failure in the future
We told our children to always say yes sir, no sir, yes ma’am and no ma’am
and it helped them out of so many teacher situations
so and so has not turned in their work, and the deadline has passed, and I normally don’t call . . . but there are so respectful, and you don’t see that now days, so just tell th em to turn it in by Friday
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
and if you are living in your parents’ house:
you are female and you have not been given away to a husband
you are male, and you have not left to cleave to a wife
and they are providing your food, shelter, and clothing then that honor includes obedience
obey your parents
a big part of honoring your parents is obeying your parents
obey means do what they tell you to do . . .clean room, clean kitchen, pick up trash, be quiet, not one more word, come when they call, go when they say go, do your school work, hurry up, be still, stop running . . . just do it. That’s your role
not obey with an attitude, not obey super slowly . . . just obey “slow obedience is no obedience”
in the Lord
as long as they are not telling you do do something wrong or immoral
also carries the idea of Christian children should defintely adhere to this
for this is right
The bible declares that it’s right for children to obey their parents
it’s basicially saying, children do what your parents tell you to do simply because they told you to
the Bible says them obeying is right
2 Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.
and verses 2 and 3 quotes what we just read in Deut. 5, honor your father and mother . . . it’s a command with a promise.
you are doing YOURSELF a favor when you honor and obey your parents
and the honoring your father and mother is a lifetime command
when you leave their house you don’t have to obey, but honor continues . . . just a certain level of respect
even when dying on the cross for all of humanity, Jesus took out time to honor his mother.
why? because that was his momma!
he Made sure she would be taken care of, treated her special
Question on the floor! What if they are really bad parents?
still honor them.
if they are so bad that they are telling you to do wrong, then don’t do it because that is not in the Lord . . . yet you can respectfully decline.
you can honor them without being all “lovey-dovey”
if you all have a bad relationship and they cuss you out, then don’t cuss them back . . . that’s your mom/dad
you have honored them by keeping your mouth shut
Obvious lesson
if we cannot learn to honor our earthly parents who we can see, it will be very difficult honoring a Heavenly Father who we cannot see
if we refuse to obey our earthly parents when we don’t understand, don’t agree, think they are being unfair, think that they don’t know what they are doing . . . it is going to be very difficult to obey our Heavenly Father because when it comes to Him, we kind of always feels like that . . .
don’t understand what our Heavenly Father is doing
don’t agree with what he has let happened
think God is unfair
wonder if God knows what He’s doing
Role of children - honor your parents, and that role includes obedience if they are taking care of you
Role of the parents
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Fathers
went from parents to father because father is responsible. (though his help mate should help with this)
Don’t provoke your children to anger
don’t abuse your authority
don’t exasperate them just because you can
don’t get caught up in your feelings and take it out on the children
as you deal with them, understand where they are coming from . . .
Remember how as the head of the house, the husband is told to treat his wife with understanding . . . also the father is asked to treat his children with understanding
but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord
here discipline doesn’t mean punishment, it means guidance
Fathers (and mothers help him) as you raise them, guide and instruct your children in the ways of the Lord.
just like we have different academic disciplines: history, mathematics, sociology
and martial art disciplines: karate, judo, kung fu
bring your children up in the discipline of the Lord:Christian fu
teachings, doctrines, way of life, training
It is supposed to be more than just provision and keeping them out of harms way . . . you are to guide and teach them
the word disciple has the same root at discipline
Fathers, you are the master, your child is your disciple
6 Train up a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Train up a child
Training indicates goal and purpose, not just providing and caring
Athletes train because a contest is coming up. So their coaches and trainers prepare them for the contest by training them
Parents are to train their children for the contest called the Christian life
so they will be ready, prepared, strong, have a game plan to succeed
train - not just put clothes on their backs
train - not just put food on the table
train - not just take them to church
life is hard, and a Christian life is no joke, they need training
and if you don’t train them, then you are by default training them to fail, give up, not care, by a hypocrite, not to serve God
in the way he should go
training in the Lord, Christian way, Christian fu
Fathers you are the pastor, Mothers you are the assistant pastor, your child is the member
teach, guide, counsel, encourage them, correct them
AND LIVE BY EXAMPLE
a while back, a Mother concerned that her grown children didn’t like coming to church . . . but when they were children, sometimes the family went to church and sometimes they didn’t
and as member of WMBC, the parents would go to church in seasons . . . sometimes they did and and sometimes they didn’t
almost anything could derail church plans - day at the park planned, had a busy Saturday, I have to get up early Monday
and so the children were trained to think that church was not important . . . they were just responding by their training
and when he is old, he will not depart from it
if they are properly trained in the way (happened to be what the Christians were called before they were called Christians)
they won’t utterly depart from the way
there might be some straying, but they will find their way back to the way that they were trained in
15 Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.
God wants’s godly offspring from the parents
Role of parents: train Godly children
you are raising/training someone’s school teacher
plumber, truck driver, doctor, receptionist, police officer, judge, country’s president, pastor
and the Lord wants them to be Godly!
you are training someone’s husband, wife, father, mother
and the Lord wants them to be Godly!
that’s a real job/important job: prayer, planning, effort, strategy, time, learning
What about single parent homes? Blended families?
what if the Father is not there
what if the mother is not there to help
First, every family needs God’s help!
with God your family can still be a success
there will be extra challenges, but all things are possible for God
Joseph had 3 step-mothers and 10 half brothers and ended up running a whole country
Moses was adopted
the great prophet Samuel was adopted
Queen Esther was raised by her cousin
Jesus had a step-father on earth
Pray!
practically, you should seek out some help from whatever is missing: boys need a man, females need a woman
find Christian male mentor or female mentor from relatives, friends, or church members
Protection for children
What if the parents are not doing right - not providing, not caring, not training, asking you to do wrong . . . or not even there
Children have a direct line to the supervisor
and Jesus has a soft spot for children
no father, you will always have a heavenly Father . . . turn to him
he will provide, so turn to him
In all of this training and responsibility, there is still a special relationship built on love
13 Just as a father has compassion on his children, So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
Father’s have compassion on your children -you love, you care, you seek their welfare, patient . . . compassion is a love that causes you to act for someone’s good
and that ‘s what God does for us - Our heavenly father trains us, but also has compassion on us: and he helps us, encourages us, builds us up, accepts us, gives us 2nd chances, . . . .even after all of our mistakes
Role 1: train Godly children
Role 2: have compassion on them
often we mess up when we focus on one above the other
JEsus
God had compassion on us and sent his only begotten son