Learning To Lament Well

There are many things we learn when we gather as a church.

We learn about the goodness and mercy of God through the sacrificial death of Jesus

We learn about the sovereignty of God through the trials of Job and Daniel

We learn about the benefit of the church, as we bear one another’s burdens and love our neighbor as our self

The list could go on and on.

But one thing that does not appear on that list for many, many churches: we learn how to lament well.

Grief, as we looked at last week, is a common experience for us in this fallen, sin-cursed world.

There is no one who has not experienced pain or loss in some form or fashion.

Yet, there are many Christians who, though they are being loved by others, are left to figure out how to grieve on their own.

And in that process, feelings of pain and hurt are met with emptiness and loneliness, which then lead to feelings of bitterness and anger toward the God who has sovereignly allowed them to endured this trial.

Many-a-people have left the church and abandoned the faith because they did not know how to lament well.

Brad Bigney, pastor in KY and a certified biblical counselor

A woman in our church grabbed me right after the third service in the past couple weeks. She’s so dear and she always sat right in the third row with her husband. He died suddenly, no prior notice. They were just working in the yard, he wasn’t old, and she walked around the corner to greet a neighbor. When she came back he was stretched out on the ground. She thought he was just kidding—he was a real jokester. But she went over and she couldn’t wake him. He was blue. He was dead. To her credit, she’s been in church every Sunday since the funeral, but she grabbed me a few weeks ago and I could tell she was almost ashamed. She whispered, “Brad, I want you to know I’m having terrible thoughts about God. I’m angry and I know I shouldn’t think this way.”… I assigned her some chapters of lamentation and said, “Let these give voice to your feelings. You’re not alone. You’re not the first to have felt this.”

I believe what we learn from the Psalms of lamentation is that we have permission to voice our complaint to God in prayer.  That’s not the same as complaining out loud about God to other people. That’s a sin. These are prayers, dark prayers, but they’re prayers.

It is very important for Christians to remember 2 Timothy 3:16-17

2 Timothy 3:16–17 (ESV)

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

All Scripture is given to us by God, for our benefit. He desires that His children be complete and serving Him and others.

That means these very difficult, dark, psalms that make us squirm and appear to be blasphemous are given for our benefit; namely, that we grieve properly.

Last week, I gave you an outline to help you through your grieving process and gave particular Scripture references as it related to each point.

This week, I would like to apply that outline to the psalm of lament that we read earlier this morning: Psalm 13.

May this time together be a brief exposure of Learning To Lament Well.

The Occurrence Of Grief

Like many of the lament psalms, there is no clear indication in the text of what exactly is going on in David’s life when this was written.

One common suggestion is the time when Saul had his men hunt David from place to place

Another suggestion is when Absalom rises up against David, causing him to flee for his life

Whether his life was in danger at the hand of his father-in-law or son, David would certainly have adequate cause for grief.

But the fact that the psalm does not have a direct context allows us, as readers, to make more personal applications.

The trial that David is facing is in the form of a dominant enemy, as revealed in verse 2 (how long shall my enemy be exalted over me?).

What exactly is that enemy?

For David, a man of war, it could be a literal military force. As mentioned earlier, Saul or Absalom could fit the bill, as could any other foreign force that he fought against in his lifetime.

For each of us here, it is not likely to be a soldier in war.

For us, it could be:

An abuser in the home

An ex-spouse

An unruly child

A contentious neighbor

A terminal disease

Death, or impending death, of a loved one

An unreasonable boss or co-worker

The list is almost inexhaustible.

According to a recent Gallup poll:

The percentage of U.S. adults who report having been diagnosed with depression at some point in their lifetime has reached 29.0%, nearly 10 percentage points higher than in 2015. The percentage of Americans who currently have or are being treated for depression has also increased, to 17.8%, up about seven points over the same period.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, based on stats from 2020:

Suicide was the 12th leading cause of death, overall, in the United States

It was the 2nd leading cause of death of individuals aged 10-14 and 25-34, and the 3rd leading cause of death of individuals aged 15-24.

There were nearly twice as many suicides as homicides.

Depression and suicide rates are on the rise, with both being indicators of the hopelessness many people suffer from because of the trials they endure.

And really, there is very little indication that Christians are faring better in these categories than non-Christians.

The Christian’s chief occupational hazards are depression and discouragement.

John Stott

Our work, when earnestly undertaken, lays us open to attacks in the direction of depression.

Charles Spurgeon

The bottom line point is that we all have a context in which our grief comes to bear on our lives.

Now, let’s continue into Psalm 13.

Read Psalm 13.

The Outpouring Of Grief

Psalm 13:1-4

v. 1 - feeling of abandonment by God

The mere question of “how long?” is a phrase of desperation. Almost as an exhaustive, I don’t really know what to say, question.

Then flow the feelings of abandonment.

Will I be forgotten forever?

How long will you be hidden from me?

God hiding His face is an expression of shame toward an individual.

Deuteronomy 32:20 “And he said, ‘I will hide my face from them; I will see what their end will be, for they are a perverse generation, children in whom is no faithfulness.”

v. 2 - feeling of being forgotten

David was at the point of being his own counselor because he feels abandoned by God.

The common teaching in our society is that answers to life can be found within.

If you look deep enough, long enough, you will find the strength or wisdom you need to pull through a hard situation.

The pride of individuals who have “pulled themselves up by their own boot straps” mask the very real pain they feel of having to endure it alone.

God has created us as relational beings who need one another to survive well.

That is why He refers to the church as a Body of believers who are to build one another up.

v. 3 - depressed to the point of feeling like death is the only hope

David’s depression was so severe that he wanted to die.

This is not an uncommon occurrence, as revealed by the statistics that I shared with you earlier.

Severe depression is on the rise, as is the rate of suicide, in our country.

When people begin to endure the full weight of stress and trials in this world, which we were not created to withstand alone, then hopelessness creeps in to the point of despair.

In their attempt to answer the issues of depression in mankind, many trained in the area of psychology and psychiatry have concluded that depression is a result of chemical imbalances in the brain, with very little-to-no dependable pathological studies to support their conclusions.

As a response to this dilemma, pharmaceutical companies developed and distribute at alarming rates antidepressants, which are believed to balance out those supposed imbalances.

Unfortunately, this approach to treating depression does not deal with clear circumstantial factors that play into the equation, and only seek to provide a “feel good feeling” in the midst of difficulty.

Yet, even with all the antidepressant use in America, we are still seeing a rise in depression and suicide.

People are still reaching the point of being overwhelmed, just as David did almost 3,000 years ago.

v. 4 - his enemies will rejoice in his defeat

As God’s chosen king of Israel, the last thing that David wanted was for his enemies (and by extension, God’s enemies) to have a sense of victory.

God is David’s foundation, and on that foundation he will not be shaken.

But if he is shaken, then that will give God’s enemies cause for rejoicing.

This is similar to the circumstances in Daniel’s day.

As Nebuchadnezzar defeated Judah and sacked Jerusalem, it was more than just one military leader defeating another. Rather, it was more about Nebuchadnezzar’s god defeating the god of Israel.

Thus, the sense of pride that Nebuchadnezzar had because his god had won the victory, and the reason why Yahweh needed to humble Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel 4.

But the experience of the righteous is not just grief without relief. We see in the concluding verses…

The Overcoming Of Grief

Psalm 13:5-6

v. 5 - trust in God’s mercy to come

With a contrast of “but I,” David recognizes that even though he feels defeated and in the depths of despair that God will be merciful toward him and that he will see God’s salvation.

The Hebrew term for “steadfast love” is ḥesed, the core idea of this term relates to loyalty within a relationship. In relation to the concept of love, it denotes God’s faithfulness to his people.

v. 6 - praise in the midst of despair

Since God is faithful to His people, and provides for their need, we can look and see how He has done so in our own lives and give thanks for it.

No matter how far down the path of grief and depression we may go, there is always the opportunity to be thankful for what God has done for you.

I am the subject of depression so fearful that I hope none of you ever get to such extremes of wretchedness as I go to. But I always get back again by this—I know that I trust Christ. I have no reliance but in him, and if he falls, I shall fall with him. But if he does not, I shall not. Because he lives, I shall live also, and I spring to my legs again and fight with my depressions of spirit and get the victory through it. And so may you do, and so you must, for there is no other way of escaping from it.

Charles Spurgeon