A B C's of Marriage

Intro

When relationships begin it’s all "We’re so in love” and “Falling in Love” & romance. All those things are based on feelings but feelings betray you. It’s important to know that, because after you’re married you don’t continue by following your feelings. Now your love for each other is a choice. Remember we talked last night about I already made that decision.

As you really press into God’s word and you submerse yourself in those words there’s endless Revelation to be had and we can’t explain it we just know it but it’s inexhaustible and it’s fuel for your marriage it’s fuel for your life and your family and your kids and it will never be depleted and it what can fill you up when you need it the most.

Let’s dive in and UNDERSTAND OUR PLAYBOOK! (The Bible)

1.) HE NEEDS RESPECT: (Sandy)

I didn’t grow up with guys around. My parents were divorced so I didn’t live with my Dad and I don’t have brothers or uncles around day to day. Going into our marriage I basically had no idea how to treat a man. It wasn’t until many years in that I finally figured out that Steve NEEDS my honor and respect to be the man God has called him to be.

example - If you take a cork and place it in an empty bottle then begin to pour water in, what happens? The cork begins to rise with the level of water. When we honor and respect our husbands we are causing them to rise higher. We are releasing something in them that helps them become all that God has created them to be (for us as husbands and fathers to our children).

Ladies we can easily get caught in the trap of “he doesn’t deserve my respect” but I promise you that doing things God’s way WILL WORK!

Matthew 7:12 ““Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them....”

Romans 12:10 “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;”

Philippians 2:3 “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”

2.) SHE NEEDS SECURITY (Steve)

As the husband we need to remember that we are a type and shadow of God to our Families. Our wives NEED to feel like we are in control and that we will protect them.

Proverbs 18:10 “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; The righteous run to it and are safe.”

The first, most direct connection our kids will have to God is how they relate to their father.

Nahum 1:7 The LORD is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes.

He is close to those who trust in him.

example- The first and most basic response of a guy to any situation is anger. With the football lifestyle, it’s intense! We have to be guarded not to allow our intensity from the football field to slip into our relationships with our wives and children.

3.) WORKING OUT DIFFERENCES

#1 rule = LISTEN without preparing your case. Listen with your heart. For reconciliation it’s vital that we work to see the other person’s point. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. How would you feel in that situation?

Ephesians 4:1-32  Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.

That sounds hard doesn’t it? Impossible even?!! Because when you’re mad, tempers flare. This is what we shared last night about keeping your personal time with the Lord as the foundation of your relationship. When your heart has been fed God’s word on a daily basis, it will diffuse you. It will anchor you as you navigate difficulties. It will be MUCH easier to yield to love instead of yielding to your flesh! You will have grace to hear your spouse’s heart through their words.

Matthew 6:33 ““But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

4.) PRAYING FOR EACH OTHER

It’s good to routinely ask each other, “How can I be praying for you?” Their answer will help you to see what is weighing heavily on their heart. It can give you a behind the scenes look into what is going on inside their mind that they may not be talking about. You can definitely conquer situations faster when you pray together and in agreement about a situation.

Jeremiah 33:3 “‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’”

Maybe you feel hurt or neglected by your spouse and you find it difficult to bring yourself to pray for them.

Matthew 5:44 ““But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,”

How could God ask us to do this? Because He knows that when you pray for someone long enough, YOUR heart starts to change toward that person! It’s truly win-win!

Sandy’s secret prayer formula*

He is my husband, but he’s YOUR son first! Plead my case, “Father, please show him that isn’t the right decision for our family, etc.” But always have the humility to follow that with, “But if I’m wrong, please show me.” Then you leave the rest in the hands of the Lord. He will see to you when your heart is open to hear His direction!

5.) TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF FOR YOUR SPOUSE

Compliments go a long way for husbands and for wives! Don’t think it and not say it!

Encouragement goes a long way!

1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up...”

Don’t compare your spouse to someone else’s spouse! That’s the devil’s ace in the hole!

You only see a glimpse into that other person, it’s not a full picture of their true character. Don’t be deceived in your thinking. Remember that the devil is looking for ways to destroy your family. Don’t take the bait! It’s a lie!

John 10:10 ““The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”

When you are in a continual mindset of encouragement & joyful service to your spouse, “How can I make this easier for you?” Things will flow so much better.

Marriage is a selfless endeavor! You never win when you take the stance of, “What have you done for me lately?” Choose to love and serve the other no matter how they treat you. God is watching and He will take care of you when you’re doing what’s right.

When it comes to health and fitness, approach it together. “Let’s go for a walk” or “I’ll cook tonight, you clean up after.” You are partners in the journey. You’re on the same team!

Don’t take sides with anyone outside your family. Be a protector of your spouse. When someone else is complaining about their spouse. Just listen, don’t join in.

Mark 3:25 ““And if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.”

You and your spouse are on the same team! Don’t allow division!

6.) DEVOTIONAL TIME & SERVING TOGETHER

Our relationship deepened when we build our friendship around Jesus. Learn together and discuss what God has been saying to you or showing you individually.

Matthew 7:25 ““and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.”

This is especially helpful when the devil has been harassing you.

Sandy’s example: I should have done things differently with homeschooling etc. Steve said, “Thank God you had the boldness to step out of your comfort zone and home school! Imagine where our kids might be if you had not obeyed the Lord in that!” Immediately my mind was eased. I needed that. If Steve hadn’t been spending time in God’s word regularly he wouldn’t have been able to squelch those fiery arrows of the enemy. The devil always makes things seem much bigger and worse than they actually are.

As there are seasons in football, there are seasons in life and this is true for marriage as well. There will be seasons of difficulty. Just recognize it for what it is, a season, not a destination. Purpose in your heart that you won’t be a complainer.

In the example of coaching - ladies, ask yourself How can I support his dream? See his time away as an investment, you are sowing seed into the lives of young people. Choose this perspective! Then you will reap a harvest! Someone will come along to mentor and support your kids at an important time in their lives.

Galatians 6:7 & 9 “Don’t be misled - you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. 9) So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”

Be supportive even when it feels unfair. God’s love is the enabler!

When your relationship’s foundation is Jesus, your marriage will thrive! God’s ways always work!

Let us pray for you!