How did I get here? 1 Kings 19:1-18

Introduction

The day after my whole depression hit its worst point, my mind just wouldn’t stop racing from one chaotic, disordered thought to another. The more I thought, the further my mind spiraled into dark, intrusive places that I felt almost powerless to escape from. By 545 AM, the sun was just starting to come up, and I decided to get up. Even out of bed, my thoughts felt like a straight jacket, crushing the life out of me as I tried desperately to get away from them, finding that the harder I tried to fight, the tighter my chest got, to the point that I could barely breathe. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew something needed to happen. So, I decided to write, because writing has always been a helpful discipline.

For the next four hours, I wrote endlessly, filling page after page of a yellow legal pad with whatever thoughts I could get on the page. Sometimes I wrote vertically, sometimes in between the lines, sometimes I wrote partial sentences and sometimes I wrote quotes of things that have been on replay in my head for years. As I wrote, I found I felt some better, but I kept focusing on one idea: I need to show this to Ruth Anne. She needs to see what is going on in my head. I had started writing on page five of the yellow legal pad, because doing so helped me to keep these thoughts from being seen. I determined to keep this journal to myself, and not really show anyone. I closed up the legal pad, put it back in my Bible, and walked inside from the back porch to make a cup of coffee. What happened next is something that I will simply never forget.

When I walked back out from the kitchen, I found our German Shepherd standing over the legal pad. Se had taken the legal pad out of my Bible and, get this, had chewed up the first four pages of the pad. I have it here to show it to you - when she moved, the first thing I saw was the first page of my writing. It was then that I could, finally, after weeks of agonizing spiritual silence, hear the voice of the Lord in a quiet, still impression telling me that I was to show this to my wife. From that one act has come the help and comfort of my wife, of the deacons and pastors of this church, the courage to talk to someone consistently about my ongoing battles with PTSD, and this sermon series. But it all started with a small, quiet act of common grace.

This passage today is one of my favorite spots to go to when navigating seasons of depression. I love it for a number of reasons that I hope we get to explore, but I primarily love it because it’s a window for us into how God tenderly and carefully parents His prophet who is in the dregs of depression and sorrow. This chapter shows us that God uses ordinary means to teach us that His presence is our help in times of sorrow. And that is what I hope for us to see today.

1 Kings 19:1-3 - Elijah’s Sorrow

1 Kings 19:1-3 “Ahab told Jezebel all that Elijah had done, and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, “So may the gods do to me and more also, if I do not make your life as the life of one of them by this time tomorrow.” Then he was afraid, and he arose and ran for his life and came to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there.”

These first three verses give us some insight into what has happened, but you need to go back a chapter to really get an understanding of the situation. You may remember that in chapter 18, we have the great showdown between the prophets of Baal and Elijah, the prophet of God. The king of Israel at the time, Ahab and his lovely wife Jezebel were incredibly devoted followers of the pagan god Baal, so they were none too happy when Elijah’s work resulted in the mass slaughter of the false prophets, as well as an end to the drought. Through Elijah’s work God thwarted Baal on every turn. So, Ahab heads back to a place called Jezreel, where he had a palace, and tells Jezebel what happened.

Jezebel was pretty upset with the outcome of this showdown, and commits to kill Elijah. Now, here is the scene: Elijah has just faced the 850 prophets of Baal. He stood courageously against idolatry, and saw God do incredible things by providing fire that could consume rock, and then rain to end the drought. You would think that he would be absolutely fearless here. But the same Elijah that stood courageously against 850 prophets now cowers at the threat of one woman. He hears the threat of Jezebel, and arose and ran for his life, going to Beersheba. Now, I don’t know how up you are on your Israelite geography, so let me help you out here. Jezreel, where he was, was in the northern kingdom of Israel, pretty far north in the area. Beersheba, however, was all the way in the southernmost part of Judah, the southern kingdom. It was almost impossible for God’s prophet to have run any farther away and still be in the promised land. If he walked in a straight line, it would have been somewhere around 100 miles away. And then, when you look at 1 Kings 19:4 You see that he actually then when a day’s journey past that into the wilderness.

“But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.””

Now, what was wrong with Elijah? This hardly even looks like the same person! We get some insights into some of the potential causes for depression in the man of God here:

Elijah felt the great letdown that follows great success: Spurgeon explains this with something that I found both incredibly helpful and insightful: “poor human nature cannot bear such strains as heavenly triumphs bring to it; there must come a reaction. Excess of joy or excitement must be paid for by subsequent depression.” Spurgeon, lectures, page 172. This has been a constant truth in my life. The great emotional highs of life have often been followed by incredibly deep lows. Elijah seems to have experienced this as well.

Elijah plunged into fear of man - in the midst of this emotional roller coaster, Elijah then heard the voice of Jezebel instead of the voice of God. Fear of man is a constant adversary in the Christian life, but can be particularly damaging during times of sorrow. Sometimes, we can find our fear of man present when we convince ourselves that if we just had the approval and affection of this person, our problems would be solved. Sometimes, we find our fear of man present in convincing ourselves that if we didn’t have this experience, or if we just had that need met, then we could finally be “over” our depression. We just don’t have the time to examine fear of man, and that would be a fascinating sermon series, but suffice it to say that we have a similar struggle with Elijah in this capacity.

The fight went on longer than Elijah thought it should - Elijah was worn out from the battle. He had poured all he was into the battle against the foes of God. After such a decisive victory, it could be that he thought that the war against Baal should be over. But instead, he gets a death threat from the one person in Israel who was just as committed to Baal as he was to the God of Israel. There comes a time in the life and heart of a person wrestling through darkness when they say “I should be over this by now. I have fought so hard, so long. This should be done.” A little more than a year ago, I had this exact experience. There was about a month-long span where I felt like I was going from one crisis to the next, to the next. There was a major crisis that happened in the church, and then another one just a couple of weeks later. I can remember walking to church on a Monday and actually saying “God has given me strength for this, and I can do this because I know the end of this battle is coming.” And I had no idea what lay in store over the next year, as it felt like hit after hit of sorrow, conflict, difficulty abounded at almost every turn. I put a timetable on my own hardship, and then expected that God would conform His providence to my timetable, and I wound up wounded, more exhausted, and disappointed than before.

Elijah’s identity was clouded by his calamity - and so, Elijah forgets who he is in a real sense. This man was the prophet of God! He had been fed by ravens, had raised someone from the dead, called down both fire and rain from heaven. God has cared for, empowered, and protected him all the days of his life. But because of everything we just talked about, he just couldn’t see who he was. But more importantly, he couldn’t see who God was. And that is why he fled. That is what truly plunged him into sorrow. The sorrow we feel in depression is compounded when we feel like we can’t see, feel, or hear God. We resonate with the Psalmist in Ps. 13:1 -

Psalm 13:1 (ESV)

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

And so, through the compounding of all of these troubles, the fear becomes overwhelming, and we do what Elijah did - we run. As far away as we can, thinking that somehow we might run from God. But God is pleased to do something surprising with our running when we are children of God, which we will talk about a little later. Let’s get past these verses though, and keep exploring.

III. What can we learn about how Elijah felt?

The way Elijah describes his own experience is incredibly helpful and insightful for us as we seek to understand our own depression. Let’s take a look at the next few verses here, in 1 Kings 19:4-14

“But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.” And he lay down and slept under a broom tree. And behold, an angel touched him and said to him, “Arise and eat.” And he looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again. And the angel of the Lord came again a second time and touched him and said, “Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you.” And he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mount of God. There he came to a cave and lodged in it. And behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and he said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He said, “I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life to take it away.”

We can break the rest of this passage into two main sections: Elijah’s expression of what is going on in his soul, and God’s gracious response to Him. If we are to describe Elijah’s state, we can use a few words that we can also relate to when we struggle with sorrow:

Fear - we established from the first three verses that there was a fear at play here, but as we move through the passage we see Elijah express this fear. Look at some of the ways that he expresses this fear. First, he says “the people of Israel” are against him. He is seeing things out of proportion. In reality, Ahab and Jezebel are against him, but when you read chapter 18, the people of Israel were actually the ones to seize the prophets of Baal and take them away! It wasn’t that the whole nation was against him at that time; it was that his fear made it feel that way.

The key to understanding fear is that fear is not rational. Elijah was afraid, so he ran all the way to the very bottom of the nation of Judah. Then, he was afraid, so he ran out to the wilderness. Then, he was afraid, so he estimated the situation out of proportion. Then, he was afraid, so he told God he was all alone. Which is the next way you can describe Elijah’s state:

2. Loneliness - Elijah’s fear led him to loneliness as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Look at the order of things here: Elijah leaves Jezreel, and goes as far south as he can. Then, when he gets to Beersheba, he dismisses his servant. Then, he goes out into the wilderness. He made some decisions that resulted in him being totally alone. Loneliness can be for us a self-fulfilling prophecy. We can experience this even in church sometimes, can’t we?

3. Overwhelmed - All Elijah could see was the situation he was in, and twice he says: I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of Hosts. He had, and there is no question about that. But what Elijah is doing here is something if often incredibly dangerous for us. Elijah is so intent on looking at the things done by him, and the things done to him, that he has failed to focus on the one thing that would have made the biggest difference in his life. When we are truly sorrowful, what we really need is not to stare at our problem, or our difficulty, or our failures. What we need to do is stare deeply at the glory of Christ. We must look to Him, and cry out to him. That was step one, from Ps. 88, right? Cry out to God. When we cry out to Him, when we behold Him, we can take a little of the focus off ourselves. And when we can at least start there, by cracking a window into the darkness of our souls, we can see the light of the Gospel begin to shine through just a little bit. we can become so focused on us, our perceived needs and our problems that we become a major factor in our own depression. All that staring at our own naval will create another problem in our souls that we can see about in the life of Elijah:

4. Overworked - you know what one of the most dangerous thoughts a Christian can have is? “No one can do this but me.” If you put yourself in a position in any way that leads you to believe that you alone are necessary for God to accomplish His purposes, then you are not far from depression. When we allow ourselves to believe that we are indispensable, we place a burden on our own shoulders that is far to great for any one to bear. Because Elijah thought he was the only person left who was serving God, he put a false sense of self-importance on himself and on his role.

That false sense of self-importance puts a pressure on us to work ourselves ragged, to take mistakes and/or failures far too personally, and to put ourselves at the very center of God’s providential plan. Now, God may, and does, indeed use us to accomplish His purposes, but Him using us and Him needing us are two very different things. The surest way to see yourself robbed of joy in your work is to believe that God NEEDS you to do anything. Elijah believed this, and put an incredible amount of pressure on himself. Two quotes that I heard that helped me the most in my ministry going forward - 1. Jesus died for the church, so you don’t have to. 2. In 30 years, the only people that will remember how late you worked are your children. This pressure that we place on ourselves is based on either a. fear of man (the people around me expect me to work this hard) or a false sense of self-importance (If I don’t do it, it won’t be done), and will spiral us very quickly into despair.

Elijah has just had enough. I mean think about it: Just one of these feelings can be enough to overwhelm us, but in depression, one of these almost always leads to another, and another, and another, until we feel like we are in a spiral, and we end up hiding in our proverbial caves, not only hiding from other people, but effectively trying to hide from God. And when we, His children, try to hide from Him, we find that he asks us the same question that he asked Elijah here:

“What are you doing here, Elijah?” This is not an accusing question; it is a tender one. In this same passage, in these same verses, we see not only the problems Elijah was facing, but at the very same time we see the common grace of God given to Elijah. Let’s read this again, 1 Kings 19:4-14

1 Kings 19:4–14 (ESV)

But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.” And he lay down and slept under a broom tree. And behold, an angel touched him and said to him, “Arise and eat.” And he looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again. And the angel of the Lord came again a second time and touched him and said, “Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you.” And he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mount of God.

There he came to a cave and lodged in it. And behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and he said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He said, “I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.” And he said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He said, “I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.”

This passage is not only filled with Elijah’s problems, it is heavy with pictures of God’s grace and mercy to His discouraged servant.

IV. What do we see about God’s great grace?

God gives Elijah grace sufficient for his problems, and we can see some of these same graces in our own lives as we wrestle through the difficult fog of sorrow. We can see God’s grace to Elijah in two ways: common grace, and particular grace.

Common grace: By common grace, I mean that God is using the things in His created world to serve as a means of comfort for His encouragement. For me, this has become birds. I have created a new habit for myself, of just stopping to listen to the songs of the birds singing. I have an app on my phone that helps me identify which song I’m listening to. But those birds, and their songs, have become a means by which I can quieten my own soul. And that is common grace. Look at some of the common grace in Elijah’s life.

Rest: Elijah was worn out, tired, spent. And so, he slept. The strain of depression can often be in the fact that you can be totally exhausted, yet unable to sleep. But Elijah was able to lay down and sleep under the broom tree, and then, after eating, was able to sleep again. When we encourage you to pray for those who are wrestling with melancholy, that is a great way to practically pray for them: that God would grant them appropriate sleep. Sometimes, the depressed person can be prone to sleep too much, and that can often be as dangerous as sleeping too little.

Bread: God, in His common grace to Elijah, provides him with cake from heaven. Now, there may be something to cake as a helpful remedy for depression, but there is certainly something to the fact that God provided a form of manna for an ailing servant. He ate, and drank, and lay down again. Sometimes, the simple routine of eating and drinking the right things, at the right times, can be an incredible means of common grace.

Companionship: Elijah may have wanted to be alone, dismissing his servant and going off in the wilderness by himself, but God knew what was best for Elijah, and so provides companionship. Elijah needed to be with someone else, but specifically, he needed to be with someone who would remind him of God’s care and point him to the presence of God.

Part of what makes this narrative so compelling for us is that each little aspect of it shows us something of the goodness of God, even in the smallest details like the broom tree, which was one of the best shade trees to sit and rest under, to the water and food that provided strength for a forty day journey, to the rest that Elijah likely desperately needed. It was all His grace. Dear Christian, If you look in your daily life for evidences of God’s grace to you, you will find it. Likewise, if you do not look for it, you can likely start to take for granted the great blessings of your life. But God, who is rich in mercy and grace, does not simply stop at common grace for Elijah or for us - He also gives a particular grace to us.

2. Particular grace: God gives some particular graces to His servant Elijah as well, that we also can receive. Starting with

His Word: God speaks to Elijah not only through a servant, but directly and personally to Him. And as He does, we learn something of God and His ways.

He sends Elijah to Horeb, known as the mount of God. This was also known as Mt. Sinai, the same place where God called Moses, and where God promised Himself to Moses. He is sending Elijah to a place where Elijah would remember the word and work of God throughout history, to see that God has been faithful to all generations. He was taking Elijah to a place where he might see the monuments of grace in His life. God does this for us as well. Can you look back to a time in your life when God’s grace has sustained you, where you can say “I could not have done it if it hadn’t been for the Lord?” These are monuments of God’s grace, erected for His glory and for our remembrance in times of trouble. Elijah ended up in a cave in the mountain where God showed Himself both powerful and faithful that God reminds His suffering servant that He is still powerful and faithful.

Then He calls Elijah to come out and stand before Him, but we don’t have any record of Elijah doing this. The Lord sends a great wind, like He had in the past when the Red Sea was split, and yet God’s presence was not in the wind. Then, He sent an earthquake, like he had when Jonathan, David’s dear friend, witnessed to help him defeat the Philistines in 1 Samuel 14. But God’s presence was not in the earthquake. Then, God sent a fire, just like God sent to consume the prophets of Baal just a few months prior in Elijah’s life. And even then, God was not in the fire. One natural disaster at a time, God is recounting His history of miracles in the life of Israel, and of Elijah. And then, Elijah hears the sound of a low whisper.

Elijah wraps his face in his cloak, to protect himself from the glory of God, and he comes out just to the entrance of the cave. The gentle whisper of God here is a word that is only used of God, and is used every other time of the voice God uses to calm the storm. God uses the gentle low whisper to not only settle the natural disasters that He allowed to pass by Elijah, He also uses the same voice to begin to settle the storms in Elijah’s anxious heart. And so, He asks Him the same question - “what are you doing here, Elijah?” And again, there is no tone of impatience, no frustration, no aggravation. The tender voice of the Father speaks in gentle tones to His servant, who stubbornly gives the same exact answer that he gave earlier. Nothing had changed in Elijah, yet. But Elijah was about to experience another particular grace: God’s work.

His Work: God is showing Elijah through His work the path towards hope. Let’s look at 1 Kings 19:15-18

“And the Lord said to him, “Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus. And when you arrive, you shall anoint Hazael to be king over Syria. And Jehu the son of Nimshi you shall anoint to be king over Israel, and Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah you shall anoint to be prophet in your place. And the one who escapes from the sword of Hazael shall Jehu put to death, and the one who escapes from the sword of Jehu shall Elisha put to death. Yet I will leave seven thousand in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him.””

There are three things here that God is going to talk to Elijah to do: to anoint Hazael, to be king over Syria, to anoint Jehu to be king over Israel, and to anoint Elisha to be the next prophet for Israel. Each of these has a particular lesson for Elijah:

In anointing Hazael, Elijah is demonstrating that God is sovereign over even the kings of pagan nations. God speaks into Elijah’s depression and fear by reminding Him of His sovereignty.

In anointing Jehu, Elijah is anointing the replacement for wicked Ahab. Eventually, Jehu would destroy the remnants of Jezebel’s Baal worship, and all the rest of the line of Ahab would be put to death. God demonstrates to Elijah here that one day, evil will have an end, and that God’s plan will go on unthwarted by evil.

In anointing Elisha, Elijah will see that he is not alone in serving God, nor was he ever alone. Elisha will carry on the work, and there will be 7,000 others who have not bowed the knee to Baal.

And so, God speaks through particular grace given in His Word to Elijah, the discouraged, afraid, sorrowful prophet, to demonstrate to us what is a helpful reminder as we navigate our own sorrow.

Applying this passage:

This passage can be a great help both to the one suffering from depression, and to those who love the sufferer. Two separate words here:

For the one suffering - hear the Word of the Lord at the end of this passage. God’s comfort to Elijah is God’s comfort to us:

He is sovereign - we can trust Him with our fears. We can trust Him with uncertainty. The sorrow and heartache and pain we feel certainly feels bigger than we can handle, but it is never bigger than God can handle. He is able, He reigns. We can, and should rest, because He is always working. We can that He is still at work, even when we can’t anymore. We can trust a sovereign God with our suffering, because He is more powerful than we can imagine. Sometimes, He shows that power in miraculous, earth shattering ways. Most of the time, He shows it in the day to day works of common grace, like a dog eating a page, or the sound of the birds chirping, or a perfectly timed text message from a friend. God is sovereign and trustworthy.

He will prevail - it seems like the darkness will last forever. It seems like this really, really hard time in life just won’t ever stop. It seems like we may get swallowed up in suffering, and that our lot is to suffer forever. But God is victorious. Christ has already defeated death and hell and the grave and, even when our suffering seems overwhelming and the enemy of our hope and joy seems so large, these are nothing compared to the victory won already. And when Christ returns, all misery will be put to death. We can’t find our hope in tomorrow being better; it may not. We can’t find our joy in the fact that we may “get over” our sorrow; it may stay with us forever. But we can, and we should, and we must, find our hope in Christ, in knowing that He has prevailed, in knowing that we are His, and in the truth that one day, we will have pure, total, raw joy forever. That is our hope. That is our only true and lasting hope.

He is doing something - God delights in working in small ways. For some of us, the relief we are longing for from our depression comes like a dam that has just burst. We awake one day, and everything is better. Praise the Lord for this. But even in those instances where the dam finally breaks, there were 10,000 common grace, day to day movements of God where He was at work to accomplish that moment. It may have felt like it was all of a sudden, but it almost certainly wasn’t. So for us, we need to do two things. First, trust that God is at work. Second, we don’t simply ask God to act; we ask Him to help us to see how He is already at work, in the day to day, in the small things. In the quiet moments. May we still our own hearts so that we can hear the low whisper of God, who yells when He needs to, but most often speaks in low and gentle tones.

For the one who loves a sufferer - the encouragement here is to imitate the Father. How? Last week, I encouraged you to be faithful. This week, I want to encourage you to continue to do this, but I want to add a new one to your “to do” list:

Be gently persistent - God tenderly asks the same question twice, and got the same answer. No rebuke, no huff, no sigh and the question “when will you get over this Elijah?” Instead, He gently asks the question, then reminds His servant of what is true. Friend, if the God who orchestrates all of creation by the Word of His power can be gentle and yet persistent with Elijah, we too who call Him father can imitate Him. Be willing to ask the same question, in tender ways, and get the same answer. The last thing anybody needs is to change simply because you want them to; to apply pressure for folks to do this is to very intentionally try to create them in your image. God will not honor idolatry. But He will honor a gentle, tender persistence. Men, take not: God, our Father, can speak tenderly, gently and clearly to a suffering servant. Our inability to do these things to those who are suffering is then neither manly nor godly. May God grant us grace to speak with both kindness and persistence.

Conclusion: God uses His Creation, His Word, and His presence to grant us great grace and mercy as we fight for joy. Friend, that is my prayer for you, that you might hear the gentle whisper of God. It is His kindness that leads us to repentance. (Gospel here).

Pray

Benediction: 1 Timothy 6:11-12 “But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”