Beautiful Community

A process to follow…in relationships

Matthew is now recording the “fourth” discourse of Jesus. A set of teachings that guide us to healthy and holy living within the context of the Kingdom of God. Chapter 18 outlines really a 3 step process of dealing with brokenness, sin and hurt feelings. These are things that we deal with, for some of us, everyday. Jesus give us very specific and clear recommendations on how to handle problems and brokenness within the “ekklesia”. (Gathered group of believers)

When we have been hurt— sinned against— offended, there are usually three poor responses that happen:

Three incorrect responses to being offended:

-We take no action, but bitterness toward that person develops.

-We attempt to forgive through denial.

-We talk to everyone except the person who hurt us.

Matthew 18:15 NIV

15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.

Remember, we are talking about “a brother or sister”. Jesus is teaching us about relationships between believers. Some translations add “against you”— some do not. We can apply this process to either. If you observe someone do something wrong, regardless of who it affects— you should speak to them.

Whenever we are going to attempt to connect heaven and earth— which is really what the idea is behind “ekklesia”, you’re going to have a hard time of it— what I’ve discovered is that the books of Deuteronomy and Leviticus are sort of like a health and safety manual for Isreal— and that can be really helpful for us too. It takes us back to something that Moses wrote and imposed upon God’s people very early on:

Leviticus 19:17 NIV

17 “ ‘Do not hate a fellow Israelite in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in their guilt.

If someone is wrong— tell them. The verb here in Hebrew is the same in Greek in our passage— basically it implies that we “Reason” with them. It’s not to win the argument— it’s to “win” the brother or sister!

A Three Step Process for Reconciliation:

This first step in the process is critical. (v.15) But how?

Go to them privately.

Go to them in love.

Go to them after prayer.

You are going to them— with honesty and humility to explain to them how they have sinned— or in some cases, how they have hurt you— you are simply explaining to them so that they will change! IN some circumstances, this is powerful and the person sees the situation from your perspective— they repent and sincerely express they are sorry— and reconciliation is possible!

Just think— no one else may have even known that this happened at all! No shame, no gossip, no overly emotional drama. No misunderstandings.

Yet- How many times do we see situations where someone who has been offended refuses to take this first step. We are simply unwilling to go there.

Now— there are exceptions— maybe it would be appropriate for me to clarify— if there is any sort of abuse, either physical, or violence in any way— you would not go back to face this person— I would not want that for anyone, neither would our Lord. If this ever happens, you should go immediately to authority— whether that’s the boss, or even the law enforcement agency.

What we’re discussing here is that much more common occurence where we have two equals— one person has sinned against another--

In my work with coaches and student-athletes, the number one scenario that I faced was a disgruntled student upset by something a coach said or did or both. After I concluded that it was NOT a situation of violence, or other really bad abuse or something— I simply asked the student: “Have you gone and tried to talk to them?”

Oh no— I can’t do that… Why not? Is what we’re talking about here a real issue or not?

I’ve sat in my office, even here at the church— and simply asked the question— have you gone and talked to them? Have you prayed for them?

Now if you do own your part, and you do approach them with love, prayed up, and privately— and they don’t agree, or they are obstinate— then there is a next step:

Matthew 18:16 NIV

16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

Step Two:

The second step in the process includes a witness or mediator. (v. 16)

Sometimes people are hard hearted— they don’t take criticism, or they are just plain blind to what is going on.

The addition of another to the conversation is a powerful step to take, and it also has it’s roots in the OT laws of Moses:

Deuteronomy 19:15 NIV

15 One witness is not enough to convict anyone accused of any crime or offense they may have committed. A matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.

Now unlike the OT— Jesus isn’t recommending a full legal process— this next step simply strengthens the case— makes it very real for the person being confronted. Jesus is suggesting that our disputes would be settled within the “courts” of the community - not necessarily the formal civil courts.

“I think this is wrong, and although you didn’t listen to me, I’ve brought so and so to the conversation because we both love you and want you to change”. It’s basically an intervention. That’s the power of that move— This person now will be forced to see the situation through yet another person’s eyes— and repent, or argue with both of you.

Now— another angle that I want you to see in this:

-What is it that we really want when we go to someone like this?

I would suggest that the easy answer is that “we want them to say their sorry”— we want them to admit that they were wrong and repent.

-I think what we really want is for this person to listen. Like I want them to disconnect from the situation enough to experience the situation from my perspective— almost like asking them to separate themselves as an outsider and consider the facts from that position.

I mediated many arguments where this was the tactic. I would ask “I know this is difficult, but if you were them— what would you think about what you did?”

Even this confrontation is compelled by love not shame.

Matthew 18:17 NIV

17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Now here in our really practical sense— I interpret this to instructing us to take what has happened to the leadership that represents the church. An elder— a pastor— a deaconess or board of directors member— someone you trust. And this in once again done with the intent to restore this person— not to shame them or to punish them per se.

Step Three:

A final step is followed, bringing the matter before the church.

So the authority of the church, through a furthering of this confrontation, is employed to convict this person of their wrong doing. If in fact they still won’t repent, admit, or acknowledge what’s happen— we have no other recourse than to dismiss them from the church— from the gathering. But I want to make a distinction here— we are to treat them “as a pagan or a tax collector”. There are two ways to treat these people in my mind— the way the general traditional Jewish person would treat them— or the way Jesus would treat them?

We are to treat this person like one that is outside our fellowship— because that is how they have chosen to act. Each time we confronted them, once or more by yourself— once or more with a select few witnesses, and now once before the leaders of the local church.

Now— go with me here— if we follow through that whole process, and someone still is not seeing it— I’m not sure why they would want to stay anyway! They are not seeking reconciliation for what has happened— then they obviously do not want fellowship within our community. We love you— but we aren’t going to be connected as disciples of Jesus like we were before. Does life go on? Sure— we can disagree, sure— some of you may have experienced this very situation— and you were on the “accused” end— but you weren’t really wrong in your mind. That’s how someone can get through the entire process and not come back around.

I know this may feel a little harsh— but I want you to see that #1 there is a process that Jesus outlines here on how to handle these difficult situations— and also #2, I don’t ever want us to get to that point with anyone. But the process is there.

And there are so many different outcomes — we can’t talk about them all— I would hope that we can establish what is most important to God within our fellowship— and prioritize those key principles when we talk through this. The church does indeed have that authority— that’s why selecting elders and other leaders like Pastors is a very important part of the church.

Read the next few verses:

Matthew 18:18 NIV

18 “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

This is similar to what Jesus told Peter he would do in giving us the keys to the kingdom… Remember that’s back in 16.

The verbs here “bind” and “loose” really mean to “convict” or “acquit”. Whatever we decide is really important— is really important— and what we choose to reconcile and forgive is forgiven. That’s also why it’s not just a one person decision. Reconciliation to God through the churches leadership.

Matthew 18:19 NIV

19 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.

Matthew 18:20 NIV

20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

This is Jesus’ way of clarifying how many actually makes a church? An ekklesia? 2 or 3. That’s enough.

Good things to remember about the ekklesia: (gathered disciples)

-The church gathers by Jesus, for Jesus, and through Jesus.

-The church seeks the will of God in prayer.

-The church acts through consensus.

Next up Peter has a question—

“Then Peter--- we always love passages that start with those two words— we know something really cool is coming:

Matthew 18:21 NIV

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus has been talking about forgiveness and reconciling with our fellow believers. 7 times is a pretty generous offer. Peter is probably getting that from his understanding of the old testament law— and he makes one glaring assumption—

That forgiveness must have a limit.

Forgiveness from Jesus has no limit, and so we should forgive each other without limits as well.

Jesus challenges this assumption in the reply:

Matthew 18:22 NIV

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Basically this number is Jesus’ way of telling all of us to stop counting.

The early Anabaptists took this very seriously— and it was rooted in the work that the church should do in encouraging people to grow and live godly lives. This is so difficult— especially in our contemporary society today— people are generally not close enough to hold each other accountable.

But as with anything— there are too extremes. On one side, some may take “the ban” too far— using it to enforce the conformity to things that are only cultural traditions or customs— rather than promote greater faithfulness to the Gospel of Christ— the critical theological doctrines of Christianity.

On the other hand, some would abandon the idea of a disciplined community at all— all is good, and thus we cannot hold each other to any standard of living.

Yes, the local church is full of people on the path of sanctification (which gets messy), but the local church can also show itself as a beautiful community.

We are a part of the beautiful community:

We carry one another’s burdens (Gal 6:2)

We teach one another (Rom 12:7)

We love one another (John 13:35)

We encourage one another as we wait for Jesus’ return (Heb 10:25)

We equip each other to use our gifts to build up the body of Christ (Eph 4:11–13)

We share the hope of the gospel with the world (Matt 28:18–20)

Let’s process this as we close today;

We’ve all offended someone— at some point in our lives.

And we’ve all been offended by someone— at some point in our lives.

Is there baggage? Is the Holy Spirit convicting you that you need to tell someone you’re sorry? Then call your own foul. Don’t wait. Don’t carry that burden any longer. Don’t let something that you could resolve today— hold you, that person, and the impact you both can have on the world around you.

Do you harbor some hurt or grievance against someone — even within our church who has hurt you— sinned against you? And you have never told them— do you want to forgive? Should you share with them what you have felt?

Colossians 3:12–13 NIV

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.