The Book of Love

Ephesians 5:25–33 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

What Women Crave

The question we answered last week is how men love, and the answer found in this passage is men primarily love through respect. It’s the key to a man’s heart. But the question that men have been asking since the beginning of time, since Adam first laid eyes on Eve is summed up by the poet bard Christina Aguilara in title of her song “What a Girl Wants?”

We all long to know that. In fact, I know there have been several times when I’ve asked that question to Kristy in exasperation, “What do you want?!?!”

In her book, Sex and the Soul of a Woman, Christian counselor Paula Rinehart notes, “Deep in her heart, every woman longs for a man to see her beauty and cherish it. We long to be pursued and courted, and to make love to someone who truly loves us for keeps.” This is in keeping with what author John Eldridge in his book Wild at Heart said, “Deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.”

Men, what your wife wants is to be wooed. What they long for is to be loved.

And like respect with your heart. This desire to be desired, this craving to be wooed, this longing to be pursued is a reflection of God’s own heart.

Love Reflects (v. 25)

Ephesians 5:25 (ESV)

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Marital love is to be a reflection of Christ’s love. Marriage is to be a picture of that kind of love.

Men, God loves romance.

He created it. Think about it: Sunsets, flowers, music, a kiss—all his ideas.

Jeremiah 29:13 ESV

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

Matthew 6:33 ESV

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Acts 17:27 ESV

that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us,

1 Chronicles 22:19 ESV

Now set your mind and heart to seek the Lord your God. Arise and build the sanctuary of the Lord God, so that the ark of the covenant of the Lord and the holy vessels of God may be brought into a house built for the name of the Lord.”

God wants to be pursued. And so does your wife. And this coy pursuit is not wicked, nor evil, but a reflection of God’s own nature. God wants to be found by us, just as women want to be pursued and found by their husbands.

And no where is this more clear than in Christ’s own covenantal pursuit of his bride, the church.

The Message of Ephesians 3. The Duty of Husbands (Verses 25–33)

What stands out in Paul’s development of the theme is the sacrificial steadfastness of the heavenly Bridegroom’s covenant-love for his bride. It is this which husbands are to imitate: Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her.

Husbands, there is something holy and beautiful about a husband who seeks to discover his wife’s love language and pursue her as she longs to be pursued.

The problem is often we get complacent and stop pursuing our wives. We think, “Well, I’ve caught her” but your wife is not the buck or bass you caught, you can’t just put her on the mantel and assume everything is ok. Husbands, your wife needs to be pursued.

So pursue her. Take time to think through the ways she receives love and each day take the time to show that love to her.

Love Sanctifies (v. 26-27, 1 Peter 3:7)

Ephesians 5:26–27 ESV

that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Secondly love sanctifies. Look at what Paul notes about the theme of Christ’s sacrificial, steadfast love for his bride.

First, Christ loves his bride.

Then he gives himself up for his bride so that he might sanctify her having cleansed her.

Husbands one of your primary roles in the marriage, one that Satan has and continues to attempt to convince men is not their job, or that their not equipped to do is to be the spiritual head of our families.

The sanctification plays itself out in the lives of our families. no where can this be seen more than in church attendance. According to data collected by Promise Keepers and Baptist Press, if a father does not go to church, even if his wife does, only 1 child in 50 will become a regular worshiper. If a father does go regularly, regardless of what the mother does, between two-thirds and three-quarters of their children will attend church as adults. If a father attends church irregularly, between half and two-thirds of their kids will attend church with some regularity as adults.

Husbands, you are called to lead your wives and kids in Christ. And that effects not only her sanctification, but yours.

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Peter notes that our relationship with God is affected by our shepherding and loving of our families. Men, your relationship with the Lord is effected by your love for your wife.

The Letters to the Galatians and Ephesians The Basis of Love (Ephesians 5:22–33 Contd)

One of the Greek marriage customs was that, before the bride was taken to her marriage, she was bathed in the water of a stream sacred to some god or goddess. In Athens, for instance, the bride was bathed in the waters of the Callirhoe, which was sacred to the goddess Athene. It is of baptism that Paul is thinking. By the washing of baptism and by the confession of faith, Christ sought to make for himself a Church, cleansed and consecrated, until there was neither soiling spot nor disfiguring wrinkle upon it. Any love which drags a person down is false. Any love which coarsens instead of refining the character, which necessitates deceit, which weakens the moral strength, is not love. Real love is the great purifier of life.

-William Barclay

Love Protects (v. 28-32)

Ephesians 5:28–32 ESV

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Finally, the love that we are to have for our wives must be protective.

Vv. 28-32 speak of how we protect and care for our bodies, and in the same way we are to care for and protect our wives.

Caring for means that we sacrificially provide for. Provision is hard. Provision takes work. It’s not easy, but a Christian husband should always be faithful to his wife. Even when times are difficult due to financial, emotional, or physical challenges, a husband’s personal happiness must always be subordinated to sacrificially loving his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25; see also 1 Cor. 7:1–5). In doing so, he honors not only his wife but also his Lord.

Husbands, care for your wives. Protect them, spiritually and emotionally. Don’t be jealous, don’t be controlling, but also don’t be passive. In this you honor the Lord.

Wives, Be Worthy

Finally, just as with last week, wives let me encourage you to be worthy of the love Husbands are commanded to give. And like last week, I do encourage you husbands, your are called to love your wife even when, and probably especially when she doesn’t deserve it, but wives you are called to walk worthy too.

There are three things that a wife can do to be worthy of the love her husband is called to give.

Be Unwavering

First wives you are called to unwavering in your own love for your husbands. Remember,

Be Loyal

Be Godward