Marriage Gameplan Pt. 2

Sermon 3 - Reaping a Good Harvest

Spiritual warfare - ground zero - family - marriage.

The enemy is after the foundational fabric of society - the family. Marriage is the center of the family.

Review:

Real Love: Love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another that does not require reciprocation or that the person being loved is deserving.

Biggest Problem: Me and the sin (selfishness)

We are not at war with our spouse, we are at war with the sin and selfishness we still have.

God’s Purpose: Transform you. Holiness not happiness is His purpose (happiness is on the other end of holiness).

We were created by God and for God. Everything in our life including our lives belong to Him. We are called to live lives of worship - every part of our life given to Him and His purposes.

Marriage and every relationship in the here and now is not an end in itself, but a means to an end - becoming more like Him.

In other words, He wants to change us and He uses marriage and relationships to do so. You will never get a more realistic view of yourself and shortcomings than in the intimate relationship with your spouse.

How does transformation occur?

Last week we saw the key was confession and repentance

Not 3 or 4 big moments, but thousands of little moments. These little moments are profoundly important.

Destroying and Building or Weeding / Planting. Many parables and pictures in Scripture deal with rooting out and planting seeds (weeding and gardening). It shows us seeds are to grow into something.

Matthew 15:13-20 “He replied, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. Leave them; they are blind guides. If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.” Peter said, “Explain the parable to us.” “Are you still so dull?” Jesus asked them. “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.””

The battleground for your marriage is not with your spouse but with your heart.

Jesus, the gracious warrior hero, enters our heart to root out and plant new seeds (of His character) that will produce different actions.

Let’s look at a well-known portion of Scripture yet looking at it with the perspective of relationships, especially in our context of marriage.

Galatians 5:13–26 (NIV)

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Galatians 6:7-10 “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”

God is in the business of weeding and planting.

weeding out the acts of the flesh and planting his seeds for the fruit of the spirit.

Garden Metaphor - Love Yorba Linda School Garden

It was once beautiful with grand intentions of enjoying fruit

The garden was neglected and not cultivated and now it was full of stony ground, hard dirt and weeds.

I wonder if this represents many marriages exactly. It was once full of potential and hope and now it looks like that neglected garden.

Because our marriages, just like that garden require constant attention, care, and cultivation.

That garden at the school would not be fruitful by once a year showing up, but by continual cultivation, day by day and week by week.

A good marriage doesn not happen automatically.

Weeds in our Marriage (things we say “no” to):

Healthy marriages are healthy because the people in those marriages have learned to recognize and say no to selfish instincts that lurk in their hearts and in the heart of every one of us.

If we don’t learn to say no to selfish instincts we will inevitably use our spouse to get us what we want, mostly through manipulation. They become dehumanized and simply vehicles or obstacles.

How? Threats, owed, guilt.

Manipulation is motivated by the love of self not love of the other.

Weeds to look out for: These weeds thrive in our heart environment when we replace love of God and dependence on Him with the love of self and trying to get our spouse to meet our needs.

Selfishness

Do you always demand you get what you want and have things your way.

Do you take the last cookie or slice of pizza.

Maybe you were hurt and want to hurt the other person in response.

You take more than you give.

Busyness

No time for the other person, blame it on work or other responsibilities

Your spouse isn’t your first responsibility

Your marriage is sometimes treated as the “when we have time thing” and we think it will grow by itself. It can’t be neglected.

Could it be we are working too much and always too exhausted to invest and work on our marriage because we want more and more things thinking that it will finally give us the satisfaction we desire? That only God can give.

Inattention

Remember the “This isn’t who I married”

We date and give each other all the attention and 10 years later that attention has fallen off a cliff.

You are no longer a student of your spouse, learning their likes and dislikes, what’s important to them, etc.

You think your marriage is safe and stop giving attention. Are you taking your spouse and the relationship you have for granted?

Self-righteousness

Your inner-lawyer is often louder than the heart of your spouse.

You are right and your spouse is wrong

These weeds need to come out.

Fear

Always afraid of potential difficulties you may face.

Always responding to your spouse from a place of insecurity not based on what is but by what might be

Instead of a fear of God, you put too much weight on your spouse to give you what only God can.

Laziness

We will deal with it later and constantly pushing issues to later.

There are things I should do for my spouse but I don’t.

It’s the worship of comfort, expecting good things to come and not working hard for it.

Proverbs 20:4 “Sluggards do not plow in season; so at harvest time they look but find nothing.”

Could it be that we are lazy and not intentionally cultivating our marriage because we are so self-consumed with getting our spouse to serve our own wants and needs and feelings. We are then too distracted to notice the opportunities God has presented to us to serve the other. We completely miss them and reap a harvest of a bad marriage.

It is not enough that we pay attention to these sins that creep up and do our best to stop and say no to them, we must also plant God seeds in their place.

Planting

Love (Galatians 5:13) - Freed to serve. You have restful dependence on God who provides all you need. You don’t have to be your god and control, now you can serve.

Serving in love means:

Getting up in the morning and looking for ways to love your spouse.

What are daily tasks that you could relieve your spouse of?

How can you express your affection to them in the way that means most?

There is no shortage of opportunities to intentionally plant seeds of love in your marriage. Often we miss them because we are so focused on our own self.

Here is fruit to say yes to.

Joy - Rather than manipulating to get your needs met, you find joy and satisfaction in discovering ways to serve and bring your spouse joy.

Joy is cultivated and increased with gratitude. Do you daily thank God for your spouse? Are you full of joy at who God is transforming them into?

Peace - Do you often look over minor offenses, are you willing to quickly forgive? Do you communicate and listen with a commitment to peace and not anger? Fill your marriage garden with acts that bring peace not strife.

Proverbs 26:21 “As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife.”

Proverbs 17:1 “Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.”

Kindness: Were you a kinder person to your spouse when you were dating? Many are kinder to others than their spouse. This is why your love towards your spouse is an accurate indicator of your love of God. It can be easier to be kind to a stranger when you don’t know all their flaws. Plant undeserved kindness.

Faithful: Are you faithful to your spouse with your thoughts and desires? Do you fantasize about others? Do you think, “Man I picked wrong, imagine if I had married so and so.”

Jesus does not regret you, He is ever faithful, we can with His faithfulness, remain faithful to our spouse in the little moments.

Gentleness: Example, I don’t let my youngest daughter play with my nice rare Pokemon cards. Why? Because she lacks and understanding of it’s value and treats it like a piece of paper. Many treat their spouse lacking an awareness of their inherit God-given value.

1 Peter 3:7 “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

Gentleness is not a weakness but a quiet confidence that rests in the power of God.

Patience: Not expecting microwave change, bearing with one another in the bad days. Not giving up on one another, continuing to fight for one another.

Self-control: Do your emotions control you and drive you. Do you say things in the heat of the moment that hurt and destroy?

Plant seeds of self-control instead of heated emotional responses.

Proverbs 16:32 “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.”

Paul’s answer to the Galatians, was not more laws. Knowledge of the law has no power to transform us or subdue sinful desires. Our solution is not more marriage principles as helpful as they are. The solution is the presence of the Holy Spirit and His transforming grace that resides within you.

He is in you, and always with you to help you overcome sin and selfishness.

We must live a life dominated by trusting in God and prayer.

Lord’s Prayer