Confident Fathers: Fear. Faith. Fortress (Proversb 14:26)

You Need to Be a Confident Father

Royal Pains was a television series that follows Hank Lawson, a young emergency room doctor, who after being wrongly blamed for an important patient's death, moves to the Hamptons and becomes a concierge doctor to the wealthy.  Hank has a brother named Even Roth Lawson who is the CFO of their newly established medical practice called HankMed.

The backdrop of the life of the two brothers is traumatic and very much relevant to the 6.5 million viewers who watched the show on a regular basis.  Their father, Eddie R Lawson, played by Henry Winkler (The Fonz), walked out on the boys and their terminally ill mother at the lowest point of her sickness.  This caused a profound tear in the boy’s relationship with their father.  In season one, Eddie Lawson is discussed between the brothers at times but never seen. Hank is not able to conceive of the idea of forgiving his father.  By Season two, Eddie shows up unannounced, and Hank is faced with this decision to either continue hating his father or give him a second chance.

At the peak of his coming to grips with the father’s sin of abandonment, Hank asked his father why he left when they needed him most.  His answer was telling, to say the least.  Eddie looked at his son and said something to the effect, “I left because I was scared I could never be your hero.  I was afraid you would see me fail.”

There is not a man in the church, community, and home who cannot help but to relate to Eddie Lawson at some level.  Here was a man facing the death of his beloved wife to a terminal sickness and overwhelmed by the daunting reality that he would be a single father raising two young boys.  Between the mountain of grief and the future of single parenting his new norm seemed insurmountable to Him.  And when he came face to face with that reality, he lost his confidence, ran away, and left his oldest son, Hank to carry the load.  To a young boy who loved and admired his father, this was the ultimate betrayal.

The problem with Eddie Lawson is where he put his confidence, himself.  He could not bear the weight of fatherhood by himself, no man can bear that weight upon themselves. Furthermore, God never called Eddie Lawson to be Hank’s hero.  God called the Eddie Lawson’s of the world to be a father who finds his confidence in His heavenly Father.

It is no secret men are loosing confidence in their role as fathers. This is an epidemic across all races.    Over two-thirds of African American children born today will not have a father present in the home.  Over half of Hispanic and just under half of the Caucasian children born will not have a father present in the home.  Divorce rates are still hovering around fifty percent among all American families, and the in the church for that matter.  American fathers of all ethnicities are looking more like Eddie Lawson every day. 

Why do so many of our fathers look like Eddie Lawson

The Sinful Inclination to neglect fatherly responsibility

Our sinful nature inclines men to neglect fatherly responsibilities.  Adam’s sin was not only against his wife, but his boys suffered as well. At some point, Cain became weary of Able, so much so he killed him out of jealousy. Surely Adam was aware there was some strife between the boys. Just as he was silent with Eve before the serpent, he is silent when Cain kills Able. This trend, unfortunately, does not stop with Adam. All throughout the Bible you see fathers neglecting their fatherly responsibility.

Aaron refused to get a handle on his boys.  They were known for being wicked and careless, so careless that they offered unholy fire to the Lord, and God’s fire consumed them in his blazing hot anger.  Jacob visibly favored Joseph over his brothers and in doing this stirred anger and jealously in the hearts of his sons to the point they wanted home dead.  Samuel did not discipline his boys nor did he raise them up in the Lord. The community of Israel recognized how worthless they were and ask Samuel for a king instead of their leadership. David, the man after God’s own heart, never dealt with Tamar or Absalom, and it almost cost David his kingdom and it eventually cost Absolom his life. Our sinful nature, fathers, is inclined to neglect our responsibility raise our children up in the Lord.

The easy escape of work and entertainment

Too many fathers are choosing to escape fathering through work or entertainment. I remember reading of a young man was to be sentenced to the penitentiary. The judge had known him from childhood, for he was well acquainted with his father—a famous legal scholar and the author of an exhaustive study entitled, The Law of Trusts. "Do you remember your father?" asked the judge. "I remember him well, your honor," came the reply. Then trying to probe the offender's conscience, the judge said, "As you are about to be sentenced and as you think of your wonderful dad, what do you remember most clearly about him?" There was a pause. Then the judge received an answer he had not expected. "I remember when I went to him for advice. He looked up at me from the book he was writing and said, 'Run along, boy; I'm busy!' When I went to him for companionship, he turned me away, saying "Run along, son; this book must be finished!' Your honor, you remember him as a great lawyer. I remember him as a lost friend." The judge muttered to himself, "Alas! Finished the book but lost the boy!"

Fathers are simply not there. If it is not killing yourself working eighty hours a week, it is loosing yourself on the golf course or binge watching eight hours of Netflix or Instagram every night. I should be noted that I’m not speaking to the father who has a hobby and manages his time well between work, hobby, and family. Rest is necessary. I’m speaking to the guy who chooses work or the hobby over his raising his sons and daughters; the run along boy father.

There is a warning for absentee fathers. You reap what you sow. Absent fathers teach their sons to be absent fathers, whether you are in the home or not.  So, when it comes time for that child to become a man and to father a child, he is not sure what to do.  He is left to himself and does not have the confidence to guide them and guard them and direct them through life.  Therefore, he escapes.

Societies Gender Confusion Confuses the Role of the Father

One of the massive trends in Western Culture right now gender neutral parenting. Parents will not reveal their child's gender, nor decide for the child, but will raise the child as a boy/girl until the child decides what gender they want to be. Aside from some of the obvious issues this brings to the home, like on the one hand the child is not capable of deciding what he/she eats for lunch, wears to school, and who he/she plays with, but will have the responsibility to be in charge of the train wreck of deciding his or her’s own gender, and on the other hand the confusion of identity in the home of who the man sitting in the chair by the TV is why he is there. Is that my father, the child may ask?” I don’t know. Who or what does he identify as? Or, what if the child figures the whole thing out and says, “I was born a boy, so I am a boy. Daddy, you and mommy came together to make me, therefore you are my father.” And the dad says, “No son, I don’t identity as a boy or your father. I want to be a girl, and therefore I am your mommy.” Gender neutral parenting comes from an ideology, a worldview that denies God’s design and order for creation and family. Its of the devil and it only brings disorder. God is a God of order, and created them male and female, father and mother, so that the family will flourish. Gender confusion breeds a lack of confidence in the home for for fathers and their families. Despite what this culture says, those families will not flourish.

So we turn to Solomon, and his book of proverbs for some help to gain confidence to be good fathers. Solomon writes Proverbs as a contrast between two women.  One is the shady lady of folly and the other is Lady Wisdom.  Proverbs is made up of thirty-one chapters of wise, short, pithy sayings to try to seduce his son into loving lady wisdom over Shady Lady Folly.  In Loving Lady Wisdom, his sons will have the confidence to protect their heart from foolishness, such as we see today in our culture.  Wisdom protects your heart from foolishness. To be wise is to Fear the Lord (1:7). Solomon says to his boys, “Follow my instruction as I point you to the Lord, the God of Israel, the sovereign ruler of all, the good Father. He will give you the confidence you need to avoid foolishness and flourish. Today, I want to do the same thing. I want to point you to Proverbs 14:26

Proverbs 14:26 ESV

26 In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge.

This morning, I want you,

Fathers, find your confidence to be a good father and be a fortress for your children by fearing the Lord.

Men, our confidence in fatherhood does not come within ourselves.  God does not call you to be the hero of your children.  He is the hero.  Our confidence comes from the fear of the Lord.  When father’s fear the Lord they have the strong faith to be a fortress for their children, especially in a time when confidence seems to be lacking among our men. Let’s spend the remainder of our time meditating on Proverbs 14:26 to glean what it takes to have confidence in being a father whose faith is a fortress for his children.

Find Your Confidence in the Fear the Lord

Fear in the Lord is the first step to have the confidence to in being a father whose faith is a fortress for his children.  What does it mean to fear the Lord?  First, think of the way a child fears his father.  I’m not suggesting the way an obstinate child fears his father, in which he fears his father’s wrath.  I’m suggesting the way a son who loves his father fears him. A son who loves his father is one who admires his father’s character. He respects his father’s authority.  He trusts his father’s wisdom. The Hebrew word for fear conveys the idea of awesome or awe-inspiring.  The word also carries the idea of to tremble before the Lord. What makes God so fearfully authoritative and awe-inspiring? There are four attributes that makes God worthy of your fear.

The Lord is holy

First, his holiness.  God’s character is unmarked by no blemish of sin or impurity.  As one commentator put it, “There is no trace of evil in his character.”  Yahweh says to his people

Leviticus 11:44–45 ESV

44 For I am the Lord your God. Consecrate yourselves therefore, and be holy, for I am holy. You shall not defile yourselves with any swarming thing that crawls on the ground. 45 For I am the Lord who brought you up out of the land of Egypt to be your God. You shall therefore be holy, for I am holy.”

He is so holy, He cannot stand in the presence of sinners. Sin separates you from His perfection.

Isaiah 59:2 ESV

2 but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.

He is supremely pure and dreadful for fallen human beings. R.C. Sproul says,

“Our fear is not the healthy fear that the Bible encourages us to have. Our fear is a servile fear, a fear born of dread. God is too great for us; He is too awesome. He makes difficult demands on us. . . In His presence, we quake and tremble. (The Holiness of God, 45).” R. C. Sproul

Because His of the greatness of His Holiness and how it breaks out against your sinfulness, you should fear Him. Your heart should tremble at the thought of standing in His presence.

The Lord is omnipotent

God is all-powerful. the prophet Daniel reminds us, Daniel 4:35

Daniel 4:35 ESV

35 all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, “What have you done?”

Job answered the LORD and said, "I know that You can do all things And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted (Job 42:1-2). God says to his people through the prophet Jeremiah “ Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me? (Jeremiah 32:27).  There is no prince or king, power or principality, who has the slightest chance of victory over the Lord. Fear his omnipotence.

The Lord is Omniscient

God is all-knowing. The Psalmist says,

Psalm 147:5 ESV

5 Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure.

and

Psalm 139:1–4 ESV

1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me! 2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 3 You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4 Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

The writer of Hebrews says Hebrews 4:13

Hebrews 4:13 ESV

13 And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

He knows every thought and word on the tongues of every human and divine being. There is no idea or plan that gets past his understanding. You can’t out wit Him. Fear his omniscience.

The Lord is Omnipresent

God is always present everywhere all the time. Jeremiah 23:23-24, "Can a man hide himself in hiding places, so I do not see him?" declares the LORD "Do I not fill the heavens and the earth?" declares the LORD. "Am I a God who is near," declares the LORD, "And not a God far off?”  Solomon says in Proverbs 15:3, “The eyes of the LORD are in every place, Watching the evil and the good.”  Psalm 139:7-10, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there...”

Fear in the Lord is a sense of awe in God’s supreme holiness, power, knowledge, and presence.  All of these attributes build on each other to move our hearts to respect his ways and put our confidence in his ability and decision making.  Because he is holy, all he does is supremely right.  Because he is all powerful, nothing can be done or undone apart from him.  Because he is all wise and all knowledgeable, every decision he makes is perfect and best for his children.  Because he is all present, knowing every hair on your head and word on your tongue, nothing can be done to you apart from his knowledge.  You cannot hide from him. Fear his omnipresence.

His holiness, His omnipotence, His omniscience, and His omnipresences not only provoke fear, but they are the bedrock of your confidence. Only a God who is holy, all powerful, all knowing, and present everywhere has the capacity to truly work everything out for your good. For those who fear, who put their confidence in Him, those four attributes work on your behalf.

The two most difficult ministries I have encountered so far as a Christian is a faithful husband and father.  There are times when the hardships weigh too heavy, or the tragedy is too deep, or even the apathy is too consuming, that despair clouds my judgment.  Marriage and fatherhood can grind at times your will.  You wake up with the best of intentions and some days go to bed with the worst of regrets.  It is so easy to lose your confidence and either walk away physically or emotionally.  My downfall is that I put too much confidence in myself.  And God has to remind me I am not holy like he is.  I make mistakes.  I’m not all-powerful as he is.  Certain things are out of my control.  I’m not all knowing like he is.  I will make bad, uninformed decisions that will affect my family.  I’m not present everywhere at all times.  There will be evils that happen that I cannot “work for my good” or the good of my family.  Therefore, God says, instead of giving yourself so much credit, fear Me.  Instead of trying to work so much in the dark, fear Me. Jason put your strongest confidence in the Lord who is holy, omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent.  H

Fear is confidence in the Lord

What do you mean by “put your confidence” in the Lord? Confidence is a form of trust, which is faith, or believe that God is who he says he is and can do what he says he can do. Your faith is confidence in the Lord.  Martin Luther says,

Faith is nothing but believing what God promises or says. Whatever remarkable thing we read of happening in the Old or New Testament, we read that it was done by faith—not by works, not by a general faith, but by faith directed to the matter in hand.

Martin Luther

The writer of Hebrews says

Hebrews 11:1 ESV

1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Faith is this context is confidence in the certainty of what God has promised in Christ Jesus to all who believe upon Him. And our certainty bears the fruit of hope in God’s future. What doe we hope for?

We hope for Jesus to come back and take us him (Titus 2:13). We hope to be resurrected with new bodies to live in a new heaven and earth (1 Peter 1:3). We hope to be glorified, that is to be like Jesus holy and pure (1 John 3:2-3). We hope to reign with Jesus for ever and ever (Revelation 22:5).

I love how William Lane describes faith. He says,

“Faith celebrates now the reality of the future blessings which make up the objective content of Christian hope. Faith gives to the objects of hope the force of present realities, and it enables the person of faith to enjoy the full certainty that in the future these realities will be experienced.” (William L. Lane, Hebrews: A Call to Commitment (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson, 1988), p. 149.)

Fathers, your confidence in God expresses your fear of the Lord. Your faith believes in the certainty of God’s promises for your earthly life and eternal life. On the one hand, you fear God, rightfully so. God is holy, omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. On the other hand, all of those attributes ground your confidence in God to save you, resurrect you, glorify you, and keep you forever in his eternal home. Your certainty in the fear of the Lord gives your heart hope for every circumstance you face as a father in this life. Furthermore, your confidence is not even on your own faith, but in His Son, Jesus, who died for you, atoned for your sins, made you holy in God’s sight, removed his wrath from you, and gave you His Spirit to empower you to be the Father God calls you to be.

Faith born Hope is a fortress for your Children

Proverbs 14:26 HCSB

26 In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence and his children have a refuge.

A refuge is a place of safety. John Goldingay says that God is a strong refuge, a refuge who security can be trusted. He is fortress for those who love Him. Furthermore, for those whose confidence rests in Him, who fear the Lord, his children enjoy the refuge, the fortress of the Lord.

So many of our children in Litchfield feel hopeless. They walk aimlessly around Litchfield wondering what to do, with no vision for their life, no protection from the storms swirl in a broken world. They turn to drugs promiscuous living for an escape, to only find its a trap; now they are stuck on the Litchfield Lurch- the feeling I’m always behind and I can never get ahead. I should just quit. These children have no refuge because many of them have no fathers, or their fathers do not fear the Lord.

A father provides refuge for his child from the storms of life and the judgement to come. You will notice that the following verse Proverbs 14:27, is a parallel verse to 26. It is saying the same thing a little differently.

Proverbs 14:27 ESV

27 The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, that one may turn away from the snares of death.

Fathers who fear the Lord teach their children to fear the Lord, that is to put their utmost confidence in all of life and eternity in the Lord. Those who fear the Lord drink from the fountain of life and avoid the snares of death-the drugs, the sexual immorality, the gender confusion, escapism, the Litchfield Lurch . Fathers, your faith, your fear of the Lord is refuge for your children. Your faith born hope is a fortress for your sons and daughters. When you are present, engaged, intentional, and faithful to God and his call on your life, your children have a refuge from the lurch. They have hope.

John Bunyan draws a connection between your faith and your hope. He says,

“As your faith is, such your hope will be. Hope is never ill when faith is well, nor strong if faith be weak.” John Bunyan

I would contend, from Bunyan, fathers, the stronger your faith is, the healthier your hope will be and the better refuge you will provide for your children.

You don’t need to be a hero....a faithful Christ following father will do.

God is not telling you to be the refuge for your children. He is the refuge. He knows you are weak and unable to be a sufficient refuge from the storms of life and his coming judgement. Hat is why he sent his Son Jesus. Jesus is your refuge from the Lords’ wrath. He is your ark, your strong tower. Your life is hidden in Christ and he provides the shelter for you to hide and the rock for you to stand. To fear the Lord is to give your life to Jesus. Jesus is your fortress, and just as he is a fortress for you, so he will be for your children.

Men, if you are like me, your confidence in being a father often rises and falls like a yo-yo at times.  We are prone to walk away.  We are prone to be lazy and apathetic.  We are prone to write the book and lose the boy.  We are all prone to be Eddie Lawson.  Commit today to fear in the Lord.  Commit today put your strongest confidence in your heavenly, Holy, Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent, Father who has provided all the confidence you need in Christ.  Find your safety and security in Christ, to be your fortress, for your children’s sake.  And he will keep you from being an Eddie Lawson and make you good good father like himself.