Dwell

Introduction

Text : 1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

This Father’s day, I want to remind us men, Father’s of our responsibilities in marriage. Honestly the best thing you can do for your kids and in raising your kids is to be the husband that you ought to be. Good husbands are few and far between. The next generation does not have many examples of what godly men, fathers and husbands look like. They don’t know what one looks like and so when they become husbands and fathers, they flounder around aimlessly. Wives get bitter, children get angry because the men have no idea what to do with themselves.

Today, I want to show you how to be a good husband from 1 Peter 3:7. In previous messages, we established that good husbands will love their wives as Christ loved the Church, we have also talked about leading your wife as the God- ordained head of your home. Today, we are going talk about knowing your wife.

One of my Favorite stories is the Horse and His Boy by CS Lewis. It is a coming of age story that traces the life of a boy as he becomes a man in the world. Shasta was raised in slavery to a cruel master. One day his master decides to sell him to an even crueler master; so Shasta decides to run away with a Talking horse from Narnia. One their way they meet a young princess who is also running away with her talking horse to Narnia because she does not want to be forced into a marriage. All along the way she treats Shasta like trash because she is nobility and he is merely a servant. Right before they get to Narnia they come to a kingdom called Archenland. As the story progresses it turns out that Shasta is actually the eldest twin son of the King of Archenland. All the while the princess had been treating him like trash, but he was really royalty because she did not know who he was.

Husbands, do you know who that woman sitting beside you in the pew actually is? What makes her tick? I know men have pretty much given up on the idea of ever understanding their wives. Women are a mystery. I am not asking if you know her perfectly, but this verse clearly tells us to know them; so you must be able to do that.

1. What makes her happy?

2. What does she want from life?

3.How about from your marriage?

4. What makes her upset?

5. I have a prize this morning for the first man who can tell me what size shoe his wife wears?

The world has pretty much given up on trying to be a good husband and knowing their wives. But the Christian husband should be differ 1 Peter 2:11 “Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;” teaches that we are strangers and pilgrims living in exile in a culture that stands in opposition to our very souls. The world does not want men to be the husbands and fathers that God has called them to be. Christian men, this is a call for you to make your marriages something different than what the world expects of your marriage. This is a call to be the husbands that God has called you to be.

We are going to ask three questions of this passage:

What are we commanded to do? what exactly is it that God expects of us?

How do we do that?

Why should we do that?

I. What are we commanded to do?

The main command of this verse is the word Dwell- to dwell literally means to share the same house with someone and I think that a lot of men are pretty good at this. They merely share the same house as their wives.

They come home from work and immediately sit down in front of the TV.

They eat their meals separately.

They sleep in different beds and different rooms.

Their schedules are so busy they hardly ever see each other.

They have different interests and so they don’t spend any time enjoying the presence of their wife.

Peter isn’t just telling us to dwell with our wives though. Every husband can do that. It takes no work. He is telling us to dwell according to knowledge. It isn’t enough to just live with you wife, maybe you’re even a faithful husband to your wife and pay the bills. But that is not flourishing in your marriage. Your marriage can be so much more than that. Peter tells us to dwell according to knowledge. Knowledge of what?

Some believe that this is a knowledge of God, salvation, the scriptures; but the context here tells us exactly what the knowledge is about. Her. You must know her. Many lost husbands are happy not knowing their wives really well. In fact Peter says that this type of ignorance is how we lived before we got saved. 1 Peter 1:14-15 “As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance: But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;” We need to know:

What makes her happy?

What distresses her?

How is she doing emotionally? physically? spiritually?

What obstacles is she facing in life?

What things that you do that make her life harder for her and upset her?

What spells romance to her?

What are her favorite hobbies?

Does she feel appreciated?

What are her goals in life? dreams?

Take this case study as an example:

Ask you self, for instance, what do you do, husband, when you come home from work in the evening? Perhaps you’re one of those husbands who walks in the door, plops down on the couch, turns on the television, and begins to flip mindlessly through so many channels that it is impossible to focus on any single program. Meanwhile, your wife has been waiting to talk to you all day long, so she sits next to you as you flip from one channel to the next and wonders, Why doesn’t he turn off the television and talk to me instead?

Have you ever thought about how hard her day was? Have you thought that she might emotionally need time with you? Have you thought that the only intelligent conversation she has had all day is with a three year old? Maybe she needs a break from the kids? Maybe she is overwhelmed with the constant tornado the kids have caused in the house? Maybe she would like to have a second to sit and watch her favorite TV show?

As men we are called not just to provide financially for our wives, but to live with them based on a good knowledge of them. But how do we do this?

II. How do we do this?

The next phrase tells us how to do this? By giving honor. If we truly value our wives, we are going to pay attention to all those moments where she loses it. We will take note of what caused her to be distressed. We will study her to know what makes her happy. Honor means to value and respect her. She should be like a precious vase that is worth a million dollars. You will do everything you can to protect and take care of that vase because it is worth so much money.

1. Some men value their cars like this. They will buy the most expensive sports car they can afford. They buy all the bells and whistles to go with it. They will wax and wash it every weekend and make sure it is in the garage when storms are coming. They parade it around on the weekends so people will see them in their car. But their wife is forced to buy hand me down clothes from good will. They know that car inside and out. They can tell you all the stats on that car.

2. Some men value their hobbies like this. They will buy the knewest tools or gadgets as soon as they come out. They will spend hours in the garage working on a new project; but never say hardly a word to their wives. They can tell you how much RAM the newest computers have and the processing power of the newest chips. They know every little detail about the things they honor and value the most.

Do you honor your wife? Do you value her? If you do, you are going to know every little detail about her. Just like you can tell me how much horse power that car has and what type of transmission it has. Just like you can tell me all the specs of your new phone or computer, You will know your wife. What you value, you will know.

Peter teaches us two truths that we need to know about our wives that will cause us to honor them.

A. As unto a weaker vessel-weakness

why is she called a vessel- The fact that she is compared to the man as a weaker vessel means that both men and women are vessels; so what does it mean to be a vessel. 2 Cor 4:7 “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” Our vessel is our body. It holds our souls and it can be used to give glory to God. The bodies of our wives hold something valuable inside them. The real her is the soul inside her. She is valuable beyond compare, but the Christian wife is a vessel of something even more valuable: according to verse 6, she is a vessel of the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. God’s Spirit dwells inside her and how we treat her reflects on how we are treating him. Matt 25:40 “And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

why is she called a weaker vessel- She is physically weaker. Women in general are physically weaker than men. Illustration- sports men have a genetic advantage generally speaking. There are women who are stronger and have more stamina than some men, but as a general whole comparing apples to apples God has ordained that in general men have stronger bodies. God gave men stronger bodies to:

protection

physically

emotionally

spiritually

provision

leadership

initiative

B. as being heirs together of the grace of life- glory- as human beings created in the image of God we are heirs or rulers over the gift of life and creation. Many commentators take this life to refer to spiritual life, but I think that takes this verse out of context because we have just been talking about spiritually mixed marriages in the previous verse. I am not along in believing that the grace of life is the privilege of living life together. We are coheirs together. We share this life side by side. No one else is going to be with me on my best days and my worst like she will be. We both share a stake in making life work. If I get fired at work, that affects her.

But for the Christian wife, not only do we share this life together, but we will share the glory and honor of eternal life in heaven with Jesus Christ. She is valuable to God and a fellow heir of the inheritance we have in Christ. Just like the princess didn’t know that Shasta was also royalty, when we go to bed at night, we are sleeping next to an heir of God. We should be amazed that we get to live life together with her.

This idea of being hers together doesn’t mean she is just to be participating in my life and be my assistant. I should be helping her to flourish in any way I possibly can. We work together. We are partners. Let her be your partner. Let her into your life and you be a part of hers. If you understand that she is called of God as the image of God to express dominion over this world, you will honor her and seek to help her do and fulfill her God given role in life.

Like that vase worth a million dollars, it is breakable but valuable so you treat it with care, protection and value.

Practical Guidance for showing honor:

Speak Kindly to her- don’t treat her like your kids, a servant ,a dog

Don’t discuss her weaknesses with others

Show interest in her projects and help her with them if she wants it.

Speak highly of her to your children

Remember her special days- birthdays, anniversaries, mothers day

do not compare her to other women

III. Why should we do this?

I have known many men who were respected as godly spiritual men but their wives were basically a slave that followed them around doing their every wish. Their wives were not allowed to have lives of their own. They are to be seen and not heard. They put their wives down constantly and try to keep her in their place.

I have seen others who are just not interested at all in the lives of their wives. They aren’t mean and abusive, but they don’t take any special interest in their wives. They live separate lives for all practical purposes and if their wife is along everything is about their agenda.

You might not think this is any big deal because all kinds of married men act like this. Maybe your wife doesn’t really want you around (You have bigger problems if thats the case). So you brush it off act like it doesn’t matter, but the consequences are high.

The last phrase tells us what the cost of not obeying God in this area are: that your prayers be not hindered. The word hindered here means cut off. This is essentially what the verse is saying: If you do not live with your wife according to knowledge and honor her, treat her right, God will not hear your prayers.

You cannot be right with God and wrong with your wife. You cannot be having a thriving relationship with God and your relationship with your wife is dying on the vine. You cannot be a great man of God and a horrible husband.

Conclusion

Men I said this was a call to be the husband you need to be today. I have made these types of calls before, but today I want to call you to be a student of your wife. Find out more about her.

Write down a list of question or facts you need to know about her.

Memorize those things. You memorize the stats of your favorite car, or computer why not your wife.

But don’t make her just a textbook, live out those truths in your life.

I want every husband to come to the front today and pray and ask God to help us all know our wives better and let that shape how we live.