Church Community

Welcome everyone to Prairie Lakes Church! Glad you are here. Hey: it’s super cliche, but true: hard to believe we are already over halfway through June. Seems like May and June just fly by with graduations and open houses and summer sports or camps and maybe even your first summer vacation. I know that was true for our family; maybe for you and yours as well.

But:

Don’t let the pace of summer cause you to forget what is undoubtedly the most important, most significant, and what should be the most celebrated day of the whole year:

Father’s Day.

Each dad in here should be going home to a new grill, a garage fridge… uh… kids doing all of the chores… uh…

More sincerely:

Happy Father’s Day. If your dad is still around and in your life, make sure he knows that you love him today. And if for whatever reason he’s not, remember that your Father in Heaven loves you even more.

And, dads: keep on being faithful. Faithful to God; faithful to your wife and kids; faithful at church and at work. Stay faithful.

Ok.

This weekend we’re concluding a series called “Reassembly Required.” Can’t imagine a much more appropriate theme for Father’s Day weekend. We’ve done some reassembly, for sure.

But the reassembly we’ve been talking about in this series is a little different than fixing toys or home appliances. What we’ve been talking about is how we might need to reassemble some of our relationships—specifically:

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Reassembly Required

Week 1: Forgiveness & Reconciliation

Week 2: Boundaries & Toxicity

Week 3: Church Community

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How might we need to reassemble our relationship with our church? If my relationship with the church is gonna break, how does it usually break—and how do we fix it?

So, before we dive head long into that, let’s first acknowledge something that we’ve made sure to acknowledge really for this whole series—and that is this:

We’re going to be talking about some pretty sensitive things—and this weekend, maybe even some wounds. Church wounds.

Some of us (a lot of us? all of us?) are walking around with some church wounds. Might have been from a previous church; might be with our church; might be with the church in general.

And church wounds, like all wounds, are not just painful; but they’re also kinda complex. Just like in any relationship, the relationship we have with our church is a two-way street. Meaning:

There’s a possibility for the church (its leaders, its people, its programming or messaging… whatever)—there’s a chance that the church will screw up with you...

But also, there’s a chance that you’ll kinda screw it up with the church. Because relationships are a two-way street.

So if we’re going to talk about how we might need to reassemble our relationship with “the church”—whether we’re talking about Prairie Lakes, or maybe just the church in general—we’re going to need to be wiling to look on “both sides of the fence,” so to speak. We’re going to need to look both at the church… AND… in the mirror.

Which is a hard thing to do—especially when the person in the mirror is hurting.

Let me just share a quick story so you know what I mean:

I’ve been doing pastoral ministry of some kind since I was 20. I’m now 42, so that’s 22 years. And in those 22 years, I’ve served as a pastoral counselor of some kind on many different occasions. Maybe it’s a family relationship, or a marriage, or just a conflict between two people.

But if it’s a husband and wife, and there’s conflict of some kind—conflict that has gone unresolved and now has reached the level where they’re stuck and in need of some help to reassemble some things—

Here’s the challenge that I (and every other pastor in that situation) face:

How do I help these two people see how they each may have contributed to this conflict—so that they can each own what they need to own and see the next steps they need to take?

And that’s a really, really hard thing to do—especially when one or both of them is hurting. Because when you’re hurting, the last thing you think you should do is to look on your side of the fence. When you’re hurting, your focus is going to be on the thing or the person on the other side who hurt you.

But that’s our task today. And that’s my task today—to serve as pastoral counselor, so to speak. Trying to help you navigate your relationship with your church… and maybe even help you to reassemble it if it’s broken.

But… it gets even more complicated, though… because in most pastoral counseling settings, I get to be a 3rd party. Objective. I’m not enmeshed in the conflict in any way.

But in this setting, this weekend, with this topic… I’m not so objective, am I? No. I’m in it.

I’m a pastor. I’m one of the faces and voices on the “other side of the fence.” It’d be like a spouse trying to serve as their partner’s counselor in a conflict that they are having with… them.

So: this is going to go great. Because I have the mic, and strap in, because lemme talk to you about you for a second here.

No. I just wanted to acknowledge that as we start, because the worst thing I could do this weekend is add to a wound you might already have by basically trying to convince you that it’s all your fault. I’m going to do my very best to avoid that—and would really ask for your grace and understanding if it feels like I’m kinda getting a little too close to that.

So here’s how I’d like to frame this up this weekend:

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Reassembling my Relationship with my Church

In my expectations: What should the church be about?

In my community: Who should we be like together?

In my engagement: What should I be doing?

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Ok. There’s how we’re going to frame it up. We’re going to focus on the first (2) of those, and then your weekend host will pick up the third.

So let’s dive into that first one:

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Reassembling my Relationship with my Church

In my expectations: What should the church be about?

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Let’s start with some data here.

The Christian research group, Barna, released the results of a survey they conducted over the past 3 years called “The Changing Role of Churches—and Their Pastors.” And I want to share some of the results of that study with you… but here’s the headline:

The study reveals that there’s a pretty big gap between...

What pastors expect, and...

What church-going Christians expect, and...

What the rest of the country expects.

But for our purposes today, I just want to focus on the gap between our “two sides of the fence”—what I think on my side as a pastor, and what you might think on your side as someone who attends and serves and gives and everything else.

Here’s some interesting data:

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What Should the Church Be About? Pastors/Churchgoers

Tell others about Jesus: 84/58%

Help Christians grow: 75/62%

Practically assist those in need: 64/46%

Care for the elderly & widows: 52/38%

Offer counseling & care: 31/52%

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So: what can we glean from some of this data? I think there’s probably (2) main things that we can take away from the data. Here they are:

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Pastors often have a higher set of expectations for the church than do its people.

And:

Pastors often have a different set of priorities for the church than do its people.

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Higher set of expectations and a different set of priorities. Higher set of expectations and a different set of priorities.

In a relationship, those two ingredients are a perfect recipe for what?

Conflict.

When you have a higher set of expectations and a different set of priorities than the person on the other side of the fence, that’s a perfect recipe for conflict in any relationship—

Especially in our relationship with church.

Let’s unpack this just a little bit by putting that previous slide up there:

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What Should the Church Be About? Pastors/Churchgoers

Tell others about Jesus: 84/58%

Help Christians grow: 75/62%

Practically assist those in need: 64/46%

Care for the elderly & widows: 52/38%

Offer counseling & care: 31/52%

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In those first (4), there’s anywhere from a 13 to 26% gap between what pastors expect and what church goers expect.

Now, that gap isn’t surprising. I mean, when you’re leading something, or when it’s your vocation like it is for us pastors, of course we’re probably going to have a higher expectation. This is our life. It’s our 9 to 5. It’s our passion.

In fact, you could even argue that this gap is kind of a good thing; wouldn’t it be weird if churchgoers had a higher expectation for their church than their pastor did? Awkward.

But I think the real insight here isn’t necessarily in the fact that pastors often have a higher set of expectations, but a different set of priorities than do their people.

If we were to rank the “top 3” for each, here’s how that would look:

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Top 3 Expectations for the Church

Pastors:

Tell others about Jesus. (84%)

Help Christians grow. (75%)

Practically assist those in need. (64%)

Churchgoers:

Help Christians grow. (62%)

Tell others about Jesus. (58%)

Offer counseling and care. (52%, compared to only 31% of pastors)

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So, you can see where there’s most likely going to be some reassembly required because of different expectations, can’t you?

Pastors are gonna get frustrated that their people don’t seem to really care about telling their non-Christian friends about Jesus. “They’re not inviting. Bunch of selfish, fat, dumb, and happy Christians.”

Churchgoers are gonna get frustrated that their pastors aren’t more interested in helping them grow or caring for them in need. “All you’re interested in, pastor, is getting new people into the seats. You don’t care about me or what we might need. And we’re the ones who serve, who give, who have been faithful… who...”

And the war rages on.

So here’s the question:

Who’s right? Who’s right?

Well...

The one with the mic, of course.

Tell you what: let’s weaponize some Scripture here for a bit. Because that’s the best thing to do with Scripture—go find a verse that proves your point.

So because I have the mic, I get to go first:

Tell people about Jesus, you jerks:

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Matthew 22:34-40 “Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

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This is what Jesus said is the most important thing! My priority list is the same as Jesus’; take it up with him: Love God by loving your neighbor. He said it; not me. So, I’m right, you’re wrong. Get off your butt and get out there with people!

And, hey, don’t forget this one:

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Matthew 28:18-20 “Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

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I mean… great commandment… great commission… got those two Scriptures locked and loaded, ready to be weaponized at any time. Just start complaining about the lack of depth in the preaching and watch pastors start firing away.

Well… hate to break it to you, pastors: there’s other parts of Scripture that we probably have to consider when it comes to the role of the church—like:

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Ephesians 4:11-16 “So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”

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And, hey, not to pile on… but what about this one:

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1 Peter 5:1-4 “To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder and a witness of Christ’s sufferings who also will share in the glory to be revealed: Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.”

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Seems pretty clear, pastor. I get what you’re saying about telling others about Jesus. But you might want to take a look at Ephesians, and Peter, and, oh, let’s say, every single other epistle in the New Testament that tells you about what your responsibility is to your people.

Who’s right? Who’s right?

It’s so unsatisfying, but...

We both are.

Here’s the lesson:

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The church will only be healthy when both its leaders and members fulfill all of the expectations that God has laid out for it in Scripture.

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Both. And. All.

So:

If most of we’re doing as your pastors is yelling at you about getting other people here, we’re falling terribly and devastatingly short of what God expects us to do. He told us to help you grow and to care for you as Jesus cares for his sheep. Growth happens as reach happens; reach happens as growth happens.

And:

If most of what you’re doing as Prairie Lakers is craving deeper teaching and more care for yourself, you’re falling short of what God expects you to do. He told you to get off your butt and go love your neighbor so that they might know just how much God loves them and what Jesus has done for them.

Let’s make a commitment to allow God to reshape our expectations for what the church should be about on whichever side of the fence we find ourselves.

Alright. Let’s get to #2:

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Reassembling my Relationship with my Church

In my community: Who should we be like together?

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We are still getting our minds around the impact these last few years (post-pandemic and everything else) have had on church community. But we’re now far enough away and settled to begin to see it. And, turns out, there’s been a lot of disruption in the church as a community. More and more people who used to be in the community are kinda checking out.

There’s a book coming out in August that I’ll be diving into on all of this called “The Great Dechurching.” But it’s about this phenomenon that we as church leaders talk a lot about with each other, but not a lot about from the platform: this thing called “Dechurching.”

Here’s what dechurching sounds like:

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Dechurched

“I used to go to church at least monthly, but now only 1 or 2 times a year—if at all.”

Dechurched stats:

40 million Americans have dechurched in the past 30 years.

“Never attenders” have outgrown regular attenders in the last 5 to 10 years.

38% of dechurched people (15 million) are “Evangelical”—from churches like PLC.

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So that’s important to note—because we have a tendency to think that it’s probably all of those Lutherans/Methodists/Catholic-types who just go on Christmas and Easter. We’re the real committed ones.

Not so much. More people like us are just not attending as much—and sometimes, barely at all.

So, why did they dechurch? Why’d they stop going? Here’s what the data tells us:

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Why have people "dechurched?”

Inconvenience: moved; friends stopped going; wanted more sexual freedom

Lack of formation: church did not connect at transformative level relationally or theologically

Off the wagon: Covid/got out of the habit; left due to how the church handled or ignored political, racial, and or other etchical concerns

Deconstruction: #3 causing a person to feel like the church as an institution can’t be trusted in a way that causes someone to re-examine the very foundations of their faith

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Lots of ways in which my relationship to my church community might be in need of reassembly.

Now, if you’re listening to me talk right now, it’s likely that you don’t currently fit in any of these categories—maybe not ever. Or maybe you did at one time, but not now.

But, maybe right now... still... kinda. Maybe you’re here and it’s been awhile. Maybe you’re here and it’s kinda hard because you’re feeling one or more of these things.

And if I’m a betting man, I’d say that close to 100% of us know someone who right now fits one or more of these categories. Someone in your Little Iowa needs their relationship with church community to be reassembled because they’re kinda stuck in 1, 2, 3, and/or 4.

So… what do we do with this? If me or my friend needs some reassembly with their church community… where do we begin?

Two places:

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If you or someone in your Little Iowa needs some reassembly with their church community, start with your heart. (Matthew 18:12-14)

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You know, on some level for anyone who is feeling like they’re on the outside of the church community looking in, no matter the reason—

On some level, all of them are wondering if anyone cares.

Does anyone care that I’m not going anymore?

Does anyone care that I’m hurting?

Would anyone even listen to me, or would I just get shut down?

Are my thoughts and opinions and convictions “off limits” or too controversial to even talk about?

And a lot of the time, unfortunately, their fears are mostly… confirmed.

Because our hearts aren’t really… broken for them.

Even though “dechurched” is a relatively modern term, it’s not a new phenomenon. They just called it something different in Jesus’ day.

In Jesus’ day, they called it “wandering:”

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Matthew 18:12-14 “What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.”

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What’s in God’s heart about you if you’re struggling in your relationship to your church community? That. Right there.

And so, if someone in our Little Iowa is currently wandering, start with your heart. Ask God to give you his.

Here’s the second:

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If you or someone in your Little Iowa needs some reassembly with their church community, start with your heart. (Matthew 18:12-14)

Then, love in action. (Romans 12:9-16)

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Look at the picture Paul paints of the church community in Romans:

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Romans 12:9-16 “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need.

Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.”

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Okay. So, we’ve talked about reassembling our relationship with church in terms of expectations and community, and as we close, we need to create some space for you to get clear on this last one: