Church as Family

Reading and Prayer (start voice recording)

1 John 3:1–3 CSB

See what great love the Father has given us that we should be called God’s children—and we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it didn’t know him. Dear friends, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet been revealed. We know that when he appears, we will be like him because we will see him as he is. And everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself just as he is pure.

Lord, we praise you for your Fatherly love demonstrated in . . .

Lord, you are transforming us into your image, please make us more like you in . . .

Because you are our Father, we know we can trust you with . . .

Lord, as we reach to the written word, help us to see you as Father. May the Holy Spirit enliven our hearts to hear Jesus as we read. Give us ears to hear, eyes to see, and hearts to understand your desire for us today.

Introduction and Disclaimers

We’re looking at the various ways the Bible gives us understanding of our identity, both individually and corporately. Over the past couple weeks and the course of the next several weeks we are going to continue to look at how the Bible describes who we are as followers of Jesus and how that impacts our understanding of our identity and the resulting action.

Today we’re going to discuss the church as a family. Before we begin I want to put out a huge disclaimer: because of the brokenness of our world, our family of origin preloads us with an idea of what family is, for good or for bad. Trauma and dysfunction in our family of origin impacts our attachments to people outside of our family. What we learn in our family of origin impacts what we think family is supposed to look like. Often we assume that how our family interacted growing up is normal and everyone else’s families were strange. As we get older, we discover through therapy or a great deal of reflection that our family was just as dysfunctional as the next, just in different ways. So when we talk about the church as family, we already have pre-loaded baggage of what we think that means. For some of us the word family brings up traumatic memories and we want to distance ourselves from anything that says it’s supposed to be a family. If that’s you, I want you to know how sad that makes me and you can be sure it makes the Lord sad that your family of origin was such that the word family brings up traumatic memories. This time is not intended to be a time to make you ruminate on what once was, but rather to bring you hope of what a healthy family would look like, what the ideal church experience would be. Our goal for today is to bring to light some realities that will help us orient our corporate identity and provide a type of hopeful model to which we can aspire.

Throughout the biblical narrative, God ordained and planned on using families in order to bring his reign on the earth. The divine command of Genesis 1 to the humans was to be fruitful and multiply, family language, and have dominion over the earth. When Adam and Eve sinned and were exiled from the Garden, they were given a promise that the seed of the woman would strike the head of the serpent. The narrative goes on to focus on the family through which God intended to bring this snake crusher into the world. First through Noah, then through Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and the nation of Israel. The the calling of a particular family was narrowed down to Judah, and then through David. All throughout the prophets, God proclaims that he is gathering a people for himself, children for himself from all nations through the family that he had chosen. This culminated in the person of Jesus who was the seed of the woman who would crush the snake. In his death on the cross he ransomed us from sin and death and defeated the grave in his resurrection making atonement for our sin. In doing so he also gave us the opportunity to become children of God by believing in the work that Jesus has done on our behalf and living by the power of the Holy Spirit in response to what Jesus has done in us.

The Bible uses familial language to describe the people of God’s Kingdom. While there isn’t a systematic treatment of the church as family quite like the church as a body or as the bride, there are plenty of passages that help us see how the metaphor of the church as family is developed and applied. It wasn’t uncommon for the early church to be charged with incest by Roman authorities because of the way they showed affection for their “brothers and sisters.” There was something unique to their attachment and love for one another that it caught the attention of the people around them.

We’re going to take a short cruise through four passages that help orient us toward the concept of the church as family. As we do so, I’m not going to get too much into the weeds of each passage, but focus on what it is saying about the church as it relates to families. In each of these passages there are plenty of things that we could dive deeper into, but that is not the point of today’s message. As we go, I want you to see these things.

Jesus teaches that his disciples are a family (Mark 3:31-35)

Paul teaches that since we are family, God is our Father and Jesus is our brother (Romans 8:12-17)

As a family, there is a goal of maturity (Ephesians 4:11-16)

And finally, what the family looks like when it’s functioning properly. (Acts 2:42-47)

Jesus teaches that his disciples are a family (Mark 3:31-35)

There are several places where Jesus uses family language to describe those who follow his teaching. The Sermon on the Mount contains Father to children language that Jesus is applying to his hearers. Things like: Matthew 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.” Matthew 5:44-45 “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven. . .”. In his discussion of giving, prayer, fasting, and worry Jesus speaks in terms of “Your Father”. In Chapter 7, Jesus gives a warning in Matthew 7:21 ““Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.”

In a parallel phrase, we hear Jesus talk about those doing the will of God in Mark 3:31-35, there are parallel passage in Matthew 12 and Luke 8.

Mark 3:31–35 CSB

His mother and his brothers came, and standing outside, they sent word to him and called him. A crowd was sitting around him and told him, “Look, your mother, your brothers, and your sisters are outside asking for you.” He replied to them, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” Looking at those sitting in a circle around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.”

Jesus said “Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.” Jesus is recognizing the reality of the family within the Kingdom of God. The family that he introduces to them is one with a bond that is stronger than the biological bond. Jesus isn’t denying the reality of his mother and brothers, but pointing out a spiritual reality that exceeds the reality of the physical world. In fact, Jesus continues to show honor to his family even to the point of death in passing his role of firstborn son, taking care of his mom, to John, the beloved disciple in John 19:25-27.

The family bond that is brought together by the Spirit of Christ is even stronger than the bond of biological family because the spiritual family is one of an everlasting nature. We see this elsewhere as the writers of the epistles use family terms to address their readers (brothers, brothers and sisters, dear children, etc.). It is important to note not just what language is used of the new family, but also the love that is marked within the family. In the Last Supper discourse in John we see the importance of the relationship of the disciples to one another: (John 13:34-35) “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another” ;(John 15:12,17)“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. . . . These things I command you, so that you will love one another” ;(John 17:11b, 20-23) “. . . Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one. . . . I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.” What is notable in these passages is Jesus’ emphasis on unity and love as well as the fact that unity and love is a witness to the world.

Before we move on to some of Paul’s teaching on this, I want to point out that the love that Jesus is talking about as a mark of the unity of his church is not a love that is often taught in our culture. Love is not being a doormat, love is not enduring domestic abuse, love is not manipulative. The love that God shows us and that Jesus demonstrates is one that is kind, patient, forgives, shows mercy, gives of oneself, but also sets boundaries. For example, Jesus loved the Pharisees but they weren’t part of his inner circle because of the state of their unbelief and unrepentance.

With that being said, I want to reiterate positively that those who do the will of the Father are a family. Paul fleshed this out in a couple passages and put some theological reflection on it.

Paul teaches that since we are family, God is our Father and Jesus is our brother (Romans 8:12-17)

If you turn to Romans 8:12-17, we’re going to see a theological reflection of Jesus’ statement as empowered by Holy Spirit.

Romans 8:12–17 CSB

So then, brothers and sisters, we are not obligated to the flesh to live according to the flesh, because if you live according to the flesh, you are going to die. But if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all those led by God’s Spirit are God’s sons. For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear. Instead, you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father!” The Spirit himself testifies together with our spirit that we are God’s children, and if children, also heirs—heirs of God and coheirs with Christ—if indeed we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him.

As Paul reflects on the nature of a life in Christ, a life empowered by the Spirit he points out a couple of really important things.

There is a new creation reality. Once we lived according to the flesh, but life in the Spirit has us put to death the deeds of the flesh. It changes how we view life, the people around us, and the decisions we make.

Part of this new creation reality is the relational connection between us and the Father. We are God’s children by adoption. Our relationship to God is not one of fear of judgment and death, but a relationship of loving and secure attachment. The relationship we have through the Spirit with the Father is one of a beloved child to their father. Now, back to my initial disclaimer, this may not be your family of origin experience. You may not have experienced that feeling of being beloved by your parents. Many parents fail at this and we live with the wounds that they leave behind. These wounds impact our view of God and tell us that there isn’t such thing as secure attachment or even that you might be a beloved child, but I’m not. If that’s part of your journey, let me encourage you that the Lord is able to heal you of those wounds. Through good counseling and therapy as well as working with a spiritual director, you can receive healing that helps you find that God is the loving generous Father that Jesus describes. If this describes you, let me encourage you to come talk with me after and set up a time where we can explore that and see how the Lord wants to show you his deep love for you as his beloved child and heal the some of the wounds from your past.

If this new relationship is about a loving relationship with God as our Father, it means that Christ is our brother. Let’s look at Paul’s argument. Paul says that we’ve been adopted as children of the Father. Since we are children we become heirs of God. Heirs are the ones who receive an inheritance due to their relational connection as children. But not only are we described as heirs of God, Paul says we are coheirs with Christ. The heirs were the children of the Father. If we are coheirs with Christ, then he we are able to relate to him as the older brother.

The role of the firstborn son is that of being the image of their father. They were to take on the family business, care for the family as the father had, and also be the model for what it means to be part of the family. The author of Hebrews expands on this ideas in Hebrews 2:10-18 where he says

Hebrews 2:10–18 CSB

For in bringing many sons and daughters to glory, it was entirely appropriate that God—for whom and through whom all things exist—should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through sufferings. For the one who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one Father. That is why Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters, saying: I will proclaim your name to my brothers and sisters; I will sing hymns to you in the congregation. Again, I will trust in him. And again, Here I am with the children God gave me. Now since the children have flesh and blood in common, Jesus also shared in these, so that through his death he might destroy the one holding the power of death—that is, the devil—and free those who were held in slavery all their lives by the fear of death. For it is clear that he does not reach out to help angels, but to help Abraham’s offspring. Therefore, he had to be like his brothers and sisters in every way, so that he could become a merciful and faithful high priest in matters pertaining to God, to make atonement for the sins of the people. For since he himself has suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are tempted.

With God as our Father and Jesus as our brother we are brought into a new family that is called the church.

As a family, there is a goal of maturity (Ephesians 4:11-16)

Now what we call the church on the whole consists of little assemblies, or churches that function as families as well. In a different letter Paul lets his audience know that there is a goal for the family. We’re going to head over to Ephesians 4.

One of the larger themes of the letter to Ephesus is the unifying of a diverse population of people into one body. If you read the whole letter, you’ll see how this theme informs much of what Paul says. I encourage you to go read the letter this week and pay attention to how unity from diversity is integral to the flow of the letter. In chapter four, Paul has shifted from theological discussion to practical application. Paul is highlighting how the body of Christ is to be unified and how various types of gifts and roles ought to operate within the church family. We’ll read starting in verse 11

Ephesians 4:11–16 CSB

And he himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, to build up the body of Christ, until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of God’s Son, growing into maturity with a stature measured by Christ’s fullness. Then we will no longer be little children, tossed by the waves and blown around by every wind of teaching, by human cunning with cleverness in the techniques of deceit. But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into him who is the head—Christ. From him the whole body, fitted and knit together by every supporting ligament, promotes the growth of the body for building itself up in love by the proper working of each individual part.

In this passage we see a couple types of people, those with a particular gift set often associated with leaders in the church and the rest of the body. The first group is set apart as apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers. Their primary task is equipping the church to do the work of ministry. It is this first group that is to help raise up the members of the church to accomplish the task that Jesus has given to the church. The second group are those who are to be equipped to do the work.

What’s interesting is that the task of the church is to grow up into unity in the faith and in the knowledge of Jesus and growing into maturity which means to look like Christ. Growing into maturity means we become less and less buffeted by the winds and waves of false teaching. It means growing in knowledge and experience of what it means to act and think life Jesus. Apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers are there to help us grow into that type of people.

There’s a family we knew recently who had 8 children. As I would be leaving a friend’s house in the morning after some PT, we would see some of the older kids taking the younger kids for walks first thing in the morning. In other large families, the older kids are often paired with younger kids to oversee and help show the younger kids what it means to be part of the family and do the things that the family does.

This is the dynamic at play in Paul’s teaching here. What we have is the Father who has given us the model of his son, our brother, Jesus. Jesus, through his life and teachings instructed the 12 disciples and showed them what it meant to live in the family and do the things that people in the family do. These 12 went about doing the same, showing followers of Jesus what it looks like to be part of the family and to do what the family does.

In the family that God has given us, the local church, he has given us older brothers and sisters, ones who are farther along in the journey to help us learn what it means to be part of the family and do what the family does. We have a roadmap of sorts with the Scriptures, and in conjunction with the older siblings, the Holy Spirit is able to help us become more like Jesus.

We become like Jesus as we are saturated with his story, train to be like him, and grow in unity with other followers of Jesus. As we come to this we begin to look like the Family God has created us to be.

Fortunately, we are beginning to see that what God has proclaimed in his Scripture to be the way that people grow into maturity is being confirmed by neuroscience.

Over the course of the last 20 years, there has been a lot of research conducted on the brain. There are some neuroscientists that are studying discipleship in terms of how the brain works and the results are rather remarkable.

Jim Wilder is one of these neuroscientists and he details his research with the help of a pastor, Michel Hendricks, in their book called “The Other Half of Church.” They argue that our traditional western ways of discipleship being mainly through book knowledge or right thinking have very little impact on character change. They’ve discovered that character change is based on the mental image we have of “our people.” At the most basic level, this is the family of a person when they are young and then grows into their peer group as they mature into adulthood. “Our people” give our brains models of how we ought to act, respond, and think; meanwhile, our character is formed to imitate the model that we see over the course of time.

They outline four pillars of what it takes to grow into healthy mature followers of Jesus, but it can only be done in the context of others. Growing to maturity cannot be done without others. We need the family that God has given us in order to grow into maturity; to become more Christlike.

The first pillar is joy or the experience one has when someone is happy to be with you. Neuroscience shows us that joy is one of the most basic needs we have. As infants, we are seeking joyful connections with our caregivers and will do whatever we can to find those joyful connections. As we grow into adults, the need for joy doesn’t go away, rather it is often pursued and leads us into find things that mimic joy. We find ourselves addicted to substances, adrenaline, sex, or chasing relationships in order to get the joy that our brain is looking for. That joy can, and should, be developed both horizontally with one another and vertically with God. It is joy that acts as a foundation for the other three pillars.

The second pillar is what the Bible calls hesed or steadfast love. In neuroscience, it’s called attachment. As we experience joy with a particular person or group over time, attachment results. The aim in a family situation is healthy attachment where the motivation is love, not manipulation or control. The attachments we have drive our understanding of who “our people” are and it leads to the next pillar.

The third pillar is group identity. As joy and attachment are developed, group identity begins to form. For some groups it is around a particular affinity like sports or college experience, but for the church it is to be grounded in the person and work of Jesus Christ. The danger that comes up in group identity is the type of leadership that is in the group. When a group is led by a charismatic leader, the group identity begins to form around the whims charismatic leader, this leads to cults. For the church family, the group identity is to be formed around Jesus. Think back to Ephesians 4:13 “until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of God’s Son, growing into maturity with a stature measured by Christ’s fullness.” When the group identity of the church is formed around who Jesus is, we’re headed toward healthy family relationships.

The last pillar is a necessary experience of healthy correction. In Jim Wilder’s work, healthy correction is correction that starts with joy, our being happy to be with someone isn’t changed by their incorrect action, expressed in steadfast love or attachment, and grounded in group identity. Wilder uses the format “we do not do (fill in the blank). Instead we are a people who (fill in the blank based on our convictions). Wilder points to Philippians 4:1-3 as an example of healthy correction

Philippians 4:1–3 CSB

So then, my dearly loved and longed for brothers and sisters, my joy and crown, in this manner stand firm in the Lord, dear friends. I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I also ask you, true partner, to help these women who have contended for the gospel at my side, along with Clement and the rest of my coworkers whose names are in the book of life.

Paul is already coming from a place of joy, he reminds the hearers that both of these ladies have contended for the gospel at his side, there is a lasting attachment in place. He corrects them by reminding them that their identity is in the book of life and not in the disagreement that they are having so the disagreement should be looked at through the lens of something that is passing.

By applying these four pillars, we can begin to be transformed into a healthy maturing family like Paul talks about. One where each of the members and the whole body are growing into more and more Christ-likeness.

What the family looks like when it’s functioning properly. (Acts 2:42-47)

If all of this seems pie-in-the-sky and unattainable, I would say you’re right apart from the work of the Holy Spirit. But we have been given an example of what a church living as family looks like in the book of Acts. Acts 2 contains the account of Peter’s sermon at Pentecost and the result. At the end of the chapter we are given a summary statement of what daily life was like in the early church. It reads, Acts 2:42-47

Acts 2:42–47 CSB

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and signs were being performed through the apostles. Now all the believers were together and held all things in common. They sold their possessions and property and distributed the proceeds to all, as any had need. Every day they devoted themselves to meeting together in the temple, and broke bread from house to house. They ate their food with joyful and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. Every day the Lord added to their number those who were being saved.

Now if we had just said that this described a nuclear family, I’m not sure that anyone would think it all that impossible: they ate together, had things in common, sold things to care for one another. These are things that families should do. What’s remarkable is that it is the local church in Jerusalem that is in view here. They had a devotion to the apostles’ teaching, being together, eating together, and praying together. They had joy, attachment or steadfast love, group identity in Jesus life and ministry, and healthy correction which would have come from the content of the apostles teaching and application of it.

We have been given an opportunity to be part of the Family of God. The Family that has been chosen from the foundation of the world to bring his Kingdom to reality on earth. How we love and treat one another reflects on Jesus and his Kingdom and gives us the chance to represent him among those who are separated from God. The church family is the lens through which the world sees who Jesus is. Let’s be a family that reflects Jesus well.