Wisdom and Sex, Proverbs 5

WISDOM AND SEX

Wisdom and Sex

Proverbs 5

We find ourselves, in our journey through Proverbs, in something of a strange chapter, for Fathers’ Day. We are dealing with this book of wisdom, from God's mouth - spoken through the lips of Solomon, an earthly father ... and today we come to chapter 5. Chapter 5 deals with adultery and marriage - with sex. And during the early part of last week - I was thinking, "Should I climb down from Proverbs, just for this week - and deal with something more 'Fathers’ Day appropriate' - just for this week? We can come back and deal with this passage next week? But then I thought to myself, 'Self - this is the Bible - the Word of God. And every page of the Word of God points to the Good News of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And if I really believe that - then here is a good test of that belief - Let's find Good News in this text - and at the end of the message - let's leave Proverbs chapter 5 with Thanksgiving in our hearts!

Now, right off the bat - there are a couple of groups of people, here, who may feel discouraged, now that you’ve heard where we’re going with this message.

First group - those who have struggled with sexual sin in the past. You don't need to be warned about the consequences of sexual sin - you have lived those consequences. The sinful actions of someone else - your own sinful actions. You read the words of this chapter and you are tempted to feel condemned … as if this is just so much more salt being rubbed in your already deep, open wounds of guilt and condemnation.

I want to remind you today that everything God says in Scripture - every warning that He gives us in His Word - is spoken out of a motivation of love. It is out of the love of a perfect Father that He speaks and says - "Don't go down this road ..." I want to encourage you to hear this message - NOT as a rehash of past sin - but as a rehearsal of the MIGHTY GRACE OF GOD in your life. That the God of the Bible, is THE God who redeems and who renews. And in Jesus Christ and His finished work - - “Though your sins be as scarlet, you shall be as white as snow.” So, with your ears, listen to the words - and with your hearts, hold on to the reality of sins forgiven in Jesus Christ.

The other group that I'm concerned about are the single men and single women here . At this point in your life, it doesn’t look as though there are wedding bells in your foreseeable future - and you are tempted to hear this message as just one more reminder of the marriage relationship that you don't have. “I long for that,” you say - “but it’s not an option - at least not right now.”

If that’s where you’re at - let me say this to you: The Bible tells us that marriage is a good gift. But the same Word tells us that God is a greater gift. Psalm 63 - “Your steadfast love is BETTER than life.” Single man, single woman - you were not made for sex -you were made for GOD.

And yes, it’s true - I’ve counseled people who have come to me in the pain of loneliness over not having a husband or a wife. I’ve counseled more people who have come to me in the pain of HAVING a husband or wife - because they laid the weight of their hopes for happiness in life on getting married to the perfect person … and ended up painfully aware that there is NO perfect person and no other fallen sinner who can carry the weight of those impossible expectations.

So, to you I say: Go ahead, continue to hope for a spouse; desire marriage - sure. But never forget that the greatest human being ever, the One who knew the fullness of what it means to be human more than anyone ever has, or ever could experience - Jesus Christ Himself - was never married. You do not need to be married to be a fulfilled person - - You need to be in a right relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

And lest you think that this chapter does not apply to you, and neither does this message - because you are NOT married - remember that these words were originally spoken to a son - who was not yet married, either.

This is Gospel. This is Good News - and if it is Good News - then it is a reason for thanksgiving for everyone who has put trust in Jesus Christ and His finished work on the cross as the only solution to our greatest problem.

God wants to teach us how to live skillfully - how to live our lives in wisdom - so that we enjoy this creation to our greatest potential - and I find it worship - inspiring that He does not leave any subject - any area of life, off of the table - or list of areas to guide us through. There is no area of living in this world, that God does not want to protect you in … to guide you - to avoid traps, to avoid poison, to avoid destruction ...... to experience joy in all of its fullness ... INCLUDING the area of sex.

3 parts:

1. A Wake Up Call: vv. 1-6. The father, representing God, our Father puts his arm around his son's shoulder and says, "It's time we had a talk, son". Danger I need to protect you from.

2. Main section of the chapter, vv. 7-19: "Here is what you need to know about sex"

3. Conclusion: vv. 20-23. "Now, it's up to you to make a decision".

1. A WAKE UP CALL, vv. 1-6

This is the seventh of nine messages in the first 9 chapters of the book of Proverbs. Father, speaking to a son. If you will remember, Chapters 1-9 are preparation for the short, pointed Proverbs that you usually associate with this book, in chapters 10-31. 2 1/2 of these 9 chapters deal with the subject of sexuality (5; 2nd half of 6 and all of 7). That tells us that living wisely cannot be separated from your sex life. You cannot compartmentalize this area of your life and still enjoy wisdom’s blessings.

In verse 1-6 of our text, what the father is saying is - "You are walking into a world of temptation. It is a world of sexual foolishness. It's a circus - with promises made by people as silly as clowns, with big red noses and orange afros - but the way you are wired - not matter how foolishness the promises come at you … there will be offers that appeal to you. If you are not prepared - you will not see the foolishness at first … unless you are awake.

Verse 3, the father describes the temptation. Take a look there: "For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil." The 'forbidden woman' - who is this? The Hebrew word, "zerah" points to a foreign woman - not foreign - as in just coming from a different nation or location ... but someone who is foreign to God's covenant. She is one who 'distances' or 'removes herself' from God. She has no loyalty to Him or to His people - the covenant community. We have already been introduced to this woman, back in chapter 2:16-19 - She is married, she is an 'adulteress' - because she doesn't give a care about the covenant she made with her husband - she always on the prowl - looking for someone else to snare in her net and drag away.

Now, if you read these verses about the strange "WOMAN" - and ask yourself, 'Why is the tempter a woman? That's a little unfair, isn't it? Is this a case of misogyny? I mean, everyone knows that men can be just as bad, if not worse than women: just as on the prowl, just as tempting.

If you are troubled by the forbidden ‘WOMAN’, let me reassure you. The book of Proverbs is not singling women out - over and over, in this book, we are warned about evil men too. Remember back in chapter 1, it was men who were wickedly and stupidly, trying to set a net for innocent people.

Also, remember that these words are father to son - A boy scout manual, if you will. The father is preparing his SON for life. And, just because we have the boy-scout manual and not the girl-guide manual, does not mean that the application isn't to women as well. Proverbs tells the son to listen to his ‘MOTHER’S teaching’ as well as his father’s instruction - so clearly daughters have to be prepared.

Another thing you need to remember is that in this book - Wisdom is also presented as a woman - “Woman wisdom” - not “Mr. Wisdom”, but “woman wisdom” is the voice who guides us to life. You have watched the Avengers and Captain America - you know every hero needs an archenemy, right? Superman needs a Lex Luther, Batman needs the Joker - - So it makes sense, doesn't it - that the enemy of woman Wisdom, would also be a female - the Strange Woman?

So, ladies - these words of warning apply to you, every bit as much as they do to the males addressed by the words. Beware of the 'forbidden man'. But to keep in line with our text, as God gave it, I will carry on talking about the forbidden person as the forbidden woman.

And what the father is saying here is, “See her for who she really is!” “See through her cheap, flattering, words. See that she is not loyal to anyone - she is a woman who cannot be trusted.”

Verse 3 warns that her lips 'drip honey' and her speech is 'smoother than oil'. In ancient Israel - sugar was not used to sweeten food yet. The sweetest substance they had was honey. “Her lips are dripping with sweetness”. Verse 3 also tells us that her speech is ‘smoother than oil’. Well-pressed olive oil was the smoothest substance they knew. And the father is saying that with her words - this woman caresses your ego. Syruppy sweet are her words:

“... Oh, how handsome you are ... how much you look like Thor or Harrison Ford ... in the FIRST Indiana Jones - not the 6th one ... or whoever you wish you looked like ... How smart you are ... like Albert Einstein and ...

... and the way she talks is so smooth ... that if you are not careful, she can soften up every moral objection you may have against her proposition and lead you to her bed ...

And, when v. 3 tells us that her lips 'drip honey' - it is also saying that they look so sweet - you just want to taste them. You want them - you want her. She looks so seductive. The Devil is smart - he knows you are not going to be tempted if the woman has an eye in the middle of her forehead and if she smells like rotten fish. She is seductive - Packaged in wrapping paper that entices. So when sexual temptation comes your way - know that it is going to come in the way that is most appealing to you ... to catch you right where you are weakest. And if you are not attentive … it’s going to knock you down.

Let's be clear here: This forbidden woman is more than simply an individual. We need to apply the strange woman to our situation. As our text makes clear - the only wise place for sexual activity, is inside a monogamous, heterosexual marriage.

I need to say this, especially in light of discussions going on in churches and denominations throughout our society today: the Bible is unequivocal on this: marriage is one man and one woman. Period.

The forbidden woman is anyone, whether in person, or on the t.v. or movie screen, or on the computer monitor, who comes to you and says - "Come, satisfy yourself sexually with me." Nobody needs to know. A stranger, a computer image - a boyfriend or a girlfriend who says, "I want to satisfy you ... that's all I want. I want you to know pleasure."

"The lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, BUT in the end she is bitter as wormwood ....'Wormwood' - that is a particular plant that not only is incredibly bitter and used to ward off maggots - - but parts of it can also kill you if you eat it. So, the foreign woman looks sweet on the front end, but leaves you sick with bitterness in your mouth. The bait is sweet, but the hook is bitter - and deadly. And sharp - see that in verse 4: she is as 'sharp as a two-edged sword.'

You cannot take hold of her without cutting yourself. And look where you end up if you give into her charms. Verse 5 is in the beginning warning of the chapter: “Her feet go down to death.” Verse 23 is the bookend at the end of the chapter: “He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray.”

See what the text is saying: “The footsteps of this woman lead directly to death.”

Now, dads and moms - Don't miss what the father is doing here - talking to his son about sexual temptation - back to v. 1, "My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding." "Listen up!".

I wonder, dads - are we doing that?

More than just 'the talk'. Oh, we get all nervous about ‘the talk’ and the apprehension builds and the nerves are increasingly frazzled as the day approaches... know at some point in our children's lives, we need to sit them down and talk to them about the birds and the bees. So we wrench up our courage - try to find the perfect, most natural time - but that time never comes … so it’s just awkward.

-- Or, if you had parents like some of us did - they gave you a book, said, 'Here, read this. And if you have any questions - go, ask your mother.’ Or, you send them off to a friend’s house to watch an After-School special about the subject, on PBS - because you don’t have cable. And then it's done!

“We had the talk! 5 years ago - I gave them ‘THE TALK’. Now, we’re done. I’m not doing that again.”

And if the world only gave us its message about sex - Once - One talk - - - then, maybe we COULD be done. But we are bombarded, day after day - we are and our kids are - by lies about sex. "Do what you want" "Do what feels good" - “Follow your heart” - ‘satisfy your desires’ - that’s what you exist for. There is no more sure way to tell someone to actually go to hell, than to tell them to ‘follow their heart’ “The heart is desperately wicked - who can know it?”. So, we need to follow the example of the father here - and keep saturating our kids with God's teaching on the subject ... until, as v. 2 says, "(their own) lips may guard knowledge.

Here is where I see the relevance of this chapter on Fathers’ Day: Because every father worth his salt - isn’t content to provide the necessary part for procreation to take place, or put a roof over his kid’s head or pay for school and vacation… every father who loves his child will do all he can to warn his son about danger and protect his daughter from predators.

So, the father is saying - you need to get the wisdom of the Word of God into your kids' mind and hearts until they instinctively recognize the traps of the world, in the area of sexuality, as those traps come their way.

2. WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW, vv. 7-20

Verses 7-20 are the main body of the chapter. And in this section we have 2 things you need to know to have wisdom in the area of sex.

VV 7-14 - What to Avoid

Vv 15-20 - What to Embrace

Negatively: What to Avoid

Verses 7-8, "And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way FAR from her and do not go near the door (not just the bedroom - NO: don't even go near the front door) of her house ..."

The Bible gives us three reasons why we are not to engage in extra-marital sex. Obviously, God commands us not to (and that, in itself is enough). But in His grace - God gives us three other reasons to explain why to avoid extra-marital sex.

One reason pertains to God the Creator

One reason pertains to our fellow human beings

One reason pertains to ourselves.

With Relation to God:

2 Reasons:

Sex goes against God's design inside the created order.

Not only does it provide the potential for fruit - to further the population of the human race.

Sex within marriage is redemptive - Sex within the marriage relationship, takes us outside of ourselves and takes us to the place where we share ourselves - to give ourselves to meet the needs of another.

I had no idea how selfish and self-centered I was, until I got married. I went to bed whenever I wanted, got up whenever I wanted. I would get in my car and go where I wanted, come home when I wanted - but then I got married. Suddenly, I had to plan my days with another person in mind. Someone else needed the car. And then kids come along ... and suddenly, not only could I not drive the car WHEN I wanted … I couldn’t drive a car at all … I had to buy a mini-van and sacrifice every remaining vestige of cool.

Marriage is redemptive - it teaches us to sacrificially give yourself to another - the way God, in Christ Jesus, loved us and GAVE HIMSELF FOR US.

Second reason - is

Do you think you can play with sin and keep it under control? Do you think you can compartmentalize God? vv. 9-11. Verse 9 warns that you will end up, "Giving your honor to others and your years to the merciless."

The strange or forbidden woman is married. And this verse is pointing to the husband who is offended by the affair - He will make you pay -

Third reason to keep sex within the marriage relationship pertains to yourself.

You hurt yourself by sexual foolishness - v. 11 - "and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed."

We know about sexual diseases (which are on the rise, by the way). We are often told that these life-altering and even deadly infections are a problem in 3rd world countries where the people don’t know how to protect themselves - the answer MUST be ‘education’. But this is not a 3rd world problem among those who don’t know better. The most recent statistics from Health Canada: over the past decade - chlamydia rates have increased 33%; Gonorrhea rates have tripled; and Infectious syphilis rates have risen 393%).

And then pornography - also wants to enslave you. Promises that nobody needs to know … nobody needs to be affected - but it's a lie. Some of you here have spent years - decades even, battling against the enslaving power of this ‘forbidden woman’, whose honey-dripping lips keep whispering flattery in your ears and you would be the first to confess that pornography is NOT consequence-free. The handcuffs are covered in velvet - but they are no less imprisoning.

As a single person - along comes the guy or gal - “You are beautiful. You are everything to me … I only want to share delight with you … so come along with me … the speech is ‘smoother than oil’ … so enticing. But you have loved ones who gave in to the smooth, seductive words - and, while the sin took a few minutes to commit, they have spent a lifetime afterwards, picking up the pieces of a broken life: losing their educational options, raising children alone, ending up in a life of poverty when the guy or girl who came with the sweet words, changes affections and loses interest and chooses a new target.

Verse 11: “… and at the end of your life you groan ...”. It doesn't take long for the pain and the groaning to start.

Lord Byron, the poet, was the bad boy of the nineteenth century. Everyone envied him. He was celebrated in life for aristocratic excesses, including huge debts, numerous love affairs with both sexes, rumours of a scandalous liaison with his half-sister. He would have been a poster child for our society's worship of sexual 'freedom' and unhindered autonomy.

The year before he died, he Looking back over a profligate life, he wrote these words:

The thorns which I have reap’d are of the tree

I planted;—they have torn me—and I bleed:

I should have known what fruit would spring from such a seed.

—Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage, Canto IV,

Stanza 10

My days are in the yellow leaf;

The flowers and fruits of love are gone;

The worm, the canker, and the grief

Are mine alone!

—On This Day I Complete My Thirty-sixth Year,

Lord Byron wrote these words when he was 36 years old. “The flower of romance has wilted, the pleasure has long ago vanished and so have my companions … I am alone.”

In other words - I am 36, and I'm already old. All I have left is Venerial disease and depression. Where are my buddies now? Where are my lovers now? He died one year later.

Verse 11: “… and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, (12) and you way, ‘How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof!’”

The father is warning his son because he loves him. He isn’t trying to restrict his freedom … he wants his joy for life. Verse 8: "Keep your way FAR from her." Don't tell yourself, "I can get involved, just a little and then get back to where I need to be:

Martyn Lloyd-Jones told us how life really works:

"Be careful how you treat God, my friends. You may say to yourself, 'I can sin against God and then, of course, I can repent and go back and find God whenever I want him.' You try it. And you will sometimes find that not only can you not find God but that you do not even want to. You will be aware of a terrible hardness in your heart. And you can do nothing about it. And then you sudenly realize that it is God punishing you in order to reveal your sinfulness and your vileness to you. And there is only one thing to do. You turn back to Him and say, 'O God, do not go on dealing with me judicially, though I deserve it. Soften my heart. Melt me. I cannot do it myself.' You cast yourself utterly upon His mercy and upon His compassion."

Verse 15-20 - What to Embrace.

In verse 15, the text changes from focusing on what we need to avoid, to what we should embrace. Look at v. 15, "Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well." Verse 18, "Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love."

To understand what the Bible is saying here about cisterns - you need to go back to the context of life in Israel in the days when Solomon spoke these words. IT was often dry, hot - and there was no city water supply that brevery house had a cistern to catch rainwater - they depended on it to keep the family alive. But that water is stagnant - so v. 15 adds another metaphor - drink … “flowing (or gushing, fresh water) - from your own well.

God is saying here through Solomon - I have given you water to satisfy your raging thirst. I have blessed the marriage bed.

Don't miss what God is NOT saying - He is NOT saying, "Are you tempted? Then build yourself an iron will. Suck it up, princess. Because if you want the joy of heaven, then I have nothing for you, on this side of eternity - but endless frustration, bottled up inside." Yes, we need to constantly work on self-control - but God is reminding us here that sex is His creation, NOT the devil's or the world's. It is His creation and it is good - where He created it to be experienced.

So, if you have fallen for the lie that comes so unrelentingly - "When it comes to sex - there are two opposite extremes - On one end of the spectrum, is the world that says, “Sex is to be enjoyed, as you decide - so take off outside restraints and make your own rules ... set your own course. And on the other end of the spectrum are Christians - They hold their noses at sex and say, “You should only do it when they have to and they better not enjoy it." When you hear those messages - please know that they are both lies. The world's message leads you to slavery.

When you hear mention made of The Puritans - especially in relation to sexuality, the image that comes to many minds is something out of the Nathaniel Hawthorne’s ‘Scarlett Letter’ -miserable joyless people whose mission was, not only not to have fun themslves, but also to make sure NOBODY had fun, either. Well, the Puritans are my theological heroes and let me say, they get a bad rap. Did you know that back in the days of the Puritans, who pursued the Bible in every facet of life - if a wife in New England was dissatisfied - she would complain, first to her husband and then to the whole congregation, that her husband was neglecting their sex life ... and if it was true - the church removed him as a member.

God has given sex as a gift - to be enjoyed and protected, within His good boundaries.

3. DECISION TIME, vv. 21-23

The end of the chapter, vv. 21-23 bring us to a time of decision - which way will you choose to walk?

Verse 23, Reminds us that the end of the road for a life of sexual foolishness - is death. "He dies for lack of discipline." Don't miss that this is no 'hell-fire and brimstone' - - this is a warning given out of love ...

The father reminds us, in v. 21 that, "a man's ways are before the eyes of the LORD, and he ponders all his paths."

I want to close our time together today by showing you that there are two sides to verse 21: a warning side and a comforting side.

On the warning side - this is God's Word making sure that we all recognize that whatever you do, in the area of sex - no matter if the lights are out - no matter if you are all alone - just you and your tv or internet connection - or whether you are a thousand miles from home - - God sees it all. He is there with you, in the room, in the dark. He knows your thoughts. Do not think you can keep a single secret from God. Choose your pathway with that warning in mind.

But there is also a comforting side here. "A man's ways are before the eyes of the LORD and he ponders all his paths." There is an epidemic of sexual sin in our society and in the church. At some level, all of us are sexual sinners - and so many of us here carry a sense of the inescapable shame and regret of failing God and introducing pain into our lives.

I am dirty, you say. I hate what I have become. Any dads here, who have struggled in this area and the failures in your past make you feel disqualified from speaking to your kids?

“Oh, what do I do? The spirit is willing but the flesh has been so weak!” What do we do? I’ll tell you what we do: we listen to the message of the Gospel … again!

Martin Luther picks up the Bible's own language about Jesus Christ being the groom and His Church - every individual believer - being the Bride - His wife.

"Faith ... unites the soul with Christ, as a bride is united with her bridegroom. From such a marriage, as Paul says, it follows that Christ and the soul hold all things in common, whether for better or for worse. This means that what Christ possesses belongs to the believing soul, and what the soul possesses belongs to Christ. Thus Christ possesses all good things and holiness; these now belong to the soul. The soul possesses lots of vices and sin; these now belong to Christ ... Now is not this a happy business? Christ, the rich, noble and holy bridegroom, takes in marriage this poor, contemptible and sinful little prostitute, takes away all her evil and bestows all his goodness upon her! It is no longer possible for sin to overwhelm her, for she is now found in Christ."

You and I are the forbidden woman - - Jesus is the offended husband. We have offended him - like the wife of the prophet Hosea - we have run after other lovers - prostituted ourselves, whether in our sex lives, or our worship lives - we have bowed to countless idols of financial security, prestige, power and self-centeredness - and said to the God who sent His Son to die for our sins - "You are not enough to satisfy my desires".

Isaiah 62:4-5

"You shall no more be termed 'Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate, but you shall be called, My Delight is in Her, and your land Married; for the LORD delights in you, and your land shall be married.

For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you."

Do you see that - Jesus, the bridegroom rejoices over YOU, Christian!

"Oh but what I've done - the things I have looked at ...." "For a man's ways are before the eyes of the LORD, and he ponders all his paths."

Do not wallow in your sin - - or in your self-pity. Come to Christ - your only hope - who delights in you as the husband is told to delight in the wife of his youth here. He is intoxicated in love with you Christian - and will shape you and transform you, if you run to him for help.

As C.S. Lewis wrote, “If we let him … he will make the feeblest and filthiest of us into … a dazzling, radiant, immortal creature, pulsating all through with such energy and joy and wisdom and love as we cannot now imagine, a bright stainless mirror which reflects back to God perfectly (though, of course, on a smaller scale) his own boundless power and delight and goodness. The process will be long and in parts very painful, but that is what we are in for. Nothing less.”