A Godly Home

Turn with me to Ephesians 5 and 6. Pray with me…

Well Happy Father’s day… Its a day that has more meaning to me over the last few years, this is the 3rd Fathers day I have got to preach at Agape, and today what I want us to look at now that we are done with our study of Philippians is what a Godly home looks like from the bible.

Because this is the standard we should have. Its no surprise to any of you that God’s standards when it comes to marriage and the family have went away in the culture we live in, even in the church listen we don’t live by the standards of God’s word. Like we should, and even though its Fathers day and there is going to be a weight to this sermon specifically geared towards fathers, it is a sermon that is for everyone. For the laddies in the room who are not married there is a standard for them, for the men who are not married in the room there is a standard for them, and for the children in the room there is a standard for them as well, and the standard for all these things should be the word of God.

If you want to know what it looks like to live in a God honoring- Christ exalting home this passage will lead you to understand what that looks like…

So for those who are taking notes today what I want you to see as our main idea this…

In order to have a Godly Home you must submit to God and his Word.

Follow along with me as I read some of the verses this morning…

Ephesians 5:22–24 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

The first thing we find in Godly family’s is this..

A Godly home has wives that submit to their husbands as to the Lord.

Now alot of you are thinking right now do you know my husband? Have you met that guy? Don’t look over in the area next to my wife, but you as a man may say see this this is what I am talking about. You as my wife are to listen to submit to me, and I was reminded this week that the whole Christian life is about submission, so it should come as a natural response to something we already do. We should submit in the Lord to all things.

When you think about it submission even extends to other parts of your life, you follow the law, things like that..

One of the pastor’s I look up to is R.C. Sproul, said.. he said some powerful words. This passage should put to rest once and for all the myth that marriages are to be fifty-fifty. I can’t think of a worse scenario for a marriage than to have the authority in that relationship divided equally. When two people are together like that, then nobody has any authority. You are in a perpetual power-struggle where one is trying to get control of 51% of the stock. And that can be exceedingly destructive to a family.

When the Bible says that the husband is to be the head of the home, and that the wife is to be in submission to her husband, it does not give the man a licence to tyranny. It does not mean that the man is never to consult with his wife or to lean upon her wisdom and take seriously her concerns and her judgment. When Adam was created, with dominion over the earth, Eve ruled over the earth with him as his helpmate, not as his servant. In a sense, God made Adam king over the creation and gave Eve to him as his queen, not as his slave-girl. There is all the difference in the world between a queen and a slave-girl.

His last few words are important because the culture we live in is much different than the times they lived in. Submission for a women today is looked down upon, people make the scriptures seem like they just drag women down, in fact that is very wrong view, because Jesus looked highly upon women, and so does Paul. But what is laid out before us in the bible is God’s intended design.

Its pretty clear on the surface without much thought the role of the wife is to submit and to respect her husband. But I can’t just leave it like that, much more has to be explained.

One the husband must and i mean must be a Godly example if he is to expect his wife to submit to him, ill get more into the character of that in a moment, but what I will say right now is this the husband cannot go and tell his wife to sin against the Lord, right doing something that God himself forbids. In fact if that occured a Godly wife should in fact not submit, however if the husbands calls the wife to do something Godly and she disobeys she is going against the Lord.

And a wife should submit to the husband because of Christ and Love for the church.

So what does that look like? Well it may look different for each couple because there is much freedom in Christ, but one man said this, and I believe it can tie into a lot of couples. “A Christian couple should simply yield to the pattern of the husband serving as the head and the wife as the helper submitting to the loving leadership of her husband. And the two should strive to prayerfully apply this pattern faithfully in their own situation.”

The same man said. Wives give a picture of the church to the world. Husbands give a picture of Christ to the world. Marriage is intended to point us to our Redeemer.

Think about that your role as a wife and your role as a husband is to point ourselves and others to Jesus. So if you want to have a Godly home wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Don’t forget that last part.

Now if you read the rest of the passage you will see it talk much more about the husbands role. And the husband’s role is key to the the wife’s role.

Listen on starting in verse 25.

Ephesians 5:25–33 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Second point this morning is this…

Husbands love and serve your wives as Christ loved and served the church.

Thats a humbling statement men after giving you that first one. Yes there is a call for godly women, but you better believe there is a call for what it means to be a godly man. Listen to this… the responsibility that is given to the man here is terrifying: to love their wives like Christ loved the church and gave himself for the church. Would a woman be afraid to submit herself to a man who loved her as much as Jesus loved the church? Would a woman fight and kick and scream against the leadership of a man who was willing to give his lifeblood to do anything he could to save her life? The kind of rule that the husband is to have over his wife is to be modelled on the leadership of Jesus.

I can testify to this truth first hand, and so can my wife. The best moments we have in a marriage is not when she is always doing the right things, but when I see myself as someone who wants to love the Lord first, and serve her like Christ loved and served the church.

I think to many of us get to a place in our marriages when we say ill start doing the right thing when the other one starts doing the right thing that is not what the scripture teaches us, that is not how Christ loves us.

In fact I remember years ago when I was meeting with a bunch of guys one guy who became a great friend to me said my wife doesn’t want to be with me, im going to lose my family over this, and this friend with through alot but i remember him telling me something that really stuck with me, and its something that i wish I did more as a husband he said I am just going to go home and serve my wife. and writing this sermon I really wish that is what i did more of serve my wife, and can I tell you something church his marriage was saved, and they are still going strong to this day..

So husbands, men there is a call in this text in verse 25 to love your wife sacrificially. Christ did not just love the church by simply saying I love you he did it with his actions. To the point of death. He died for his bride so men are you prepared to die for yours.

One man said marriage is a call to die, and we can laugh at the statement because of how the world has put marriage, but think for just a moment the importance of your marriage. How important the institution of marriage is to God.

Christ was prepared to be beaten to death for his bride, now laddies that is not a call to beat your husband, but men its a call to lay down your life for your bride. This means laying down what is most important for you for the good of your wife. Ouch right, that really hurts most men in the room to do that thing, because there is no way I can love like Christ loved the church, but my example is Christ, and I am commanded and you men are commanded to lay down your life for your brides.

Not only husbands are you called to love sacrificially you are called to love her in a way that sanctifying. This may sound odd to you at first glance if you go back to verse 26. It says that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word.

Now what it means is debated, some say it means you are in fact making your wife more like Christ which is the application of the text I believe, others like myself think Paul is referring to Christ giving up himself up for the church so she can be sanctified and cleansed with water. That he gave himself up so the church could belong to Christ, just like the husband gives up himself so his bride can belong to him.

The washing of water with the word has a deeper meaning for that context..

It was custom during those times that brides often had a specific bath prior to the marriage ceremony and that bath represented a cleansing from any impurities as well as reinstating purity.

Now when it comes to the Word.. It is the gospel that cleanses us like the water cleansed the people of Isreal prior to their marriage.. The gospel is how we are cleansed from our sin allowing us to sanctify one another. Jesus represents the gosepl

Nevertheless the application for us is clear husbands should love their wives in such a way where they look more like Jesus Christ. This is a weighty task men. Love her to the point of laying down your life, and love her to the point of making her more like Christ. John 17:17

John 17:17 ESV

17 Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.

Your wife should be your primary ministry not the last ministry. Make every opportunity an opportunity to show her Christ in every way.

Husbands are to also cherish their spouse. There is a call here in the text for husbands to love their wives as their own bodies.

Meaning men you take care of your own needs, you feed yourself, you drink your try to protect yourself you do whatever you need to survive so make sure you do the same for your spouse.

Find ways to physically and spiritual nourish your wife. Find out how she desires to be loved and do it. Lay your life down for her as Christ laid his life down for you. Do whatever it takes to show her how valuable she is to you. Because Christ did that for you.

Proverbs 18:22 ESV

22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

Keep that favor by loving your wife as Christ loved the church.

You do all this because marriage is the act of becoming one flesh. To often in marriages we see two people, two people having two different dreams of what life is suppose to look like. but with marriage its two people coming together as one flesh. Thats why the husband is to do all the things listed in the text.

Even Scholars say Since husband and wife are “one flesh” or one body, to love one’s wife is not merely a matter of loving someone else as oneself; it is in effect loving oneself. Adam recognized Eve as “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Gen. 2:23); to love her therefore was to love part of himself

Marriage is a beautiful picture of the gospel. Because Christ loved us sacrificially, loved us in a way to sanctify us, and loved us in a way that takes care of us.

verse 31 and 32 really drive home the meaning of marriage. in verse 31 Paul is quoting Genesis 2:24

Genesis 2:24 ESV

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Notice clearly he defines marriage as between a man and women nothing else, i dont have to teach you a biology lesson today how they can make one flesh unlike man and a man or a women and a women, but i can say that Paul says this mystery is profound, because he is relating all this back to Christ and the church.

Listen carefully what I am about to say from the words of a scholar… So here, Gen. 2:24, which on the surface explains why a man will leave his parents’ home and live with his wife, is taken to convey a deeper, hidden meaning, a “mystery,” which could not be understood until Christ, who loved his people from eternity, gave himself up for them in the fullness of time.

In the light of his saving work, the hidden meaning of Gen. 2:24 now begins to appear: his people constitute his bride, united to him in “one body.” The formation of Eve to be Adam’s companion is seen to prefigure the creation of the church to be the bride of Christ. This seems to be the deep “mystery” contained in the text, which remains a mystery no longer to those who have received its interpretation.

The following words, “but I am speaking with reference to Christ and to the church,” seem to contrast the writer’s preferred interpretation with other interpretations: the pronoun “I” is emphatic.

What does seem to be certain is that Gen. 2:24 is being applied here to the relationship between Christ and the church.

another scholar said.. So marriage is like a metaphor or an image or a picture or a parable or a model that stands for something more than a man and a woman becoming one flesh. It stands for the relationship between Christ and the church. That’s the deepest meaning of marriage. It’s meant to be a living drama of how Christ and the church relate to each other.

So with that being the meaning verse 33 really comes alive.

Ephesians 5:33 ESV

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Husbands the standard is not your own father, your friends, or anyone else the standard for leading your home is Jesus.

Luke 22:26 ESV

26 But not so with you. Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves.

So if you are going to learn how to love your spouse like the bible teaches the greatest way is to become more like Jesus.

Laddies, if your husband is modeling Christ your only response should be that of respect. This thinking is not like the world, but as we have talked about this recently we are not of this world so lets have marriages that are like God’s word and not the world.

John Piper said… . Wives, let your fallen submission be redeemed by modeling it after God’s intention for the church! Husbands, let your fallen headship be redeemed by modeling it after God’s intention for Christ!

Marriage is not just about two people loving one another for the rest of their days it is to be a model of how Christ loved his bride the church. x2

And those truths extend into the last four verses which says this..

Ephesians 6:1–4 ESV

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

last point this morning is this..

Godly homes have discipline and instruction in the Lord.

Fathers, mothers we have a responsibility to our children. and what i just preached on is the foundation for a godly home.

So if the Father is loving his wife like Jesus loved the church, and the mother is submitting to the husband out of respect for him, children should follow that command.

My greatest ministry is not to pastor this church, my greatest ministry is my home. Same goes for each and everyone of you. I told you at the beginning of the sermon this message is for everyone even the youngest of listeners.

Scripture teaches us that children are a gift from the Lord. Christians have and always will have a special place for kids because they are made in the very image of God.

Reading this week I was convicted by these words.. The first picture of God children receive is from their parents. So if your children are going to have the right responses they are going to need it seen in you first. I talked about earlier that the Christian life is about submission. Show your kids that you are willing to submit to the word of God. That you take his word seriously about things like marriage, and how they should be brought up. Even those who have not always done the right thing when it comes to a Godly home make it right with the Lord so they can see that.

Your kids should see you model Christ not modeling the world and the desires of the flesh.

So there is a command in the scripture. Children obey your parents in the Lord like we seen earlier, and that commandment is met with one of the 10 commandments honor your mother and father.

If you have kids you might have noticed something they don’t like to listen. But kids in the room take note obey your parents , listen to what they say, as smart as you think you are if they are leading your home like it says in the scripture they know what is best.

Colossians 3:20 ESV

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

and in Ephesians there is a promise to those who obey their parents. And that promise is that you will save yourself from a harder life and have blessings if you obey your parents.

Finally verse 4. Goes back to the fathers.. Now part of verse 4 says.. Do not provoke them to anger. Obviously mothers can provoke there children maybe in some circumstances it is worse.

But the audience that Paul is writing to men had the ability to do horrible things to their children, and sometimes they did. They could sell them, they could kill them, some times in Rome it would be common for kids to be just lying on the streets.

What are some things that anger our children..

One man said this..

Failing to take into account the fact that they are kids.

Comparing them to others.

Disciplining them inconsistently.

Failing to express approval, even at small accomplishments.

Failing to express our love to them.

Disciplining them for reasons other than willful disobedience and defiance.

Pressuring them to pursue our goals, not their own.

Withdrawing love from them or overprotecting them.

Colossians 3:21 ESV

21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

We should do all we can to point our children to Jesus.

Paul says bring them up which is another word for train, discipline them and instruct them.

What does this look like? Well we are to teach our kids what is right from the word of God, we are to counsel them walk with them through situations teaching them how God would want them to react. Warn them, and even punish them for wrong doing.

My children are too young right now to understand who Jesus is, but the greatest blessing as a father would be that my children will grow up and know and follow the Lord.

Fathers and mothers want a godly home than show them Jesus. Show them Jesus.

Let me read you something I read in my preparation for this message. I will never forget a story my friend Dr. Chuck Quarles shared at a pastors' conference a few years ago while expounding Colossians 3:18-21. A well-known biblical scholar invited Dr. Quarles to lunch one time. Dr. Quarles told this scholar he was extremely inspired by his productivity as a thinker and writer, and he went on to ask, "I'm amazed by your work. How did you manage to be so prolific?" This theological heavyweight mumbled under his breath, "I sacrificed my son." "I was stunned by his words," Dr. Quarles said. He thought he misunderstood him, so he asked again, "What did you say?"

The scholar replied (almost angrily), "You heard me! I said I sacrificed my son!" Dr. Quarles said this scholar added that he had been so driven to research, write, publish, and make a name for himself in the academic world that he neglected his family.

His son essentially grew up as a stranger to his father. Now, as an adult, his son was a homeless man, sleeping on the streets. Dr. Quarles tried to comfort him: "I'm sure that's not your fault Even more angrily the scholar replied, "Don't you try to console me... Yes, I did that Even though people seem to be amazed by my productivity as a scholar, the fact is, I would give up every one of those books and far, far more just to have my son back!" T

then this writer looked across the table, straight into the eyes of Dr. Quarles, and said, "Just in case you want to walk in my footsteps, know that I pray to God you won't." This conversation echoed in Dr. Quarles's mind for the next few weeks. He was so haunted by it that he began to take a close look at his own life as a husband and father. Dr. Quarles said, "I was blowing it." That conversation led him to consider his own priorities and adjust his lifestyle. It ultimately led him to make a change in ministry roles and a change in a place of ministry. Dr. Quarles said, "I have never once regretted that radical change."

That story had a powerful effect on my life as well. It still does. Now, obviously, kids can grow up in great homes and turn out rebellious. I understand that. The point is, parents must seek to love, nurture, and disciple their children.

I read that to say if you lose your family in the process of making your name great or doing what you desire instead of what the word of God says than you have failed what God has called you to do. You have failed to see the wonderful grace God has given you through his son Jesus Christ, who as we have seen in the text gave himself up for his bride.

The Lord of all creation came down to dwell amongst his own, and live a life of perfect sacrificial obedience. So that we even though we are defiled by sin, can be washed by the blood of Jesus Christ, so that we can become the pure bride of Christ.

If you believe Christ did that and you want a Godly home what steps do you need to take to make that happen?

Fathers there is a big weight on you with this, and I want you to know you cannot carry it without knowing Jesus as Lord. He truly died for your bride because you can’t and when you understand that and turn to him you can begin to love your bride as Christ loved his, which Paul said in this text today all believers are apart of if you know him.

Today if you don’t know him by faith what greater gift to leave with this fathers day then knowing your heavenly father through his son Jesus Christ, you do that by admitting your a sinner, repenting of your sin, and turning to Christ for salvation.

Respond how he leads you today…