Bandaids on the Mirror

You heard about the alcoholic didn’t you? (By the way, when I was coming up, we called them drunks.) You heard about the drunk didn’t you? He’s married and he comes home late and sneaks upstairs being as quiet as he can be. He sneaks into the bathroom and looks at his face. His hair’s messed up and he’s covered with bumps and scratches he’d received in a fight. He knows if he goes to bed like that, in the morning, he’s going to be in trouble, so he staggers around the bathroom, finds the bandages and fixes himself up, smiling at the thought that he’d pulled one over on his wife. When the morning came, he opens his eyes to find his wife standing over him. “You were drunk last night weren’t you?”

“No honey. No way. I wasn’t”

“Well,” she replied, “If you weren’t, then who put band-aids all over the bathroom mirror.”