5 Foundations for a Strong Family

That video had me laughing. Dad’s are so great aren’t they? Let’s laugh a bit more about things dad’s say, or actually, things you won’t hear dad say.

10 things you’ll never hear a dad say:

10. “Well, how ‘bout that? I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.”

9. “You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for un-chaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?”

8. “I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.”

7. “Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car. Go crazy!!!”

6. “What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating is not good enough for you, son?”

5. “Your mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.”

4. “Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies—ya know—that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.”

3. “What do you want to get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.”

2. “I really appreciate the Father’s Day breakfast, but next time could you do turkey bacon with my eggs? Turkey bacon blows regular bacon out of the water!”

“You know, I was there when my wife did it and I really don’t think childbirth looked that bad.”

This morning, I’m going to give you a challenge from God’s Word, and we are going to look at Five Biblical Principles that are foundational to having a healthy and strong family.

Does anyone else her struggle with being a father? Oh, good, I’m not the only one.

Whether you’ve been a father for 50 years, or 5, we still need the counsel of God’s Word. We still need foundations to build off of to help us have healthy and strong families.

There is a Chinese proverb that says, “It is harder to lead a family than to rule a nation.” — Chinese proverb

I think I agree with that. When I read statistics about what is happening to Christian families, in Christian households, it always gets my attention, and it’s always discouraging.

The Longworth Law Firm out of Houston Texas says that 2023 surveys and studies show 20-25 percent of Christian marriages end in divorce. I’ve heard studies that show up to around 50%.

https://www.myhoustondivorce.lawyer/christian-divorce/rates/#:~:text=Christian%20Divorce%20Rate%20FAQ,-What%20Percentage%20of&text=Recent%20surveys%20and%20studies%20suggest,and%20younger%20generations%20of%20believers.

The Barna Research group says that 60% of kids leave the church after age 15. Three out of every five kids in youth group will eventually shrug off the church entirely.

https://parentingtodaysteens.org/blog/why-teens-are-leaving-the-church/?gad=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwp6CkBhB_EiwAlQVyxbsNCKXpnnqhssvpljLnD6b_utkcJfuouF3XfXfjWG8_cfCeSpcjeBoCS2QQAvD_BwE

Kids are believing all kinds of lies that are being taught and pushed on them from society and culture. If the truth isn’t being spoken at home, our children become lead away from reality. They don’t now who they are anymore; who God created them to be. And if you believe something long enough, it will become reality for you.

Another article I read this week listed common issues that Christian families struggle with. Some of them in addition to the first two, are materialism, balancing work and family, lack of communication, lack of discipline, and business of life.

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/newwineskins/top-10-issues-christian-families-struggle-with/

This is looking at families in the church; Christian households, not even unbelievers. Church, let me tell you we have a problem. The enemy is alive and well and his schemes are showing effective.

Family is so important! It’s one of the main institutions God has given; the church and the family. And having strong families is crucial to having a strong church.

Dr. James Dobson from Focus on the Family said, “I believe, with everything in me, that husbands hold the keys to the preservation of the family.”

I absolutely agree. The father is the key to a strong and healthy family. So today, Father’s Day, may you be challenged by God’s Word in how you are to lead and care for your family.

Remember, even if you aren’t a father, you need to know how to encourage the fathers in the church and around you. And these truths are for everyone, I will just be addressing the father’s more specifically this morning, as they are the ones to initiate these five foundations.

1. Healthy Families Put God First (Luke 14:25-33)

Luke 14:25-27 “Now great multitudes went with Him. And He turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.”

Jesus gives two illustrations that support what He just said, and then ...

Luke 14:33 “So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.”

This is discipleship 101. This is what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. A disciple is a learner, or a student. If you are going to learn from Jesus, you must put God first. He must be first in your life.

Now a lot of people get offended when they read this. “Jesus, isn’t it harsh to say that I must hate my family members to follow you?” But Jesus is using hyperbole here, which is an extreme statement, to contrast love and hate in order to emphasize the priority God should have in our lives.

To help us understand it better, look at what Matthew recorded in Matthew 10:37, He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.

Here, Jesus is speaking about love. The point is that Jesus deserves priority over every other relationship. If you must choose between Jesus and a family member, Jesus wins. The greatest commandment is to “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength” (Mk 12:30). God has to have priority in your life.

The next verse parallels what we read in Luke. Verse 38 says, “And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.” Taking up one’s cross is an illustration of dying to self, of having absolute dedication to God.

So fathers, how are you doing putting God first? How are you doing? Does He come before your family? Does He come before your wife? Does He come before your children? Other family members? Does He come before yourself? Before your interests, desires, hobbies?”

If you want a healthy and strong family it starts here. It has to start with you and your pursuit of God. Your relationship with Jesus. Setting Jesus first in your life. Your loyalty to Jesus has to come before your loyalty to your family, and even yourself.

This is the first foundation to a strong and healthy family.

Big Idea: All of your relationships should pale in comparison to your relationship with God.

2. Healthy Families Provide for Each Other (1 Timothy 5:8)

Fathers, we provide for our families.

Look at 1 Timothy 5:8. Now this was written by Paul in the context of caring for widows in the church. As he is instructing Timothy in how the church should treat and support widows, this is what he says ...

1 Timothy 5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

We are to provide for our family members who are in need, in true need. And if you don’t Paul says that you are worse than an unbeliever. This is the minimum requirement, men. The unbelieving world at least does this!

Look back up at verse 4, But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God.

Adult children and grandchildren are to show piety, reverence, respect, for their parents and grandparents. This is good and acceptable before God.

Fathers, men are to reflect the fatherhood of God. We are God’s image in our households. A man who will not take care of his wife and children and family is lying about what God is like. Do you want to be misrepresenting who God is to your family? I don’t think so. Work hard and provide for your family.

Now, generally, we do a good job providing financially for our families. We’re willing to work hard and earn the buck. However, there are other needs though. One of the greatest needs may be working less to spend time with your family. We don’t just provide financially and materially, but there are also emotional and spiritual needs, as well as cultivating our relationships.

Are you providing for you wife’s needs? Love, attention, protection, security/commitment, appreciation/value, compassion, partnership.

Are you providing for your kids needs? Are you encouraging and uplifting to them? Are you a good role model for them? Are you a father who provides them with structure and discipline? Are you teaching them about life? Are you having fun with them? Are they able to talk with you? Are you there for them?

Fathers, are you providing for their spiritual needs? Are you the spiritual leader that they crave and need? Thes spiritual leader God has designed to be in the household? Do you need to teach them the Bible as you're instructed to? Do you explain to them who God is? Do you pray with them? Do you sing songs of praise with them? Fathers, lead your families spiritually!

Big Idea: God calls for us to care of our family members; we do this financially, spiritually, and with our time/presence.

3. Healthy Families Have Conversations About God (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)

Didn’t we just talk about this? Yes, we did, but this one is so important I think we can talk about it again. (expound further)

Deuteronomy 6:4-5 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.”

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Fathers, this is straightforward. If you’re already doing the first step, putting God first in your life above all other relationships, now it’s time to have conversations about God. This will lead to a strong and healthy family.

Where do these conversations happen? Everywhere. Anytime in life. While your traveling in the car, while your at home, at sports games, before bed. You should be having spiritual conversations. And I have learned through experience, it’s those teachable moments that have more of an impact than sitting your kid down to do family devos. They see it in you as you’re doing life, and know it’s the real deal.

Deuteronomy 6 is instructing the parents to teach their children diligently, but look at Ephesians 6:4, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

Fathers, it is your responsibility to train your children when it comes to spiritual matters. Not your wife’s. She can do it if its not happening, but it’s not her responsibility. Don’t put more on her. And sure, she can teach them general education, household tasks and chores, but biblically and assigned by God, you are the one responsible for teaching them about God and having a relationship with Him.

Please hear me on this: Your children should know the gospel through-and-through from your influence. They need to know it because you won't stop talking about it and because they can't help but see it in the actions of your life. Your children's souls are at stake here.

Remember that God has placed you in a position in your household to reflect who He is. What does that mean? To the best of your ability, with the aid of the Holy Spirit, overflow with love, grace, patience, forgiveness, and joy.

A strong and healthy family will have regular conversations about God.

Big Idea: Make it part of your daily routine to talk to your family about God.

4. Healthy Families Serve Each Other (Mark 9:33-35)

Mark 9:33-35 Then He came to Capernaum. And when He was in the house He asked them, “What was it you disputed among yourselves on the road?” But they kept silent, for on the road they had disputed among themselves who would be the greatest. And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.”

The disciples, just like we still do today, were caught up in talking about who was the greatest. They thought Jesus was going to rule as King Messiah, and so they were disputing as to who would be placed highest in His kingdom.

What’s interesting here is that Jesus does not rebuke His disciples for wanting to be great, but the manner in which they would become great. If you really want to be great, you serve others, not exalt yourself. Verse 35 said, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.”

If we look at Mark 10:43-45, we’ll see Jesus speaking again to His followers, here it’s James and John again asking to sit next to Jesus in glory, and Jesus says, “but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

Jesus is our ultimate example. He set the example for us. He didn’t come to be served by His creation, but instead to serve by offering Himself a sacrifice for the payment of sin.

The world’s message, the world’s philosophy, is that you are “great” when you others are working for you. For most people, its pursing power, prestige, and possessions that lead to “greatness.” But this is not the Christian way. The message from Jesus is that greatness comes from serving others.

Fathers, you want to be a great dad? You know, kids talk about having the greatest dad. You truly want to be that dad? Then serve. Serve your family. Reject selfishness and put on some humility, take on the role of a servant, and do what is best for your family. Every member of your family is important. Strive to serve them to be truly great. Out-serve your wife and kids.

Big Idea: Every member of your family is important and we should all strive to serve one another.

5. Healthy Families Aren’t Stingy with Grace (Ephesians 5:22-6:4)

Let’s read through a passage many of us are familiar with. Ephesians 5, where Paul writes how we are to live since we are controlled by the Holy Spirit and what that looks like in our life-relationships. We’re just going to look at parts of this passage.

Ephesians 5:25-28 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.”

Verse 33 says,

Ephesians 5:33 “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

And then we already looked at this, but 6:4 says,

Ephesians 6:4 “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

We see here husbands are to love as Christ loved the church, and as he would love himself. How did Christ love the church? To the death. He gave Himself sacrificially for her. How do we love ourselves? We sacrifice quite a few things for our desires don’t we.

There’s a biblical term, an important part of God’s character, that we use to describe Him and this love. It’s called Grace.

God’s grace - underserving favor and love. There are times in our households where it’s hard to show favor and love, it may not be deserved, we’ve been wronged and offended, yet we need to remember the grace of God.

Don't forget the amazing grace that God has shown you, in light of all the wrong things you've ever done, in light of all the sin in your life. Don't forget about the grace that He shows you every day, and extends toward you.

God is not stingy with His grace. It’s unmerited, which means no matter what you do, He still extends His grace to you. Father’s, I know we’re not going to be perfect, but we need to give grace to our families. When they sin, can we be quick to forgive? Can we be quick to love? Can we be quick to encourage them? Can we be quick to extend grace to them?

If you want a healthy family, set the tone, be the example, of one who extends grace first and often. It’s a beautiful resemblance of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Be a giver of grace; don’t hold it back.

Big Idea: Every family member (spouses, parents, children, etc.) must model God’s grace in their relationships. (5 minutes)

CONCLUSION:

So if you want to have a strong and healthy family, we looked at 5 foundations to accomplishing this:

Put God first

Provide

Talk about God

Serve

Give grace

We will be fathers who love God, are present for our families, and who don’t only talk about the gospel but model it for them.

Maybe you have questions about today’s message. Maybe this sounds a bit foreign to you. Maybe you wonder how families could function this way.

We would love to walk through God’s Word with you.

Fathers Day gift on the way out.

Prayer.