Untitled Sermon

To the Bitter End

Bitter is Better

The Bitter End

The Bitter Truth

Bitter Roots

Bitter Seeds

Psalm 127:4 (ESV)

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior

are the children of one’s youth.

Hatfields vs McCoys

Microsoft vs Apple

Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates

Apple Vs Android

Coca-Cola vs Pepsi

Nike vs Reebok

MacDonald Vs Burger King

Ford vs Chevrolet

Amazon vs Walmart

Biggie vs Tupac

Nintendo vs Sega

Anyone growing up in the 1980s and 1990s

Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan

Los Angeles Lakers versus Boston Celtics

Larry Bird Vs. Magic Johnson

Joe Frazier versus Muhammad Ali

Boston Red Sox versus New York Yankees

Florida St Vs Florida

Florida Gators Vs. Georgia Bulldogs Football

Pittsburgh Steelers Vs. Dallas Cowboys

Pittsburgh Steelers Vs. Baltimore Ravens

Ohio State versus Michigan

Duke versus North Carolina

Miami Dolphins Vs. Buffalo Bills

Chicago Bulls Vs. New York Knicks

Tom Brady Vs. Peyton Manning

Ted Williams Vs. Joe DiMaggio

Alabama Crimson Tide Vs. Auburn Tigers

Boston Red Sox Vs. New York Yankees

Green Bay Packers versus Chicago Bears

Mr.T Vs Rocky

Rival: A person or thing competing with another for superiority or the same objective.

This World System Vs The Kingdom Man

Men and Fathers in particular have a responsibility to love.

To instruct and discipline their children in the ways of the Lord.

In return they are to be honoured and obeyed by their children.

Unfortunately that high priority role of the father is being systematically attacked and destroyed in our culture.

From Groups like BLM as well as the

LGBTQ Agenda

who have been on record saying things like

We are committed to disrupting the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure.

The society in which we live has attacked the male role with such devastating force

The effects of that attack has been felt in every area of our society

Our Children are more likely to end up in poverty

Our Children are more likely to drop out of school

Our Children are more likely to become addicted to drugs

Our Children are more likely to have a child out of wedlock

Our Children are more likely to end up in prison

The primary duty of my dad is to take out the trash.

The primary duty of a father is not even to bring home the bacon.

The primary duty of a father is not to fix what’s broken.

The primary of a duty of a father is to teach godly living to his children

The great battles, the battles that decide our destiny and the destiny of generations yet unborn, are not fought on public platforms, but in the lonely hours of the night and in moments of agony. ~ Samuel Logan Brengle

The World

The world is that invisible system of ideas, activities, and purposes that Satan rules in opposition to God and His rule.

•We mess up when we Invest only in this World

•Invest Mentally

•Invest Emotionally

•When our only goal is Happiness and when I allow that to be measured by the world’s standards of success.

James 4:4 (AMP)

You [are like] unfaithful wives [having illicit love affairs with the world and breaking your marriage vow to God]! Do you not know that being the world’s friend is being God’s enemy? So whoever chooses to be a friend of the world takes his stand as an enemy of God.

A. Warfare with the World

• The world tempts us to seek its approval.

• The world tempts you and I to conform to its standard of ethics, morals and values.

• The world tempts you and I to accept its philosophy.

• The world tempts you and I to gain its wealth.

• The world tempts you and I to seek its power.

• The world tempts you and I to question God’s Word.

• The world tempts you and I to be intellectually ashamed of Christ.

• The world tempts you and I to regard trust in God as foolishness.

1 John 2:15 (ESV)

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

We have Been in a series of Messages called

A Place of Grace

There is a Grace for Forgiveness

There is a Grace to Free From Bitterness

Free From Brokenness

Forgiving what You Can’t Forget

A Bitter Pill to Swallow

I Gotta Learn How to take the Bitter with Sweet

We have learned that...

Bitterness is Produced By Hurt

Bitter: A State of being bitter to the taste, animosity, anger, harshness

Bitter Comes as a seed of anger, planted by someone who has hurt you.

Bitterness begins to germinate when something happens to me that I feel like I don't deserve

Bitterness is internalized anger that I allowed to fester.

Resentment then Bitterness.

Discouragement has planted a seed of Hurt, the hurt turns into anger , the anger becomes resentment and eventually resentment becomes bitterness.

There are two categorizes of Offence

Those who HAVE been Legitimately Hurt

Sometimes the hurt is Intentional.

Sometimes its real

Sometimes its legit

Those who BELIEVE they have been Legitimately Hurt

*People in the second category feel with all their hearts that they have been wronged.

Often their conclusions are drawn from inaccurate information.

Or the information is accurate but their conclusion has been distorted.

Once you've been hurt you see things through the lenses of your hurt.

Often times they judge off of assumptions , appearances and hearsay.

Sometimes its just my imagination

You Feel slighted

Maybe God is using those People to get us back on course

Can be unintentional Hurt

I’ve Learned since I’ve Been Pastoring that just like Mothers Day All Fathers Days are not created Equal.

Some Have there Father still with them.

And their Father has been their everything

Provider

Protector

There are some who’s Father like mine is no longer here.

There are some that Fathers are still alive but to that Child that Father is dead.

Not having a father in the home as a result of death, divorce, or merely an uncaring parent can have long-term effects on young adults.

Or Because of whatever reason there is a wall between that child and their Father

As someone has rightly said...

Just because your father's present doesn't mean he isn't absent. – Elizabeth Acevedo

The psychological absence of fathers can be nearly as devastating as a physical absence. –Victoria Secunda

Maybe your Father has passed but you don’t have found memories of your Father

And your Father was your everything

Provider

Protector

Bitterness is Produced By the Absent Father

Who walks out on their families

Bitterness is Produced By The Abandoning Father

Who disappears and make little if any effort to make contact

Bitterness is Produced By the Divorced Father

Who disengages after divorcing not only the mother but also the children

Bitterness is Produced By the Addicted Father

Who is alienated from his family through addiction/who’s a functioning alcoholic/addict and therefore emotionally unavailable

Bitterness is Produced By the Distant Father

Who is emotionally distant even though he can be physically present

Bitterness is Produced By the Critical Father

Who is highly critical and has high standards that are often impossible to meet

Bitterness is Produced By the Rejecting & Neglecting Father

Who openly denies his children

Refuses to accept or be associated with.

To deny the truth or validity of.

Bitterness is Produced By the Unfaithful Father

Who’s unfaithful to his partner and therefore family

Bitterness is Produced By the Doting Father

Who devotes his life and love for his children but not wife

Bitterness is Produced By the Seductive Father

Who is unable to maintain a loving balance between their paternal distance and their daughter’s need for attention and affection

Bitterness is Produced By the Taken Father

Who is separated from his children because of career requirements, hospitalisation and/or incarceration

Bitterness is Produced By the Narcissistic Father

Who gets what he wants even at the risk of damaging his family and its members, which it usually does.

Arrogant,

Self-assured

Self-centered.

Lack of empathy or sense of morality***

Bitterness is Produced By the Deceased Father

In Your opinion Dies prematurely

The Deceased Father , who dies very early leaving a legacy of unfulfilled promises

Leaving a inherent fear in daughters that all men will leave them

Emotional instability, relational problems, and difficulty trusting others can be just a few of the consequences of fatherlessness.

DO YOU FIND IT DIFFICULT TO COMMIT TO RELATIONSHIPS?

DO YOU HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS WITH YOUR FATHER?

HAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS BEEN AFFECTED BY UNRESOLVED ISSUES WITH YOUR FATHER? ARE YOU COMFORTABLE EXPRESSING YOUR SEXUALITY?

DO YOU STRUGGLE WITH AUTHORITY FIGURES IN THE WORKPLACE OR ELSEWHERE?

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE PEACE WITH AN ABSENT OR DECEASED FATHER?

Did you know that our ability to sustain satisfying or committed relationships, find gratification in our work life, be effective parents, speak up and assert ourselves, is largely dependent on the relationship we had and have with our fathers?

The biggest problem in relationships is usually the inability to commit, fear of abandonment, lack of communication, poor emotional intelligence and/or understanding of themselves and their partners. 

The absence, or death of a present Father produces emotions that can be described as ...

The feeling of reaching out for someone who has always been there, only to find that when we need them one more time, they are no longer there.

If You have or had a poor representation of a Father.

If you have problematic relationship with someone who has died.

Or who is absent

We might call this a relationship with a

“Less than loved one.”

For you, the feeling is one of reaching out for someone who has never been there for you, and still isn’t.

Grief is not about a Broken Brain but a Broken Heart ~ The Grief Recovery Handbook

Less than Love One

House of Pain

Recovery from loss is achieved by a series of small and correct choices made by the griever.~ The Grief Recovery Handbook

Psalm 68:5 (ESV)

Father of the fatherless...

Romans 8:15 (ESV)

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”

Abba. An informal, Aram. term for Father that conveys a sense of intimacy. Like the Eng. terms “Daddy” or “Papa,” it connotes tenderness, dependence, and a relationship free of fear or anxiety

A Deliberate Father

Deliberately Involved in verbally instructing his children.

Deliberately leading them in family devotions and prayer.

Deliberately monitoring whats entering into their impressionable minds.

Deliberately being a example

Psalm 37:23 (ESV)

The steps of a man are established by the Lord,

when he delights in his way;

The author of this particular psalm is none other than Solomon the Son of King David

This psalm, along with Psalm 72, is attributed to Solomon.

Solomon was about 20 years old when he was crowned.

He assumed leadership of Israel at a time of great material and spiritual prosperity.

During his 40-year reign (970–931 B.C.), he expanded his kingdom until it covered about 50,000 square miles—from Egypt in the south to Syria in the north to the borders of Mesopotamia in the east.

God gave Solomon great wisdom (1 Kings 4:29–34), though Solomon himself did not always abide by it (1 Kings 11:1–8).

The wisest, richest, and most powerful man of his time, Israel’s famed king shocks his readers.

In spite of everything he had learned, done, possessed, and achieved, he hated life (Ec. 2:17).

He had everything the world has to offer—pleasures, possessions, and power (1 Jn. 2:16)—but none of it brought lasting fulfillment.

His life was empty and meaningless because he had forsaken and ignored God.

The psalmist reminds us that human care and toil in any area of life are of no value without God’s blessings

Solomon stressed the crucial point that life is empty and meaningless without God.

He was a builder. He built cities, and walls, and fortifications, and so he knew a lot about building and guarding cities.

But he also knew a lot about family life, because he had how many wives?

Seven hundred wives, and three hundred porcupines—I mean—concubines.

He had a thousand women in his life.

He’d be an interesting guy to interview.

“A Song of Ascents.”

Ascent: a climb to the summit of a mountain. An upward slope. An instance of rising through the air. A rise in status.

Ascent a moving upward or an upward movement

synonyms ascension, rise, rising

related words elevation, raising, uplifting

Songs for the upward climb”, more literally.

This psalm describes the joy of the pilgrim on arriving at Jerusalem.

They would make there journey up to Jerusalem

It was a very difficult journey

Jerusalem sat high geographically above the lower Turin

There were no real roads across valleys

Feet was sore

Muscles would ache

It was a difficult and demanding journey

Dangers

Thieves and Robbers

These three times a year was easy pickings

Weather

Sun

Seemed so far away but God would see them along the way

There are fifteen of them in the Book of Psalms, Psalm 120 through Psalm 134.

This particular Psalm is positioned as the eighth of the fifteen psalms of ascent—exactly in the center.

This placement is appropriate, for the home is the central unit of society.

Every year, three times a year, the Hebrews around Jerusalem, around the nation, would get out of their houses, get out on the road, and hike up to Jerusalem for those three feasts.

As they would walk on the road they’d pull out these fifteen songs of ascent; because you go to Jerusalem, you’re climbing the hill. It’s twenty-five hundred feet above sea level. Most of Israel is lower than that.

So you’re walking up, ascending toward Jerusalem to the place of worship, and you would sing these songs as a family and as a congregation.

That’s how they were used corporately.

This Psalm is not a Prayer

This is a Wisdom Psalm

Wisdom statement about The Sovereignty of God in Human life

A Wisdom Psalm about Family

Palms 127 Emphasizes

Our Protection comes from the Lord and Not from our effort, not what we do.

We are dependent upon the Lord to Bless what we do

To protect us in times of danger

We must be dependent upon Him as we walk through life

Sovereignty: God has the absolute independence to do as He pleases , God is able to do what He wishes to do not restrains Him at all.

The basic theme of this wisdom psalm is that without the Lord’s blessing, all human toil is worthless

Deliberate Concerning Shelter

Psalm 127:1 (ESV)

Unless the Lord builds the house,

those who build it labor in vain....

The Place

The Place is a House ...

It is not speaking of a physical Structure

A Physical Building

He is speaking about what happens inside the Building

And especially those who are inside the building

He is speaking about the Home

The Family Life

Solomon who was both a builder and a father

Illustrates someone Building a House that they are going to live in.

I Belive that this song can be Applied to Jerslum and The Temple of God

But I also believe that this Psalm is a Poetic Expression about

The Family Life

A Family that depends on God

Psalm 127:1 (ESV)

Unless the Lord...

Lord: Covenant Name

Yahweh

This is The Personal name for God

This is how He introduced Himself to Moses

He is the Arctic of the Family He is the designer

Family Gods Idea

Marriage God’s idea

Love is God’s Idea

Jeremiah 31:3 (ESV)

...I have loved you with an everlasting love;

therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.

First Loved Us

God is Love

Love is of God

Because He is the Divine Designer

We don’t have the right

Whether we are building structures with bricks and mortar and steel, or building lives, families, and churches with truth and love, we cannot succeed without the help of the Lord.

Building a house or family without the LORD results in a weak base: Only He can give a firm foundation (v. 1a).

Psalm 127:1 (ESV)

Unless the Lord builds the house,

those who build it labor in vain....

Some of you remember the Book of Ecclesiastes, which was a period that Solomon had in his own life, sort of a crazy, maddening time when everything that he tried to build and pursue and use to fill up his life just was so empty that in that book he uses the word vanity or vain thirty-five times.

Vanity: Worthlessness. The quality of being valueless or futile.

Emptiness It designates anything that is unsubstantial worthless

All of these activities are ineffective if they are taken on without the Help of The Lord

Unless the Lord is Blessing in these areas it is a waste of time what is taking place

At the same time they must carry out their efforts in faith, trusting God to make the work beneficial

You Build it

You design it then flop down and ask God to Bless it

Your Own ideas

Your Own Skill

Your own knowledge

Your own resources

John 15:5 (ESV)

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

God’s Hand is essential for anything to come t pass

No task succeeds apart from God’s will.

While building a dwelling is the literal meaning here, a house could also refer to a household or family, connecting

It strengthened their resolve to make the LORD the foundation of their lives, their homes, and their nation. Without His blessing, their efforts would all be in vain.

Deliberate Concerning Shelter

Deliberate Concerning Security

Psalm 127:1 (ESV)

...Unless the Lord watches over the city,

the watchman stays awake in vain.

He now Illustrates Someone who is guarding a city and protecting it from forighn enemies

Strong walls around the city and alert watchmen on those walls are essential if we are to protect what we have built—and how foolish it is to build and not protect!

Many a child and many a ministry has been lost to the enemy because the watchmen did not stay awake and warn that the enemy was approaching.

Building and battling go together

Even seeking to build a home and a family apart from God is a waste, because no matter how diligently you apply yourself, your human efforts are limited without God to back them. What we need in our households is his involvement and blessing—combined with our faithful labor.

No matter how many books on marriage and parenting you read, or how much advice you receive, all falls short unless your foundation is built on God.

Trust beyond the watchman

In those days Cites were surrounded by high walls to protect agist enemy attacks

There is a ton of energy and effort put in watching the city

Ephesians 6:12 (KJV)

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

1 Peter 5:8 (ESV)

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

Deliberate Concerning Shelter

Deliberate Concerning Security

Deliberate Concerning Sustenance

Working Hard without God is Unproductive

Psalm 127:2 (ESV)

It is in vain that you rise up early

and go late to rest...

Working Hard without God is Unwise

Psalm 127:2 (ESV)

...eating the bread of anxious toil;

Toil: hard, difficult, or painful work that is often manual labor.

a hurtful word strenuous work pain (childbirth)

Working Hard without God is Unattractive

Psalm 127:2 (ESV)

...for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Working Hard without God is Unattractive

Day to Day Labor

Earning a living

Unless the Lord is at work in that its all Vanity

the bread of sorrows. Food earned with painful labor.

verse 2 warns against overwork and anxious toil (“I have to do it all right now!”).

This verse does not say it is wrong for people to get up early, work hard, and make sacrifices (see 2 Thess. 3:6–15).

It only warns us that our work must be a blessing we enjoy and not a burden we endure. Yes, both physical and mental toil are a part of this fallen world (Gen. 3:17), but doing God’s will is nourishment, not punishment.

Work suited to our gifts and personalities is food for our souls

but the anxious laborer eats “the bread of sorrows”—sorrow while working and sorrow while trying to rest at night as he worries about the next day. God gives us “richly all things to enjoy” (1 Tim. 6:17), and this includes earning our daily bread. Note in Ecclesiastes how much Solomon had to say about enjoying life and labor (2:24; 3:12–15, 22; 5:18–20; 8:15; 9:7–10; 11:9–10).

God’s special name for Solomon was “Jedidiah—beloved” (2 Sam. 12:25). But all of God’s people are “God’s beloved”

We get tired in God’s work but we do not get tired of God’s work, because the Lord who gives us the strength to work also gives us the rest we need.

Humanity struggles to provide for its needs, working hard to have enough food (lit “eating the bread of toil,” 80:5; 102:9; Gn 3:17; Is 30:20). The Lord provides rest by blessing the work of the godly.

You can’t have my joy because I refuse to be pulled apart

Unhealthy

Philippians 4:6 (ESV)

do not be anxious about anything,

Anxious: to be distracted” or “to have a divided mind”

Worrying divides your mind between that which is useful and worthwhile and that which is damaging and destructive.

Worrying blocks the flow of creative energy in your life.

Worry is like a thick braided headband that puts pressure on the mind—a confining cord interwoven with three strands—the distresses of yesterday, the trials of today and the fearful “what if’s” of tomorrow. This vice-like grip of worry tragically compresses your joy, cramps your peace and confines your freedom. But this constriction can be conquered! ~ June Hunt

The concept of worrying is conveyed throughout Scripture by numerous words and phrases.

— to be fretful

— to be without peace

— to be distracted

— to be concerned

— to be troubled

— to be weighed with cares

— to be distressed

— to be heavy-hearted

— to be despairing

What Is the Focus of Worry?

A specific characteristic of worry is a negative focus on the future. If you are a worrier, you are spending time speculating on what may or may not happen and then fearing the worst.

• “What if I lose my job?”

• “How will I pay my bills?”

• “What if I can’t find another job?”

• “What if my spouse leaves me?”

• “How will I make it alone?”

• “What will people think?”

• “What if my child gets into trouble?”

• “How will I deal with it?”

• “What will my options be?”

• “What if my parents become incapacitated?”

• “How will I pay for long-term care?”

• “What will they expect me to do for them?”

• “What if they break my heart ? “

• “How will I ever forgive?”

• “What will I tell the children?”

• “What if I have cancer?”

• “How will it impact my life?”

• “What will be my treatment possibilities?”

Psalm 139:23 (NLT)

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Mary and Martha both loved their friend Jesus but expressed their love in different ways.

When Jesus was visiting at the sisters’ home, Mary devotedly sat at His feet feasting on His every word while Martha scurried diligently to prepare a feast for her King.

Clearly distracted by all the unfinished details, martyr Martha demanded that Jesus order Mary to make herself useful.

But Jesus saw Mary as tranquil and teachable, Martha as troubled and testy.

Martha had been caught in her own web of worry, but instead of scolding her, Jesus targeted the solution for all the ensnared Martha’s of the world with this timeless truth:

Luke 10:41 (ESV)

But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things,

What Is the Nature of Worry?

Worry is not an inherited weakness (“My mom was a worrier.”), a humorous habit (“I’m just a worrywart!”) or a justifiable excuse for prideful perfectionism (“Somebody has to worry about doing it right”).

Worry is like a thief in the night that steals your peace.

God never intended for you to live fearfully focused on the future

Worry is a blatant sin that is displeasing to God because its underlying nature is …

When I choose to be anxious, I am choosing not to believe God.

• Disbelief

Worry reveals that you really don’t believe God when He says He will provide all that you need.

DISTRUST

Distorted Thinking

• Trusting God to save you but not trusting Him to meet your everyday needs

When I choose to be anxious, I am choosing to disobey God’s Word.

• Disobedience

Worry reveals that you are taking on personal responsibility and concern for that which God has already promised to provide.

When I choose to be anxious, I am choosing to break down God’s temple

• Destruction

Worry destroys your physical body, which is the “temple of the Holy Spirit.”

It can bring about a host of physical ailments, such as high blood pressure, heart trouble, headaches, colds and other stomach disorders.

There is a difference between ...

DESTRUCTIVE WORRY

CONSTRUCTIVE CONCERN

• paralyzes

• motivates

• decreases creativity

• increases creativity

• prevents initiative

• promotes initiative

• results in anxious fretting

• results in calm focusing

• attempts to control the future

• attempts to improve the future

• fears the worst

• hopes for the best

• appears negative to others

• appears positive to others

• distracts the mind from what is important

• directs the mind to what is important

1 Corinthians 6:19 ESV

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own,

1 Corinthians 6:20 ESV

for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

• Dishonor

Worry shifts the focus of attention from the all sufficient power of Christ to your human insufficiency and insecurity. Ultimately, worry can undermine your Christian witness by presenting God as impotent and unworthy of praise.

“In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16)

Since God says, “Do not worry,” it is clearly His desire that you do not worry.

You cannot be joyful and fearful at the same time

Freedom is found not by fretting over the temporal, but by focusing on the eternal.

Deliberate Concerning Shelter

Deliberate Concerning Security

Deliberate Concerning Sustenance

Deliberate Concerning my Seed

Psalm 127:3 (ESV)

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

the fruit of the womb a reward.

God Gifts Children

Inheritance: any piece of property that passes by law to an heir on the death of the owner; sometimes regarding God’s promises to His people, like the land of Israel or a heavenly kingdom.

heritage … reward. Children are a blessing from the Lord. There are overtones of God’s promise to Abraham to make his offspring like the stars of heaven and dust of the earth

Among the Jews, it was unheard of that a husband and wife not want children or that a child be aborted.

Deliberate Concerning Shelter

Deliberate Concerning Security

Deliberate Concerning Sustenance

Deliberate Concerning my Seed

Deliberate Concerning my Shooting

Psalm 127:4 (ESV)

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior

are the children of one’s youth.

As arrows are indispensable for a warrior to succeed in battle, so children are invaluable as defenders of their father and mother in time of war or litigation.

The more such defenders, the better.

Proverbs 13:22 (ESV)

A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children,

but the sinner’s wealth is laid up for the righteous.

Also, the enemy would try to enter at the city gate, and the more sons to fight at your side, the better was the opportunity for victory. It is in the family that we preserve the best of the past and invest it in the future. Every baby born is God’s vote for the future of humankind and our opportunity to help make some new beginnings.

But if they are to hit their targets—that is, to fulfill their kingdom purposes—parents must shape them and aim them correctly. Boys and girls must be raised to know the Lord, gaining experiential knowledge of God through watching their parents live in dependence on him.

SIX WAYS OUR FATHERS INFLUENCE WHO WE ARE:

Shoot them into Self-Esteem

Shoot them into Self-Confidence

One of the ways a child’s self-esteem is formed is through continuos and cumulative validating messages and interactions that deliver approval and encouragement, such as “you are OK” and “you can do it”. Dads also help us develop self-confidence by serving as role models for what a self-assured individual acts like. Dads give us a pattern to emulate until our own mannerisms and way of being are fully developed. It’s so important for a child to receive the message that they are important from their fathers. Whether this affirmation is given or not determines the value that the child will have for themselves in adulthood. Children who are told they are not important, through words, actions or lack thereof, go on to prioritise the lives of others and forget about their own. They innately believe that they are not as important as everyone else do not value themselves. As a daughter, this often leads us to attract men who make us feel less important or not worth fighting for.

Shoot them into Sexuality, Masculinity, Personal Identity

Freud’s work talked about the inextricable link between masculinity, sexuality and the role of fathers in women’s life. These elements are entwined into a complex pattern of interaction amongst nature, family and social expectations and norms. Social pressure and developing sexuality give fathers a major role in exemplifying masculinity and setting the standards of behaviour. How fathers perceive themselves as men, how they interact with their wives or signifiant others and how information on sexuality and being a man is conveyed to his children, are significant factors in how the child’s future adult life will unfold. In a woman’s case, if our femininity was validated and we received healthy messages about sexuality, we often become more sensually expressive and authentic in adulthood. A father’s positive and healthy position on our physical and emotional maturing allows us to gain confidence about ourselves and therefore our sexuality.

Shoot them into Healthy Relationships & Marriage

Few people realise that marriage is one of the most challenging commitments that we make in our lives. Few people have acquired or decided to acquire the necessary skills to translate an initial romantic love into a successful, long-lasting marriage, in which the partners work together to surmount the inevitable problems that arise and grow in ever-deepening commitment and love. Whether we’re happily married or miserably attached is often a reflection of the type of bond that our parents had nurtured. When we get married, we tend to fall into the patterns of behaviour that we observed and learnt from our parents. Our fathers are the first man that we as women know intimately. What he does or does not do around the house becomes imprinted in us as the template of a man or husband. Positive or negative, our father is the man setting the standard against which all other men will be measured.

Shoot them into Personal and Professional Achievement

How much importance our fathers placed on job security, monetary reward, professional prestige or independence all factor into a child’s future career, decision and achievements, or lack thereof. If, for example, his career consumed most of his energy so that little time was left for his wife and kids, the kids might find themselves similarly struggling to balance family and work obligations in the future. Alternatively, they might deliberately rebel and choose a life where there’s no opportunity for this conflict to arise to begin with. If we weren’t encouraged to pursue our career aspirations, we might go on to doubt the very skills and abilities that can lead us to follow our ambitions.

Shoot them into Being a Healthy Parent

There is no manual for becoming a father. Becoming a father is something we learn by integrating what we learn fatherhood to mean, in the way that it was acted out by our own fathers.

Shoot them into a Real Relationship with Jesus

The values and beliefs that we live by and the world view we develop form and direct our lives. They determine our goals, influence our behaviour, shape our relationships, sustain us through hard times and determine our level of involvement in the community. Fathers who have close relationships with their children and demonstrate deep, moral behaviour, have a powerful influence on instilling our ethics and values. This helps us children to develop an internal moral compass, our own inner sense of ‘right and wrong’ (that is to say, possible and not possible, or beneficial and not beneficial), that will guide them in their future decisions and actions.

Because God has ordained this and because God wanted us to be sure that it was followed carefully, God by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit gave a manual for fathers to use on their sons. A basic resource book, that book is the book of Proverbs and I want to invite you to turn to it if you will right now and we’re going to be looking at the first ten chapters of Proverbs in a very general sense.

Psalm 127:5 (ESV)

Blessed is the man

who fills his quiver with them!

He shall not be put to shame

when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

The same principle of God’s sovereignty applies to raising a family.

The psalmist focused specifically on sons, who could continue the family lineage. A full quiver of arrows represented prestige and protection. Like arrows for a warrior, children were useful in the agricultural society. The man who had many children also enjoyed respect in Near Eastern society

To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today. ~ Barbara Johnson