Faithful are the wounds of a friend
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There is a funny thing about love.
The closer you let someone in, the more they can hurt you.
We’ve all been hurt by someone,
Physically, emotionally, spiritually.
But nothing hurts like the wound from someone you love.
Which is why Prov 26:7 may seem out of place.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
Wait, why would a friend wound us?
Aren’t they supposed to care about us?
If a friend wounds us, doesn’t that mean the friendship is over?
Unless, like so many other things, we misunderstand the role of a friend.
As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
I don’t know if you’ve ever sharpened something like a knife, hatchet, or chain-saw blade, but it isn’t something I’d recommend doing to yourself.
Grinding all of the burrs and chips off just sounds painful.
Yet here we are told that, just like sharpening an iron implement, we are to sharpen our countenance, literally our face, against our friend.
Sounds pretty painful.
You might even say it sounds wounding.
Many years ago, back in New York, I had a friend that went to a local christian men’s conference.
He brought back matching polos with the conference logo.
Iron Sharpens Iron.
For the next several years, we both went to that conference.
Of course, wearing those polos.
I think the polos meant so much because we sharpened our countenances against each other.
We had given each other the permission to call the other out if we thought they were wrong.
Few things hurt like being called out by a friend,
But that was the point, wasn’t it?
Because he was my friend, I knew his wounds were not because he wanted to hurt me,
But because he loved me enough to care.
And few things caused more heartache than having to wound a friend.
Knowing that you could be risking a friendship.
I’d ask myself,
Is it really worth it?
Am I willing to destroy this friendship over this?
Sure, the first reaction may not have been, “Oh friend, thank you for this wound.”
But in the end, the friendship got stronger, not weaker.
Because the wounding by a friend was done out of love.
This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.
I knew my friend would lay down his life for me.
And that he knew his wounds would hurt.
It was his agape love for me that led him to do what was best for me, even if it hurt.
And I would do the same for him.
Even at the risk of our friendship.
Which is was makes the this story so poignant.
Then the Lord sent Nathan to David. And he came to him, and said to him: “There were two men in one city, one rich and the other poor.
God sent Nathan, David’s prophet, close advisor, and probably friend, with a message.
About two men...
The rich man had exceedingly many flocks and herds. But the poor man had nothing, except one little ewe lamb which he had bought and nourished; and it grew up together with him and with his children. It ate of his own food and drank from his own cup and lay in his bosom; and it was like a daughter to him. And a traveler came to the rich man, who refused to take from his own flock and from his own herd to prepare one for the wayfaring man who had come to him; but he took the poor man’s lamb and prepared it for the man who had come to him.”
Nathan tells David this story about a rich man, a poor man, and a lamb.
It was just a story,
But David didn’t know that.
It was intended to get David’s dander up.
For him to get mad at the situation,
It was meant to set David up.
And it did.
So David’s anger was greatly aroused against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this shall surely die! And he shall restore fourfold for the lamb, because he did this thing and because he had no pity.”
David is all hot and bothered about this story.
This rich man should die,
His estate should pay four fold.
Because the rich man had no pity.
And David probably believes his anger is righteous.
Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! Thus says the Lord God of Israel: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul.
“You are the man!”
That must have felt like a stab in the back.
Nathan set David up, and now this wound.
How do you think David felt?
How would you react if a friend did that to you?
And not just Nathan, but God piles on.
But Nathan and God weren’t done...
I gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your keeping, and gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if that had been too little, I also would have given you much more!
God had given David Saul’s house, his wives, all of Israel and Judah.
And if that weren’t enough, God would have given David more.
Why would God wound David so?
Why have you despised the commandment of the Lord, to do evil in His sight? You have killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword; you have taken his wife to be your wife, and have killed him with the sword of the people of Ammon.
David had sinned.
He slept with another man’s wife,
Then tried to cover up the pregnancy,
When that didn’t work, he had the man killed.
Rather than allowing David to live in the sin, God and Nathan had to wound their friend.
I’ve had to wound a friend from time to time.
Not, thank God, for murder,
But for some serious issues.
It was not fun, but it was the loving thing to do.
And in the long run, it was worth the price both of us paid for the wounds.
Similarly, when David was wounded, he saw his sin,
That’s not to say there weren’t consequences.
So David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” And Nathan said to David, “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die. However, because by this deed you have given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme, the child also who is born to you shall surely die.”
David recognized his sin…
Even though he does not say it, I’m pretty sure David recognized the sin against Uriah and Bathsheba.
But above all of this, his sin against God.
And although God put away David’s sin, that doesn’t mean there would not be consequences.
Some might say that God caused the death of the child.
Or that it was Nathan’s fault.
After all, if Nathan hadn’t brought it up, maybe the child would not have died.
But the fault for the child’s death lays solely at the feet of David.
Repentance and forgiveness does not mean there won’t be consequences.
I saw this in the situations where I wounded a friend, and where I was wounded by one.
We will never know what would have happened to David and Israel if Nathan hadn’t confronted his king.
Would David’s heart had been hardened, like the Pharoah?
Would Israel have fallen with him into sin?
If the child did not die, would David have comforted Bathsheba, leading to the birth of Solomon?
As I said, we will never know.
Conclusion
Conclusion
No one can hurt you like someone you love.
And other than family, no one can hurt you like a friend.
Sure, we’d all love to go around without any wounding, from friends or anyone else for that matter.
But remember the rest of the proverb:
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
The wounds of a friend are faithful, comforting, supportive.
Because the friend loves you and want’s what is best for you.
But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful,
Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon 6279 עָתַר
ʿathar /aw·thar
Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon 6279 עָתַר
to pray, entreat, supplicate
The kisses of an enemy are deceitful because they want something.
Think of the powerful man, surrounded by those who “kiss” his ring,
But he can trust none of them, because they all want something from him.
What a powerful man needs is not another ring kisser, but someone willing to wound him because he cares.
But we should not let what we see in others turn us into a wound factory.
If anyone sees his brother sinning a sin which does not lead to death, he will ask, and He will give him life for those who commit sin not leading to death. There is sin leading to death. I do not say that he should pray about that.
Sadly, to few of us make that distinction.
Either we are unwilling to confront even the most evil of sins,
Because we are afraid to.
Or we quote Matt 7 1
“Judge not, that you be not judged.
Ignoring the rest of the passage, including
Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Or we come down like a ton of bricks on every little infraction.
Usually forgetting that there are things in that person’s life we have absolutely no clue about.
Not to mention Mt 7 2
For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.
As I look out on those assembled here, I have to wonder,
How many of you have wounded a friend because he or she needed it?
How many of you have been wounded by a friend because you needed it?
It may seem to be a contradiction, but our avoidance of pain truly causes us pain.
It is only our willingness to accept the faithful, supportive, comforting, and yes painful wounds of a friend that keeps us from the destructive pain of our own sin.
The next time you see a friend sinning, take the advice from John and Jesus,
Is this a sin leading to death?
Are you judging your friend the way you want to be judged?
Are you willing to remove the speck from your eye?
Then, with only agape love in your heart, are you willing to wound your friend.
