Wrath / Patience

Our text for this morning is from Ephesians 4. If you will turn there, we will read verse 25-32.

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:25-32)

One morning Ralph woke up at five o’clock to a noise that sounded like someone repairing boilers on his roof. Still in his pajamas, he went into the back yard to investigate. He found a woodpecker on the TV antenna, pounding its little brains out on the metal pole. Angry at the little creature who ruined his sleep, Ralph picked up a rock and threw it. The rock sailed over the house, and he heard a distant crash as it hit his car. In utter disgust, Ralph took a vicious kick at a clod of dirt, only to remember – too late – that he was still in his bare feet.

Uncontrolled anger, we’ve all experienced it. Whether we call it wrath, enmity, strife, or dissension, Bible condemns it.

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Galatians 5:19-21)

When discussing anger, I think we need to begin by understanding that not all anger is sin. Our text says “in your anger do not sin.” If your translation has this in quotes, that’s because it is a quote from Psalm 4:4. It is possible to be angry and not sin. We know this not just from these verses but also from the life of Jesus. We are not told that Jesus was angry, but he certainly wasn’t happy when he went into the temple and threw out the money changers.

In Mark 3 we are told that Jesus was angry.

Another time he went into the synagogue, and a man with a shriveled hand was there. Some of them were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, so they watched him closely to see if he would heal him on the Sabbath. Jesus said to the man with the shriveled hand, “Stand up in front of everyone.” Then Jesus asked them, “Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” But they remained silent. He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored. (Mark 3:1-5)

Anger is a God given emotion. Jesus was angry, but he did not sin. How? How could Jesus be angry and not sin? Because he did not allow his emotions to take his emotions off God. Jesus was able to keep God his priority. Our problem is we seldom become angry for the right reasons or motives or channel it in the right direction.

Jason Freeman writes,

Human anger tends to be self-motivated rather than God-motivated. We become angry when someone does something that hurts us or hurts someone we love. Human anger is generally an offensive weapon we use to defend our pride. As a result, anger is like a fire. If the fire is controlled, it can be helpful and productive but if the fire gets out of control it can be harmful and deadly. Anger is the same way! Though anger is a natural emotion, we must be careful how we use it because it can have devastating effects.

Aristotle put it this way,

Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – this is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.

In other words, anger is a normal emotion, but we must be very careful how we express it. If not, our sin quickly becomes sin. Our text says to not allow the sun to go down on our anger. In Jewish culture, sunset was the beginning of a new day. Don’t let the day end without resolving an argument or difference you have with another. Jesus placed the same importance on reconciliation when he said to leave worship in order to reconcile the difference you have with another. Make reconciliation and then go worship. Our worship of God is not as important the relationship we have with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Why? Because we cannot be right with God if we are not right with each other.

But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. (Matthew 5:22)

Instead of taking care of it, we allow our anger to fester. We enjoy our anger. Even though we may feel terrible later, we enjoy the power of anger while we are giving ourselves to it. We get an adrenaline rush and forget all the bad things about ourselves.

Melvin Newland, of Central Christian Church in Brownsville, TX, says he has identified two types of anger identified in the Bible.

First, there is sudden anger.

We refer to this type of anger when we say someone flies off the handle. Proverbs 14:17 says,

A quick-tempered man does foolish things. (Proverbs 14:17)

And verse 9 says,

A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. (Proverbs 14:9)

The Bible says that sudden anger is to be controlled. We respond, “I just can’t control my temper. It gets away from me.” But we can. If we couldn’t control our anger than why would God call it a sin? Have you ever found yourself engaged in a heated discussion with your voice getting louder and your words becoming more rapid? Then the telephone rings and you say, “Hello.” We can control our tempers. Anything else is only an excuse.

A lady once came to Billy Sunday, perhaps the most famous evangelist and preacher of the early 1900s, and tried to rationalize her angry outbursts. “There’s nothing wrong with losing my temper,” she said. “I blow up, and then it’s all over.” “So does a shotgun,” Sunday replied, “and look at the damage it leaves behind!”

Second, there is stubborn anger.

Stubborn anger is to be conquered. This is an anger that just stays there, day after day after day. In fact, Jesus says that what comes out of our mouths is what is in our hearts. Events only bring out what is already there.

For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.(Matthew 12:34-35)

A pediatrician was examining her four-year-old patient who was very nervous. As she looked in his ear, the doctor asked her, “Will I find Big Bird in there?” He didn’t say anything. As the doctor looked in her mouth she asked, “Will I find Elmo in there?” Again, he remained silent. Finally, as the doctor was listening to his heart she asked, “Will I hear Barney in there?” Finally, the boy spoke. “No,” he said indignantly. “Barney’s on my underwear, Jesus is in my heart.”

Jesus spent little time being angry. When he was angry it was short lived. We can’t allow anger to take root in our hearts. It will not leave room for Jesus.

We might refer to our anger as righteous indignation. There may be times when we are angry for the right reason. But none is righteous. We may be angry for the right reason and act wrongly. Righteous anger is agreeing with God. However, God doesn’t need our anger. If we are angry because we want to agree with God, then we should be compassionate and patient for the same reason.

When we have reason the be angry, the safest course of action is first to imitate God’s mercy, compassion, humility, gentleness, and above all, love. When these things are in our hearts, there won’t be room for anger. We need to be careful because Jesus said that we will be judged in the same way we judge others.

If anger is the sin, then patience is the virtue. Anger is when we lose control. Patience is when we keep it. Patience is what we desire from others when we make mistakes and do wrong. Patience is what we thank God for when we sin.

According to a traditional Hebrew story, Abraham was sitting outside his tent one evening when he saw an old man, weary from age and journey, coming toward him. Abraham rushed out, greeted him, and then invited him into his tent. There he washed the old man’s feet and gave him food and drink. The old man immediately began eating without saying any prayer or blessing. So Abraham asked him, “Don’t you worship God?” The old traveler replied, “I worship fire only and reverence no other god.” When he heard this, Abraham became incensed, grabbed the old man by the shoulders, and threw him out his tent into the cold night air. When the old man had departed, God called to his friend Abraham and asked where the stranger was. Abraham replied, “I forced him out because he did not worship you.” God answered, “I have suffered him these eighty years although he dishonors me. Could you not endure him one night?”

The Greek word for patience means to be slow to get angry, or to have a long fuse and a short memory. Unfortunately, some of us have a short fuse and long memory. Peter says, God is patient with us, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

Patience does not come easy for us though. It goes against our nature and it goes against our culture.

A man’s car stalled in heavy traffic just as the light turned green. As he frantically tried to get his car started, he was greeted by a chorus of honking horns and angry faces. He finally got out of his car, walked back to the driver behind him and said, “I’m sorry but I can’t seem to get my car started. If you’ll go up there and give it a try, I’ll stay here and honk the horn for you.”

John Piper says that impatience is a form of unbelief. It’s what we begin to feel when we start to doubt the wisdom of God’s timing or the goodness of his guidance. As a result, anger builds and sometimes sprays shrapnel everywhere, leaving a path of destruction in our relationships. The battle with impatience can erupt while standing in line at the grocery store, or it can boil over when we’re faced with a health problem, job stress, or family friction.

Patience has been defined as:

A calm endurance based on the certainty that God is in control, and

The capacity to tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without becoming angry or upset.

A man noticed a lady in the grocery store with her year-old in her cart. The child asked for cookies. Her mother said no. The little girl began to cry loudly. The mother patiently said, “Now Missy, we’re half way done, it won’t be long.” The same thing happened in the candy aisle. This time the little girl kicked and screamed. The mother said, “There, there, Missy, only two more aisles and then we’ll be done.” At the checkout counter, the child reached for the gum. When her mom said no, she began to scream louder than ever. The mother said patiently, “Missy, we’ll be through this checkout stand in five minutes and then we can go home and both have a nice nap.” The man followed them out to the parking lot and complimented the woman. “I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little Missy.” The mother replied, “Thank you, but, my little girl is Francine. I’m Missy.”

Our culture is losing the capacity to be patient. If you don’t think it’s true, consider this statistic. The annual cost for people running red lights in the United States is $7 Billion. The average amount of time saved by running a red light is 50 seconds.

We are always trying to figure out how to cram more and more things that need to be done into less and less time. We allow less and less time for things. We don’t want to waste time because we feel the pressure of all we think we have to get done. The time crunch is felt by nearly everyone. There is even a church in Florida that advertises a 22-minute service. They promise that 22 minutes after the service begins you will be dismissed. The music is fast. The prayers are quick. The sermons are only 8 minutes long. Now don’t get your hopes up or become impatient, but it’s not going to happen here.

Patience is part of the fruit of the Spirit: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness. . . .” Patience comes first in the description of love: “Love is patient, love is kind.” Patience is part of the nature of God. Just as God is love, God is patient and longsuffering.

How can we develop patience in our lives? For those who are impatient and want it done quickly, Brian Bill suggests these five steps.

First, look at annoying people through the eyes of Jesus.

When you’re following a slow driver, instead of trying to punish him by tailgating, try to deliberately imagine this person as someone’s grandfather. If you can do this, then you’ll quickly realize that you don’t blow up at a grandpa, you love him.

A train was filled with tired people. Most of them had spent the day traveling through the hot dusty plains and at last evening had come and they all tried to settle down for a good night’s sleep. However, at one end of the car a man was holding a tiny baby and as night came on the baby became restless and started screaming at the top of its lungs. Unable to take it any longer, a big brawny man spoke for the rest of the group. “Why don’t you take that baby to its mother?”

There was a moment’s pause and then came the reply. “I’m sorry. I’m doin’ my best. The baby’s mother is in the casket in the baggage car in front of us.” There was an awkward silence for a couple minutes. Then the big man who asked the cruel question got out of his seat and moved toward the man with the motherless child. He apologized for his impatience and insensitivity. He took the tiny baby in his own arms and told the tired father to get some sleep. Then in loving patience he cared for the little baby all through the night.

If we could just see people like Jesus does, we’d be much less impatient and much more tolerant. Instead of putting others in their place, try putting yourself in their place. Philippians 2:3, 5 says:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. . . . having the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus.

Second, apprentice yourself to patient people.

Anger is contagious. When you get it out, others pick it up. Proverbs 22:24-25 instructs us,

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.

If we can learn how to be angry by hanging out with angry people, then we can learn patience by spending time with those who are long-suffering.

An author for Reader’s Digest wrote about how he studied Amish people in preparation for an article about them. In his observation at the schoolyard, he noted that the children never screamed or yelled. This amazed him. He asked the principal why Amish kids don’t seem to get angry. The principal replied, “Well, have you ever heard an Amish adult yell?”

If anger is a learned behavior, then we can unlearn it by spending time with patient people.

Third, release your anger appropriately.

Remember, our text says, “In your anger do not sin.” That means that there are right ways and wrong ways to process anger. It’s possible to be angry and not sin. There are three possible options in responding to anger, and the first two don’t work.

Suppress it.That’s when we ignore it or stuff it. This is not good because the number one cause of depression is suppression, or anger turned within.

Express it.Many psychologists today suggest that each of us have a bucket full of anger that we just need to dump. Once we get rid of it by blowing up then we’ll be fine. Proverbs 29:11: “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”

Confess it.When you’re angry, admit it to yourself, own it before God, and then confess it to the person you’re mad at. Meet with the person and say something like this, “I’m hurt and feel myself getting angry but I care enough about our relationship to deal with the issues that are bothering me.”

The fourth step to developing patience, and you should have seen it coming.

Get ready to go through some hard times.

The story is told about a young Christian who went to an older believer for some prayer because he wanted to become more patient. They knelt down together and the older man began to pray, “Lord, send this young man tribulation for breakfast, problems for lunch and suffering for supper.”

James tells us,

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. (James 1:2-3)

There’s no way around this truth: we learn how to be patient by having problems.

And fifth, rely on God’s help.

If you want to become a more patient person, get to know God better because the fruit of patience is rooted in God himself. Waiting and worship overlap because at the heart of worship is forgetting about our circumstances and focusing on who God is. That’s precisely why God wants us to wait – so that we come to the point that God is all we have, and that He is all we need. To be patient is to be content to just be with God.

Again, patience is at the very heart of God’s nature. Psalm 145:8 tells us that,

The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.

Should we not be practicing patience on each other? After all, it’s what we desire from others and expect from God. Time after time, day after day, we go on sinning. Yet God continues to offer us his love and forgiveness.

“Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”(Isaiah 1:18)