A Grief Observed
Notes
Transcript
Ms Ann Stone
Ms Ann Stone
The porch in this picture probably doesn’t mean anything to you, but to us Robinson’s it represents grief.
2 weeks ago our neighbor, Ms Ann, had a heart attack and ended up in Owensboro hospital waiting on a stint procedure that would take place that Thursday.
We went and visited her on Tuesday and talked about her coming home.
Ms Ann sat on her porch a lot and we come and go from our house a lot as well so we would often pass Ms Ann and very rarely did we miss her wave and shout of “Good Morning”.
The surgery she had a couple of Thursdays ago didn’t go well, and Ms Ann died a week ago Friday.
We didn’t really know her well, but for nearly 6 years we probably waved and said hi 1000 times.
I have lost people that I was much closer to, but as I have walked by this porch the last couple of weeks, I can’t help but be reminded of that smiling face and thoughtful wave.
Grief is a part of life, a really crumby part of life, but one nonetheless.
So it is no surprise that grief is included in the life story of David, to help us understand and navigate through grief with Godly perspective.
CS Lewis, one of the greatest Christian authors in history, wrote a book about grief called “A Grief Observed”.
It was written in stages as he grieved the death of his beloved wife Joy.
I love the title because Lewis understood that grief isn’t a general idea, but a individual journey.
So this book is a view inside the mind and heart of someone grieving, a grief observed.
2 Sam 1, in many ways, is David’s condensed version of Lewis’s work, A Grief Observed.
This passage has deep significance in the whole story of David.
1 Sam 31 records the death of King Saul, the end of his reign in Israel, and 2 Sam 1 records the beginning of David’s reign (at least the beginning of David’s journey to the throne, which will take a few chapters to come to fruition).
But the author doesn’t record this event in a bland and basic historical way. No is it is raw, genuine, and passionate. And he includes the deeply emotional lament of David in the end.
So I think it is fitting to pause and take a moment to dwell on the grief observed in our friend David.
Refresher
Refresher
To briefly catch us up on the story so far:
Saul became the first king of Israel early on in the book of 1 Samuel. The people demanded that the prophet Samuel raise up a king to rule over them like all the other nations, one that would protect them from their enemies and secure the prosperity of the land.
Saul was a strong, confident leader, but he wasn’t always the wisest and definitely wasn’t always faithful to the Lord.
After several significant mess up, God abandoned Saul and chose David as his replacement.
But the transition wasn’t immediate, it took 15 years and a lot of struggle and strife for David, and Saul really.
At the end of 1 Samuel, David is living behind enemy lines in the land of the Philistines, and war is about to break out.
In Chapter 28, Saul, in desperation, facing the biggest battle of his reign, goes to a medium in En-dor and asks her to bring up the spirit of Samuel so that he can get some advice on what to do.
Samuel’s words are not what Saul wanted to hear. He will lose the war and will lose his life.
Samuel’s words become reality in chapter 31.
The Philistines destroy the Israelite army and go after Saul and his sons, killing all of his sons and wounding Saul with arrows to the point that he is nearly dead.
In order to not face a slow and painful death by the Philistines, Saul falls on his sword and by the end of the chapter, he and his sons are dead just as Samuel had said.
1 After the death of Saul, David returned from defeating the Amalekites and stayed at Ziklag two days. 2 On the third day a man with torn clothes and dust on his head came from Saul’s camp. When he came to David, he fell to the ground and paid homage. 3 David asked him, “Where have you come from?” He replied to him, “I’ve escaped from the Israelite camp.” 4 “What was the outcome? Tell me,” David asked him. “The troops fled from the battle,” he answered. “Many of the troops have fallen and are dead. Also, Saul and his son Jonathan are dead.” 5 David asked the young man who had brought him the report, “How do you know Saul and his son Jonathan are dead?” 6 “I happened to be on Mount Gilboa,” he replied, “and there was Saul, leaning on his spear. At that very moment the chariots and the cavalry were closing in on him. 7 When he turned around and saw me, he called out to me, so I answered: I’m at your service. 8 He asked me, ‘Who are you?’ I told him: I’m an Amalekite. 9 Then he begged me, ‘Stand over me and kill me, for I’m mortally wounded, but my life still lingers.’ 10 So I stood over him and killed him because I knew that after he had fallen he couldn’t survive. I took the crown that was on his head and the armband that was on his arm, and I’ve brought them here to my lord.” 11 Then David took hold of his clothes and tore them, and all the men with him did the same. 12 They mourned, wept, and fasted until the evening for those who died by the sword—for Saul, his son Jonathan, the Lord’s people, and the house of Israel. 13 David inquired of the young man who had brought him the report, “Where are you from?” “I’m the son of a resident alien,” he said. “I’m an Amalekite.” 14 David questioned him, “How is it that you were not afraid to lift your hand to destroy the Lord’s anointed?” 15 Then David summoned one of his servants and said, “Come here and kill him!” The servant struck him, and he died. 16 For David had said to the Amalekite, “Your blood is on your own head because your own mouth testified against you by saying, ‘I killed the Lord’s anointed.’ ” 17 David sang the following lament for Saul and his son Jonathan, 18 and he ordered that the Judahites be taught The Song of the Bow. It is written in the Book of Jashar: 19 The splendor of Israel lies slain on your heights. How the mighty have fallen! 20 Do not tell it in Gath, don’t announce it in the marketplaces of Ashkelon, or the daughters of the Philistines will rejoice, and the daughters of the uncircumcised will celebrate. 21 Mountains of Gilboa, let no dew or rain be on you, or fields of offerings, for there the shield of the mighty was defiled— the shield of Saul, no longer anointed with oil. 22 Jonathan’s bow never retreated, Saul’s sword never returned unstained, from the blood of the slain, from the flesh of the mighty. 23 Saul and Jonathan, loved and delightful, they were not parted in life or in death. They were swifter than eagles, stronger than lions. 24 Daughters of Israel, weep for Saul, who clothed you in scarlet, with luxurious things, who decked your garments with gold ornaments. 25 How the mighty have fallen in the thick of battle! Jonathan lies slain on your heights. 26 I grieve for you, Jonathan, my brother. You were such a friend to me. Your love for me was more wondrous than the love of women. 27 How the mighty have fallen and the weapons of war have perished!
As we learned last week, David had avoided the war and was sent by the generals of the Philistines back to his temporary home in Ziklag.
So David had not heard of the death of Saul and his sons.
An Amalekite, who was with the Israelite army, comes to David to report what has happened.
He reports Israel’s loss and also that Saul and his rightful heir, and David’s best friend, Jonathan, have fallen as well.
David asks him how he knows Saul and Jonathan are dead. This isn’t something you want to rely on word of mouth for. Did the guy actually see Saul and Jonathan dead?
The man then tells David a fabricated story that he happened upon Saul barley holding on to life and the he heeded Saul’s request to kill him and put him out of his misery.
The Amalekite likely thought that David would be excited to hear that Saul and Jonathan were dead and the path to the throne was now open for him.
And he likely thought him being the one to kill Saul might gain him something with the new king.
But this was a grave miscalculation as David ultimately has the man killed for dishonoring the one God had chosen to be king in Israel.
The news of Saul and Jonathan’s death did not prompt rejoicing in David, very much the opposite.
David was deeply and profoundly grieved.
And he pours his emotions out in a powerful lament (a poetic expression of grief).
What can we learn about grieving from this account?
Lessons in Grief
Lessons in Grief
1) DEATH is UNAVOIDABLE
1) DEATH is UNAVOIDABLE
Remember back in chapter 28, Saul had gone to the witch in En-Dor and asked her to bring up the spirit of Samuel from the dead in order to give him advice about the war that was about to start between Israel and the Philistines.
Saul gripped by fear, likely the fear of dying. Saul was doing everything in his limited power to avoid death, but death for him and for us was unavoidable.
David experienced a lot of death, but the death of Saul and Jonathan seemed to be the most profoundly shaping to this point in David's story.
Death has a unique way of teaching us about life.
In Psalm 39, we can read David’s reflections about death as he thinks back on all he had experienced.
4 “Lord, make me aware of my end and the number of my days so that I will know how short-lived I am. 5 In fact, you have made my days just inches long, and my life span is as nothing to you. Yes, every human being stands as only a vapor. Selah 6 Yes, a person goes about like a mere shadow. Indeed, they rush around in vain, gathering possessions without knowing who will get them.
What we hear in these words of David is the realization of just how fragile and brief life is.
And yet, do we live our daily lives with that realization?
Do we live with the reality that death is unavoidable?
We have lots of strategies to prolong our lives
And we have lots of distractions to avoid thinking about dying
But David points out the absurdity embedded in those strategies and distractions.
“They rush around in vain, gathering possession without knowing who will get them.”
Grief teaches us to put life in perspective.
the things that cause us the most anxiety and fear in our lives will one day be no more.
The struggles of this day only last for a moment in light of the promised eternity.
17 For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. 18 So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2) GRIEF is REAL
2) GRIEF is REAL
The Amalekite wasn’t expecting the reaction David had to his news.
David tore his clothes, a way of expressing the depth of grief outwardly that David was feeling inwardly.
And he “mourned, wept, and fasted until evening...”
He mistakenly thought he would be happy, that they would celebrate.
but that mistake cost him his life.
David’s lament provides us with a vivid picture of what we all feel in the valley of grief.
20 Do not tell it in Gath, don’t announce it in the marketplaces of Ashkelon, or the daughters of the Philistines will rejoice, and the daughters of the uncircumcised will celebrate.
David knows the news about Saul and Jonathan have already reached Gath and Ashkelon, but his words express something we can all relate with.
David couldn’t bear to think of people rejoicing over the death of those he loved.
It stung David to know other people didn’t feel like he felt, didn’t hurt like he hurt, and weren’t weeping like he wept.
I see people, as they approach me, trying to make up their minds whether they’ll say something about it or not. I hate if they do, and if they don’t. — CS Lewis
Grief can often awaken anger in us as we struggle to see people keep living when death is so present.
21 Mountains of Gilboa, let no dew or rain be on you, or fields of offerings, for there the shield of the mighty was defiled— the shield of Saul, no longer anointed with oil.
Not only people, but even life in general seems to maliciously continue as if nothing extraordinary has happened.
David cries out to the mountains, the dew and the rain, to stop and yet they won’t.
The reality of grief isn’t something very well understood in our culture.
Funeral services happen within days of the death, people come to visit, make phone calls, and send food for the first few days.
Then life moves on, at least for them.
But for those of us who have lost are reminded of the absence and the pain in almost every seemingly ordinary moment.
One of the most powerful things about this passage is the commonality of grief David expresses.
He says in words what we feel in our hearts and often don’t have the words to say.
It is a reminder that grief is real and we have permission to walk in it.
3) PEOPLE are VALUABLE
3) PEOPLE are VALUABLE
Something pretty profound happens in the next few verses of 2 Sam 1.
David honors Saul and calls the people to mourn with him.
This is profound because for the past 15 years Saul has been chasing David throughout Israel in order to kill him and keep him from taking the throne.
He has thrown spears at his head, sent regimens of troops after him, and given his wife to another man.
And yet David honors Saul.
24 Daughters of Israel, weep for Saul, who clothed you in scarlet, with luxurious things, who decked your garments with gold ornaments.
David teaches us an important lesson here:
God uses people to shape us, all people, even the complicated ones.
Complicated Relationships are still influential.
There are people in your life who have hurt you, scarred you, and who haven’t been to you what they should have been.
But God has used those people to shape you into the person He wants you to be as much as he has used anyone else.
Beth Moore in her recent memoir called “All My Knotted-Up Life” tells about her complicated relationship with her dad.
When she was young, he sexually abused Beth and though he was a professing Christian, he never really acknowledged the pain and hurt he had caused her.
Their relationship was complicated. So when she went to visit him as he lay dying, she tells about the struggle she had on whether or not to hold his hand.
She reflected on her pain, his sin, and ultimately how both of those things shaped her into the person that she is today.
Don’t misunderstand me, I am not telling you to ignore the pain and hurt, or to change it in anyway, but rather to begin to see how God uses even the hardest of circumstances and the most complicated of relationships to shape us into who he desires us to be.
Grief allows for that.
On the other side though are the people like Jonathan, the Cherished relationship
It is much easier for us to see how God uses people like him to shape us.
26 I grieve for you, Jonathan, my brother. You were such a friend to me. Your love for me was more wondrous than the love of women.
CS Lewis likens the loss of these to an amputation.
The reality of their absence is felt with every step we take or every time we reach out to grab something.
And yet, grief allows us to more fully see how their life, their words, and their being shaped us.
Conclusion
Conclusion
Moses says in Ps 90-
12 Teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts.
Pauls says in Eph 5-
15 Pay careful attention, then, to how you walk—not as unwise people but as wise—16 making the most of the time, because the days are evil. 17 So don’t be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.
Death and grief is a tool to remind us of just how short life is.
We can try to prolong it, try to ignore its inevitable end, or we can embrace its reality and seek to take everyday as a gift from the Lord.
And take every relationship as an opportunity to love, be loved, and to be shaped in the way God would have us.