YOU MIGHT BE A BAPTIST IF...

... You think John the Baptist started the Baptists.

... You think God's presence is strongest on the back three pews.

... You think "Amazing Grace" is the national anthem.

... You judge the quality of the sermon by the amount of sweat worked up by the preacher.

... Your definition of “fellowship” has something to do with food.

... You honestly believe that the Apostle Paul spoke King James English.

... You think Jesus actually used Welch's grape juice and saltine crackers when he instituted the Lord’s Supper

... You ever wake up in the middle of the night craving fried chicken and interpret that feeling as a call to preach.

... You believe that you are supposed to take a covered dish to heaven.

... You have never sung the third verse of a five-stanza hymn.

... You think someone who says "Amen" while the preacher is preaching must be a Charismatic.

... You complain that the pastor only works one day and then he works too long.

... You clapped in church and felt guilty about it all week.

... You are old enough to get a senior discount at the pharmacy, but not old enough to promote to the Senior Adult Sunday School class.

... the Methodists fight over you because they want you on their team for Bible trivia at the High School Band fund raiser.

... you think preachers who wear robes are obviously theological and political liberals.

. . . you can quote Robert’s Rules of Order but not the Ten Commandments.

. . . your church has a preacher rather than a pastor, and HIS title is Brother rather than Reverend.

. . . you’re on 5 standing committees (including the Committee on Committees) and three have never met over the last decade.