Marriage and the Mortification of Sin

Introduction (2-3 minutes)

Pray if Nathan didn’t

Thank Nathan for allowing you to speak, I realize that not everyone is married or has kids, but we all have sin!

Personal Anecdote (capture attention)

I’ve married coming up on 25 years and it never ceases to amaze me how much work it takes to have a healthy marriage. <share story on how you met Celena>

Many years ago I was teaching a life group here and the men in the group were meeting in my basement and doing a book study on the book “Point Man”. <talk about pornography sin, overcoming it, practical ways to strengthen marriage, and last, you look around the room and say that statistically speaking several of us won’t make it.

Sadly, that was true. Several men from that study have failed marriages.

How do we make sure we have strong marriages? - the answer lies in the Mortification of Sin. Great book by John Owen

Sin’s power and deciet, role of the Holy Spirit, Means of Mortification, Putting off sinful habits and putting on Godly virtues, the role of Faith, and the Goal of Mortification (grow in conformity to Christ).

“The Bible begins and ends with Marriage...”

The Sanctity of Marriage (6min)

The importance of Marriage to God

The Bible begins and ends with marriage (Gen 2:24; Rev 22:17-20) <all quotes from the ESV version>

Gen 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Rev 22:17 “The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price...

If it’s so important to start and end the Bible it must be important. We need to understand the purpose of marriage.

The Purpose of Marriage

That verse I just read in Gen2:24 is echoed in our main verse on marriage this morning: Eph 5:31-33.

Eph 5:31-33 ““Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Contrary to popular belief in our culture, the purpose of marriage is not for the happiness of the married couple!

From above, we see that Marriage is a sacred union designed by God to mirror the relationship between Christ and His Church. Through marriage, we have the opportunity to grow in holiness, to experience sacrificial love, and to bear witness to the world of God's faithfulness. Marriage provides a context for us to grow in our relationship with God and with each other. It is a means by which the couple can cultivate godly virtues, selflessness, forgiveness, patience, and unconditional love. In this way, marriage becomes a sanctifying journey that shapes and refines both partners and their children.

That’s a good definition of what marriage is, what is marriage NOT??

I deal a lot with contracts and marriage is definitely not a contract!

Marriage is not a contract; it’s a covenant. The difference is that a contract is based on mutual distrust, while a covenant is based on mutual commitment” Tim Keller

Marriage is a place to create an environment for raising spiritually healthy children

Gen 1:28 “And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.””

Now we have an understand on what Marriage is, let’s look at our role in it.

The Role of the Husband

From our verse in Ephesians, that last word there is “husband” - What is a husband?? Easton’s Bible Dictionary HUSBAND—i.e., the “house-band,” connecting and keeping together the whole family. A man when betrothed was esteemed from that time a husband (Matt. 1:16, 20; Luke 2:5).

being the house-band takes a lot of work and sacrifice! It takes time, often it’s time we feel like we don’t have. This causes stress because we have to choose between providing and time every day.

Interesting laws regarding a new Husband:

Deut 24:5 ““When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken.”

Eph 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,”

We feel guilty for going to the gym,

4 obsessions of an extraordinary executive - create organizational clarity, reinforce with human systems

Other responsibilities for husbands as fathers:

Deut 6:6-7 “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

Deut 5:29 “Oh that they had such a heart as this always, to fear me and to keep all my commandments, that it might go well with them and with their descendants forever!”

Eph 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Okay, at this point we know that marriage is a covenant and what the purpose is (and our purpose in it). How do we have a healthy marriage? Mortification of sin.

The Mortification of Sin (10min)

Mortification of Sin is the process of putting sin to death through the power of the Holy Spirit. Small book, hard to get through quickly (rich in theology).

Rom 8:13 “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.”

Rom 6:11-14 “So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.”

Old man and New man story

Gal 5:16-18 “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.”

Rom 6:6 “We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.”

Step 1: know What your sins are - be specific! Know the triggers and watch out for them. Write them down and then strategize how to overcome it! Think of how you would act if you were trying to get through a difficult situation at work. You’d have a meeting to talk about strategy, call some friends in market and see what they’re doing, etc. We should be willing to do the same.

What actions can we take to mortify our sin and have a healthy marriage?

From the book we would quickly come up with these: Prayer, studying/meditating (not just reading) your Bible, going to church/life group, accountability partner, worship services, fellowship, etc. (all good answers)

The beginning of the book has some deeper pieces that are harder to get ahold of: get a clear understanding of the specific sin that needs to be mortified; identify through self-examination that area (again, be specific), notice it and develop habits/discipline to combat it!

Let’s take a look at some specific sins to watch out for:

Lust (all forms)

1 Cor 7:2 “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband."

1 Cor 7:9 “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

1 Cor 7:5 “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Prayer is your Oxygen here!!! You’ll suffocate without it. Keep plugged into the source to combat what you see and how you behave. Take control of those thoughts and don’t be held captive here. Anecdote: The best combat for Lust is to direct all that energy to your wife! Pray for God to redirect your eyes (especially since it’s getting to be warmer weather).

Family Leadership (house-band-ly attitude) - you are the spiritual head of the household. Are you praying with and for your family members? Are you studying the bible with them? Are you leading your wife well?

For example, let’s say that you’ve run out of steam and had a rotten day. You’re feeling down and you come home and are quiet, reserved, and aloof. What does your family think (especially kids)? They think it’s them! It has nothing to do with them but they don’t know that. I will come home and if I don’t open the door with vigor and energy, they ask “what’s wrong”. My answer is from a dr. seuss book “What a day Dad had...” :) That’s our code word. My oldest son (if he’s around) gives me a bear hug and cracks my back, and one of my other kids gets me a diet coke and tells me that I’m a great dad. Celena gets me something to eat. It’s better to be vulnerable than for them to think it’s something they did.

The Bible and Holy Sprit are your guides. You know how you’re feeling so take time to reset and lead well! Spend time studying and meditating on the word. Listen...

Buy or download a bible study (the ones on the Bible app are free!) and do one with your kids and/or wife. Read a book with your wife and pray with each other (men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti). Let your kids see you read the bible (and study it).

Giving Love and attention - men show love in many ways, and working is one of them. We often face the stress of working a little extra to provide better or spending that time with our kids. Do we go to the gym after work and feel guilty or do we go home and spend that time with our family. If we are to love our wives as ourselves (Eph 5:33) then we have to take care of ourselves. We are better at giving love and attention if we take care of ourselves too. (what’s your love language?)

Texting, calling her. I didn’t have a phone so my texts were getting up early and putting a note on her windshield. I wrote her poems and she hated it (didn’t tell me until much later in front of our kids). No hallmark cards for her!

Living like I’m by myself sometimes (do the chores she usually does, clean, etc.)

Avoid Worldliness

1 John 2:15-17 “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.”

It’s easy to go with the flow at work. To tolerate bad behavior and/or participate in it. I’ve traveled with colleagues all over the world and it’s just hard sometimes to say “no, I’m going back to my room”. I would facetime every day, text constantly, and also SHARE MY LOCATION!! (practical tip) James 4:4 “You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”

A closer walk with Jesus is the goal....just a closer walk with thee, grant it Jesus is my plea, daily walking close to thee, let it be dear Lord, let it be

The saints prove their conversion by their perseverance, and that perseverance comes from a continual supply of divine grace to their souls. The Candle, Volume 27, Sermon #1594 - Matthew 5:15, 16

Charles Spurgeon

God’s design for your Marriage

God wants good things for you and your family

We talked about

The Importance of your Marriage and role as Husband/Father

Being a better man/husband/father/friend/christian by mortifying your sin

Prayer is your Oxygen! The practice of Jesus that the Bible talks about more than any other is prayer

The Bible is your guide - Be in the word. Take the verses that we discuss here and keep studying - you can do this forever.

A closer walk with Jesus is the Goal. The goal of all of this is to be sanctified and making disciples.

Be encouraged! If you’re here this early right after a holiday break then you’re on the right track! Lean in and soldier on!

Re-emphasize the importance of Marriage to God (bible begins and ends with marriage)

Close with a prayer asking God’s blessing on everyone’s marriage and to guide us all in mortifying our sin to create a happy home for our wife and children.

Questions for the groups:

These questions are designed to help you share with the table your successes in your own marriage so that someone else may learn from it and apply it so - DON’T BE SHY! Share your tips and ideas and please ask any questions to the men at your table that you may want help with that aren’t below.

Share your name, your wife’s name, how long you’ve been married, and how you met.

What is one lesson or principle you have learned through your marriage journey that has had a significant impact on your relationship?

How do you prioritize quality time with your spouse and children amidst busy schedules and other commitments?

What are some effective communication strategies or tools you have discovered in building a strong marriage?

As a husband, or “house-band” according to Easton’s Bible Dictionary - what are some ways you work to ensure that you are holding your household together in a Christ-like manner?

Share a personal experience where you had to practice forgiveness within your marriage and how it impacted your relationship.

Share a specific habit or routine you and your spouse have developed to nurture and strengthen your connection as a couple and to Christ.

In what ways do you actively seek to lead and serve your spouse, following the biblical principles of sacrificial love and servant leadership?

How do you spend time with your kids teaching them the truths of God?

How do you take care of yourself and make sure you’re healthy (physically and spiritually) so you can be present for your family?

What are some practical ways you find rest and renewal without feeling guilty?