For Lack of Wood

Proverbs 26:20

Introduction

Two weeks ago, Marshall preached from James 3 about sins of the tongue. As a result a few asked some clarifying questions about gossip.

What is gossip and what isn’t gossip?

Is it always wrong to talk about someone behind his back? Is there an appropriate time and place for sharing a concern?

We will try to answer these questions and more with all the clarity scripture can provide.

Identifying Gossip

Gossip is something spread by a gossip (Rom. 1:29; 1 Tim. 3:11; 5:13; 2 Tim. 3:3; Tit. 2:3).

Just like murder is not merely the taking of life, it is not the loss of life, it is the unjust taking of life.

Gossip isn’t just information that is out there floating around all by itself. It is something shared that shouldn’t be shared and always involves compromised motives.

It is bad news (Prov. 10:18; Psa. 41:5-8).

There is an element of being against the person (or thing) being talked about (Num. 13:32; 1 Tim. 3:11; 2 Tim 3:3; Tit. 2:3).

The word gossip comes from the Old English “godsibb” referring to a godfather or godmother. That developed into the kind of conversation common among family and those as close as family. We need that good kind of talking about each other.

This isn’t just sharing some bad news about someone like “oh did you hear that his mother passed away.”

Even when we share information that turns out to be wrong it may not be gossip. That doesn’t make it wise but it also doesn’t make it gossip.

It is secret news (Prov. 11:13; 20:19; 16:28).

This is the nature of one of the NT words for gossip (Rom. 1:29).

Have I been asked not to share this?

Is this helpful to share?

Would I say this in front of them?

Would I want others to speak about me this way?

It is a bad heart (Prov. 18:8; 26:22; Matt. 12:34).

It is possible to share bad news and even secret news in helpful ways.

But you ought to be skeptical of your own motives here.

It is all too easy to give your own motives a pass. Put yourself in the position of the one you are talking about.

Avoiding Participation

Check your heart.

Do you love to be “in the know” (1 Cor 8:1)?

Do you view everyone through a negative lens (Deut. 1:27; Isa. 29:24)?

Do you have bitterness (2 Sam. 15:2-6)?

Are you just trying to fit in (Prov. 29:25)?

Are you bored (1 Tim. 5:13; Prov. 26:17)?

Be slow to make judgments (Jas. 4:11-12; Prov. 14:15; 18:17).

Do you even NEED to make judgment?

Have you given all the benefit of the doubt you would want to receive?

Do you know enough to make a fair judgment?

Transform your speech (Eph. 4:29).

Say nothing (Prov. 10:19).

Think of ways to speak well of someone.

Talk TO people instead of ABOUT people.

Temper your words with mercy.

Don’t be an eager listener to gossip (Prov. 17:9; 26:20).

This may mean you have to interrupt.

Maybe it just means you don’t spread it.

Maybe you can temper the tone.

Offer to go to the subject of the gossip.

When You Are the Subject

Have concern about your reputation (Prov. 22:1).

“Who steals my purse steals trash; ’tis something, nothing; ’Twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to thousands; But he that filches from me my good name Robs me of that which not enriches him And makes me poor indeed.” - Othello

But not too much (1 Cor. 4:3-4).

Overlook what you can (Prov. 19:11).

Confront what you can’t (Matt. 18:15).

Know and be known by God (Psa. 140).

Conclusion

Gossip is not an easy subject. We probably need more teaching on it and more clarity.

It is serious.

It is excused and even celebrated in our culture.

But no one enjoys being the target.

God, as always, offers a better way.