Living Jesus Example in our Households (RCC Original)

Introduction

Hey everyone, it’s so great to be here with you.

I’m excited to be able to share today.

I’ve been following along with ya’ll in this series and really appreciate what it has been communicating and encouraging us towards as we strive to love like Jesus.

Today we are in the seventh week of this series called “First Love”

Which is based on the apostle Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus.

Or what we know in the New Testament -- as the book of Ephesians.

Recap

Just in case you haven’t been here or have missed a couple of weeks -- let me take two minutes to catch you up on what we’ve been talking about.

As I said, we are going through Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus.

The church at Ephesus was started by the Apostle Paul

Paul invested three years of his life into planting and developing it.

And after he left -- he wrote them this letter to further instruct them in their faith and walk with Jesus.

But we also noted that about 30 years after the apostle Paul wrote this letter -- the Apostle John had a vision of a message that Jesus had for this same church -- and the message wasn’t a good one.

Revelation 2:4-5a, “Yet I have this against you: You don’t love me or each other as you did at first, you have left your first love!

This is a church, meaning a “faith community” that didn’t finish well.

And we’ve talked about how the undoing at Ephesus wasn’t the toxicity of the culture on the OUTSIDE, it was a problem on the INSIDE.

The problem being…..they had LEFT -- their FIRST love.

Which was a big deal because it violated what Jesus said was the most important commandment….to love God, and love others.

And Our focus in this series has been to remind us this:

The church is a movement of people driven by the command of Jesus to love everyone as He loved us.

To do that -- we’ve been going through this letter -- and praying that we would be a church that Jesus would commend -- because of how we exemplify his love.

And we have made it a point to be praying for each other as a church.

This is what we have been praying for each other:

“I’m praying for you, our church…to know God’s love for you…and love each other well…so you will understand God’s plan for us all…which is to equip each other…to follow Jesus more closely…

Each segment of that prayer comes from a part of the letter that we’ve looked at in this series so far, and we are going to build on that prayer this morning.

Here is what we are adding, and what we are going to talk about this morning:

…by living His example in our households…

If following Jesus changes everything --

The way we pray

The way we know God’s love

The way we love each other in the body of Christ

The way we understand God’s plan

The way we equip each other

The way we follow Jesus.

Then wouldn’t you assume that it would change what the atmosphere and function in our homes looks like?

Of course it would….because, Jesus changes everything!

A relationship with Jesus changes every relationship!

If I have a relationship with Jesus -- my relationship with others will look like His relationship with me!

We are going to continue on in Ephesians where we left off last week where Apostle Paul addresses that very topic….what the household should look like, in light of how Jesus loves us.

To help us -- we need to understand how a family unit was structured in the Roman Empire.

Because without that -- you won’t understand how radical -- the words of the apostle Paul to the church at Ephesus really are.

Background & Tension: Now remember…..

The church at Ephesus was part of the Roman Empire and the population of Ephesus was predominately made up of Gentiles -- Gentile meaning they weren’t Jewish

So Paul was primarily preaching to a pagan culture

The message of Jesus would have been entirely different from anything in their background.

People were turning from sorcery -- and paganism -- and coming to faith in Jesus, not just talking about it….but actually living it….they were all in.

His message challenged every religious and social construct that existed……including the structure of the family, and what family dynamics should look like

So it is important to note the contrast and what Paul was up against.

So what was the household structure like in Ephesus?

Main Text

About 300 years before Jesus was born – many of the cultural norms at Ephesus had been shaped by Aristotle.

Aristotle, was a Greek philosopher – he wrote what is his most famous work called Politics.

And in it -- he articulated what was known as -- The household codes.

Basically -- the rules of life for a typical family of the Roman Empire.

Let me sum up what he had to say about the family.

A husband and a father rules over his wife and children

The husband would rule over his wife because women were considered “disadvantaged genetically” to have the capacity to lead themselves.

Fathers would rule their children because they were “immature.”

This is the family code they had in place -- this was the context -- the culture the apostle Paul was sharing Jesus with.

This was the pervasive thought of that day.

So when the apostle Paul addresses the household -- and remember -- our prayer is that we would equip each other to follow Jesus more closely by living His example in our households.

The question is -- what is Jesus’ example and model for our households?

To answer that -- we are going to be reading in Ephesians 5, starting in verse 21, all the way to chapter 6:4. We will be reading from the NLT.

This is a long passage, and I’m going to read it all the way though without commentary once, so that we get the big picture.

Then we are going to circle back and break it down

So you can follow along on the screen as I read.

Ephesians 5:21, And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to Himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again, I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

6:1 Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 2 “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

If you read that quickly -- portions of it sound pretty close to what Aristotle taught.

The man is the head of the wife who must submit.

Children obey your parents

But that’s the genius of what the apostle Paul does here.

He wasn’t writing to establish a household code.....He writes -- into -- a household code that already existed.

Paul’s model for household relationships affirmed traditional roles they understood, but undermined their cultural understandings of those roles.

And I’ll show you how in a moment.

In this passage we just read, Paul breaks down 4 types of relationships in the home:

Wives to Husbands

Husbands to Wives

Children to Parents

Fathers to Children

So lets go back and break that down

Wives to Husbands (22-23)

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church.

Wives are told to submit to the headship of their husbands.

Submission to headship means choosing to come under the authority and leadership of your husband.

Means relating towards your husband with dignity and respect.

There has been a lot of confusion in the church about how this looks and works out practically in the home.

Headship according to Aristotle meant the man is the leader and has the authority in the relationship.

What the husband says goes.

Because his wife is inferior in certain aspects, so the man needs to take leadership.

Paul came in and affirmed this traditional role of headship...that they would have understood, but then undermined their cultural understanding of it.

He said, “Yes, the man is the head, as Christ is the head of the church, but notice how he undermines their understanding of it in verse 23.

23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.

Paul tied headship, not to the Lordship of Jesus over His body the church, but to His Saviorhood.

Saviorhood implies serving, sacrificing, and giving, even at great personal expense.

Think of what Jesus as Savior meant for us

Paul tells us what that meant in Philippians 2.

Philippians 2:5-8 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. 6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. 7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, 8 he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross. (NLT)

That’s what it means to operate in headship as a Savior.....which means this.

A wife’s submission to her husband, is not a submission to his Authoritarian leadership, it is submission to his Servant leadership.

As one theologian put it, “If headship means 'power' in any sense, then it is power to care, not to crush; power to serve, not to dominate; power to facilitate self-fulfillment, not to frustrate or destroy it. And in all this the standard of the husband's love is to be the cross of Christ, on which he surrendered himself even to death in his selfless love for his bride.

When you understand this, it makes sense what Paul says next in how husbands are to treat their wives.

Husbands to Wives (vs 25-33)

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her

Husbands -- treat your wife with excessive love. Love her like Christ loved the church.

Here is something so important to note -- the apostle Paul uses the word – love…..six times -- when addressing husbands

With Aristotle -- a home functioned based on Authoritarian Hierarchy.

Not so with those who follow Jesus

If a husband and a wife are one -- how can one dominate over the other?

Husbands....if we love our wives as Christ loves us -- the church -- so much so that we “lay our lives down” for them -- how can one dominate over the other and say that is following Jesus?

And let me say this for the husbands....if your wife has a hard time submitting to you.....maybe it’s less a reflection of her lack of respect, and more a reflection of your lack of love.

It’s the very goodness and love of Christ that draws us to repentance....that draws us into a desire to have a relationship with Jesus....that draws us into submission to Him.

When you see Jesus in all his love and goodness, “Who wouldn’t want to submit to that?”

When a husband operates in that same kind of loving service and sacrifice for his wife and family.....who wouldn’t want to submit to that?

Husbands....love your wives excessively as Christ loves the Church.

Children to Parents (6:1-3)

6:1 Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 2 “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”

Children are told to joyfully obey and honor their parents -- whether they want to or not…whether they agree or not.

Speaking to the teens in the room:

Not only are you commanded to obey and honor, but even though you don’t always realize it or understand it, submitting to your parents provides you with a very real safety net.

Reminds me of the saying: "When you're young, you think your parents know everything. When you're a teenager, you think they know nothing. When you become an adult, you realize they knew more than you ever thought."

God is the one that ordained the family structure, and you would do well to understand that.

Submitting in obedience and honoring your parents may be challenging, especially as you are growing in your own independence, but is vital to the overall health of the family.

Fathers to Children (6:4)

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

Fathers don’t exasperate your children -- instead -- lead and treat them with dignity.

Your approach with your kids is not to be the approach Aristotle recommended, where you basically can Lord over your kids.

Don’t provoke your children to anger.

Don’t speak to them in a way that show very little empathy and understanding towards them.

Not only that, but you are to raise them with discipline and instruction.

Meaning you don’t delegate your responsibility to another person, or to a device.

Meaning you don’t sacrifice your kids on the altar of your career, your desires, or your dreams.

You are to raise them with intentionality and purpose, as a Father who is a servant leader in his family.

Summary

So this is what the family should like with Jesus.

To sum it all up......lets look back to chapter 5:21 -- where the Apostle Paul started the conversation about households.

Ephesians 5:21, And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Paul summed it up at the beginning.

Even if your understanding of what Paul meant in the following verses is a little bit different than what was laid out today…..here’s what we can know…

If you live by Ephesians 5:21, you will have a household that looks like Jesus.

A family where everyone -- regardless of status -- or pecking order is living out the example of Jesus in their household.

Mutually submitting to one another.

Application

How different would your household look, if everyone in it acted like Jesus and lived with an other's first mindset??

If you are a Christ-follower -- this is the relational standard that Jesus set for us.

And just because you think some of your family members will never live it out -- doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.

Paul reminded them of their duties, not their rights.

Parents -- don’t start applying this principle by telling your kids it’s their responsibility to obey you joyfully.

Husbands -- don’t start applying this principle by telling your wives it’s their responsibility to submit to you.

Wives -- don’t start applying this principle by demanding that your husband love you excessively.

Begin with you!!! Do what God has asked you to do.

Men -- love excessively!

Women -- respond respectfully.

Children -- obey joyfully.

And Parents – always treat your children with dignity.

That is what it should look like in a family.

Ask yourself this question -- “What’s one thing I can do today -- to practice mutual submission better?”

Ladies -- What's one way you can respond respectfully to your husband today?

Husbands -- how can you love your wife excessively today?

Parents -- how can you lead -- and express dignity to your children today?

Children -- what can you do today to be joyful in obeying your parents?

Listen -- your family’s story doesn’t hinge on your past experiences. Your family’s story hinges on your decision today.

To accept or reject the challenge of living Jesus’ example in our households.

To submit to one another out of reverence for God.

God’s heart is not that we have the picture-perfect family.

God’s heart is that we write a better story -- a healthier future for our families.

It’s our story to write, and you can start today.......and He gives us the grace and empowerment to write it.

Amen.

Closing

So this week -- let’s continue praying for each other.

The card on your seat with the prayer we have been praying now has the addition of “living His example in our households.”

Be praying for your family and the families in this church.

That we would exemplify Jesus love in our families.

We have prayer walls in the lobbies at all of our campuses -- that we have been encouraging you to take advantage of throughout this series.

There is a blank card on your seat as well-- we encourage you to write a prayer request -- how can someone pray for you or your family

You can put your name if you would like

Put your prayer request on the wall for someone else to pray for.

And then pick up someone else’s prayer request and commit to praying for that for the rest of this week.

Let me pray for us all as we close…

Sources

Wives submitting - https://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/why-wives-must-read-the-context-of-ephesians-5-22.html#:~:text=“Wives%2C%20submit%20to%20your%20own,a%20troubling%20or%20ludicrous%20command.

Headship - https://www.christianstudylibrary.org/article/ephesians-521-32-–-headship-and-submission

Headship (Sam Storms) - https://www.samstorms.org/all-articles/post/article-10-things-you-should-know-about-male-headship#:~:text=(4)%20Headship%20is%20the%20authority,to%20frustrate%20or%20destroy%20it.

Myths of Male Headship - https://juniaproject.com/5-myths-of-male-headship/

Man as Leader in the family - https://www.covenantkeepers.org/online-articles/44-family-issues/330-how-does-a-husband-lead-his-wife-and-family