The Silence of Wisdom
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Proverbs 17:27-28
Proverbs 17:27-28
He who has knowledge spares his words, And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.
Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; When he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.
When I was in my early thirties, still single, I used to go to Grandpa’s house once every two weeks and just be with him. I remember Dad telling me that he called Grandpa and asked how he was doing, and Grandpa said, “Kyle was here today. We had a good time.” Dad said, “Oh yeah, what did you do?” He said, “Nothing.” That is why I loved being with Grandpa: he didn’t need to be entertained by you to want to be with you. He just wanted to be with you.
Grandpa genuinely loved people. He is not one to complain either. Since he has been widowed, I believe it has been hard on him, even though we never heard a peep out of him about his circumstance. He was lonely, but he didn’t complain about being lonely. He expressed that he was lonely, but he didn’t complain.
He was the most patient man I ever knew. What do I mean by patience? Patience can be learned by watching patient people, like Grandpa. We tend to confuse patience with apathy. Many older people think they have grown more patient over the years, but the truth is they don’t care anymore. I don’t think Jesus became more careless over the years. The apostle Paul was the most Christ-like man we could compare to, and I couldn’t picture him growing more careless over the years. Picture him sitting around like a bump on a log saying, “These young kids are stupid. I’ve seen it all and done it all, it’s all the same. Gruff.” Bah-humbug to you to, dude. Aint you just a beam of sunshine. You laugh, but that is not patience just because it doesn’t rile you up anymore, that is apathy.
The concept of patience is expressed by a number of English words: “forbearance,” “longsuffering” (KJV), “slow to anger,” “endurance,” “tolerance,” and “steadfastness.” It has nothing to do with carelessness because you’ve seen it all and done it all. These same people who consider themselves patient are slowing everyone down on the road trying to “teach these youngsters a lesson” by driving slow. You sure are in a hurry when you are late for a doctor’s appointment, though. All of a sudden, all your so-called wisdom is thrown out the window, and you realize that if you cared more about others, you would drive the speed limit as a normal part of your bah-humbug day in case someone is in a hurry, and you wouldn’t seek to teach them a lesson. Make sense?
So, what is patience? Patience is the ability to live in the present. That’s it. You think of an obnoxious kid, “Uh, Mom, when is this sermon going to be over, I just want to go eat lunch. Mommy!” Patience is the ability to not think ahead and live in the moment. You are not focused on some stupid pleasure that you can’t wait to enjoy, you are living in the moment, listening to the boring sermon. This is all lived out to it’s fullest ability when you have the Spirit of God in you.
I know some people who pace back and forth and go wander around the area by them self when they are in the process of waiting their 45 minute wait for a table at a restaurant. That is impatience.
A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment.
You’re just like a kid who can’t wait to pursue that pleasure because that is what you have your mind set on. It is a complete self-focus and you end up not even focusing on others around you. They go to their phone and sit down somewhere to Youtube their pleasure whore self away into an escape room because they can’t stand their own silence. They can’t stand waiting on their pleasure.
They are too selfish to focus on the people around them, and God forbid ask others about their life. [Wow, talk to people? Absurd!] Patience is to be at rest in Christ, knowing this stupid pleasure won’t ultimately satisfy you because there is a high chance you’ve done it before. Therefore, focus on someone else. Get it out of your head, and focus on the present.
I mention this because this is what Grandpa did. When everyone has caught up with everyone, he may say, “What’s taking them so long.” But you rarely heard it. If he did it, he somehow made it funny. You know he was thinking it, but he never said it until it was a problem.
The end of a thing is better than its beginning; The patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.
I was sitting with him once, and asked him wisdom for marriage. I was engaged and soon to be married to my beautiful bride, and I wanted something deep and profound from a man who had 63 years of marriage behind his belt.
He looked at the tv deep in thought, and I was sitting on the edge of my seat metaphorically. He said, “Boy, I don’t know. It’s a give and take.” I was thinking, he’s gotta have more than that. I’ll ask him the next time I’m up here in case he has an aha! moment between that time.
I come back and as we were sitting there for about an hour, I asked the same thing. His response was verbatim: “Boy, I don’t know. It’s a give and take.” Dad gummit.
He who has knowledge spares his words, And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.
Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; When he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.
I was looking for wisdom in words, but not actions. Maybe, this is the wisdom I needed. Maybe something is being said loudly that I cannot hear! Am I too analytical? Am I seeking a few sentences to change my marriage? Or help my marriage? Here is this man who has lived 63 years of his life in a marriage, and that’s the best he’s got. It’s a give and take.
The wisdom that I need is the very thing being said silently. He was likely never focused on having a better marriage, he focused on the relationship. He loved his wife. He obviously had to focus on it being a give and take, but he didn’t dig into this stuff to try and improve his marriage. He didn’t have his eyes on himself and his performance. His thoughts were present. Always. That is what made him patient. That is what made him have no profound wisdom for me at that time. His focus was on things other than himself.
As I have been married now myself, I can understand why there is no wisdom to share when being offered to share it. Every marriage is different. Every marriage has different dynamics. Anything you say that is specific to your marriage might hurt other’s marriage. He has lived long enough to know that his views may not be for everyone (aside from what is in Scripture that applies to every human). That is perceptive. That is a great understanding.
He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, But he who is impulsive exalts folly.
If you get riled up quickly and have no patience with others, you’re a fool. You have no understanding because you don’t seek to understand anyone. You think you’re right on everything because you only understand your worldview. If, however, you ask people questions in order to understand them, and end up disagreeing with them, you at least can understand why they believe something. Those people have learned that many times they develop understanding as to why people do what they do.
The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression.
I’ve known many people who did drugs in their past. They were what people call ‘hoodrats’ and they are always causing trouble. The Pharisee who is selfish would say, “Thank God I’m not like them. They have nothing better to do. The man of understanding could sit down with them and learn very quickly about their home life growing up. They had no family, so they sought it on the street. The dad or mom beat them, was always hollering at them, and there was no love. I’d be on the street too. I’d do drugs if it meant I would have a gang that would have my back. Why wouldn’t I?
The homosexual is likely one that desired his father’s non-sexual affection, and he never got it. Absent fathers play a huge role in this. The Pharisee will say they need to repent and smack them with a Bible. The person of understanding would love them and see the hurting soul. They would tell them they are ultimately sinning against God and need to repent for that reason, and that they need to no longer resent their father. Forgive them, repent of your wickedness and come to Christ.
The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression.
Wisdom is in the sight of him who has understanding, But the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth.
Grandpa could see someone he disagrees with and still talk to them. He wouldn’t express his points of views, but he would listen. I believe, he was a man of great understanding. He seemed to simple minded to have profound wisdom, but I believe he knew more than we give him credit for. Wisdom is not knowledge. Knowledge puffs up the unwise. Wisdom is knowledge applied.
Do not answer a fool according to his folly, Lest you also be like him.
Answer a fool according to his folly, Lest he be wise in his own eyes.
To the unwise, this is a contradiction. This caused a former atheist to throw away Scripture because everyone called it this so-called infallible Word of God. I wrote it and everyone who called themselves Christians as stupid because they can’t see contradictions that are right before them.
Wisdom is knowing when to apply these. Proverbs are not absolute truths, proverbs are wise sayings that need wisdom in knowing when to apply them.
Grandpa’s wisdom comes not from knowing wise sayings. It comes from love. His patience didn’t come from profound wisdom. It came from love. When you love others more than yourself, you end up doing things without having to think about it.
This is why Jesus said, you will know them by their fruits. Those who do thinks that are completely selfish without any thought or any guilty conscience, cannot be children of God. Those who do not desire to fellowship with others that have Christ in them, a hatred for the things God hates (the sin in themselves), a thirst for the Word, and just live for the next pleasure like a pagan…you will know them by their fruits. Grandpa would have met you by a bridge if that is all you had to offer him. He didn’t care about the food. He didn’t care about comfort, within reason since he was 90 and has certain needs. He wanted to be around people.
The people who hate people seek their own desire. When they do not get what they want from others ( whether it be worship, praise, gifts, admiration, entertainments, money, free stuff) they hate you. If you have nothing to offer those people but yourself, they will not be around you.
A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment.
Grandpa wanted people. He loved people. He was patient because he loved others. The focus was not on himself. Asking a man like that, “What wisdom do you have for me for marriage” is going to be disappointing. He wouldn’t say watch my life and how I treated your grandma, because his eyes were not on himself! You see?
He who has knowledge spares his words, And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.
Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; When he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.
That is the Silence of Wisdom.
Another aspect to Grandpa is I believe he was a man of faith. He was quiet about it like many others, but we could have those types of conversations and he wasn't foreign to them. We could talk about sin and he would tell me how hard it was to be in temptations. I remember he bought a new Bible around the time he moved to the care home. As I began to visit them on a bi-weekly, I noticed those pages getting more and more worn. He was reading it, but privately. What did I hear about what he was learning? Silence. He was a man of the Word, though.
I am not saying we should be silent about our faith, but I believe his secret life had nothing that needed hidden. The most patient man I have ever known was not the most educated. He was a man that loved people and lived with them presently. In that is found great wisdom.