Living Jesus Example in our Households (RCC New)

Introduction

Hey everyone, I’m really excited to be here and to be able to have this conversation with you today.

As we go into part seven of this series called “First Love.”

Which is based on the apostle Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus.

Or what we know in the New Testament -- as the book of Ephesians

I’ve been following along with ya’ll in this and I can’t tell you how important this series is for the church today.

Whenever a church strives to love Jesus fully, and to love others as he loves us......things radically change.

In our personal lives

In our families lives

In our communities

And we need more of that in our world today.

As we’ve been going through this series we’ve seen what it looks like when a church embraces this “First Love” Principle, of loving others the way Jesus loves us.

Recap

Now, just in case you haven’t been here or have missed a couple of weeks -- let me take two minutes to catch you up on what we’ve been talking about so far

as we have been going through the apostle Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus.

The Ephesian church was started by the Apostle Paul

Invested three years of his life into planting and developing it.

And after he left -- he wrote them this letter to further instruct them in their faith and walk with Jesus.

But we also noted that about 30 years after the apostle Paul wrote this letter -- the Apostle John had a vision of a message that Jesus had for this same church -- and the message wasn’t a good one.

Revelation 2:4-5a, “Yet I have this against you: You don’t love me or each other as you did at first, you have left your first love!

This is a church, meaning a “faith community” that started well, but didn’t finish well.

And we’ve talked about how the undoing at Ephesus wasn’t the toxicity of the culture on the OUTSIDE, it was a problem on the INSIDE.

The problem being…..they had LEFT -- their FIRST love.

Which was a big deal because it violated what Jesus said was the most important commandment….to love God, and love others.

So....our focus in this series has been to remind us of this:

The church is a movement of people driven by the command of Jesus to love everyone as He loved us.

To do that -- we’ve been going through this letter -- and praying that we would be a church that Jesus would commend -- because of how we exemplify his love.

And we have made it a point to be praying for each other as a church.

This is what we have been praying for each other so far:

“I’m praying for you, our church…to know God’s love for you…and love each other well…so you will understand God’s plan for us all…which is to equip each other…to follow Jesus more closely…

Each segment of that prayer serves as a review of what we’ve learned in this series so far, and we are going to build on that prayer this morning.

Here is what we are adding, and what we are going to talk about this morning:

…by living His example in our households…

But before we unpack what it means to live out Jesus’s example in our household -- it is important that you understand the culture of the city of Ephesus.

Because I think when you understand the over-all culture, you get a better picture of the tension that was being created by the apostle Paul, as he challenged them to live Christ’s example in their homes.

Background & Tension

The church at Ephesus was interesting......it was started about 20 years after the resurrection of Jesus

It part of the Roman Empire about 600 miles away from Jerusalem, where the earthly ministry of Jesus took place.

While there were some Jewish people that lived there.....Ephesus was predominantly a Gentile city (meaning non Jewish).

Ministry to Jews

So when the apostle Paul went there to start this church --part of his missionary method was to go into a town -- and identify Jewish people like himself.

Then -- he would go into the synagogues and explain the resurrection -- and the message of Jesus to them.

And help them understand that Jesus was their long-awaited Messiah.

That Jesus wasn’t a deviation from the Jewish faith -- but a fulfillment of the promise of the coming Jewish Messiah.

As a result -- many Jewish people in Ephesus believed the apostle Paul and started following Jesus.

But some of the Jewish people rejected Jesus -- and they rejected the apostle Paul too.

So what does Paul do? He leaves the synagogue and goes to the public square -- where he introduced Jesus to the Gentiles of the city.

And this is where things start getting crazy in Ephesus.

Ministry to Gentiles

His approach to presenting Jesus to the Gentiles was very different than it was to the Jewish people because he didn’t have any common ground with the Gentiles.

The Gentiles would not have been familiar with the ancient Jewish Scriptures -- our Old Testament -- which served as the foundation for the apostle Paul’s conversation with the Jews.

They came from a completely pagan culture.

They were very religious and had many different gods and idols they worshiped.

But the message of Jesus would have been entirely different from anything in their background.

This is why as Gentiles started coming to faith in Jesus, it started a revolution in Ephesus.

Because the teachings of Jesus were so countercultural -- that they were disrupting the very fabric of their society.

Acts 19 -- even talks about a riot that broke out in Ephesus

Because so many people were turning to faith that it was hurting the business of people who sold idols and shrines for the pagan temples.

The gospel message was a Game-changer.

I mean......imagine......there are people turning from sorcery -- and paganism and temple prostitution -- and coming to faith in Jesus.

And not just saying, “oh yeah......I’m a Christian”

They were changing their priorities and the habits of their lives as they chose to follow Jesus.

They were all in.

Here’s what we can’t miss in all this.

The entire city is feeling the powerful impact of these people coming to faith, so much so that it is changing the culture of the community.

Jesus -- and His message challenged every religious and social construct that existed -- Jew and Gentile.

So when we say it was a game-changer -- we mean -- it changed everything.

Jesus didn’t just change a small part of the game -- He changed the whole game!

Jesus didn’t come to simply offer improvement, or change our outward actions and attitudes.

He came to transform us into a new person -- completely brand new!

Last week, as we read through parts of Ephesians 4 and 5, Paul explained how we weren’t simply given a list of dos and don’ts

If your relationship with Jesus is simply based on a list of do’s and don’ts, you are missing out on the very essence of what it means to follow Christ.

Being a follower of Jesus is about what we are becoming.

That’s why the apostle Paul said this in another letter he wrote:

2 Corinthians 5:17, This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

Old is gone. New has come.

The apostle Paul is not simply giving us a list of do’s and dont’s....he is calling us to nurture our new nature.

As followers of Jesus......Loving and living like Jesus is part of WHO we are.

And WHAT you do always flows out of WHO you are.

Our understanding of right and wrong is upended when we come to Jesus because we are changed....everything is changed.....

Our values change.

How we use our time changes

How we view leadership -- and authority is changed

Jesus said the greatest is the least -- the one who serves the most is the new leader.

Everything changes.

In a pagan Gentile culture -- people coming to faith would have experienced this radical transformation.

Once again -- think about the makeup of this church at Ephesus.

There are Jewish people in the church, with Gentiles

The Jews used to hate Gentiles -- they thought of them as unclean -- no better than dogs.

Now they are trying to view them as brothers and sisters in Christ -- even though they dress differently -- eat differently -- and even have different beliefs.

There are women in the congregation -- some came out of the pagan worship of Artemis, which involved a lot of temple prostitution.

In this highly sexualized religion, many of the women coming out of it would have had a “reputation.”

There were slaves in the church

Slavery was pervasive in the first century.

Some estimates say there were more enslaved people -- than free people.

In the same congregation with slaves, were the slave owners -- today -- we would call them human traffickers.

Picture this with me......you would have had all these various groups of people gathered together to figure out what following Jesus would look like for them individually -- and corporately as a body of Christ followers.

And then -- in this letter -- Paul explains the implications of Jesus’ teachings and the command to “love each other in the same way Jesus loved them.”

And this brings us back to the phrase we are adding to our prayer today:

“I’m praying for you, our church…to know God’s love for you…and love each other well…so you will understand God’s plan for us all…which is to equip each other… to follow Jesus more closely…by living His example in our households…

If following Jesus changes everything --

The way we pray.

The way we know God’s love.

The way we love each other in the body of Christ.

The way we understand God’s plan and purpose for our lives.

The way we equip each other.

The way we seek to follow Jesus more closely.

Then wouldn’t you assume that it would change the way we relate to each other in our homes?

Of course it would….because, Jesus changes everything!

A relationship with Jesus changes every relationship!

If I have a relationship with Jesus -- my relationship with others will look like His relationship with me!

To help us understand how that is a game changer in our homes, we are going to continue on in Ephesians 5 where we left off last week

Starting in verse 21  the Apostle Paul is addressing ….what the household should look like, in light of the transforming power of Jesus’s love for us.

To help us get the full grasp of the impact of what he is saying -- we need to understand how a family unit was structured in the Roman Empire.

Because without that -- you won’t understand how radical -- the words of the apostle Paul to the church at Ephesus really are.

You see, the Roman family structure was shaped about 300 years before Jesus was born.

Main Text

Many of the cultural norms at Ephesus had been shaped by Aristotle.

Aristotle, was a Greek philosopher – he wrote what is his most famous work called Politics.

And in it -- he articulated what was known as -- The household codes.

Basically -- the rules of life for a typical family of the Roman Empire.

Let me sum up what he had to say about the family.

A husband and a father rules over his wife and children.

The husband would rule over his wife because women were considered “disadvantaged genetically” to have the capacity to lead themselves.

Fathers would rule their children because they were “immature.”

This is the family code they had in place -- a very authoritarian model for the home. This was the context -- the culture the apostle Paul was sharing Jesus with.

So when the apostle Paul addresses the household -- and remember -- our prayer is that we would equip each other to follow Jesus more closely by living His example in our households.

The question is -- what is Jesus’ example and model for our households?

Paul gives us the answer in Ephesians 5, starting in verse 21, all the way to chapter 6:4.

This is a long passage, and I’m going to read it all the way though once, without commentary so that we get the big picture of what Paul is saying.

We will be reading from the NLT.

You can follow along on the screen as I read.

Scripture

Ephesians 5:21, And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to Himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again, I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

6:1 Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 2 “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

If you read that quickly -- portions of it sound pretty close to what Aristotle taught.

The man is the head of the wife who must submit.

Children obey and honor your parents

But that’s the genius of what the apostle Paul does here.

He wasn’t writing to establish a household code.....He writes -- into -- a household code that already existed.

But he completely upends the very code he addresses.

Because as we said -- Jesus changes everything -- including our relationships in the home.

Some people criticize the apostle Paul’s writing about marriage and parenting -- saying it is oppressive.

But that is the opposite of what he is saying

He says -- husbands -- you are not superior to your wives -- she is not there for you to boss around and keep subservient to you.

That’s not the way of Jesus -- that’s the way of the pagan culture that you are in today.

Instead -- she is your sister in Christ -- an equal partner in the Gospel.

And this understanding often raises the question of who has authority -- in the home.

But you’ll notice that the apostle Paul puts much more focus on something else.......LOVE.

He uses the word -- love six times -- when addressing husbands.

With Aristotle -- a home functioned based on Authoritarian Hierarchy.

Not so with those who follow Jesus -- of course not -- because a relationship with Jesus changes every relationship.

If a husband and a wife are one -- how can one dominate over the other?

Husbands....if we love our wives as Christ loves us -- the church -- so much so that we “lay our lives down” for them -- how can one dominate over the other and say that is following Jesus?

So who’s in charge of the relationships in the family? Jesus!

The apostle Paul is calling us to a brand-new version of family relationships.

A family where everyone -- regardless of status -- or pecking order is living out the example of Jesus in their household.

Paul tells us what that example looks like in

Philippians 2:5-8, In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!

Summary

So this is what Paul is saying to the family:

Husbands -- treat your wife with excessive love -- whether you think they deserve it or not.

Wives submit to your husbands -- which means you respond respectfully whether you think they deserve it or not.

Children joyfully obey your parents -- whether you think they deserve it or not.

And --- fathers don’t exasperate your children -- instead -- lead and treat them with dignity whether you think they deserve it or not.

Literally -- treat everyone in your household as Jesus treats us.

The apostle Paul summed this whole thing up for us in a single verse.

Ephesians 5:21, Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

So everyone in every household is to live practicing Mutual Submission

No one as a follower of Jesus is exempt!

Application

I want you to imagine with me for a second.

How different your household would look, if everyone in it acted like Jesus and lived with an other's first mindset.

If you are a follower of Christ -- this is the relational standard that Jesus set for us in our homes.

And just because you think some of your family members will never live it out -- doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.

The apostle Paul reminded them of their calling to love as Jesus loved us, not rights that they could demand from others.

So what that means is.......Parents -- don’t start applying this principle by telling your kids it’s their responsibility to obey you joyfully.

Husbands -- don’t start applying this principle by telling your wives it’s their responsibility to submit to you.

Wives -- don’t start applying this principle by demanding that your husband love you excessively.

Begin with you!!! Lean into what God has called you to do.

Men -- love excessively!

Women -- respond respectfully.

Children -- obey joyfully.

And Parents – always treat your children with dignity.

That is what it should look like in a family.

So what can you do to live Jesus Example in your household?  Every day this week ask yourself this question --

“What’s one thing I can do today -- to practice mutual submission better?”

Ladies -- What's one way you can respond respectfully to your husband today?

Husbands -- how can you love your wife excessively today?

Parents -- how can you lead -- and express dignity to your children today?

Children -- what can you do today to be joyful in obeying your parents?

Listen -- your family’s story doesn’t hinge on your past experiences. Your family’s story hinges on your decision today.

To accept or reject the challenge of living Jesus’ example in our households.

To submit to one another out of reverence for God.

Personal Story of my family

In one month, I will have been married to my amazing wife Karis, for four years.

And about a month ago we celebrated my son William’s first birthday.

I love my family with all my heart.

One thing I’ve learned quickly since getting married and becoming a Father, is that selfishness, and self-interest runs much deeper than you realize.

Family relationships have a way of exposing that part of you.

I’ve done and said things I regret.

Talked to much when I should have listened.

I’ve been impatient when my family needed my tenderness.

I’ve fallen short many time in exemplifying Christ and His love.

But I thank God, that He is patient with us, and so gracious....because I know that I need it.

God’s heart is not that we have the picture-perfect family.

God’s heart is that we write a better story -- a healthier future for our families.

It’s our story to write, and you can start today.....regardless of our past experiences.......and God gives us the grace and empowerment to write it.

Because when we place our faith in Jesus, we become a new person, and a relationship with Jesus, changes every relationship.

Amen.

Closing

So this week -- let’s continue praying for each other.

The card on your seat with the prayer we have been praying now has the addition of “living His example in our households.”

Be praying for your family and the families in this church.

That we would exemplify Jesus’ love in our families.

We have prayer walls in the lobbies at all of our campuses -- that we have been encouraging you to take advantage of throughout this series.

There is a blank card on your seat as well-- we encourage you to write a prayer request -- how can someone pray for you or your family

You can put your name if you would like

Put your prayer request on the wall for someone else to pray for.

And then pick up someone else’s prayer request and commit to praying for that for the rest of this week.

Let me pray for us all as we close…

Sources

Wives submitting - https://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/why-wives-must-read-the-context-of-ephesians-5-22.html#:~:text=“Wives%2C%20submit%20to%20your%20own,a%20troubling%20or%20ludicrous%20command.

Headship - https://www.christianstudylibrary.org/article/ephesians-521-32-–-headship-and-submission

Headship (Sam Storms) - https://www.samstorms.org/all-articles/post/article-10-things-you-should-know-about-male-headship#:~:text=(4)%20Headship%20is%20the%20authority,to%20frustrate%20or%20destroy%20it.

Myths of Male Headship - https://juniaproject.com/5-myths-of-male-headship/

Man as Leader in the family - https://www.covenantkeepers.org/online-articles/44-family-issues/330-how-does-a-husband-lead-his-wife-and-family