Managing Relationships in Ministry

In the Life of a Minister there are many task that you will preform. When you think about the work of a minister whether that is a preaching minister or youth minister or worship minister etc. you fill in the blank minister, what are the different task that they must perform on a regular basis?

preaching and teaching, planning events, performing weddings, preaching funerals and the list goes on and on and on.

Because of all the task that you will perform it is important to be able to identify the things that are most important in your ministry so that they don’t get neglected.

If we had time we could prioritize all the task from most important to least important but since we don’t have that kind of time this morning I want to talk to you about one of the task that must be at the top of your priority list if you want to be successful in your ministry.

And that is the work of building & strengthening relationships. Other than spending time in God’s word and being able to effectively communicate his word I believe there is nothing more important than being able to effectively build and strengthen relationships.

So in the time that we have left thins morning I want us to do two things.

I want us to be able to understand why building relationships are so important.

How do we manage all the different types of relationships that we will have with others in our ministry.

Why are Relationships Important?

I wish we had time to unpack this but essentially the entire Bible is about God restoring our relationship with Him by sending his his Son to die on the cross for us.

You see God created us to work and keep up his creation specifically the Garden of Eden and to have a relationship with him.

But unfortunately we messed that relationship up.

So starting in Genesis 3 the entire Bible is about how God through Jesus restores man’s relationship with Him.

And as we read the Bible what we see is that Jesus was willing to restore man’s relationship with God all becasue of one Word.

Love. Love is the most important word in all the Bible.

Without love Jesus would not have done what he did in order to restore our relationship with our heavenly Father.

But we also know that Love is of utmost importance because it is the greatest command in all of scripture.

In Matthew 22:34-40 Jesus tells the Pharisees that they most Love God and just as important as loving God they must love their neighbor.

Matthew 22:34–40 ESV

But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Now you may think that I have gotten a little off topic by talking about love. But when we understand the importance of Love we can then understand the importance of relationships becasue God’s greatest command for his people is grounded and summarized relationally, love God and love people.

Relationships are important becasue you cannot Love God & your neighbor without having a relationship with them.

If you are going to be successful in your ministry whether you are in full time ministry or not, you must understand the importance of relationships.

After Jesus died on the Cross so that our relationship with God could be restored he then invites us to help him invite more people into a relationship with his Father.

In Matthew 28:18-20

Matthew 28:18–20 ESV

And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

How do we bring people into a relationship with God? We do it by making more disciples. Essentially this is why you are here this week. You are here to learn how to better communicate God’s word in order to make more disciples.

When we look at the life of Jesus he shows us that the best method of discipleship making centers around relationships.

When we think about the life and ministry of Jesus what are some of the relationships that we see him having in the Gospels.

Intimate Relationships-

Of all the people that Jesus had a relationship with the closest was probably with Peter, James and John. And then a close second would have been the other 9 apostles.

He also had many personal relationships with people. People like his mother and siblings, Mary, Martha and Lazarus.

In Luke 10 we learn about 72 people spent time with teaching them and eventually sending them out to make more disciples.

3. Not only did Jesus build relationships with those closest to him but we see him throughout his ministry building relationships with others in his community from those that he healed, fed or simply shared with them aboutthe coming of His Kingdom.

What we learn from Jesus in the Gospels is that discipleship making needs both direction (preaching/ teaching) and relationship building.

If we had time we could look at examples at how Jesus and the apostles demonstrated for us the importance of both teaching and relationship building but I hope that you are beginning to see the importance of building relationships with people in your ministry.

Before we look at how to manage some of the most important relationships we must have in our ministry I believe its important to talk about what are relationships with others will require of us.

Jeremy Roberts, Waynes son in his book disconnected highlighted three things that relationships require and I believe these are spot on so I wanted to share them with you.

1. True relationships require presence.

God expects us to be present in the lives of others.

Hebrews 10:24–25 ESV

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Here in this passage we see the importance of presence. In order to have meaningful relationships with people we must be together with them in order to stir each other up to fulfill the greatest command, to do good works and to simply encourage one another.

You like many may think that you can accomplish these things by having relationships with people on social media. After all its where we spend the most of our time. But in reality social media is making us more anti social. We end up neglecting the very people who are right in front of us.

In Acts 2 the early church gives us a great picture of how the power of presence works. They understood the value of being with one another. Notice the things that they were able to accomplish that otherwise would not be possible if they were not present in the lives of one another. Acts 2:42-47

Acts 2:42–47 ESV

And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.

This type of presence would not have been possible if these Christian were all gathered together looking at their phones. They would not have been able to fellowship and break bread together. They would not have been able to simply be together. They wouldn’t been able to serve those in need.

We need to get back to meeting together in peoples homes.....

Your friends and family don’t just need you present in the same room they need your attention, and to know that you care about them.

2. Relationships Require Sacrifice

Jesus told his disciples this in John 15:12-13.

John 15:12–13 ESV

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

Jesus made this point not only with his words but with his actions. Not only did Jesus wash the disciples feet on this occasion but shortly after he gave up his life. God has always made sacrifices to make our relationship with Him possible. Shouldn’t we do the same for others?

You see I think this is why we like our relationships on social media so much. Its because those relationships don’t require any sacrifice.

If we see someone hurting or struggling we can simple like their post or leave a comment that says “thoughts and prayers”. If someone text or calls you and you don’t want to talk to them you can just ignore it. I think many enjoy online relationships because they have friends without all the extra sacrificial stuff. But if we are not making sacrifices in our relationships, its not real love. True friendship described by God must be sacrificial.

3. Relationships require communication.

Technology allows us to communicate in more ways than one but it is hurting our ability to communicate face to face. We have all done it or know people that will sit across from one another and instead of speaking they will send a text.

You see the problem is many people spend so much time communicating with people who are not physically present in their lives that they forget about the people who are.

If you are going to be successful in your ministry your relationships with others will require you to be present in the lives of others. Your relationships will require you to make sacrifices for others and it will require you to put down your phones and have meaningful conversations with people.

OK so thus far we have looked at the importance of relationships and have briefly touched on the fact that relationships require much from us. Now lets shift gears and see if we can identify the relationships that are most important for us to have as ministers and Christians.

In life there are two basic types of relationships. The most important relationship is what we will call the vertical relationship. Because that is the relationship we have with God.

If we don’t have a healthy relationship with God than we will not be successful in building healthy relationships with the world around us.

The second type of relationships is our horizontal relationships. These are the relationships we have with other people.

But there is a stipulation. If we have a relationship with God in that we have obeyed him we therefore can no longer choose who we have relationships with. If we have a relationship with God we forfeit forever the right to choose whom we love. God calls us to love everyone no matter their age, size, color, nationality, or personality.

If Jesus is our savior than he is going to draw people into our lives and expect us to love them even when the world around us is telling us to hate them.

When we think about relationships as vertical and horizontal it is obvious that they most important relationship that we must have and the one that should consume the most of our time is the relationship between us and God.

We must make sure that we are in a right relationship with God. You must make sure that your vertical relationship with God is balanced before you can have horizontal relationships with others. If you don’t have a healthy relationship with Christ you cannot invite others to do the same. People will be able to see right through you and know that you are being hypocritical.

As we think about how to manage your relationship between you and God let me encourage you to be intentional about the time that you spend fostering this relationship.

You see a minister’s relationship with the Lord is not a given. It requires spending time alone with God in prayer and in reading and studying His Word for personal growth. Not just to be able to write sermons and teach classes.

Find what works for you and make it a priority...

You will struggle to find time to pursue, all the relationships that are required of you as a minister but don’t neglect your relationship with the Lord.

The next important relationship that you must have is with your family. Specifically with your wife and kids if the Lord blesses you in this way.

If you choose to go into ministry you are making a commitment to serve God and his church but just mustn’t forget that you have also made a commitment to your wife and kids to be their husband and father.

All of us ministers need to remember that“The church is Christ’s bride, but your wife is your bride.” In other words, God can use others to meet the needs of his bride, but He has specifically called you to meet the needs of your bride and family. Love your wife and children—and extended family, too. Invest in them. You’ll never regret you did.

In order to do this you will need to learn to set boundaries. And learn to say no. You can’t do it all and you should not be expected to. There must be a balance.

The third group of relationships that you must have as a minister is you must have a strong and healthy relationship with the leadership of your congregation.

Do your best to become close friends with the Elders, deacons and other ministers on staff.

The Elders should be some of your closest friends. You should feel comfortable talking to them about things that are going on in your life. Spend time with them outside of a church setting. Allow them to shepherd you.

If you want to be successful in your ministry you need to learn to be a team player. You have probable heard the quote, If you want to go Fast, go alone, If you want to go far, go together.

Build relationships with the other ministers so that y'all can help one another.

Now I have been in situations before where the other ministers kept to themselves. One way to help if you find yourself in this situation is to make every effort to build relationships with other local ministers so you can bounce ideas off one another, and share in your successes and failures.

Mentor...

The next group of relationships that you will need to have is with your church family.

Do your best to get to know your members. Have them in your home. The more you can learn about them the more they can help you in your ministry.

Visitor- member.

Have at least one true friend in the congregation.

Finally, the last group of people that we need to have relationships with, I’m calling Soul Winning.

From neighbors to those with whom you do business to unsaved guests at church, every Christian should be developing relationships for the purpose of sharing the gospel.

This is where everyone else fits in.

Conclusion:

Make people the priority in your ministry. Relationships over task.